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Do you know how sometimes people talk about exchanging the first "I love yous" and how it's so big and mighty in that very first time. Such a big declaration, a milestone in any relationship. They say things like, "I just want to hear those three little words". Those little words they speak of is usually "I love you". Saying I love you- the biggest way to express your hearts to one another, to show your intentions, your devotion.

Well, to me, in my prays, thoughts, wishes and dreams- my lovers words would be-

"I love you, Freddie...so much,"

I didn't think that Jim was awake by now. It's no wonder that he's still here, holding me close to him in my bed- even though everything that happened after mine and Rogers fight just completely backfired on our special night.

"Hmmm, yes- I love you, too, dear,"

And I do. You know, I was confused about it before, put off, really. But now, I think I understand why. I have to let my heart's truth be free. And right now I just want to be curled up beside my Jimmy-

Jim. I mean, my Jim!

Though he rolls over, letting go of my waist, I can't blame him for not cuddling back to sleep. It's only the very first time I've allowed us to spend the night here. With mum babysitting for me, I thought it would be the perfect first night alone together. The only problem is I let her ruin it...again.

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I can hear the buzzing of my phone vibrating on top of my night stand. The shining light of the suns rays brightens the darkness behind my eyelids and I open my eyes to see someone has pulled back the curtains this morning. The smell of a fresh cooked breakfast begins to waft into my nose, convincing me to get out of bed.

"Hello?," I pick up the phone with a bit of a groggy voice.

"Freddie? It's me- Monserrat," My eyes open wide now at the sound of the heavy Spanish accent. Sitting up in bed, I lean back against the headboard and listen intently as she continues to talk.

"I've been trying to figure out a way to get ahold of you, Freddie. I-uhm, I want to get together and perhaps record an album. It's been rooted in my heart to do so with you. What do you say?,"

What do I say?! What can I say? I've already regretfully declined her offer of creating an album together once before- I can't and won't do it again!

"Of course, Montsy! I'd love nothing more! Tell me, what are your plans?,"

The two of us continue talking and trying to rearrange our schedules as I slip into my robe and head downstairs to the kitchen. Jim is serving plates of a bacon, eggs and toast. When he sees me I put one finger up to my lips and gesture towards the phone at my ear, giving him a loving smile. He nods his head and winks at me as he puts a small vase in the middle of the table, with a single red rose inside. The romantic breakfast for two does not go unnoticed.

"I've to go now, Montsy darling. I will give you a call back later today after I speak with the rest of the guys..,"

We hang up the phone, promising to catch up again later on tonight. Before sitting in my seat, I walk over to Jim who has been patiently waiting for me to get off the phone before even touching his breakfast. Wrapping my arms around his neck as he sits in his seat, I bend over to place a long kiss on his cheek causing him to grin bashfully. His hand rubs my arm as I squeeze him into a quick hug before strolling over to my seat at the other end of the table.

"Everything looks lovely, my dear. Thank you, Jim,"

We proceed to have a quick and quiet breakfast before I have to get ready for the day. As I leave Jim to do the dishes I drop my plate in the sink and swing him away from the soapy suds that begin to fill the sink. He's covered to his elbows in soap suds, but I don't mind. I press my lips against his in a kiss to show gratitude and full appreciation. Inhaling deeply through my nose before pulling away to look into his eyes with a sparkling adorning love.

"You are so beautiful," I tell him and he tries to bashfully look away, avoiding the eye contact I do desperately crave. I bring his eyes back to mine by placing one finger under his chin. He reaches down to my level and kisses me with all the whirl of passion that fills my stomach with a blanket of warmth that I never want to end.

"I'll be down in a minute, just going to have a quick shower and get dressed," He nods his head and goes back to the sink, letting out a yell when I spank his cute ass on my way around him.

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"What happened?! What did he say?? Did he agree to it?! Oh, please, please, please tell me he said yes!?," I tried my best to keep the excitement levels down and under control but the anticipation is killing me! As I pester Monserrat with my questions, she seemingly calmly continues to cook breakfast with her back towards me as she cuts some onion slivers on the cutting board on the kitchen counter.

She nods her head slowly, never meeting my eyes as she talks, "Yes- he agreed. He's going to call me later after he gets his schedule in order and we'll go from there..," She has a little trace of a smile on her face, but it doesn't hide the worry lines that crease her forehead. She's sticking her neck out for me by doing this, I can't thank her enough!

I hug her so quickly and right from behind that she places the cutting knife down on the counter and turns around in my arms to hug me back. She strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head, like any loving mother would. I wish I could have known her sooner in life, but having her now, an official blood relative that loves and cares for me, well..that's the best feeling in the world these days.

"Now, lets just eat our breakfast and go about our day like nothings happened. We can't let our plans be overheard...," As paranoid as she seems, she's right. We've got to play the game just like any other day.

