《Backtoliving》Chapter 13 : No easy choices
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POV : Cammie
It has to be a dream, it can't be anything else than a dream. Shannon is crying after her confession, and I feel tears coming from my eyes to. It is too much to process. She loves me. All my questions from last few days take a sense. I wasn't crazy, something was happening. I wasn't the only one questioning myself about our relationship; she has been to, for a longer time than me actually. God, what should I do? I feel her hand in my hand. It is warm, and comforting. I wish she didn't tell me the truth and I could have just enjoyed her company but I'm also glad she did. She grew so much and is such a brave adult. I know that I would never have had the courage to tell her that.
Time is frozen. Shannon has stop crying and is now looking at me, giving me a small smile. She caresses the back of my hand with her thumb and I try to focus on it, on our well it feels. I have a girlfriend, her name is Kara, and it is wrong to be with Shannon in this position right now. I will need time to figure my life, and I will need to talk with Kara. I can't let Shannon like that either. She was brave and I need to be brave.
- Shan, I really don't know what to say right now. I am lost.
- You don't have too Cam, just be honest with me and don't tell me lies, it wouldn't be fair
- Nothing is fair, why do we have this talk after being separated for four years? Why do you have to love me and Cary in the same time but when Cary propose you, I am the one who is in your head?
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- Cam...
- I am sorry Shannon, I am angry against the world, not against you. I just... There is nothing I can do which won't hurt someone.
- I know, I am pissed to, if I am calm right now it is thanks to Rose and Rosie who helped me seeing clearer in my head but still, I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want to put you, or myself, or Cary and Kara in this situation. I just...
- I love you too Shannon.
- You do?
- Of course I do. I love you. And that is why I am angry. I love Kara too, and I don't know what to do with my life. You just need to give me some time to figure out what I want to do.
- Can I hug you?
I open my arms and she hugs me. We stay like that for a long time. When we finally move away, I feel better. I have choices to make, which will change my life completely and I will without any other possibility hurt people that I love. I don't know yet what I will do; just that I will be honest with myself, and with Shannon and Kara. I look at Shannon. She is so calm... and beautiful. I missed this vision. I could watch her every day for the rest of my life.
- Shan, I still want to hang out with you and continue to discover this amazing person you are
- I want that to, so...
- Friends? For now?
- Yeah, why not...
We walk back to the villa. Without thinking about it, I realized that I grabbed Shannon's hand once again. We intertwine our fingers. Once we are inside, we separate and go in our respective bedrooms. What a night!
- Good night Cambam!
- 'night Shan!
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