All dolled up with heavy makeup to hide my red eyes and messed up face I sit there looking like a bride, infront of the groom whose face shows no emotions but I can tell he is killing me his mind in many different ways or maybe he already murdered Zaina, I wouldn't be shocked if he did.

My heart is terribly shaking at the thought getting married, I feel like I am entering a hell, it's difficult for me And I know that. I am not like other kids who playfully slaps their husband and laugh, I freaking can't stand infront of a guy, hell, I can't even make an eye contact for more 5 seconds or else goosebumps rushes through my body!! I am not freaking joking!! Well, I can't yell this out loud I am coward in telling out such things.

Gosh, I again repeat I hate my freaking sister!!

I squeeze my fingers out of nervousness twisting them from left to right and my heart literally jumps out of my chest when I hear the Qazi's voice.

Allah, are you really doing this to me? I know I need to get married one day, but like this? Why? This is not fair! I did not even prepare a decent signature! Don't do this to me!

Please send your angels to take me away from this cruel world...I am scared.

Let me tell you something talking to Allah is like the bestest thing you can ever discover. Just sit in your place or in the prayer mat and just talk to him tell him what you feel. Like if you want to say how stupid and irritating your sibling is or how hard you worked and then got nothing or how your mother is being overdramatic and partial or just anything and I promise you, you will feel so less weighted and happy that finally it came out your chest and I am telling you, if you pour all your heart you can literally feel him telling him 'it's okay darling', I am not lying or making up stories, it is freaking true. Even if you are way to happy and just want to scream to the world and tell gosh I am so happy but then you think they will roll their eyes and tell she is such a drama then you've got Allah their who will smile back at you if you talk him and will say 'go on girl, do more great things and be happy'.

With my eyes closed shut I sit there quietly to not cry while mentally praying that I should die this instant, I do not have any sense of my surroundings until I hear a stern 'yes' when the kaazi asked if he is willing to marry me. The names in the Nikkah naama has changed, and about the invitation it is rule in our family to not put the brides name but just the family name or Ahmad's daughter weds Ayaan Yusuf Khan.

It is printed as that but by now almost all close relative must be aware of the drama my lovely sis created.

My hands tremble and my whole body shakes when they walk towards me with those papers to sign.

My dad asks in a low week voice if I accept this marriage and I let out 'yes' in a whisper which was not even audible to me, he hands me the pen and I don't know what to do.

"Sign here sweetheart" he holds my hand when he sees how hard it's trembling. I hold the pen tight but I forgot how to sign, I can't even remember my name.

A sob leaves my lips and abbu quickly hugs me, I dig my face in his torso but try to calm myself, but soon ammi rubs my back trying her best to calm me and so I do.

I take a deep breath before mentally fighting on choosing which sign I should use—the cursive one which I tried for 10th board was liked by everyone, let's use that, I gulp before pressing the pen on the paper and scribbling my sign and immediately a curse leaves my lips when I see the ugliest sign ever beside a beautifully amazingly professional sign below mine. I have many things to worry about now but still I am worrying about a damn sign. God he for sure will think I am an uneducated fellow just by taking a glance at my 3rd class writing.

Dad whispers something which I was not able to hear before he leaves and when the Qaazi said "Alhamdulillah Ayaan Yusuf khan is now married to Kniza Ayaan Yusuf khan" my whole world stops, they literally changed my name in a freaking second.

Ammi hugs me tightly when she sees me sobbing ever so quietly. "I am sorry baby" she mumbles and that made me cry more. I shake my head but do not break the hug.

She presses a kiss on my forehead before cupping my face "stop crying baby" she wipes my tears and shakes her head telling me I shouldn't cry. I nod but could not control the tears.

As she leaves me Farrah takes me into a tight hug and when she sobs at my pathetic fate, I do the same.

And just like that one by one greets me and congratulates me, almost people do not know that I was not the bride because engagement was done in a very simple way just so the bride and groom can meet and talk they did the engagement so not everybody is looking at me with pity face.

After Nikkah ammi brings me to the stage where the groom is already present my eyes are not leaving the white floor. I am not able to look at them.

