after the age of 9, i move to a new school and i become a bully. i push my friends around and get possessive over the girl with brown hair. i get angry quickly and raise my fist at the girl in a blue shirt. i yell curses at the boy in black. i roll my eyes when the principal calls me out for it.

i become needy. i get a tablet and look at dirty pictures on the spiffy device.

i downloaded apps about sex positions on my tablet, just to look at the form. i looked at pictures of naked bodies while i hid on the top of my bunk bed with white covers strewn over me.

around this time i had a tiny phone that i'd record memos on. i remember the distinct sound of the small phone's ringtone, and how my middle name appeared at the top of the pixel screen.

i knew that my actions were wrong at this time, so i was careful to hide it. i'd be in so much trouble. i was just a kid, doing and thinking naughty things.