so, i updated. um! please, can you recommend me some tear-jerking songs? —xoxo, nick❤

jinyeon never believed he'd live to see the day how his mama and papa fight.

"don't touch me . . . you! you monster!"

eyes fluttering to open, the word monster seemed to pull the little boy away from slumber. a little disoriented from being disturbed from his sleep, jinyeon carefully sat up in his bed to fix his gaze but then again, another hushed, controlled and toned voice seemed to echo in his ears before he almost slipped to sleep.

"—was it fun toying with my feelings?!"

eyes snapping open and heart on his mouth, yeon knew that it was his mother's voice. mama? confusion filling his head, before the boy could process the voice another scream seemed to echo in his ears.

"—haven't you had enough?!—" mama? panic and worry painting his soft features, the boy quietly marched towards his parents' room, seeking for answers. once the boy was infront of the wooden frame, his heart hammered inside his chest as a sudden surge of nervousness seemed to seep in his little veins.

inhaling a good amount of oxygen, his little fingers placed itself on the door knob and was just about to bolt inside the room, "i love you yet you broke me" eyes widening and heart dropping, jinyeon's chest started to constrict as his grip on the door knob tightened. papa b-broke mama? shock written on his face, jinyeon's small fingers stopped from moving the door even if he had already opened it with a little fraction.

jinyeon was trying to process his mother's words but before he could do so, "you tore our family apart but i still gave you the divorce you wanted—" eyes immediately turning glossy, jinyeon felt his heart ripping into two. d— divorce? despite being young, jinyeon was bright child for his age and the word that seemed to be so foreign to understand on kids around his age were nothing but as easy as pie to him.

"—you said you don't love me, anymore. you fell out of love and i —i'm no longer needed." jiho's voice rang on yeon's ears once more and as if on cue, the surge of tears started to pool in the young boy's eyes. no longer needed? papa - papa doesn't love mama anymore? why? no. aren't mama and papa always looking so happy? sadness and grief started to flow in yeon's system as he tried so hard to shush his heart-wrenching sobs, cupping his lips with his trembling hands. no, mama - mama and papa is-

"—now, i'm the one who's cruel?! you act like you're the victim here when everything's just . . . just your fault! you, you're the one that's cruel! you left me, left me as a second option and never tended to me! you think that i would bother finding another woman if only you tended to my needs?! you didn't give me any attention at all—" no! mama— mama is— upon hearing his father's voice, yeon couldn't help but want to storm inside his mama and papa's room to defend his mother.

mama is loving, mama is caring and mama is everything warm and nothing closer to-to anything papa said. mama always waited for papa to come home, i always saw mama crying on her own, missing papa but, but mama always tried so hard to look strong - "i'm a man and i have my needs but all you've ever done and all you ever cared about i—"

how could papa be so— "— cruel. " just before yeon could've found the right word to describe how he was feeling for his father, jiho seemed to voice out his shushed thoughts.

mama, mama and papa—

thoughts in disarray and tears still continuously striding down his soft cheeks, yeon couldn't believe that this was happening. they're going to separate. mama and papa is going to—div— as if thorns tearing him inside out, the next word was too hard to say. heavy and broken heart, jinyeon timidly let the door knob go as everything he had just heard was too much to handle. with torn heart and shaky breathes, yeon found himself lifelessly striding his way back to his room.

carefully closing his wooden door and sighing a year's worth of breath, jinyeon's shaky legs strode unto his soft bed as his knees finally betrayed him, making his shaky body collapse on the warm cushion. why? why must papa do this?

countless of questions rummaged in his head before he let out the sobs he had wanted to escape.

love, trust and betrayal —in that morning, in jinyeon's seven years of existence, the little boy came to learn the most important thing he could ever learn - in a hard way.

people are meant to love, so naïve to entrust their hearts wholly to another person — so stuck on the belief that they would treasure their heart like a porcelain glass, such fools for letting other people handle their heart only to be repaid with nothing but betrayal.

love. yeon used to warm up the moment he heard the word and almost immediately, thoughts of his parents would erupt inside his mind associating it with nothing but happiness and bliss but now, hearing it was enough to make him cry buckets.

"—you don't love me anymore—" scarred heart, the only thing that seemed to echo in his ears through his muffled sobs were the broken and languid tone of his weak mother.

how can papa fall out of love of mama? mama is the best and mama is- almost immediately, an image of his mother crying on the dark living room every night flickered on yeon's thoughts. confusion would always cloud his innocent mind as the young boy saw how jiho tried so hard to shush her cries, wondering if his mother were hurt and had a deep wound.

i should've known. jinyeon used to have a hunch that there was something wrong, he used to ignore the signs of his mama's sadness but how could he foolishly turn a blind eye on it? i should've known, i should've noticed how mama always smiled but it never reached her eyes, how she cried everynight and how she would always join me in bed in the middle of the night. and yet, even if she was already hurting—

"—fourteen days to help yeon, my son - your son to adopt in us separating —" all could mama even think about is me and my happiness.

yeon is the worst, i am the worst.