😅

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Richie:

"Is she...is she gonna come back, Mama? Will Mummy be alright this time?"

"Of course she's coming back, baby. Mummy just has to go to the doctors and have a check up.," Mama nods her head at me and smiles.

I don't like when grown-ups nods and smiles. They always lie when they do that. If Mummy is leaving again, then Papi will be so sad. And me and sissy, too.

"Checkup? Like me? Is Mummy gonna get lots of shots?," Mama laughs at my questions. She pulls me closer to her on the couch. Her hugs are always the best. She makes me feel so warm. But, warm inside. Papi says it's because she loves me so much.

"She might have to get some shots, like you, yes. But don't worry, your Papi is with her. He'll hold her hand so she won't be scared," Again, she nods and smiles. Maybe sometimes nods and smiles are not for lies.

"I'm all done now, Mama!!!," Charlie yells from the bathroom. It was her turn to take a bath. She always takes so long.

"Richie, go up to bed now. Me and Charlie will be there in a second," Mama points up the stairs and I listen right away when she leaves to help Charlie out of the tub.

I make sure my robe is tied tight! Last time, I felt on the stairs because my tie felt out. When I pass Papa's room I can hear his funny snoring. He snores just like Papi. Papa always goes to bed so early. Papi says it's because he is old. I don't think Papa is old.

When I take off my robe and get into bed, Charlie and Mama come into the room and turn out the lights. Mama puts the little nighty times lamp on and tucks us into bed.

We always sleep in the same bed at Mama's house, but that's okay because sometimes I get scared to sleep by myself at home. I miss sharing rooms with Charlie. But she likes too many princess things and I like cars and blue and red. Charlie never even like me to play my drums, but Uncle Roger says I should play them louder now that I have my room by myself.

I always talked to Mummy when I was scared to sleep. Papi said when I want to talk to Mummy, she always will listen. He said she was our angel now. I believed him! Mummy would be the beautiful angel!

"Get some sleep now, my little babies.," Mama gives us forehead kisses. She brushes my hair back. I like when she does that. It makes me remember about Mummy. "We'll see Mummy in the morning..."

When she walks out of the room, I try to close my eyes to sleep, but I just can't! All the voices in my head don't let me sleep. They say things like:

What if Mummy doesn't come back to home again? What if Papi is leaving now, too? Is Charlie awake? I wish I ate more cookies— I'm hungry. How come Lily gets to sleep with Mama and Papa? I wish I brought my teddy. He is probably so mad that I forgot him at home!

"Richie, go to bed.," Charlie whispers to me in my ear. I keep looking at the fan on the ceiling. It's awfully noisy.

"Char, do you think Mummy still loves us?," I pick one question from the voices. I think it's a really good question.

"Duh, Rich! Mummy said she loves us. She will always love us," Charlie turns on her side and puts her arm around my belly. She always uses me like a teddy. I don't mind.

"Don't worry, Richie. Papi won't let Mummy get hurt no more. And, Jim is gone! Everything is happy," Charlie yawns so loud! She almost breaks my ears!

It's quiet now and I know she felt to sleeping. I wish Jimmy didn't have to go away. He was a nice man. I think Mummy would like him, too.

This time I close my eyes. They are so tired. I can't wait to see Mummy again. She's so pretty and funny and fun! I missed her so much......

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Cherie:

"Not pregnant?"

"No, dear. You're not pregnant, but you're not healthy, either..,"

As we finally leave the doctors office, I feel like a stone wall has risen between us. It's been a long, exhausting day. We must've spent half of the day at the police station and the other half at the doctors office. I don't know if I can answer any more questions. I'm all tapped out!

Freddie probably thinks I'm asleep, as I lie back in the passenger seat with my eyes closed and my head turned towards the window. I can't stand to face him.

After watching his reactions to everything I told police in explicit details and then told Dr. Martin about everything even more in depth— I don't want to face him right now. Now that he knows everything. His facial expressions said more than enough....

We're on our way back home. Home. Our home. It feels so weird to say that.

"Are you hungry, love? I can stop and pick something up from-"

"No, that's okay. I'm fine....Just really tired," I mumble my words, accidentally cutting him off. The car is silent once again, until Freddie speaks up a few minutes later.

