"A collect call from the correctional facility is permitting to reach you at your permission. An inmate is attempting to call you-,"

Hanging up my phone, I get up from the couch when I see Lily tottering towards the staircase, with the intention of climbing the steps. I've really got to change my phone number- I can't see why Mary thinks I'd accept her phone calls. I want nothing to do with her ever again. Fucking daft bitch.

"Daddy!!!," Lily squeaks in delight and wiggles herself out of my arms at the sound of the front door creaking open.

"Lily that's Jim- He is not our Daddy!," Charlie scoffs with a firm stomp of her foot and her arms crossed tightly. She trudges back up the staircase that she had just descended, goes into her bedroom, huffing up a storm of unintelligible mumbles with a harsh slam of the door.

Jim is at a stand still in the door way with a bouquet of vibrant red roses bigger than his head. He's just as shocked as I am at the children's interaction. Charlie does have an easily angered temper- but, I've never heard her snap the way she just did.

"It's okay, Lily. Jim is Papi's friend. Papi is our daddy. Only him..," Richie explains as he breaks the tension and runs up to Jim greeting him with a warm hug.

"Good morning, Richie," Jim smiles down at my son and ruffles his curls. I'm surprised Rich really likes the guy. I really thought the twins would have their roles reversed, but it seems that Richie is glad to have another man around. I pick Lily up and close the space between us.

"Why do you have flowers, Jimmy? You have a girlfriend?," Richie inspects the bouquet that Jim is still holding. Ah- yes, well, the children don't really know all about mine and Jim's relationship. Maybe one day- but not any time soon. I won't tell them anything until they can fully understand and actually, at the moment, I don't really know if things will last for there to be anything to tell at all.

"Um, no...I don't," Jim starts off slowly, he avoids my warning glare. "These are actually for your Dad- sometimes friends give flowers to apologize..I'm sorry about yesterday, Freddie. I was wrong to let my anger get the best of me and my words came out all wrong...," He turns to me now, sincerity and regret etched across his face.

I suck my teeth at his reply, still not too comfortable with the answer he gave. Jim stretches his arm out to hand over the flowers, exchanging Lily into his arms.

"Oh...okay! Did you have a fight?," Richie still insistent as ever, follows us into the kitchen while I look for a vase or two big enough to flaunt my flowers.

"Yes, we did, but it's okay. Adults fight and make up all the time," I respond, not paying much attention. A big goofy grin plastered on my face, I present the arrangement of flowers that I had to separate into two vases to Jim who winks at me as I place them in the center of the kitchen counter space.

"Why don't you run on up and see if Charlie is finished getting ready? Ceci will be here soon," Richie nods with a smile and immediately turns to run up the steps. I'm pretty certain his love for Ceci has turned into his first crush- the boy can blush up to the brightest hue I've ever seen whenever he giggles with her these days.

Once Richie is out of sight, I stroll over to Jim, who is sitting at the kitchen table with Lily still clinging her little arms around his neck. I swoop down and wrap both of them into a hug, quickly pecking Jim's cheek. "Thank you for the flowers, darling. They're simply divine!"

Jim turns his head to me just as quick and presses his lips to mine. Our lips make a pecking noise as he pulls away, big gorgeous smile on his face, but mine is much the opposite.

"Charlie-wait!," I hear a small gasp from Jim as he turns to look at the staircase.

Charlie stomps her feet with every step she takes back into her bedroom.

Having just missed what just happened, Richie walks down the steps now shaking his head at his sister.

He's used to her sassiness already, but this level of dramatics is a whole new side to her. Jim stays downstairs with Richie and Lily, serving them their breakfast, while I go up to check on Charlie. I run up the steps and turn down the hallway to her bedroom- only to stop in front of the door when I can clearly hear her crying on the other side.

I want more than anything to be the perfect father. I don't want my children to hate me or be ashamed of me for my relationship with Jim! This is why I haven't told them about anything in specific details- until now they've all thought of him as just my friend and new hired gardener. I can't bare the thought of losing their trust in me!

"Charlie, darling- won't you please open the door? I want to talk with you..," I tap two knuckles lightly against the door, hoping that asking for her permission would make her know how important and valid her feelings are to me.

I hear the click of the lock turning open and the doorknob swivels to crack the edge of the door. I walk into the newly redecorated bedroom, that used to be a guest room. With the twins growing up and having their own set of different interest and styles, I made up Charlie this bedroom so she could grow in her own privacy. The pink and white stripped walls have pictures of her drawings and posters of her favorite cartoon characters.

