《Katniss and Peeta: Real》Hold Me
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My muffled cries evolve into air piercing screams as I emerge from the retched nightmare that consumed my mind in sleep. Oh, how I need his arms to hold me now. I wipe my tearstained cheeks and bury my head in my pillow, trying to shut everything out.
Buttercup jumps onto the bed nuzzling at my arm, I swat him away, but he continues to purr and to scratch at me. I snap up from under the pillow. "What is it you stupid cat?" I try to sound angry, but it's hard to be angry at Buttercup, considering he lost Prim too. The mangey, flee bitten cat and I have managed to form a somewhat acquaintance.
Buttercup stares at me intently, before springing down from the bed and out of the room. I hear a noise coming from downstairs - footsteps. But not those of an agile cat. Perhaps Buttercup was trying to tell me something. Perhaps Buttercup was trying to warn me of an intruder. I grab the knife I keep sitting by my bedside. I used to find it absurd - Haymitch sleeping with a knife. But now, after everything I've been through, I completely understand.
I carefully emerge from my duvet and begin tiptoeing downstairs. First step, second step - I hear the jingling of Buttercup's bell. Third step, fourth step - I hear a muffled voice. Step after step I make my way down the flight, until I'm standing outside of the living room door. I hear a soft voice, to soft to identify. Buttercup continues to jingle around. Armed with my knife, I gently begin to open the door.
I slip inside the room, my knife pointed outwards. "Wow! Careful there!" He warns, his hands in the air by his face, his eyebrows raised at the sight of my knife.
"Oh my god, Peeta! You scared me!" I lower the knife to my side, letting out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. "It's two o'clock in the morning!" But I'm laughing, because I'm so relieved.
"I know, I know, I'm sorry. I just, I heard you screaming. I came to see if you were okay." He calms me. I sigh, as I watch Buttercup wrapping himself around Peeta's leg.
"Well, I'm okay. Thanks for checking," The opportunity has presented itself, I should ask him to stay. But I don't think I can bring myself to. I count each second that passes.
I stare at him in the silent darkness. Even the blackness of the night can't dull the bright blue of his eyes. "Well, I'll see you in the morning, then," He says, scuffing his feet and looking at the ground.
"Okay," I mutter. And off he goes.
*****
I wish she had asked me to stay, last night. I could almost hear the words as they tried desperately to roll off her tongue, but she never uttered them. I want so much to protect her from the nightmares that haunt her, I need her to guard off mine. It make so much sense. For us to be together at night, to guard each other from harm. But sleeping with someone even in the most literal way is an action so intimate, so significant. It is a large step from where we find ourselves.
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To this day, I still think about that night. The night I heard her whispering her feelings for me by my bedside. Everyday I try to ask her if it was real, but what if it was not. What would she think of me? I can't bring myself to, not unless I have some sort of evidence of her presence.
I drag myself out of bed and ready myself for the day ahead. Katniss says she's taking me hunting today. I argued against it, since my footsteps are so loud they scare off all the game, but she doesn't want to go alone. I don't want her to be alone if she doesn't want to be.
I scoff down a few cheese buns on my way around to Katniss' house, saving some for us to eat later. I stand outside of her front door, before knocking, a nervous sensation rises in my stomach traveling up my spine to gather in my chest. I have no idea why I'm nervous. I see Katniss all the time. As I try and form some sort of explanation, she appears in the doorway. "I saw you through the window," she laughs. "You do realise you didn't knock?" She smiles widely. I'm glad my idiocy makes her happy.
"Um, yeah, I dunno, I wasn't thinking," I stumble, I can feel myself blushing. What's wrong with me today?
I take her in. She wears scruffy old jeans and her dad's worn, leather hunting jacket. Her hair is in its usual messy braid, only much shorter. Her skin is makeup-less, her grey eyes bright and large. She is truly beautiful. I gulp down hard, trying to resist the urge to tell her how beautiful she is and how much I love her. That would definitely scare her off. "You ready?" She asks. I nod and we set off on our way to the woods.
We make our way into the woods. I haven't told Peeta yet. But I'm going to take him to the lake that I used to go to with my father. Perhaps in an unspoken way it'll prove how much I care about him.
As we walk I feel his hand brush mine, I resist the urge to intertwine my fingers with his, but perhaps it's an urge I don't have to resist. Maybe Peeta broke that barrier the day we stared out of the window in my study, when he slipped his hand in mine. We continue to walk side by side. His hand brushes mine again and this time I take the risk. Gently and cautiously I run my fingers between his and clasp. He stares down at our hands and then into my eyes. His blue eyes soften and he smiles timidly. His hand adjusts to mine firmly. We walk hand and hand until we reach the wired fence.
