JEANIE

Dear Travis,

I am sorry for the way I told you. The way I told you that I am your wife and you loved me.

And I'm sorry that you found out that Lucy hypnotized you. To find out that you had been living a lie.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I didn't go after you. I didn't look for you. I didn't keep on loving you.

And I'm sorry that as hard as I might try, that you will never want me back.

That you will always leave me.

Just like my father.

I'm sorry you had to be stuck with me for seven months. I'm sorry you just couldn't take me anymore. You just couldn't love me anymore.

I'm sorry you fell in love with me Travis.

I'm sorry that you thought I could make you happy.

I'm sorry I made you leave me.

And I'm sorry you don't love me now.

I thought that maybe if I would apologize enough it would make everything right.

That everything would fall back into place in my life.

That you would come running back to me.

But it doesn't change the fact that you still left. And you still don't love me.

And Travis, I'm almost sorry I fell in love with you.

But as much as there is regret in falling in love with you, I don't ever want to take it back.

Falling for you is the best thing that ever happened to me. Marrying you, I would never change.

Because with joy there has to be sadness.

There would be no point in having a heart if it is not broken sometimes.

I guess then you know you're alive. And can be hurt. And can love.

Because I loved you Travis with all my heart. And if it hurts this much then I know that my love is true. And right. And happy.

And I would never apologize for that.

Jeanie.

When I reach the house, Susie and Caryn never question me about it. About how talking with Travis went.

I decided to tell them about my visit with Lucy since I thought it would be more important.

They listen eagerly as I tell them what she said about Travis, and how we think he heard us outside the door.

"Poor Lucy," Susie whispers.

Caryn nudges her, glancing at me.

"It's fine," I wave off her concern. "I felt that way too, Susie. Still do, because I feel bad. I had hoped that after I convinced her to tell me, she would resolve things with Travis. I hadn't meant for him to hear that, especially after I had talked to him, saying it had something to do with Lucy."

The twin's frown. It clicks with me that I never said anything about my talk with Travis.

"She must hate me even more now," I comment, more to myself than to the twins.

"She'll be fine. She would have had to know she is wrong. That wiping someone dear to someone is wrong. I'm sure you can go to jail for that."

I shrug. "I don't want her to. I just want to get this resolved so that I can go back to living my life," I say, folding my arms over my chest.

Susie and Caryn look at each other.

I frown, "What?"

"What life, Jeanie?" They ask. I don't even try to hide my expression.

"What do you mean?"

"Jeanie, we all know, deep down, you want your life back with Travis. That is why it is so important that he gets his memory back, isn't it?"

I don't bother biting my tongue, because I know I have to explain myself.

"I want him to get his memory back, because first of all, it's wrong. It's wrong that he has to live with a part of his memory gone. Second, yes, I do want his memory back, but only so that I can ask him some things. As much as I might dream of having a life with him, it will never happen. Because he left me! Lucy never made him do that. He did it on his own free will. So he will never take me back," My voice breaks, and I realize that even explaining it sounds heartbreaking

They stay quiet.

Caryn speaks up, "Do you want him to take you back?"

I start to laugh but it sounds more like a cry. "Yes Caryn! Because as much as I hate to admit it, I still love him. With all my heart. But he won't love me back. And if he says otherwise, it's probably a lie."

"So... you want him back, and if he wants to take you back, you'll say no?"

I frown, looking at Susie as she gives me a small smile. "I don't know. But I know it won't come to that. So that's a weight I know I don't have to wear."

"So you want him to get his memories back so you can ask him a few questions? About what?"

I stand, "I want to ask him about the night he left. I wanted to ask why he left, and what I did wrong?"

"Is that supposed to help you? All you are going to be doing is feeding your pain, not taking it away. This isn't closure."

I close my eyes and lean up against my wall. I know it isn't, but I have to know. Even if it hurts me.

"To me, it is."

"You're just going to hurt yourself," Susie mutters, and Caryn nods, agreeing with her sister.

