As I travelled to the gym where Dianne and I were training in, I kept reading the text I woke up to from Dianne:

thanks for the food not sure it rly worked but thanks. (03:32)

couldn't say it out loud ln but i said i love you to. (03:35)

c u later <3 (03:36)

That gave me hope. Determination filled me. I don't care what kind of reaction she gives me, I'm going to kiss the living daylights out of her.

I walked into the room and, spotting her, walked to her as if on a mission. I don't know what kind of expression either of us had on our faces, but I pulled her towards me, bringing her flush against my body and snaked one of my arms around her middle. With my other arm I held her head and finally I kissed her. It wasn't harsh, as if I were forcing this on her, but it was tender and loving. It spoke of longing. It spoke of lost time. I was almost coming to when I felt her respond, her tongue asking permission. I lost it again. I smiled against her kisses.

"Are you going to sue me for assault?" I asked her with probably a goofy grin on my face, eyes still shut. All I felt was her hands on my lower back (arse) and her lips on mine.

"I'm sorry for hurting you so much yesterday." I couldn't say 'that's OK' because it certainly wasn't. So I took her by the hand and we sat on the sofa in the other room.

"I'm not completely guiltless. I'm sorry too. But please tell me you've slept." She cried again and I shuffled close to her. This time, she rested her head on my shoulder. See, I was good at this. It was actually a while before Dianne could collect herself enough to start training but in the end I said, "We've got to practise our samba. What have you chopped?" We trained all day, only taking a few moments to eat and clean me up. I had far fewer nosebleeds today than I had yesterday, and I was definitely not complaining.

~—~

"YES!" I went up to Dianne and spun her round, celebrating our first complete run through of our new samba. She didn't look completely happy, but I didn't care. "We did it! Thank you so much. I'm so happy." Dianne pulled me in for a kiss. "Not now." I said. I could see the disappointment come over her, but I glanced over to the guy in the corner. "I do love you though," I whispered. "Always know that." She nodded.

"I love you too."

"Right! Let's make sure that wasn't a fluke."

At the end of the day I asked the question that had been going through my mind... "Can I, I mean could I, would you let me come back to yours?" I couldn't make out if that request was welcome so I explained flustered, "I was just thinking it might help you fall asleep, you know, if I'm there. I don't know. I mean, I won't do anything" If you don't want me to "You just might fee—" she put her finger on my mouth.

"Maybe. I mean. It might work I might fall asleep. Yes come on let's yes let's go."

We got to the front door of Dianne and Johannes' flat and I stood waiting for Dianne to find her keys in her ginourmous handbag. I shook my head and knocked on the door. Please, Johannes, be in. Mid-sentence, he opened it.

"Found it! Oh, hi Jo."

"You know, it would be easier to find if you put it in a specific compartment."

"I do. In this one." She pointed to the large compartment.

"How about putting it in that one?" I pointed to the zipped one.

"Are you two going to come inside or are you going to stay arguing by the door?" Johannes interrupted us. The two of us walked in.

"Thanks, Johannes." I looked around the flat and saw everything was clean. There wasn't any mess. This was so much tidier than the last time I came, when I told Johannes that Dianne and I had got together. "Have you lived here?" I turned to Dianne. "This place is way too tidy."

"Very funny." She took my hand and led me into her bedroom.

"That's better." I looked around her bedroom and it was a complete tip. As familiar as this was, the mess started to annoy me and I was so tempted to put her clothes away. She could see that and she did actually look embarrassed. I gave her a pleading look. Please can I tidy up? She actually took control and started folding things up. I sighed in relief and joined her silently.

After about ten minutes of putting her clothes away from her bed, it was finally neat enough to actually sleep in. "Thanks for that."

"How do you feel? Now that the bed is clear."

"A bit lighter. Can you stay with me?" She looked like Puss in Boots.

"Of course. That's what I'm here for. I'll let you get changed though. Be right back." I left the room partly to give Dianne some privacy but mostly to find Johannes. I needed to get some pointers on how to do this stupid samba. I needed to get past dad dancing and go onto Johannes dancing.

I knew I was nowhere near his calibre of dancing, but maybe I could improve. I walked around their flat trying to find him, but in the end I heard snoring. Well that scuppered my plan. I went back into Dianne's room and took off my t-shirt. She smiled when she saw me shake it off and hang it neatly on the chair by her dresser. I climbed into bed behind her.

"Stay all night?" she asked, turning to face me.

I kissed her forehead and said, "If you want." She grunted in reply. "Are you sleepy at all?" She nodded her head. "Snuggle with me then. Listen to my breathing." Sometimes that was how Zoe was able to pull out of a panic attack. I was trying to remember ways that my mum got me to sleep whilst in this position. Rub her back?

Soon she fell asleep in my arms and I soon followed.

Some time during the night I could feel tossing and turning and heard some muttering.

"Dianne?" She woke up with a jolt.

"Please. Don't go."

"Why you think that?" I asked softly, sleep still affecting my thinking processes. "Do you love me?" I meant I love her.

"I love you too." She started kissing the nearest part of me she could find, which was my shoulder. Really close to my sweaty armpits.

