I wake up to the sun making the back of my eyelids orange. Instantly, the color gives me a migraine. Cracking one eye open, I come straight to a tall mirror. Propping myself up onto my elbow I look at myself in it.

My straight blonde hair is rustled and puffed in various areas and my mascara raccoons my eyes in the worst sort of way.

"Shit," I mutter horrified at my appearance. I reach down for the water that Nate had offered me last night and take a large gulp hoping that it would mellow my horrible morning breath. I could still taste alcohol in the back of my throat.

I am on a large neon green beanbag next to Nate's bed. Conversation from last night hits me like a bus.

"Nate, are you sure you're okay with me staying here? I don't want to intrude."

Nathaniel's face whitened at my words. We were no longer sitting on his couch but had moved to his bedroom upstairs. It was innocent because he wanted to show me his album collection but I couldn't lie and say that being in his room excited my frazzled brain.

We had gone to listening to a punk rock band instead of Cabrera. In fact, the slamming of drums and guitars were starting to make me feel nauseated. I took another drink of water.

"Y-yeah. Sure. Um, you can take the bed and I will take the floor so you don't have to walk back down the stairs."

"We've already discussed this," I said shaking my head. I didn't want him put out on me staying if it meant moving him out of his comfort zone. I flopped down with gusto onto a bean bag that was set in the middle of his room and made myself comfortable. "I'm fine right here."

"Are you sure?"

I playfully ignored him because something told me he wasn't going to let up.

He was so polite, it threw me off. I wasn't used to boys acting this way. Usually they were commanding and were always trying to impress you with something superficial such as how much they could bench or how much money they make. But all Nate wanted was to impress me with his album collection which, indeed, impressed me. There were a few bands I have never heard of that I would now go home and download.

"Hey, Nate," I had said right before my eyes had closed. I could hear him rustling under his covers. I wanted to ask him if there was a nightlight that he could possibly turn on because little old me was afraid of the dark still. I guess, not so much afraid, than eery. Okay, fine, yes, I was afraid of the dark.

Nate hummed from above me in his bed.

It suddenly crossed my mind if the darkness that had now blanketed us with all the lights off and the sun still sleeping, was similar to what it was like for Nate all the time. A shiver slithered itself down my spine.

I decided then to not complain about the darkness.

"Thank you," I said instead.

"For what?" He asked. He was laying on his back and his eyes were closed. I wanted to also ask him if it was any different than keeping his eyes open...Which, of course, I knew was just the remains of the alcohol talking. I had more respect than that. We were still strangers after all.

I don't know if I was thanking him for letting me stay the night, or maybe for letting me be his first kiss. Or maybe even just being kind to me when I truly didn't deserve it from him. But a rush of something flooded through me and tears sprung in my eyes.

He is such an angel. A gentle, glowing, warm angel that made so much light in all the darkness.

And I was completely smashed.

I vowed from that moment that I would never drink again. Because, for not the first time, my heart was pounding with sorrow and I wanted to tell him everything.

But there were others I needed to consider. I couldn't drag them down with me. I knew the consequences. I could lie and say it was all me. I could...

But I didn't. Instead, I pushed the tears back down, the lump in my throat nearly suffocating me.

I took a breathe. "For just being you."

Nathaniel didn't say anything. Maybe he had already fallen asleep by the time I had gotten ahold of myself.

I groan now, slowly sitting up until I can rest my head in my hands. The room is silent but I am not alone. Nate sat at a desk in the corner of his large bedroom, his fingers feather a page of a book as the other hand skimms the page. He is showered and dressed for the day. I must have slept like the dead.

My mind, still groggy and too self absorbed to really notice what he was doing, focusses back on the mirror. I swipe my fingers under my eyes to rid as much makeup as possible as well as run my fingers through my hair.

Nate's head tilts my way, hearing my aggravation, I'm sure. "Good morning."

"Is it though?" I grumble.

Nate chuckles lightly which catches me off guard. It is smooth, like honey, and it leaves my insides feeling warmer than what they were moments ago.

"Don't laugh," I scold, but I don't mean it. I did my best to stand on my own two feet. "Last night was not my finest. I apologize."

Nate shut his book. "It's fine. It's not every night I get Kelly Henderson showing up on my doorstep."

"Oh stop."

"Really," he says while playing with his fingers in his lap. "Last night was...interesting."

It is my turn to blush. The feeling of his lips could still be felt on mine and just to make sure I wasn't still dreaming, I pinch the inside of my palm.

There is an awkward moment between us where neither one of us knows what to say. I know I have to say something fast because I'm sure the pounding of my heart can be heard around the neighborhood.

"Nate, would you like to get breakfast? My treat. To pay you back for bothering you last night."