Fathima aunty is being the sweetest out of all she keeps praising me and telling everyone how lucky she is for having me as her daughter in law, she does not miss a second to not hug me or share her motherly warmth.

When I was in the middle of the stage fathima aunty quickly rushes towards us to take me with her.

"Come on darling" she makes me sit beside the groom, and I am already fainting because there is only few inches gap between us!! Gosh this world is cruel first they do not even let me look at a guy and all of the sudden they are tying me with an unknown person and even making me sit beside him.

I chew my inner cheeks out of nervousness, but to my greatest surprise I do not faint. As time passes everyone congratulated us and even few decent people gifted us, I love gifts!

I smile at everyone who passes by, everything is fake only the nervousness is real.

The groom sitting beside me has been put on mute from past 30 minutes. I just want to know how his voice is and this damn guy is not even opening his mouth.

Not even letting out a 'Walaikum asalam' disrespectful guy. I knew he is boring but maybe he is just trying to hide his emotions behind that stern face.

I feel like shit, just like the same whole shit I felt when I was in high school when they made me feel abandoned.

I just want to leave this place, I feel suffocated and humiliated as time passes. I swear if I find Zaina I am not gonna leave her, atleast not before suffocating her with my hands for making me feel like shit.

She was the only whom I actually talked to and looked at with soft eyes, she could have said me if she had a bitch to move on with, she shouldn't have done this.

Fuck this marriage, fuck my life, I just want to go jump in a river and die, rather than feeling like I am no worth to get married.

I know I don't know what smile is, I know I am freaking jerk when it comes to expressing emotions but I was trying only for her and that little hope I got from her to change myself from a emotionless jerk to a normal human has been crushed and killed.

I am really sorry for this girl who is sitting beside and crying nonstop, because of her sister her marriage life is ruined, I am no where gonna see her as my wife, of course I cannot, only anger is building up my vines when I see her and her family so this marriage is just gonna be in papers, and it won't mean anything to me.

When I hear the girl who looks so small than me sniff and sob quietly I feel like jerking her head up and yelling at her to stop crying like a freaking kid because it sounds so annoying to me.

But I gulp everything and sit there holding my head.

I look at her with an annoyed face even though I am not able to see her face cause she is looking down her lap and a thin veil is covering her head.

"Can you stop crying for a damn second" I mutter with an eye roll but hear her gasping in surprise, she doesn't say anything and now I regret telling her anything cause she is not even breathing or more like trying her best to breath slowly.

We are sitting side by side, I can clearly hear her fast breathe from crying and now she is even controlling her breathe, gosh If she even controls her breathe she will die out of suffocation one day.

I stand up to leave the poor soul alone but walk towards my brother who is standing in the corner using his phone.

Another gasp leaves her lips when I stand up quickly, why is she gasping in surprise so much?

"Hey brother" Rayyan grins at me and I only nod but tuck my hands in pocket to look around "I know I am younger than you and my words won't worth much but brother that girl who sitting there" he points at Kinza who is now surrounded by a bunch of girl.

So I keep my eyes on her and when a girl who rushes towards her as if was waiting for me to leave so she could be with her pulls her viel up only to come in view with a red nose and wet face my heart clenches and a familiar feeling of pain takes over my heart which I tried my best to ignore, how much did she cry?

The girl quickly hugs her but breaks the hug soon to wipe her tears, she has a very cute face pale bright skin with beautiful big doe eyes and a button nose, whose tip is red from crying and sniffing.

A perfect jawline yet she has a round face. she does not look anything compared to her sister, her sister was elegant she had a sharp perfect jawline, beautiful thin eyes which had all the beauty hidden in it and which also caught my sight at first look. Her sister was no where near cute but she looked more like a model and this girl looks like a cute nerd and I hate nerds.

"Brother??" Rayyan taps my shoulder to get my attention and my jaw clenches when I remember I was narrating about her freaking sister who left in the day of our marriage.

I clear my throat but peek at him asking him to continue "I was telling just look at that girl, she looks so innocent, I know everything is so hard for you to digest but bro she did nothing but accepted the marriage just so we do not face humiliation" he speaks like a mature kid but I do not reply my eyes fixed on Kinza's which are glistening as she is speaking to her cousin almost like she is rambling up whatever is in her heart from the way her mouth is moving fast I can tell she is complaining about how rude I am.