I sit across from her, carefully contemplating my next words as I sit on the edge of her full sized bed. Fiddling with the pink ruffles of her bed cover, I study her slouched posture as she sits at her white vanity, nonchalantly brushing her hair with the paddle brush she just bought at the hair salon as she agree blankly in the mirror. Her face is splotchy with the tears she's trying to hide. I swear sometimes, staring at her when she gets ready all by herself is like a flash of Cherie. She's really blossoming into a replica of her beautiful mother- I wish she was here to see it.

"Charlie....I know what you saw downstairs, darling- but please, let me explain..," I'm unsure of what to do here- I don't want to lie to her when she's just witnessed my kiss with Jim, but I still haven't cemented a concrete relationship with him so really, it's all still up in the air.

"It's okay, Papi. You love Jimmy," Her eyes lock on mine in the mirror- the hollow stare of her brown eyes pierce through my heart and I want so badly to coward away, but I can't do that to her. She's my baby, my little girl- I've so wanted to persevere her innocence. I hope I haven't fouled that up too badly.

"N-no, Char- it's not okay. Jim is...well, he is still very much a good friend to Papi. B-but he's not...I don't love him, he's not more than a friend. I'm not lying to you, Charlie.," There. I think that's good enough. At least, that's all I can say that's true for now.

"Do you still love Mummy?," Her voice is like a tinkling bell, full of lost hope and sadness as she stares down at the silver framed wedding photo of me and Cherie. She cried for that photo and it was really hard to give it to her, because I slept with it for so long, but I couldn't tell her no and now it sits on her vanity for her to have forever. What have I done...

I lift myself from the bed and fly over to her side, bending to my knees and turning her by grabbing her little hands inside of mine. Her head is down, her hair dangle past her shoulders in bouncy raven curls as she sniffles her nose. I quickly wipe the tears that stream down her face and then continue to cup her hands in mine. Speaking as tenderly and as sensitively as I can, my voice betrays my mask and cracks as I try to explain this to her.

"Char, I love Mummy with all my heart- always and forever. Mummy was- is the love of my life. I still think about her everyday, if you ever want to talk about her, we..we can do that...I promise you, I will never do anything to make you feel sad or uncomfortable...I'm your Papi first, above everything else, always. Baby, do you understand what I'm saying?,"

I know she may not be able to fully understand what I mean, but nevertheless I try to speak to her like she's an adult. Her feelings and her thoughts, as well as the same sentiments for the rest of my children, are the most important thing to me and to the way I will continue to live my life. I live for them- no one else. Just like I promised Cherie.

She looks up to me now, her eyes still glossy with watering tears, but she nods her head up and down. "I know, Papi. I want you happy, too. Mummy likes your smile, not your crying...," She wraps her arms around my neck and I almost fall off balance as I'm still crouched down to her seated level.

I have to fight so hard against the giant choking lump in my throat and the aching of my heart. She really has seen me through my grief and suffering- I regret every moment my children witnessed of me during the weakest point of my life. I should have hid it better, but I was so shaken and shattered and... I regret them ever witnessing my screaming and my cries- I should have kept it together better than I did.

"Char!! Ceci's here!!!," Richie's voice yells up excitedly to us from downstairs, unknowingly interrupting the sentimental moment. I hug her tightly, pulling her into my lap and pressing my lips into her hair, kissing the top of her head as I switch us into the chair.

"I love you, Charlie. I love you and Richie and Lily more than anything in the world. You're all the loves of my life now and that won't ever change- alright?,"

She places a soft, quick kiss on my cheek and again I have to fight so hard to hold back the tears that want to fall from my eyes. Her small hand rubs my cheek and she stops her caress on my cheekbone, cupping it there as she speaks, "I love you, Papi....," She smiles sweetly at me, looking right into my eyes.

This has got to be the most blessed and at the same time heart wrenching feeling of all time. She coos at me, strokes my face and talks to me in the same delicate, gentle, loving way that her mother always did. My heart can barely handle it, but I am so grateful to have this at the same time. She'll never know how much her mothers eyes call to me from her own sweet brown eyes. It's exhilarating and heartbreaking all in one.

"I-I love you, more, Princess," I press her to my chest and run my fingers through her hair, so that she can't see the couple of stray tears that have now overflown the rims of my eyes.

"Papi! My hair!! I fixed it pretty!," She leaps out of my embrace, looking at her reflection in the mirror and adding a big, sparkling bow for added glamour. I use the opportunity to wipe my eyes as I smile down at her, now standing behind her.

"I gotta go, Papi! Ceci is waiting!," She runs out of the room and I exhale a deep breath, glad to have had a good outcome to our conversation. I walk out and bump into her in the hallway as she runs back to me now. "One more hug! Bye bye, Papi! See you later!," She squeezes me around my waist, the side of her head pressed against my stomach. Just as quickly as she hugged me, she let's go and runs off down the stairway.