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I arrive at the studio believing that I'm the one who is late, but come to find out that Roger isn't even here yet!

"Where the hell is the bugger? He's over an hour late!," Brian paces back and forth, putting his guitar back down on its stand.

"Has anyone tried calling him? It's a bit of a waste if we just sit here and wait," Deacy chimes in, he's been more and more impatient with all of us as time goes on. I mean, he's a very busy man, I can't blame him. Even though he's as tired or even more so, than the rest of us- he's got a house full of children and a loving, wonderful wife to get home to. I know he'd much rather be there with them. If I had that option, I'd want the exact same thing.

I shake my head from my thoughts down the dreary memory lane- not today. Not again. I'm happy today and the lightness of my heart floating is because of my little lover boy that is waiting for me to get home. He says he's got a surprise for us later and I can't wait to see what it is! It's eating me up inside trying to figure it out! Oh, I do love surprises!

"I'll call him then," Deacy interrupts my daze and starts to dial Rogers number.

"I'll call Rosie and see if he's with her," I say as I walk out of the room, clutching my phone. I need a clear space to talk with Rose, I don't want to broadcast her marital issues, even if it's with the people we are closest to.

"So, you haven't heard from him..at all!?,"

I really thought our little dispute outside of Johns house last night left a good impact on Roger, but turns out the old play boy can't get his shit together no matter how much I yank him around.

"No, he didn't even come home. I was hoping he showed up at the party or something. Freddie- I know I said I didn't mind him cheating, it's just hard to take in as reality you know- I just...Freddie, I'm really worried,"

Hearing the restless anxiousness in Roses voice hurts my heart, but at the same time builds a burning rage inside my brain to hear her being hurt in this way by my best friend! She doesn't deserve this! Not after everything she's put up with of him, and every damn horrible thing she's been through with her sickness- for him to runoff and cheat on her is...is..it's unacceptable!

"Don't worry yourself, darling...I'll find him. I'll give him a good rowing and send him back home to you," My threat at least causes her to laugh a little lighter into the phone. I soar at the sound. She needs to be happy. Her being happy means that Cherie is happy with the both of us and- never mind. I just like it.

Walking back into the studio room, Brian and John look up to me with different expressions on their faces. Deacy looks to be about finished with the thought of working all day long. Brian, in the other hand, seems to be struggling with not having a chance to play back some track and lay them out here and now.

"Well boys," I start off with a clap of my hands, looking between the two of them. "I think we should call it a day- Rose doesn't know where the hell Roger is and until we find him, it's pointless to try and continue this way..,"

"Whatever," Brian huffs and storms out of the studio, dramatic little mind that he is.

"What's his problem?," I say aloud as I watch the door swing back shut.

"Have you ever stopped to think that maybe we also have problems of our own- and the world doesn't revolve around just you and Roger?,"

"Well, I- I'm sorry I didn't-,"

"It's fine, Freddie. Sorry. New baby exhaustion is getting to me. It's fine- I didn't mean it, mate," He taps me on the back and zooms our just as quickly as Brian did, not giving me a chance to ask about anything else.

I really have got to get a handle on my band mates, if not knot for the sake of the Queen, then for the sake of our friendships. Maybe branching off to work with Montsy is not the best idea for the time being. But will she understand another rejection? I know I wouldn't.

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Walking into my home, all is quiet. Which is to be expected since my children are still with mum and I told Jim I'd be gone for most of the day. Heading for the kitchen, I start a kettle to boil for some afternoon tea. Tea for one. How drab.

Sending him a text that the studio session has been cancelled today, I busy myself with the pros and cons of working with Monserrat.

Pro: it's been a huge dream to hear her voice up close and personal. A bigger dream tonacrually sing along side her.

Con: My bandmates need me. I can't just abandon them when we're busy working on our next album. What Deacy said has some depth to it. No matter how tired he claims to be- I have to stop thinking that I'm the only one that goes through tough times.

Pro: working with Montsy will let Richie, Charlie and Lily get closer to a blood relative on their mothers side of the family.

Con: will I ever be able to stop feeling Cherie's presence in every step I take? Will working with Montsy only bring about more trouble than its worth?

Jim texts me back with an unknown address to the location he wants me to meet him in an hours time. Funny, I thought he'd pick me up for our little rendezvous. Ah, well. Typing the coordinates into my phones gps app, I can see that it's about a good half an hours drive away. Better hurry and freshen up, then.

Driving down a winding road, through a forest of brightly colored trees, the cool breeze coming in from my car windows. I feel free and light. Whatever it is that Jim has planned, I want to take it all in and give myself to him in all the ways that he deserves.