Nate sat frozen. His rigid stance is back along with his glasses that have turned black from the beaming sunshine streaming through the window. "You don't have to buy me, Kelly."

"That's not what I meant." The words come out rushed and suddenly panicked.

"Then what do you mean?" There is an edge in his voice that makes my stomach roll. And it isn't an after effect from drinking.

"I just meant that I would like to take you to breakfast as a friend." I want to snap back at him but I remain as calm as I can manage. "To thank you for taking care of my drunk self last night but if you don't want to be seen with me, just say the word, Nathaniel."

I bite my tongue because even I can hear the bitchiness in my voice. Ding dong old Kelly is not dead. I stand up and start to gather myself to do the walk of shame back to my home. I'm sure my father is at the hospital and my mother is out for brunch at the country club. I would go unnoticed like usual.

As I am making my way down the Haynes' staircase, Nate's voice bounces off the walls.

"Kelly, wait!"

I stop and slowly turn back around to face him. He has balanced himself against the railing and it occurs to me that one wrong step and he would fall over. With a huff, I walk back up to where he is now standing and move him closer to the wall.

I remove my hand from his elbow once he is feet away from the stairs.

It is silent again. I hated silence from Nate. It's like if he couldn't say what was on his mind with me, that was just something else I have taken from him. I want him to be comfortable around me because, strangely, I am around him.

"Sorry," he says after a few more seconds of silence.

"It's fine." I pick at the nail polish on my thumb nail to keep myself from crying again. I feel so vulnerable around him after last night. And for the first time it isn't from guilt. That kiss had changed things. At least for me.

"I'm not embarrassed about being around you. I just don't want your pity. And I also don't want you to be embarrassed about being around me."

"It wasn't pity, Nate. I just wanted to be nice and buy you some eggs." I want to reach out and rub his back but I know he doesn't like to be touched without warning and I figure it would be weird. Man, he is such a grey area for me! "And I would never be embarrassed of you. We talked about this already."

"I know. I just don't get it."

I inhale a big breath to try and clear my brain of the mystery that is Nathaniel Haynes. "Let's discuss this nonsense over some bacon. I'm going to crash any second if I don't get some coffee in me. Pronto."

I take Nate's elbow again and help him navigate the stairs that he has gone up and down at least a million times. But he didn't shake me off like I would have expected his surprising inflated ego to do.

Once out of the house, he turns right while I stand glued to the sidewalk.

"We're walking?" I whine shuffling my feet back towards him.

A smirk turns up on one side of his mouth that makes me stand up straighter. He is laughing at me again. I cross my arms over my chest.

"Well," he answers slowly as if he is talking to a child. "You said you walked from the party last night so you don't have your car and I'm blind which should speak for itself. So unless you possess the skill of teleportation, I don't know how else we will get to the Diner."

My mouth falls open. "The sass from you this morning!"

Maybe he is now more comfortable with me too.

He laughs out loud this time and a smile grows on my face as well, our argument forgotten. I fall into step with him, linking my arm lightly through his to guide him the few block we have to walk to Linc's.

"What can I get ya," Lennette asks after watching us from the back counter. I give her a look while she leans against the back of our booth with a knowitall smile. I order us both chocolate pancakes with mountains of bacon because Nate has never tried the pancakes here.

"Levi makes the best pancakes," I mention once Lennette has walked away. I sip my coffee and sigh with content. Coffee fixes everything.

"Kelly..." Nate says slowly as if he isn't sure he should really start this conversation.

"Yeah..." I place my coffee cup down on the grey table top.

He hesitates.

"Go ahead. Ask." I sigh because I know what he is going to ask. He's too polite to not too.

He clears his throat and messes with the salt shaker. "Why did you drink so much last night? Did something happen?"

Okay, maybe that wasn't what I thought he was going to ask me. Honestly, I thought he was going to ask about why I kissed him.

It is strange. I don't mind telling him about my insecurities with Danny or how annoyed I am about not getting an answer from Dartmouth yet. I don't even mind telling him how much I despise my friends. But I don't say any of that because those are just mundane things.

"I got carried away, I guess. Just blowing off some steam." I watch his face to see if that is a good enough answer for him. His face is blank and with his eyes hidden it is hard to tell if he is going to drop it. "It's nothing serious. Everyone does it."

Nate stops messing with the shaker and places it back against the wall. "If you say so."

"Maybe you should come to a party. I mean," I watch his face as I say this, "you could have fun. You know, do crazy adolescent things. You could come with me..."

I wait for his answer but before his infinite rejection can leave his mouth, Lennette places our food in front of us and those pancakes are all my hungover brain can think about.

