hey icy gang, my lil snowflakes. 💙

Soleil sat in the chair alongside to the hospital bed, the beeping of heart monitor going off every five seconds. Her eyes heavy and low, from the lack of sleep since the accident. She kept her eyes peeled on any signs of movement from her brother, it had been a few days since she and her brother had been in an accident.

Her brother suffered from severe head injuries, and had been deemed brain dead after receiving no response from his brain.

Unfortunately he had to be put on life support, though the rest of her family were finally accepting that Xahir slipped right through their fingers, Soleil was unable to accept that her older brother had died right before her eyes.

Although no one blamed her, she blamed herself, she beat herself up over it heavily that she was unable to sleep. She deprived herself from getting any rest, despite her family telling her that she needed to sleep.

She was afraid to close her eyes, each time that she did, all he could see was her brother unresponsive in the driver's seat; Siraj's face coming into view on the driver's side, the expression of fear on his face. Soleil couldn't get that out of her head, it was forever burned into her mind.

Though Xahir had nearly died on impact after the car hit the pole, the ambulance still rushed him to the hospital in hopes of saving him. The rest of the passengers in the car came out with a few injuries but nothing as life threatening like Xahir.

Soleil heard as the hospital door opened, pulling her out of her thoughts, she saw both of her parents walk in along with Selah, Xahir's doctor and a few nurses behind them.

Her mother turned towards her, beginning to give her a weak smile; immediately dropping it seeing the sole tear that was streaming down her daughter's face. "You okay?" she asked her, concern filling her voice, even though she knew good and well, that she wasn't.

Even though everyone was heartbroken over this tragic accident, Soleil seemed to be taking it the hardest — since she was actually there.

Soleil sniffled; quickly wiping away the single tear, nodding her head as she sat up a little in the chair. "Yea' um," she cleared her throat, deciding to get up instead. "What's goin' on?" she looked from the doctor and the nurses to her family.

She watched as they all exchanged glances with one another, worried expressions on their faces. "We're uh, we're gonna take him off life support." her father spoke up, Soleil stood there glowering, looking between her dad and her mother who was now grabbing Xahir's hand, a few tears now streaming down her face, as Selah stood next to her with a distraught expression.

"What?" Soleil grimaced, figuring she heard him wrong. Her dad started to open his mouth again, until Soleil threw her arms on top of her head, turning around; slowly pacing the room. "You can't do that, y'all not giving him enough time." she spun around, gesturing towards Xahir's body.

"Baby, it's been a few days—"

"And?" she raised her voice, giving both of them a crazed look. "There's been folks who've been deemed brain dead for a whole year, and they end up waking up! I'm not letting y'all pull the plug on my brother!" she shook her head, sitting back down in the chair, pushing the strands of hair out of her face. A lump growing in her throat as she tried to keep herself from crying.

Her dad turned around to face the doctor and the nurses who were giving the family a sympathetic look. He whispered to them; them nodding their heads before turning to leave out of the room, giving the family some private time.

Vanessa let go of Xahir's hand, walking around to the side that Soleil was on, Selah now holding Xahir's hand as she quietly sobbed to herself.

Vanessa kneeled down in front of Soleil, reaching up to cup her face with one hand, wiping away the single tear that was now streaming down her face again. "Lei, look at me," she said in a calming voice, Soleil met her mother's gaze, she could see the afflicted expression on her face — she was mentally drained.

Having to sit in a room each day, from sunrise up until sunset, was a wearying routine that was beginning to take a toll on Vanessa — not that the situation itself hadn't; she didn't think she would be able to take another day of sitting besides her son, unable to hear him speak back to her. Watching him lay there, in his non responsive physical form, only crushed her and deepened the pain she felt without him there.

"He's gone baby, it's time we've accepted it—" she began to speak; Soleil opened her mouth to say something until Vanessa shook her head. "There's nothing else that they can do, neither can we."