As I pull aside into a small, deserted parking space, I can see the outline of someone in the distance. I take my instincts advice that the person is Jim and get out of the car to walk toward him. The sun is setting and he seems to be busy bending down and lighting a circle of candles around himself. As I walk closer, I can see that we are the only ones around-well isn't this romantic...

"Freddie! You're early!," Jim turns around to see me walking up now. He hides his pack of matches in his shirt pocket and opens his arms to reel me in.

He's so soft and comforting; his embrace never fails to collect all the pieces of myself together again. Like a special adhesive glue, his arms put me back together since the very first time he's ever held me close.

"What's all this, love?," I ask as we pull apart and I glance around at the lighted tall candles inside of cylinder glass holds, and the rose petals that are spread about and around a long cream colored picnic blanket.

"I thought it would be a nice time for a night cap out here in the open by ourselves. I ...um, I just want to romance you, Loverboy,"

His words strike a fire in my heart, a beaming glow of a newly loving partnership. He looks so unsure of himself that I can't even fight the feeling of kissing his lips again. So, I do. Lightly grabbing the back of his neck with my hand, I sink myself into the irresistible kiss that feels like magic. I feel our world begun to spin as just the two of us drift above the ground in a swirl of love being found in such a hopeless place. He's got me on a string.

"I love it! It's wonderful, dear!," I say and pinch his cheek before settling down on the blanket with him.

He's packed some light snack trays of fruits and deserts, but no dinner in sight. "Are we not having any real food?," I joke.

He smirks at me, while offering me a grape straight from the vine. It dangles in the air above my head and I lean back to let him slide the end grape into my mouth. He chuckles when I snag it off with a quick snip.

"I thought we'd satisfy our sweet tooth and maybe have that meal later on," He winks at me, his hand rubbing the inside of my thigh as I sit cross legged directly in front of him.

"Hmmm, that sounds lovely, dear. I think you're a bit too hungry for that meal as of now..," I lick my lips as I watch him bite into a big, juicy strawberry. His mustache collects the spritz of water that pops out of the fruit and my mind begins to wander.

"Come, let me hold you in my arms. I want to watch the sun set with you," He spreads his legs open and lifts his hand up for me to grab.

I bite down on my lips in a feel of anxious excitement and press myself back against his chest. His arms wrap around my middle and I lay my arms on top of his, stroking the coarse hairs of his strong arms. His breath is hot on my neck as he placed delicate, loving kisses.

"I love you, Jim," My body tenses involuntarily. This is the first time I've admitted my feelings out right in my own without feeling obligated to reciprocate his proclamations of love.

"I love you more, Freddie..," He breathes the words and his chest puffs out behind my back. The simple motion causes me to relax. I know he means it.

His arms tighten around me as he sprinkles wet kisses around my ear, purposely tickling me with his mustache but he way I've come to simply adore! This is the most romantic thing that's ever been done for me. It feels amazing to have such a caring, devoted man to have and hold.

I don't know how much time we spend together, just watching the different glowing hues of the sunset. The pinks and purples mix with the yellow setting sun light- a perfect illustration of how my heart feels in this moment. I feel surrounded by love, I see everything in beautiful touchable color. The world is at my fingertips as I glide my hand to clasp around Jim's.

We lie back on the blanket, Jim on his back and me propped up on my side facing him. He's looking up at the stars that have begun to shine brightly down upon us. I could stare at him for ages and never tire. He turns to see me studying him, a puzzled look on his face that quickly turns into a melting stare of awe.

"Stop that," I playfully hit his chest. "I was trying to stare without being caught," I giggle into his chest as I lay my head down for a moment.

"If much rather star-gaze at you than up there...You are much more beautiful to gander, my sweet love," I lift my head back up at his words. A giant smile beaming from my face, I try to hide it behind my hand, still a bit shy about my teeth- a hard habit to die off.

His hand reaches for mine, pulling it away from my mouth and I close my lips just in time. He kisses my knuckles and rubs his mustache against them.

"Don't you dare hide that mega-watt smile from me," Lifting himself on his elbows he leans in closer to my face. His fingers tug at my mustache causing me to smile once again. "That's it. There's that handsome smile that I love so much,"

His hand caresses the side of my face and I close my eyes into his touch, flinching slightly, hoping that he doesn't notice how much of a bother this little loving gesture causes me. Before my thoughts can backtrack down the wrong way, his lips find mine once more. I allow my head, heart and soul to feel every ounce of love he's giving me.

In those cool days of reflection, he came to me like a shining light of warmth and made everything seem alright. He sits by me no matter what I go through, and everything fine. In all my cruel days, he calms my troubled mind and just his smile smooths the ride. I don't know how he will fit into my already made family, but one things for sure....if I plan everything out the right way, this could be Heaven for Everyone.