Nate is nice company. He doesn't dig or pride you with questions. He simply accepts the answer that he gets but watches you with eyes that know all. He asked question, I had answered and vice versa. I could have sat there all day talking with Nate but, of course, someone was there to interrupt us.

"Kelly Grace Henderson!"

I look over my shoulder towards the door that dinged open when Alyssa walks through. I groan and apologize to Nate under my breath. His back goes rigid instantly and his head ducks down. My stomach drops in a way I can't describe.

"Where have you been? I've been looking all over for you!" Alyssa voice rings through the diner and a few heads turn our way. "Dan has been freaking out because you stood him up last night. He thought you got abducted or something."

Considering that I have no messages on my phone, he couldn't have been too worried. It also dawns on me that I told Nate that Danny and I weren't together anymore which we honestly weren't. Everything was so gray. I don't know why I said that.

"Yeah about that," I answer looking cautiously at Nate who is still looking like he is trying to go unnoticed in the booth. "I just left and went home. I wasn't feeling too well."

Alyssa is no longer listening to me though because her eyes are glued on the boy sitting across from me.

"I see," she says as if she is trying to pull her eyes away from the scene but can't. "Well, I would call your boyfriend before he starts looking for you. You know how he can cause a scene." My best friend narrows her eyes at me, disbelief flashing in her brown irises. She motions for me to come with her and I violently shake me head, eyeing Nate from the corner of my eye.

Nate sets his fork down and awkwardly rubs his hands on his jeaned covered thighs.

"Your mother sent me out to look for you so I think you should come with me." Alyssa is lying through her teeth and I'm too embarrassed to confront her about it.

I glare at her for a second before I decide to stand because I know she would cause a scene if I don't go with her. I don't want to make Nate more uncomfortable than he visibly is right now.

I turn back towards Nate and try my best to pretend that my best friend is not watching my every move. I place a twenty on the table and signal for Lennette to take it.

I then lean across the table and placed a kiss on Nate's cheek, hoping that he understands why I am doing this. I am protecting him.

"Thank you for last night," I speak into his ear. He visibly shivers which sends a jolt of excitement through my body.

Alyssa practically drags me to her car by the ear. She is laughing like a madwoman once she starts the engine. "This is comedic gold."

I roll my eyes and look out the window.

"What are you thinking, Kelly? Do you know what this could do, what this could do to all of us?"

"Stop being dramatic, Lyss."

Alyssa's sigh shakes her Sudan and she starts laughing again. "Spill. What happened last night?"

"Nothing," I grumble. I feel like I am being held under a bright light and inspected.

"That kiss on the cheek didn't look like nothing." She whips her head my way once she has pulled into my driveway. "What are you gaining out of this? What's your angle?"

I furiously push open the car door and slam it shut. Ducking down to look through her window, I smile fauxly. "Make sure to tell Dan I'm safe and sound at home and not to worry too much. I'll let my mother know myself."

With that, I stalk up my driveway and shove my key into the door. Sure enough, just like I suspected, no one is home. For once I am thankful for brains and mimosas for taking up my parents time because I am sure to explode on the next person that speaks to me.

I slam myself down on my bed and reach for the first pillow I can get my hands on. I cover my face with my pillow and scream. I scream and scream until my throat goes raw.

How dare she! She is my best friend and she is acting like them. Alyssa didn't always used to be popular. She used to be known as the pudgy girl with too much acne until one summer she lost twenty pounds and slept with Eric Mathers who was a senior at the time that we were sophomores. She, out of all people, should know how this must feel for Nate or any other outsider.

Reaching for my phone, I quickly open facebook and search for Nathaniel's name. His profile shows up with him posing next to a dog on a doc by a lake. I smile. It is such a Nate thing. He looks young, before the accident, but most importantly he looks happy in the photo.

I tap the 'add friend' button and wait. I wait and wait until finally my phone dings with a notification that Nate had accepted it. With the feeling a giddiness being soaked up by every cell in my body, I rapidly open messenger because I don't have his number.

Sorry about this morning. Do you want to get together and watch a movie tonight? -K.

I tap my phone against my palm with anticipation. I can't get over how different this situation is for me. I wasn't used to having to make the first move. The little bubbles appear at the bottom of my screen and I practically vibrate off my bed.

The anticipation is killing me but then the answer actually shoots me dead.

Cant. Busy. -N.

I fall back onto my bed and look up at the ceiling.

Dammit. You really did it this time, Kelly. A movie wouldn't even be fun for him. Because of something you did! Ugh, you're an idiot.

It is difficult to accept but I understand why he said no. He is smart to stay away from me. Trouble follows me wherever I go. Maybe this is for the better.