"Bro, I am not telling you to act all lovely towards her but please don't ignore her or be rude towards her, if she cannot be your wife she can be your friend right? She looks like she does not even know what is happening in her life, and all of a sudden she is tied up with you who was soon to be his brother in law, it is hard for her too so just don't make her feel like its all her mistake" he completes his speech but receives nothing from me in return.

I stand there quietly but I do not deny any of his word, he is right, she is nowhere to be accused about, she is innocent but I can't do anything, I don't make friends so I won't be doing in future too.

A sigh leaves his lips at me silence "Let's go, it's time to leave" he walks away so I turn to look at kinza who is standing up with the help of her Mom, she turns to look at me and our eyes meet for a quick second but she is faster than anyone to look away with red cheeks but I hear mom waving at me.

I breathed out but walk towards the women who is forcing me to many things.

I stand few steps away from the little crowd of girls who are hugging and bidding good bye to the bride who again starts crying.

Gosh...stop crying, for godsake.

Ammi who always wants me to jump into everything that happens pulls me towards the crowd ignoring the glare I am shooting towards her.

"Groom looks good when he is with his bride" she winks at me and everyone giggles at her sentence.

I try to balance myself and not fall on the girl when ammi literally pushes me towards kinza.

"Hold her hand darling" gosh, not this shit now. Before they could fake beg I quickly take her small hand in mine but feel her flinching at my sudden touch.

I couldn't help but feel surprised at the softness of her pale hands and how small it looks compared to my big rough ones.

Her dad walks in with glistening eyes, it must be hard for this poor man too but not as hard as it is for me. He smiles at me and I force myself to return one but quickly break our eye contact "please take care of her" he whispers but holds our hand in his so I give him a no but before I could let it out in words a soft yet broken voice was heard "Abbu" kinza cries and moves forward to hug the old man who rubs her back to calm her.

"I am sorry and I love you" he whispers so only she could here and my heart clenches at this hard moment of father and daughter, I try to move away so they could talk a little longer but feel tight grip on my hand, I look down to see Kinza squeezing my hand unknowingly cause I know she won't do that with full sense.

Her hand is extremely soft against my skin and she must be the first women whose hand I am holding and this sends a tingling sensation through my veins, I ignore the urge of caressing my thumb on her knuckles to calm her from sobbing so much.

I turn around to not look at her mentally requesting her to leave my hand cause I hate this new freaking feeling of her soft touch against my rough skin.

But when I turn I only fall upon my brother grinning at me but secretly shows me a thumbs up followed by a wink as he eyes our now intertwined hands.

Gosh not this now.

I ignore his bright ugly grin which is disturbing my mind but try to focus on something else.

"Ayaan?" I quickly turn around when I hear my name being called by Kinza's mother "yes?" I raise my eyebrow but quickly make a normal face when I myself found it inappropriate and rude at this moment "please take care of my daughter" she speaks in a low voice.

"She is sometimes playful and umm annoying but don't get mad at her she is the cutest and most kindest when it comes in loving someone" her daughter literally whines at her mom's comment and I am so close to chuckle when kinza slaps her mom's arm in a playful manner but hugs her with one hand.

I smile at them but nod at what she said "I'll try my best" yeah I can only try not gonna promise anything.

She looks satisfied by my answer so she moves and asks us to walk towards the car but I can feel the girl beside me shuddering and that makes me feel so bad for dragging her into my mess.

She is still crying silently but now she stays close or more like the aunties beside her are pushing her towards me and she looks so small beside, gosh I feel like I am married to a kid. She is just 20 freaking years old.

Like a gentlemen I open the car door and she quickly sits but her eyes widens in surprise when she looks down at our hands and without any other thought she retreats her hand from mine and I am so close to chuckle at her cute scared face as if she did a big sin she looks down her lap and fiddles with her finger nervously

I close the door and walk towards the other side to sit and soon our driver drives away.

I can't believe in just few hours I was humiliated, a freaking women made me feel like shit and now I am sitting beside her sister who is married to me. Sometimes life sucks.