When I was five, I had the brilliant idea to jump into my grandma Theresa's pool when I had absolutely no idea how to swim. I spent a few moments frantically struggling underneath the water, trying to fight my way to the surface. When I finally made it, I was gasping for air like I had never breathed before, and my lungs felt like they were about to burst.

That's how I felt when I heard Archer speak, heard him say those words that I never, ever expected to hear from anybody I knew.

It took me several seconds to actually comprehend what Archer had said, and when I finally managed to get my composure back, it felt as if a lifetime had just passed me by.

"What?" I gasped.

Archer looked over at me, a scowl etched on his face, and for the first time, it suddenly seemed as if he was so much older than he actually was. Instead of being seventeen, it seemed as if Archer was actually a middle-aged man who had seen the horrors of the world in ways that most people can't even begin to comprehend.

A teenage guy taking on two jobs, taking care of his mother, grandmother, and three little sisters? Archer Morales wasn't anybody you could exactly call normal, that was for sure.

Right then, I wanted to heal his own wounds, and forget everything else in the world that had ever given either of us trouble.

"Ever heard of Patrick St. Pierre?" Archer said dryly, staring down at his feet again.

I shook my head. "No."

Archer blew out a sigh, leaning forward on his knees so his head was resting in his hands. "Well, that asshole of a man is my dad. And because my asshole of a dad, April, May, and June have never met their father."

I was fairly certain my jaw hit the ground as I stared at Archer in horror.

There were a lot of things in this universe I knew to be crazy, unpredictable, and awful. But this? What Archer had just told me? That had to be one of the worst things to ever happen to somebody.

"E-Excuse me?" I croaked, gripping my jacket sleeves tightly. "Did I hear that correctly?"

Archer jumped to his feet and started pacing in front of me, his hands clasped behind his back.

"My mom met my dad in high school. They went to JFK, too. And my mom ended up getting pregnant with me right after they graduated, so they had this shot-gun wedding and moved in together, which ended up being a total disaster, because, like I said earlier, my dad's an asshole. I don't have that much memories of him, but hell, the ones I do? The guy was completely awful. He used to kick my mom around all the time, and even though I was really little, I tried to stand up for her, and ended up getting kicked around a lot myself. I hated that man from the second I laid eyes on him, I'm positive of it."

My heart was starting to pound erratically against my chest, and there was a buzzing noise in my ears. Just how was I supposed to react to this? I'd never exactly been told anything like this before, so it was a little more than disconcerting.

Even though it seriously sucked to admit it, I doubted there was anything I could say that would possibly calm Archer down, or make him see some sort of point that it wasn't going to do him any good to have a complete breakdown in the middle of Central Park.

But I already knew that he didn't talk about himself or what was going on with him at all, so I decided then and there that I was going to just sit back and let him vent about anything he needed to.

"What happened after that?" I muttered, taking a deep breath.

"My mom and I went to live with my grandma," Archer answered in a steely voice. "My mom divorced my dad and got a restraining order against him, but that sure as hell didn't stop him. He used to show up at odd hours of the day, banging on our front door and demanding that my mom let him see me, that she wasn't going to be able to take me away from him or something like that. I don't really remember."

Wow. What an asshole.

"But April, May, and June have a different dad?" I said slowly.

Archer nodded, continuing his frantic pacing. "My mom met their dad when I was nine, I think, and Chris was sure as hell a better guy for my mom than my dad was."

"So, he was the good guy," I mused aloud.

"Yeah," Archer agreed. "He was. He cared about my mom a lot and used to help out at the coffee house as much as he could. He was a better father to me than my own biological dad."

I remained silent, my hands clasped together tightly on my lap. I felt awful that I was listening to Archer speak with sick fascination, but I wasn't so sure if I even wanted to hear anything else about what had happened with Archer. And his little sisters and Regina?

I really wanted to cry my eyes out and hug Archer to me as close as possible at the same time. Both of those things would probably get me more trouble than I would ever ask for.

"But April, May, and June?" I pressed quietly, staring down at my hands.

"A pleasant surprise," Archer sighed. "Don't get me wrong, I love my little sisters to death, even if they are annoying little brats, but life sure as hell got ten times more complicated after they were born."

I bit my lip, taking deep breaths to try and calm myself.

"What happened then?" I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

At first I thought that Archer didn't hear me. His back was turned to me, but I could tell that his head was tilted back so that he was looking up at the night sky. But a few moments later, when he turned back around, I could tell he had definitely heard me.

Maybe it was because of the way I'd sounded, or maybe it was just because Archer was sick of talking. He probably spoke as much as he did these past few minutes in an entire year.

"Forget it, Hadley," he muttered, squeezing his eyes shut, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Just forget it. You don't need to hear my poor little sob story."

"Is that what you think?"

I didn't know how it happened, but suddenly I was on my feet, squaring off in front of him, very pissed off again.

"Think what?" Archer demanded, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.

"That I'm listening to you talk merely for my own enjoyment? That I'm going to be thoroughly overjoyed that nothing like that has ever happened to me before?"

I could've slapped myself. Where the hell was this coming from? I had no idea what I was talking about.