"You know, the doctor said that you need to gain some weight back, and uh..I think we should listen to him. So-,"

He doesn't wait for me to respond this time, he pulls into a parking lot of a pizza restaurant. Before he opens the door to get out, he lingers a moment. I still have my eyes closed, pretending to be too sleepy to be alert, but I can sense his eyes on me. I know he'd never judge me, but I can't help but feel ashamed.....embarrassed even...

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Freddie:

I do admit it feels a bit strange to be back home together again. As we silently walk into the house, I carry the pizza box in my hands and head for the kitchen.

"Why haven't you moved out of here yet?," Her question catches me off guard, but deep down I've know the answer all along.

"I didn't want to...I didn't want to leave you behind..," I watch her sad smile fade as she turns to have a look around. Nothing has changed.

Everything she's ever touched has stayed the same.

She starts to walk up the stairs, stopping midway, she turns around and I swear she's like every angelic vision I've had in my dreams. She's the only thing I see.

"Okay if I take a shower?," She asks, tucking her bottom lip beneath her front teeth.

I don't hesitate to respond, I walk up behind her only to see her inching away from my every advance. I stop, perplexed by her reaction....

"Uh, um, if it's okay... I'm just gonna go on up myself. You don't have to wait for me. I think I'll just go to sleep after..."

She turns without further explanation and I watch her walk up the stairs. After the shit I heard today, I don't ever want her to be away from me. I need to be by her side, constantly. I don't give a shit what anyone has to say about it. Call me an overprotective, controlling man, but that isn't happening to her again!

I take my time before following her upstairs. I want to give her privacy and make sure that she feels at ease. Even though this is obviously her home too, I have a feeling she doesn't see it that way anymore. Maybe getting us both back where we're meant to be is going to take a lot more work.

I have to say, I'm glad that Jim's never left anything here- I hadn't allowed him to. I didn't want him to rearrange anything. Sure, I've emptied Cherie's side of the bathroom vanity and her clothes are all packaged away in boxes- half for charity and half for our girls to keep for when they got older. But all of that doesn't matter now, I just want my wife to feel at home.

After cleaning up what little mess there was around the house, I put the pizza in the fridge since Cherie hasn't come back down at all. Not even to eat. I don't want to go against anything the doctor advised, but I also don't want to be too pushy.

Finally, when a couple of hours have passed, I accept that she's it coming back down. Maybe she's just too worn out. I'm starting to feel it, too.

I decide to head to bed with her, slowly creaking open the bedroom door to find her fast asleep on her side of the bed.

She looks so peaceful just laying there. If I could take a picture I would.

Hurrying to slip my clothes off, I crawl j to bed behind her, pulling the covers over myself to snuggle close. I can't stop the giant smile that grows on my face when I press my body to her back and wrap one arm around her waist. I breathe in deeply and let out a small sigh of relief feeling completely whole again just holding her like this.

"Get off of ME!!!,"

Her piercing scream makes me jump back and unlock my arm from around her. The minute she's free from my hold, she scrambles out of bed, running to the nearest corner of the room. She huddles in the corner by the balcony door, arms out protectively in front of her, covering her head and curling her legs into herself.

It takes me a moment to understand. And now that I've frightened her I'm unsure of how to relax her. She's breathing so quickly and she won't look up at me as I watch her become stiff in her defensive shell.

"Cherie...."

I speak with the quietest whisper I can, though I find myself to be shaken up as well. All I wanted was to lie behind her and hold her in my arms just like I used to.

"Angel....it's just me..."

Walking off of the bed, I tip toe to her hunched position. Bending down to her level, I try to further soothe her, but I don't know if she can comprehend or even hear me as she continues to sob and hyperventilate. I reach my hand out to rub her shoulder...

"Don't TOUCH ME! Let me go!!,"

She scoots further away, even going on her hands and knees to move away from me until she's huddled against the dresser, clinging onto the cherry wood. Her quick response makes me fall back on my bum, completely surprised that she still doesn't recognize my voice. Is she still asleep?

"Darling...please...I promise it's alright...," I don't dare move closer this time. Watching her like this...it's scary to think of what she might have gone through all this time, "Baby, you're safe...you're with me..."

Finally, she lifts her head up from between her knees. Her watery eyes glisten in the darkness, her heaving chest now clearly visible as she tries to take deeper breaths.

"Fredd-ie...it..it's y-ou?"

She stares at me like she's seeing me for the very first time. Eyes wide and glossy, taking in her surroundings until her face scrunches up into a look of pure agony and she leaps into my arms, letting her wall crumble down for me to build her up again. And I will. I promise, I will.

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