Alexander was watching old episodes of Desperate Housewives with a glass of wine and a rather dead look in his eyes. He dully laughed at some gag, that he didn't quite think was funny. He really put it on to watch someone else suffer. He sighed, and looked away for a moment.

She would love this wouldn't she?

Love.

Not enough to stay. It was better for it. He didn't know where she was but it wasn't like he couldn't find her. He just thought...it was better not to. The flatscreen washed him over in a wash of bright white light. He swallowed a large gulp, but couldn't feel the alcohol kicking in. It was dizzying enough, he concluded the situation.

He told her he would always take care of her, didn't he? It was better for her, to stay away from him. Better for her to outgrow him, leave him behind. It was always the plan wasn't it?

He wanted to be upset, but couldn't muster the venom.

Last night, he told her he loved her.

This morning, he woke up alone.

It was good. She was obedient, that Audrey, a smart young woman. She knew when to duck and when to take something at face value.

He'd warned her against him, against his brand of love. Well she heeded that warning. And sure, he could pick up the phone, track her down, show up and tell her he took it back.

That it was a sick fucking joke and nothing had to change. It was an accident, that he was seeing someone else, that it was just a silly little dream.

But he kept seeing her face in the back of his mind.

You're being mean.

He was. It wasn't just evil it wasn't just cruel it was mean. To string her along that way, knowing his hands were as empty as his promises. That he had nothing to give, nothing inside— nothing.

Then why wasn't that what he was feeling? He sniffled, not bothering to laugh at the dates joke that played on screen, his skin blanched from the 80 inch screen he was far too close to. He scoffed at the irony into his empty glass of wine, opting for the bottle instead, languishing over the edge of the theater chairs.

He spent over 10 grand on this room. The realtor said it was a pick me up. Guaranteed fun time.

He forced another halfhearted laugh. It fell flat. That's what it came down to wasn't it? Performing for himself? The best performance to come out of this room, wasn't it?

Alexander didn't doubt he'd be up all night. She was probably on a flight out of the city. Would she take care of herself? Would she skip meds to save money, to avoid using his?

Would she call if she needed help?

Probably not. That wasn't the kind of woman Audrey was. He smiled and that's enough for now. It was all he could do for now. Tomorrow he'd go into work, resist the urge to check her location. Slowly, he'd lose himself in the paperwork in the monotony, and eventually he'd forget.

She was only a girl after all. She didn't deserve the hardness of his and his issues. He sighed, glanced at the window. She deserved a soft, innocent love, something he could no long muster.

He didn't know much about love, but he remembered how he wanted to be loved. He wanted to be loved gently, with well wishes. I want you to be happy, dripping of the tongue. Whatever you need.

She needed to go. That much was clear.

I want you to be happy. I love you. I need you. Whatever you need. Whatever is best for you.

The screen went black.

Are you still watching?

Ever the liar, Alexander clicked yes, zoning back out. Rain fell outside the window. He put his head on his hand, and watched it. She didn't bring a jacket. Was she dry? Was she safe? Did her heart hurt?

Did she miss him?

He shuddered, and took another glass of wine, fumbling for his phone. Alcohol courses through his veins, liquid courage. He dialed a familiar number. He'd registered it.

Knowing her she'd blocked him already.

Instead, she picked up. He sighed and smiled.

"Not coming back," she whispered, the rain pattering behind her. She was probably still in the city then wasn't she?

"I know," he mumbled. "Just...stay on the line till you get where you're goin."

Audrey swallowed. "I'm not talking to you steel. I don't wanna talk about it. About anything."

"'S fine. Just wanna hear you breathing."

She didn't quip back that it was creepy, and was he watching her.

The rain slicked her hair on her face. She looked back, waiting for his black car to pull up. But it never came. She kept trudging.

"I had to stop. I had to leave, before it broke me, Steel. Before you broke me. You know?"

He swallowed his vision a haze. He nodded and stared at the ceiling for a moment, glancing back out the window, as if he'd catch a glimpse of her. He didn't.

"I know." He assented. "You know I'll keep takin' care of you, Audrey. I'll always take care of you."

She said nothing to that and sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve.

"I'm where I'm going now." She whispered after a while.

He sat up, and opened his mouth. "G-good. Good."

Audrey looked down. "I think I'm gonna leave. Go to school at Princeton like you said?"

He nodded. "'S good school. Yeah, you should go. Go now. Catch a red eye, I'll transfer you."

She swallowed and licked her lips. "I just have one more question. Were you serious? Do you love me?"

He thought about what to say for a while. He thought to say yes. He thought to say he didn't remember saying it. That it was a dream. But then he remembered something she said.

You're being mean.

"No. No I don't love you. I never have. I never will."

And though he didn't know if it was true, he knew it was what she needed.

"I hate you, Alexander." She sniffled over the line.

He nodded. "Well...doesn't matter does it? It's—" he choked on the venom. "It's not like I didn't tell you so. It's your own fault, for loving me."

She cried quietly over the line, before muting herself. He did the same closing his eyes.

"Fuck," he whispered. She came back on the line. He cleared his throat, and did the same. "Alright. I have work tomorrow. So..."

He hung up, and, not knowing what to do, threw his phone, launching it at the screen, breaking the 80 inches plasma TV, freezing it on a frame of Gabrielle and Carlos Solis, before the image fizzled out to black.

And for a moment, in the silence; in the darkness, he allowed himself to tell the truth.

"I love you, Audrey."