"You stink."

"Thanks. So do you." With that I dropped off to sleep, holding Dianne close to me.

She woke up again. "Tell me, talk to me. What's on your mind?" I rubbed my eyes, trying to wake myself up a bit.

"I'm scared."

"Of not going through?" She nodded. I wiped her tears with my thumbs. "I will be gutted if we don't go through, especially being so close to Blackpool. Is that the reason you're so" stressed wasn't a good word. "worried?"

"Yeah. I think this might be it. I keep thinking it's our time up. It's gutting because we're so close to making it to your goal. I don't want to dis..."

"No, don't. If we don't go through, it won't be your fault. It would be my fault. If anything, I'd be the one to disappoint you. You keep dumbing it down so much, so if it becomes so simple that I can't do it, well, it would be my fault, won't it?"

"I'm so sorry." I tilted her chin up and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. I could feel Dianne trying to intensify it but I pulled away from her.

"No, you're upset. I don't want it to be like that."

~—~

The next day of training was interesting. At some point Dianne had made me dance to the song by myself, being worried that I didn't know it well enough. She found it "so adorably cute" and said, optimistically, "We need to include that in our reaction video."

"IF we get through. Remember I'm not doing it if we don't get through." She could tell I was being serious. Her motto has always been "positive attracts positive" but she didn't say it this time.

~—~

Dianne and I had just finished our third camera block through and Stacey came up to us. "That wasn't bad, Joe," Stacey said after Dianne hugged me. They were both smiling after Dianne hugged me. "That wasn't even dad dancing."

"I know. I kept thinking I was Johannes. I know I'm nowhere near as good as him though."

"That was still good though," Stacey said.

"Johannes is a professional as well. He has way more experience dancing than you." A look passed between us two and I could tell we were both thinking of the same thing.

You can't keep using that line, Joe... You're not completely without experience now.

"It's good that you're aiming for Jo though. You'll get there." It was the first time since Monday I'd heard Dianne say anything that sounded like 'I believe in you.' It filled me with a warm, fuzzy feeling. Smiling like the Cheshire cat, I hugged her and whispered against the top of her head, "I love you." and I heard her say the same against my chest.

~—~

After vlogging for a little while and uploading a few instagram stories, Dianne and I went into my hotel room and she insisted on watching some of my prank videos.

"For some reason I always feel tired watching those videos."

"You can sleep if you want. We've got a busy day tomorrow."

"Yeah. An important one too." She took my hand and weaved her fingers through mine.

"You'll do great. I know you will. Just think Johannes." I nodded.

"Kiss me?" She happily obliged. "I love you so much. My heart is full to bursting, you know." She gave me a huge smile, one that filled me with happiness. If only I could make her this happy the next day...

"... dance off is." After a long beep I heard, "Joe and Dianne." No, I'd let Dianne down.

Sound cut off in my mind and before I knew it the other couple was announced...

"It's Stacey and Kevin."

"No!" I shouted really loudly. Not my sis. Anyone but my sis. I looked at Dianne with pleading eyes, What do I do? I don't want to go out, but I don't want Stacey and Kevin to go out either.

I didn't remember the steps. I stumbled around the dance floor, Dianne having to drag me around for most of it. Or telling me the steps with gritted teeth. All I could see and hear was "Stacey and Kevin..." then the red light. "Joe and Dianne" Red light. I could see in Dianne's eyes What are you doing, Joe?

Craig... mumble... "and Kevin." Darcey... beep... "Stacey and Kevin" Bruno... and why... "could dance... Stacey and Kevin." ... "Doesn't make any difference... Yes, I agree with my colleagues. Stacey and Kevin."

I felt Dianne shaking me on our last dance, slapping my face, shaking me more, "JOE! WAKE UP!" In a muffled voice and behind a high pitched beep I heard, "Why did you let me down?" More shaking.

Then a kiss. This is different. Stroking hair.

I opened my eyes and saw Dianne next to me, stroking my hair, almost looking panicked. The room was dark. She had a look of concern and a sob escaped me. She was here. She wasn't angry.

"Nightmare?"

"Understatement."

I rolled over onto her, my head on her chest and my ear over her heart. "What was it about?" She sounded curious, as if she was wondering if her dreams were anything like the one I'd just had.

"We were in the dance off with Stacey and Kevin." Her breath hitched. "You had to drag me around and everyone, all the judges, that is, picked Stacey and Kevin. I couldn't bear it if it happened like that."

She carried on stroking my hair. "No. Me neither."

"A perfect storm." Dianne had a look of confusion. "The worst possible situation." She still looked confused. "The saying 'a perfect storm' means the worst possible situation." She still didn't get it. "My nightmare is like the worst possible situation."

A few seconds later she said, "Ohhh, yeah. Yeah, it would be..." The room grew quiet. "I should probably go to my own room, shouldn't I?"

"Probably. Stay until I fall asleep?"

"I don't want to go after." She didn't sound petulant. It was as if she wanted to say I want to make sure you're OK.

"I'll be OK. If not, I'll go to your room. Next door, right?" I was falling asleep.

"Yeah." She sounded sleepy too. "It's a soooign..."