Soleil bit down on her lip as it began to quiver, fighting back the tears that threatened to spill, she kept her attention fixated on her older brother. She felt the penetrating sensation of her heart shattering in two, scorned on the fact that Xahir wasn't coming back.

The only thing she had left of him was his cold, physical body — his obnoxious laugh, his voice, the jokes he constantly cracked, his wittiness; all gone within a blink of an eye.

Vanessa pulled her daughter into a consoling hug as she began to shed tears. Xavier, gently placed his hand on Xahir's forehead, a few teardrops falling from his eyes, as he gazed down at his son, feeling defeated.

Siraj and his family watched as the doctor and the nurses walked back into the hospital room that Xahir occupied, he swallowed hard, his eyes burning with tears.

Though he knew that his best friend was gone the minute the drunk driver's car slammed into his, he still clung onto a little hope that his best friend would eventually wake up and everything would be fine in the end.

He felt as Ximena squeezed his hand, her thumb rubbing over his skin. She glanced over at Tasha who was staring at Siraj with a sympathetic look, trying to imagine how he was feeling in the moment — or even Vanessa and Xavier.

She couldn't imagine the thought of losing any of her children. Her heart was aching, she looked at Xahir as a second son and couldn't even begin to think of what life would now be like without him around.

Siraj continued to keep his gaze on the hospital, this time, Selah and Soleil coming out of the room. Selah held Soleil in her arms as both bawled their eyes out. He looked away, sighing heavily, his heart dropping into the pit of his stomach.

He let go of Ximena's hand and braced himself, beginning to walk towards the hospital room. He knocked a few times, before walking in. He saw Xavier holding a crying Vanessa in his arms, as they watched the nurses removes the tubes from Xahir's body.

Raj paused at the door, his legs feeling like jelly beneath him. Xavier looked his way, slowly nodding his head, letting him know it was fine. He walked into the room a little further, a few tears now streaming down his face, seeing his best friend's now lifeless body lay there.

He approached the side of the bed, grabbing his cold hand. He started bawling, his heart shattering to know that he would be in the world where his best friend would no longer be by his side. It was a loss that hurt just as much as when he lost his father a few years before.

And even then, he was still trying to come to terms with his father's untimely death.

How was he suppose to cope with the death of the person who helped him cope the first time around?

Soleil snapped out of her thoughts, as she heard the blaring sound of a car horn passing by. She tugged on the sleeve of her sweatshirt, as she sat on the dark gray suede loveseat. She watched as birds repeatedly flew by the window outside, the leafless trees lightly swaying from the heavy wind outside.

She anxiously chewed on her bottom lip, as she tapped her foot. Dr. Walsh, Soleil's therapist sat across from her in the fawn colored leathered chair, observing Lei's behavior.

For the past twenty minutes, they had been sitting in silence except for the occasional singing from the birds outside and traffic passing by. She hadn't pushed Soleil to speak, knowing well that it was always complicated for new patients to open up within the first month.

"How are you feeling today?" She finally asked her, adjusting the notepad that comfortably rested in her lap.

Soleil cleared her throat, ripping her attention away from the window. She looked down at her fingers that were still tugging on the sleeve of her grey sweatshirt. "I'm okay," she answered in a low tone. "A little anxious,"

Dr. Walsh hummed, nodding her head as she started writing something down in the notepad. "Is this an unusual feeling for you?" Dr. Walsh questioned her. She swallowed hard, beginning to shake her head 'no'. "Okay, how do you usually feel on a day to day basis?"

Soleil shifted on the loveseat, scratching behind her neck as she deeply sighed. She couldn't stay still for the life of her, as she grew more uncomfortable, she started to become fidgety.

Her heart was thumping violently against her chest, her heartbeat playing rhythmically throughout her ears like the beat of a drum. Despite the many times she wiped her sweaty hands against the fabric of her jeans, they wined up becoming clammy all over again.

Leaving wasn't an option for her as she didn't transportation, she would have to wait for her mom or catch an Uber back home. She couldn't bother Keia or Joziah, as they were at class since it was Tuesday.