They both looked at me with sad expressions.

I smile, "Thanks for your concern, but I also don't know if Lucy will unhypnotized him or not."

"We'll go talk to her."

I smile again, "No thanks. She's already had Travis to deal with about this. I don't want to add to her pain."

"But you'll add to yours?"

I turn a glare on Caryn, and she raises her hands.

"We are only concerned because we love you. And we don't want you to get hurt."

I smirk and shake my head.

"Too late."

LUCY

He sits on the couch, perched at the edge like he's ready to take off at any second.

"You did... what?"

I look down, not meeting his eye. He doesn't understand how hard this is to tell him. That I had lied to him.

And erased the woman I will never be.

Ever since I was younger, Jeanie would always be the one with the attention, and she never wanted it.

Me? It is all I craved.

There is something so good about being loved. And loving someone in return.

But I had never known love before. My Mother died before I even knew her name, and my dad showed nothing but beatings to me.

He hated me. He probably still does.

"I'm so sorry, Travis," I apologize, hanging my head.

He sighs, "When Jeanie told me, I never thought that she would be right."

So she did go and see him. I thought she was bluffing, but I knew there was truth to her words. Which is why I told her. I hoped to let it go on a little longer, but I somehow knew it wouldn't last.

We wouldn't last.

Even if it is only me who wanted this to work. Travis only did because it is all he knew.

But I have to admit, it feels nice to be loved. Even if I knew it would have never worked. Jeanie would have turned up sometime if it hadn't been the other day.

"I'm sorry," I say since I don't know what else to say.

He sighs and buries his face in his hands. I sigh. There could be some hope. He hasn't asked me to unhypnotize him.

"How did you do it?" He asks me, lifting his eyes to meet mine. He looks tormented.

I swallow. "It is a long process. I started with a little bit of hypnosis, only taking memories of her face and name, but then I ended up taking the whole marriage and honeymoon, and the seven months after. It took about a week, three hours every day."

"Why?"

It is a simple question. But he would never understand the answer.

"Because... I have waited my whole life for someone to love me. And you were the only person I did love from the beginning. But you chose Jeanie. But after I heard of your divorce, I acted quickly. Getting you to forget her is one of the hardest things I've ever done. But it worked. For a year and a few months, it worked."

"Yeah, congratulations."

I close my eyes, hurt by the tone of his voice.

"I wish I knew her," He says, and my eyes open.

"What?"

"I wish I knew Jeanie."

I swallow.

"Can you make me remember her?" He asks me, looking at me.

I nod slowly, "I can."

"How long will it take?"

"A few hours."

"Do it."

I nod. Again. But he stands and grabs a piece of paper, and a pen. Then he begins to write on it, then signs it at the end.

"If you make me forget this, or you do anything else other than make me remember, I will have you arrested. I made a note to remind myself."

"I won't. I promise."

He swallows. "Good. I know you won't break it," He says. Then stops.

He glances at his left hand, and rubs his ring finger, "What happened to me? Jeanie said I left her. Why did I do that?"

I shake my head, "I don't know. Once you remember, I guess you'll know. Lay down on the couch," I say, and he does as he's told.

He gets comfortable, putting the piece of paper on his lap, gripping it with his fingers.

I stare at him as he closes his eyes. I frown and stop myself from crying.

This is going to take a while.

But I know I have to say goodbye before he forgets me and the life we had together.

"You liked the life you had, right? This one with me?" I ask him, "Did you love me?"

He looks at me, his eyes hard, "My life is a lie, Lucy. I made someone hurt because of me. Because of this life. I'm glad to be out of it."

Then he pauses and looks at me.

"I think I've always liked you, Lucy. But I've never loved you. I'm sorry."

I nod, holding in my sob.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

He closes his eyes.

"Goodbye Travis," I say, kissing his cheek lightly, and I see his jaw twitch.

"Bye Lucy."

I begin.