After saying goodbye to the twins and asking Ceci her plans for the twins today I pull her aside to explain what happened with Jim earlier- I want her to understand and be prepared just Incase Charlie has any sort of outburst today.

"Don't worry, Freddie. I can handle our sassy little princess! I'll make sure to have some extra fun plans for us today and if she wants to talk about it- I'll try my best, but I'll leave the big stuff up to you," Ceci responds in the calm, cool manner that she always carries herself with. I'm telling you, this woman is a godsend when it comes to how well prepared she always is with the twins. Her love for them and our family is evident in everything she has done and still does for us. She's very much a part of our family now.

"Thank you very much, Ceci. I don't know how I'd do all of this without your help," She hugs me quickly, before we renter the kitchen and I give her the bag I packed with snacks and extra clothing for the twins.

When they leave, Jim, Lily and I finished our breakfast and until it's time to head into work. I'm running a little behind today and now I don't really feel like going in at all, but I don't want to let the band down. It's true that we've got to work our way back to the top- not that it'll be all too hard.

"I'll be going to the studio, just me and Lil today. I, uh, I don't mind if you'd like to stay here and wait for me, but if you have other things to do I completely understand.," I don't like to really offer Jim that much room to be more comfortable than he should be in my home. Anyway, I think getting caught by my daughter today might have shook him, possibly scaring him off. Maybe that wouldn't be a bad thing at this rate.

"That's fine, dear. I think I'll stay to work in the garden, maybe clean house a bit for you," His arms circle around me as I place the dirty dishes in the sink. He pecks my lips, totally missing the way my body language as I involuntarily stiffen with tension. I push his arms down and away from my body, when I see Lily smiling at us from her high chair.

Moving to clean Lily up and take her out of her chair straps, I speak quickly- no longer wanting to be in this situation until I can figure out what I truly want to tell him.

"That sounds lovely, darling. Thank you. We better get going," I turn to smile at him, it's fake, but it's my best acting skill- a fake smile.

With Lily in my arms and her diaper bag on my shoulder, I walk out of the kitchen, into the garage and shut the door after blowing Jim a kiss as he stands by the kitchen counter looking completely smitten. He's really not going to like it if I continue to push him away. My mind is too confused, and my heart is, too.

———————————————

"I changed my mind. We should keep 'Love of my Life' on the set list. Let's do it..,"

I try to keep a positive glow in our studio session today. The simple fact that I know Charlie would want me to keep the song that she knows was written for her mother, makes me change my mind and opinion on performing it again. I know it will be hard to be so open and vulnerable out there on stage, but it's worth it to make my little girl smile.

As the four of us take turns critiquing each others techniques, bantering and arguing over every little detail- it warms my heart to be doing all of this again. Though we've all been going through so many different and difficult life changes, music is the one tie that binds. Our friendship has never been stronger than the way it's grown over this past year.

"I have a new song- well, just the lyrics..but it's ready," I stand to the recording mic as the guys head out of the room and let me show them my new work. I've been trying to get my feelings down in the right words and onto paper every chance that I can. The whole process is therapeutic to me, of course, but it's still a struggle to actually sing the words out loud.

"Ready when you are, Fred," Brian speaks into the microphone. In the gleam of the separating, soundproof glass I see Roger hugging Rose who has just arrived with Emmy and her personal nurse by her side.

She waves her greeting to me and I do the same, trying to bring forth my best fake smile. Her cheekbones look as gaunt as ever, her face is so pale and skeletal in appearance. The pink breast cancer scarf that wraps around her head, really contrast against the loss of color from her skin. Her body seems frail and burdened by the layers of clothing she wears, including the heavy wool woven shawl that hangs over her shoulders. Mum made her that shawl, because I asked her if she could, so that Rose could stay warm. Especially during the period of time when she had the cold cap therapy that made her have painful body chills and caused her to lose all of her hair. On the inside of the shawl, it has a fabric printed picture of her and Cherie from Rose and Rogers wedding day.

My nerves start to amp up to have to be singing this song for the first time in front of Rose. She was also the inspiration for some of the lyrics- let's just hope I can keep it together. Taking a shakey breath, I take a sip of my warmed lemon water and begin.

"I don't want my freedom,

There's no reason for living with a broken heart...,"

I keep my eyes closed, inhaling sharply from the back of my throat, sucking more air into my lungs through every lyric.

"I try to mend the broken pieces,

I try to fight back the tears...,"

I don't dare open my eyes to see anyone's reaction the the thoughts that have circled my head every day since she's been gone. Especially seeing as how Roger has been so open with me about his fears for his own wife's future- if I look at them right now, I'll cry. And I've already done enough of that in front of all of them.

"It's a long hard fight!

But I'll always live for tomorrow,

I'll look back on myself and say..

I did it for love,

Yes, I did it for love...,"