"You're not making any sense, Hadley," Archer said, his lips pressed together in a tight line. "So stop talking about things you don't understand. "

God, he was right.

"Look, either way you slice it, it still wouldn't do you any harm to open up more like this," I said, clearing my throat, dropping my gaze to my feet.

"To you, maybe? Is that what you're getting at?"

"Why not?" I said, still staring at my feet. "We're friends, aren't we?"

"Oh, I suppose so," Archer sighed heavily, sounding a bit dramatic.

My lips twitched as I tried to fight back a smile. The serious air that had fallen on us had let up a little, but the mood wasn't entirely gone yet. I had a feeling that this wasn't the last time we were going to be talking about this. But the next time that was going to happen? I had no idea.

Why had he suddenly changed the subject? He might have been trying to downplay everything, but it wasn't working very well. Was what happened to his family really that bad?

"Are you okay, Archer?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

I lifted my head to look at him, and saw that he was watching me with a curious look on his face, his lips titled down in a frown just the slightest bit.

"I'm fine," he answered in a stony voice. "What else would I be?"

"No, I mean, really," I said quickly. "Are you okay?"

"Does it matter?" he asked me scathingly.

"Yes. It does."

Archer stared down at me in surprise, his eyes wide, and I, like an idiot, blushed bright red.

"Fine," he said after a moment. "I'm fine."

He tried to sound more convincing the second time around, but he didn't really succeed. Of course I wanted to interrogate him further, but I knew that probably wasn't going to go over so well with him.

I was struck then with an idea then that was probably considered pretty stupid. I don't know where the idea came from, but I decided to go with it.

"Come with me," I said, reaching out to grab his hand.

Before he could object, I started dragging him back down the sidewalk, a destination fixed firmly in my mind.

"Where are we going?" Archer demanded, sounding annoyed.

I tried to keep my heart from pounding against my chest, since I was more or less holding hands with him, and ignored his question. He would occasionally keep asking in an annoyed voice where we were going, but I kept ignoring him. If I told him where we were going, he definitely would have objected.

"Oh, no," Archer all but shouted, yanking his hand back from mine. "I am not going to the zoo with you."

"Come on, Archer!" I exclaimed, sounding like a little kid. "The zoo is so much fun! And you definitely need to have a good time!"

"But the zoo?"

I stopped walking at the front gates of the Central Park Zoo and turned around to stare at Archer with wide eyes.

Had Archer Morales seriously just whined?

"What?" Archer snapped, his lips pursed.

I shook my head, holding up a hand to cut him off. "Come on, just do me this one. I owe you for burning your hand earlier."

And it was the least he could do after telling me all of what he did and then suddenly ending the conversation, right? That was probably a little below the belt, but it was worth a shot, wasn't it?

"Please, spare me," Archer said, rolling his eyes. "You don't need to repay me with a trip to the zoo. I hate shitty animals."

I ignored him, gripping his hand again as I yanked him towards the ticket booth. Archer stood behind me, no doubt sulking as I handed over a twenty dollar bill to the attendant and getting two tickets in return.

"I swear, you'll be the death of me one day, Hadley," Archer muttered sullenly as he slouched along behind me.

I had to fight back the urge to turn around and punch him or hug him at the same time. That was one of the things that sucked about being around Archer. Everything that I felt always seemed to be so messed up and didn't make any sense whatsoever.

I supposed it was just a hazard of being around him, though.

I handed over my and Archer's tickets to the attendant at the front gates, and then I had to start dragging him along again, since he was putting up another fight, of course.

Since it was a Sunday night, the place wasn't too terribly crowded, but apparently there were enough people there for Archer to start shooting shifty looks towards anyone that just so happened to glance our way.

I bit back a sigh. Typical Archer.

"Come on," I said, trying to force some cheeriness into my voice. "I've got somewhere I want to take you."

"This better be worth my time, Jamison," Archer grumbled, looking very annoyed.

If you like penguins, that is, I thought with a mental eye roll.

I dragged Archer towards one of those concession stands that sold snacks and drinks and bought the two of us some hot chocolate. The girl behind the stand looked to be a little older than Archer and me, not to mention very, very bored, but an interested sort of look came into her eyes as she watched us.

"It's kind of a cold night for a date, isn't it?" she said nonchalantly as she poured our hot chocolate.

"What?" I gasped, feeling the air being knocked out of me all at once.

This girl thought Archer and I were dating? She thought that Archer was my boyfriend?

Archer reached out and thumped me on my back when it became obvious I was more or less choking for no reason whatsoever.

"We're not dating," he said dryly. "We're just friends."

The girl stared blankly at the two of us for a moment before she cracked a smirk, popping a lid on one of the hot chocolate cups. "Right. If you say so."

You probably could have fried an egg on my face from how bright red I was at the moment. How more embarrassing was this night going to get?

Good grief.

I accepted my hot chocolate with quiet gratitude while Archer grabbed his without so much as a thanks, and then I was all but sprinting away from the snack cart, anxious to get away from the place. Hell would probably freeze over before Archer and I ever dated.

I bit back a heavy sigh. Woe is me.