I slip under the fence without hesitation, unexpectedly so does Peeta. We walk around trees and bushes, searching for game. Bow and arrow in hand, I spot a small squirrel by an oak tree. Ready, aim, fire. "Wow! Right in the eye!" Peeta exclaims.
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"Surprised you didn't scare him off." I laugh. With Peeta around, hunting isn't the easiest of tasks, but I'm out here less to catch game and more to spend time with him. So I'll deal with the consequences. Half way into the woods we've already shot down three squirrels, two rabbits and a turkey. We trek deeper into the woods when I spot another squirrel poised on a rock by a small, fast running stream. As I raise my bow and pull back the string until it aligns my cheek - Peeta speaks up. "Will you teach me?"
"Teach you what?" I ask, dumbly.
"To shoot?" He elaborates.
I consider this for a moment. He's strong. Good with his hands - as a painter and a baker he'd have to be. He might be pretty good with a bow. "Sure, I'll teach you," I say. "It takes a little skill to get 'em right in the eye, though." I laugh.
"I'll be a pro by sunset, you'll see," He jokes. He takes the bow and arrow from my grasp. Bow up, elbow back, one eye closed. Ready, aim, fire - right into an oak tree. "Whoops.." He mumbles. I walk over to the tree, using two of my middle fingers to free the arrow from its settlement. "Here," I giggle, "Get back into position, but don't release the arrow this time." I warn him. I place my arm alongside his, my fingers over his. I help him pull the string back further.
Her breath tickles my neck, where she stands slightly behind me, helping pull the arrow back. The warm sensation on my neck causes tingles to spread over my shoulder blades and down my spine. I bite my lip until it hurts. It's all I can do not to turn around and kiss her. "Keep your stance straight," she whispers, causing even more chills. I straighten up, I can see the squirrel behind the arrow head. "And release..." She talks slowly in a timid whisper. The arrow flies into the small squirrels chest. Not quite it's eye, I think. But pretty good for a beginner.
Katniss gestures for me to lower the bow, we collect the squirrel, clean the arrow and Katniss pops the dead animal into her game bag. A pang of guilt washes over me. I know it's silly, but I can't help but feel bad for the poor animal. Katniss must notice this - "It's all about survival, Peeta," she pats my back lightly. "It's the circle of life." I nod in response, but she doesn't see, she's already moved on further among the trees.
"Haven't we got enough game already?" I call out, trying to keep up with her on my prosthetic leg.
"Yeah, I guess we do," She pauses until I catch up.
"Then where are we going?" I ask, puzzled.
"You'll see."
With that, we walk side by side, even deeper into the woods. Her hand reaches for mine and then she's holding it. I smile, because she's smiling. I smile, because I feel the slightest twinge of happiness. I smile, because I know, after everything I've done, she feels safe around me again.
It's hard to say how long it is before we reach our destination. But when we do, I'm taken aback by its beauty. A large lake is spread out across a grassy field, surrounded by trees and the most exotic looking flowers. Pinks, blues, reds, oranges surround us. The sun beams down on the lake, causing the yellow glow to spring back at us. A small stone building sits in the corner. "Wow," I exclaim. "I think this is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen." Except for you, I think.
"I know, my dad used to take me swimming here when I was younger. It's how I learned." She says. She pauses before she speaks again. "I thought I'd bring you here to watch the sunset."
"Thank you," I say. Katniss rests on a large rock by the lake, always being cautious around her, I wait for her to ask me to sit with her. She pats the space beside her gently. I sit close to her, but not close enough to touch.
A few minutes pass before the sun begins to gradually fall out of the sky. The blue above us is soon illuminated by bright pinks and oranges. It's beautiful. The sunset is one of my favourite things in the whole world. As the sun falls, the air chills. I spot Katniss shivering, instantly I want to rid of the space between us, to envelope her in my arms, the same way I'd protect her from her nightmares. If she'd let me. Instead, I peel off my coat and place it over her shoulders. "But now you'll be cold," she says.
"As long as you're not, I don't care." And I mean it, too.
"No, here," she takes off the coat and places it back over me. Instantly we make eye contact. And we stare, and stare, and stare. She looks down at my lips, it's hard to tell for how long, because I'm looking at her's.
For a moment I swear she's going to kiss me. But she simply whispers. "Will you..." She fumbles for words. What is she trying to say? "Will you, just, hold me...?" I'm taken aback by her request. But I obey. I shift closer to her and envelope her in my arms. Instantly her body moulds to mine and she tucks her head into the crook of my neck. I've held her so many times, but never like this, this time has been so long awaited.
💞💞💞
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