"I feel okay, majority of the time." Soleil finally answered her, clearing her throat again. "But sometimes it depends,"

"On what?"

She shrugged, picking at her nails. "Sometimes I wake up in a good mood, some days I wake up and don't want to...I don't know, get out of bed." she told her, dropping her hands into her lap.

Dr. Walsh nodded, continuing to write into the notepad. After she was done writing, she reached over to the small table next to her, grabbing the folder that held the questionnaire that Soleil filled out.

"We don't have to dive into that, if you're not comfortable enough to. I'd like to shift the topic, if that's okay with you," Dr. Walsh explained, sitting the questionnaire down in her lap on top of the notepad. Soleil simply nodded in response, remaining quiet. "I see you're in college, what college do you attend?"

"Bethune Cookman,"

"Nice, what year are you in? And what are you majoring in?"

"Sophomore, and I'm majoring in early childhood education," Soleil said, Dr. Walsh beginning to smile.

"Very nice, do you usually work with children?"

"No, but I started over Thanksgiving break at my mom's daycare." she shifted on the loveseat, crossing one leg over the other. "I won't officially start until January, when I have a new schedule for my classes."

Dr. Walsh nodded as she started to write again in the notepad. "Okay, tell me about what your day to day schedule looks like?" she held her hand under her chin.

Soleil licked over her lips, pulling her hair over her shoulder. "I usually go to classes, Monday through Friday. When I'm done wit' that, I either hang out at home wit' my roommates or I hang out wit'...S-Siraj." she said, Dr. Walsh noticing the brief look of somber.

"And who is, Siraj?"

"H-he's my brother's best friend," she cleared her throat, beginning to shift once again.

"What's your relationship to him?"

"He's..." Soleil hesitated, not really sure of how to describe her relationship to Siraj. "He's someone...that I have feelings for," she finally confessed.

"So, you two aren't in a relationship?" Soleil shook her head, chewing at her bottom lip. "Is there a reason why? Is your brother aware of your feelings for his best friend?"

"That's the thing," Soleil paused, making eye contact with her. "My brother passed away a few months ago, so...Siraj has stepped up to sort of, I don't know, look out for me."

"I see," Dr. Walsh nodded in understanding. "I'm sorry for your loss, how did your brother pass?"

Soleil let go of a heavy sigh, "In a car accident," she told her, the burning sensation of tears forming in her eyes. She fanned her eyes, looking up to the ceiling. "I'm sorry," her voice cracked.

"It's okay, we don't have to rush into anything just yet. It's only the first day, we'll get there once you're ready to talk about it." Dr. Walsh assured her, grabbing the box of tissues from beside her and standing up to pass them to Soleil.

Soleil grabbed a couple of tissues, before she dabbed her eyes. It was evident that Soleil had a long journey ahead of her when it came to being able to fully express herself without becoming so choked up. However, it was the first step into healing and getting the help that she desperately needed almost six months ago.

Lei placed her hands on top of her head, as she slowed down and caught her breath, beads of sweat coating her forehead. "I don't see how people do this every day," Lei panted heavily, as Isidro walked next to her, Rocko's leash in his hand.

Isidro chuckled, passing over her water bottle. "If you're disciplined, it's not hard at all really." he said, as they paused and sat down on one of the benches in the park. He grabbed the portable water dispenser, pressing down on the button for Rocko to drink some water. "You did good though,"

"Thank you," Lei said after gulping down some of her water. Silence fell over them, birds chirping in the background, followed by children playfully screaming and laughing as they frolic on the playground. A couple of weeks ago, Soleil mentioned wanting to workout or at least start walking to Isidro.

Since he made it a habit of walking Rocko everyday, he offered to walk with her whenever she was up for it. Soleil being grateful that he would accompany her, she gracefully accepted the offer. Once she returned home, she wanted to start, feeling as if she needed another way to clear her mind.

