《Love Joshua》2. Request
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Миний орсон ангид миний өмнөх сургуулиас ганц ч хүүхэд байгаагүй нь жаахан хэцүү байсан ч над дээр ирж инээмсэглэсэн охинтой би найзууд болсон юм.
Дунд сургуулиас минь энэ сургуульд орсон хүүхэд байхгүй байгаад би жаахан үгүй ээ бүр үнэхээр их гайхаж байна.
Сүёон бол өнөөдөр миний найзалсан дулаахан инээмсэглэлтэй жижигхэн охин. Би түүнийг дооглох гээгүй юм шүү! Тэр зүгээр л үнэхээр эгдүүтэй жижигхэн л гэх гэсэн юм. Тэр магадгүй 156 гарч яваа байх харин би 167 шүү дээ. 11 см-н ялгаа үнэхээр их гэдгийг би сая л ойлгосон юм.
Эхний өдөр болохоор хичээл нээх их оролгүй бид эрт тарсан. Сүёон намайг дагуулан сургуулиар явж байлаа. Учир нь бид хоёр хоёулаа энэ сургуулийг сонирхож байсан юм. Бүр өнцөг булан бүрийг нь...
Харин би тэгэж явах даа түүнийг харсан. Хун Жисү.
Сургуулийн 3 давхарын цонхон дээр гадагш харан, хана налан зогсох нь үнэхээр ойрын хэдэн жил ингэж түргэн цохьлоогүй зүрх минь надаас 10 алхмын зайтай зогсох тэр хүртэл сонсохоор цохилж байсан юм.
Хацар минь халуу шатаж улайж байгааг би мэдэж байсан түүнээс харцаа салгах ёстойгоо мэдэж байсан ч би огт хөдлөхгүй байна. Бие болоод тархи мөн зүрх минь надад үл захирагдана.
Ингэж байхдаа л би түүнтэй харц тулгарсан юм. Түүний дөлгөөхөн тайван харц намайг ширтэж байна гэхэд л хамаг биений шар үс босож улайж байсан хацар минь бүр ч улайн боловсорч гүйцсэн улаан лооль шиг л болчихсон гэдгийг би үнэхээр сайн мэдэрч байна.
Түүнээс холдон Сүёоныг даган булангын анги хүртэл алхаад л бид буцсан учир нь сургууль 3 давхар бас тэр буланд дээвэрлүү гарах шат байж бид хоёр гарах гэсэн ч цоожтой байсан болохоор л буцахаар шийдсэн юм.
Би Жисүгийн зогсож байсан цонхон дээр ирсэн ч тэр байсангүй. Явчихсан бололтой.
Сүёоны гэр манай гэрээс маш хол бүр нөгөө талд минь баыдаг болохоор бид хоёрын зам нийлэлгүй хоёр тийш саллаа.
Гэртээ өдрийн цайны үеэр л ирчихсэн тул өрөөндөө орон хувцасаа солин утсаараа оролдоно. Миний фб хаягт онц сонин юм байхгүй болохоор зүгээр л фийд ээ доош нь гүйлгэнэ.
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lovely | poetry
Sometimes my voice dies in my throat, buries itself beneath waves of crippling suffocation, burns itself out as cold hands tear at my laced skin. I have smiled while my eyes have cried and pleaded, my wrists numb, my lips wobbling and blue, and stars escaping this dark night that I'm trapped in. I long for a darkness that gives way to light. But I do feel the warmth of petals gathering and scattering in my cold bones, and imagine the touch and the sweetness of a kiss, and my heart rises to the surface of this sea and finds a sky painted by passing artists remaining far above our heads. I'm breathing out all the words I've kept locked under the pages of my breaking mind. And by doing so, I'm going to heal.TRIGGER WARNINGS: depression, anxiety, self harm, suicidal thoughts, OCD, panic attacks
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