"You going to tell me where we're going now, Jamison?"

I glanced over at Archer as he slouched along beside me, sipping at his hot chocolate. "We're going to see the penguins."

That probably surprised Archer more than it should have, considering he stopped in his tracks to stare at me with his eyebrows raised. "Penguins?"

I couldn't help but smirk as I took a slurp of my delicious hot chocolate. "You have a problem with penguins, Morales?"

"No," he fired back. "I just don't understand why on Earth you would pay twenty dollars to see penguins."

I shrugged. "They're cute."

"Whatever, Jamison."

"Just humor me, Morales."

We walked along in silence, making our way towards the penguin house that was near the middle of the zoo. I practically knew the way by heart, I'd been here so many times. I used to come to Central Park and the zoo with my parents nearly every Sunday, back when we still used to go to church. The penguin exhibit had always been my favorite, and I had no idea why. There was just something about penguins that made me smile. Whenever we did go to the zoo, I used to spend most of my time there. Sure, it smelt kind of weird and it was dark, but it was a great place to go and think. And penguins were undeniably cute, too.

Just as I was expecting, the penguin house was empty when Archer and I arrived. There was a row of concrete stadium seats for visitors across from the entire wall of glass that looked into the penguin exhibit, which was where I lead Archer. I took a seat up at the top of the bleachers, gripping my hot chocolate tightly so I wouldn't spill it.

Archer sat beside me, putting as much distance between the two of us as he could without seeming rude. I tried not to let this bother me so much.

I leaned back against the concrete wall, sipping at my hot chocolate, watching the penguins behind the glass windows. They were flapping around and squawking like most penguins did, but that was the entire point I came to see them anyways.

Silence that wasn't totally uncomfortable fell upon us. I didn't have to look at Archer to know that he was undoubtedly thinking about something. People normally had long thinking sessions whenever they came to the penguin house, and that was excatly what I was doing at the moment.

It was safe to say that my thoughts were firmly directed towards what Archer had just told me, not fifteen minutes ago.

It was hard enough for me to believe that there were people in the world that actually had the capacity to kill someone, but it was even worse, actually hearing first hand what it was like knowing someone capable of something so heinous.

I had no idea what to think of everything. Everything in my mind was so jumbled at the moment I was feeling a little dizzy.

How on Earth did Archer manage to live like this, with everything that had happened to him resting on his shoulders?

"What are we really doing here, Hadley?"

I jerked in surprise at Archer's voice and turned to stare at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Archer gave me a pointed look as he sipped at his hot chocolate. "The penguin house? Central Park Zoo? Hot chocolate? What are you trying to do, make me feel better about the shitty things that have happened in my life?"

Maybe.

"No," I said, blowing out a sigh. "I'm trying to make me feel better."

Even if I wasn't particularly close with my father, I still couldn't imagine not having him in my life. April, May, and June were so little and they didn't even know their father. That was something I couldn't even imagine.

Those little girls were too sweet to have something like that happen to them when they were so young.

And Archer....well, he didn't deserve any of this, either.

"Don't ever pity me," Archer snapped all of a sudden, catching me off guard. "Just because bad things have happened in my life doesn't give you the right to feel sorry for me."

My natural reaction, of course, was to shout back at him about how ridiculous he was being. That wouldn't exactly go over too well this time, however.

"I don't feel sorry for you," I said, swallowing hard. "I want to help you."

I'd muttered that last bit into my hot chocolate, so I wasn't expecting him to have heard me, but of course he did. Instead of saying anything rather rude in response, like I was expecting him to do, he just remained quiet. In fact, he remained quiet for quite a while. He stood up and walked over to the trash bin by the entrance to chuck his empty cup of hot chocolate away without saying anything.

His lips were pressed together in a tight line and his face was set in a hard expression as he sat back down beside me. And maybe it was just my imagination or complete hopelessness, but he might've been sitting a little closer to me this time.

"You know what they say about penguins, right?" I blurted out of the blue, staring over at Archer.

Archer gave me one of his "looks", one of his eyebrows raised. "Enlighten me."

"Some penguins spend their entire lives searching for their mate. You know, that perfect somebody. And they keep looking and looking and when they finally find them, they spend the rest of their lives together until one of them dies.....or something."

I felt my face radiating heat like a lamp after those incredibly stupid words came out of my mouth. I was half expecting Archer to burst out laughing and call me a lunatic or something, but he didn't. I watched him cautiously out of the corner of my eye, waiting for him to say something that would make me go want to bury myself under a rock.

"Humans aren't capable of loving like that," he finally said as he leaned back against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

Okay, so that was the last thing I'd been expecting to hear him say.

"I don't think that's true," I said slowly, biting my lip. "Maybe people just never find their penguins."

Archer turned to me with an exaggered look of fascination on his face. "Have you found your penguin, Hadley?"

"N-No," I blurted, my face turning even redder. "But I'm only sixteen, so I guess I have a while, right?"

"Right," Archer agreed sarcastically.

I scowled at him and shoved him off the bench.

So maybe things weren't entirely perfect between us, and maybe I was never going to know what had happened between Archer and his father, but for now, it was a start, right?

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