Now that she was attending therapy, having multiple conversations with her sister and family during the rest of her stay, she decided that it was indeed time to find alternative ways to cope with the loss of her brother.

Therapy was the first step, and while she was still trying to come to terms with talking to a stranger about what she had been experiencing, she figured that she would start journaling as well.

It would be much easier to vent and put into words of how she was feeling, plus she believed if she did this, she could possibly start taking the journal with her to therapy for her therapist to read — once she was comfortable enough of course.

It was a small baby step, and only the beginning of a long everlasting road to her healing journey, but she was excited to be making some type of progress after months of being so stagnant.

"It's nice out today," Lei took in their surroundings, the light breeze blowing against their moist skin, the sun barely just peeking out from the clouds. "I swear I love the fall, it's my favorite season of the year."

"Yeah, fall is just right. Not too hot, not too cold — only thing I hate about Florida, is that it'll be cold as a muhfucka in the morning but hot as hell in the afternoon." Isidro replied, as Lei started chuckling, nodding in agreement.

"Right, I be having to plan my outfits accordingly." she said before taking another sip from her water. "So what's been up? I'm sorry we haven't been hanging out lately, been a lot of stuff going on in my life."

"Everything been straight, same ole shit. Me and ole' girl been on a few more dates," he grinned, Lei started cooing, gently pinching his cheek. He laughed, swatting her hand away.

"Aww! That's good, I'm glad it's working out. It better stay that way, cause I'll fight her if she fucks you over." she shot him a stern expression as he continued laughing, nudging her. "I'm not playing, I don't play when it comes to my friends."

"I preciate it, she a sweetheart though. She opened up to me about her past relationships, and she been did dirty, so I doubt she'll do anything to fuck me over."

"While that is true, still be cautious. Cause people who be done dirty, sometimes end up doing dirt themselves. I'll take your word for it now though," she got up from the bench, beginning to stretch as Rocko approached her, wagging his tail.

"Everything okay wit' you?" he raised an eyebrow, leaning back on the bench, resting his arms on top. Lei shrugged, standing on her tippy toes. "You know I don't like to pry, but you can always come to me if you want to talk — just like how I come to you when I needa let off steam."

"I know," she half smiled, stretching her arms back, her hands clasped together. "I don't want to talk about it, only because it's still fresh and it's still somewhat bothering me. But I'll bounce back, I just need to take my mind off it — and you're helping me do that, so."

Isidro nodded in understanding, watching as she patted her thighs to get Rocko to jump on her. "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy? Yea, you're just the sweetest dog ever," she cooed, as Rocko jumped onto her legs, standing on his hind legs.

Another thirty minutes later, after Lei and Isidro walked back to their neighborhood, they finally reached their houses. They briefly stopped in front of Isidro's house, Isidro taking off the leash on Rocko's collar and letting him into the yard.

"Thanks for walking wit' me, even tough I'm tired, I feel good — accomplished. I'm out of shape like shit, so I definitely have to discipline myself more to make this an everyday thing." Lei joked, swinging her now empty water bottle.

"No problem, if you choose to make this an every day thing, just don't walk by yourself — cause sometimes I may not be able to go wit' you. If you wanna take Rocko wit' you, just let us know. His ass love being outside," Isidro told her, reaching in to give her a hug.

"I'll keep that in mind, I'll talk to you later." she smiled, pulling away from their embrace. She waved goodbye to him as she continued walking towards her house.

However, she started to slow down as she recognized Raj's car in her driveway. He was leaning against the car, seeming to be waiting for her. She took a deep breath and approached him, leaving some space between them.

"Hey..." he finally spoke.

Lei gripped onto the strap of her water bottle tighter, clearing her throat. "Hi," she replied, breaking eye contact with him.

"Um, I-I think it's time we talked," he stammered, stuffing his hands into the pocket of his hoodie. Soleil slowly nodded, briefly looking at him.

"Do...you want to go in the house or?" she motioned towards the house. He pushed himself off of the car, beginning to walk up the driveway as Soleil followed behind him.