WEEKS: 29-34

I had been great in avoiding Jordan for days and days. We didn't go out to eat and I pretended not to be home every time he wanted to come over. I was going to have to see him the next day because we had another appointment, and he wasn't happy about me avoiding him for weeks. The truth was, I really needed those days to relax, and as the days turned into weeks and I realized I was nowhere near being ready to give birth to a child, anxiety kicked in and I couldn't bear to look into his face. Even Eva had yelled at me for giving Jordan the cold shoulder, but I couldn't help it, it was my defense mechanism!

So, eight weeks in and my belly was a tiny bump – kinda like if I had had a bigger meal. I was blotted, constipated, not sleeping... Yep, not sexy at all, not comfortable either. I was waking every hour or so to go pee, my back hurt, my breasts were getting bigger and sore, and my mood was awful.

Daddy was quiet across the table. He was reading his newspaper as usual, while eating a bit of food now and then. I was sure the best was to wait until my twelfth week to start telling people, but it still made me feel like I was being deceitful.

"How... is everything, dad?"

"Fine, fine. Same old." He shrugged, turning the page on the newspaper "With you?"

"All good. I took a couple of weeks off work, to rest."

"Oh? I didn't know that, I thought you were too busy to pop by." He looked surprised "Are you ok?"

"Yes, fine." I assured him quickly, his blue eyes staring into mine "Just wanted some time to rest."

"Where did you travel to this time?"

"Oh, nowhere. I just stayed in" I shrugged.

Benjamin Conrad didn't have one of the most successful real-estate businesses in the country by being stupid. He frowned deeply as he stared at me. The wrinkles around his eyes were more obvious like that. Yep, he was definitely suspicious.

"What do you mean, you stayed in? Violet, are you ill?" He muttered, suddenly turning as pale as a corpse "You're not ok. What's happening?"

"Calm down, dad." I muttered, blushing "I'm fine, really."

"You're not fine. You've been moody and a quick trigger; you haven't even tried the wine! Every time we meet you look pale or worse, a sick shade of green. I've been trying to let it go and decided that if it was something serious, you would let me know... But it's been weeks and you haven't said a thing!"

I rubbed my eyes at that. Shit... I was going to have to tell him, wasn't I? I set the napkin over the long table, walked across it to the other end taking my chair with me. I sat next to my dad ad held his hands – they were shaking. The last time I had seen him like that was when mom and my brother Sam had died.

"Daddy..." I started, with a heavy sigh; his blue eyes were terrified "Nothing is up. Well... nothing bad at least. I just... wanted to wait to tell you, but I hate seeing you like this."

He waited. A tiny frown was set between his brows.

"I'm... pregnant, Daddy."

Benjamin was quiet for the longest time. His eyes were a bit wide, his mouth set in a harsh line, and his hands tensed around mine.

"I'm having a baby. You're going to be a grandad" I continued; ok, either he was going to start yelling, or I was walking away because I had no other ways of telling him.

His hands left mine and I prepared myself for the yelling and the disappointment. I actually closed my eyes when he moved back. I felt his arms coming around my shoulders, as he held me tightly to his chest. I heard him cry in almost silence, and felt his shoulders shake. I found myself tearing up as well, but with a smile, as I hugged him back.

"Your mother would be so happy for you" He whispered, as we embraced at the dining table.

Well, this wasn't normal for our weird father-daughter relationship. I was definitely expecting the yelling the 'I'm disappointed' speech, not a hug, a good father-daughter cry and a tender moment.

"You didn't even introduce me to your boyfriend."

I tensed at that. Shit... Yeah, that was going to be the tender spot, wasn't it?

"Well..." I cleaned my throat and winced at his watery blue eyes and incredibly hopeful and happy face "That's no good, is it?! I will talk to him and we can all have dinner together, ok?"

What?!

Later that day, I texted Jordan back. It was only fair to let him know my dad knew, right?

I even gave him a smiley face, hoping he would forgive me for my MIA way of being.

I sighed at that. I hated being the center of attention, but this was Jordan child as well, and I needed to let him celebrate his own way.

He was quiet for like fifteen minutes, and I frowned at that, reading a book in bed. Hum... he was always so quick to reply to any of my texts. Fair enough, I had been a bit low key and ignoring many of his texts, taking forever to get to my phone or even calling him back; still, there was no need for him to-

Shit. I wanted to punch myself in the face for the flutter in my belly – and no, that wasn't the baby, couldn't put the blame on him/her. What do you reply to that? Certainly not 'Miss you too!', but in a way... I did. He was charming, sweet, funny, talented... I just... I guess, thinking about him and his family/friends and then... me and my family... we were so different. I could not believe I felt embarrassed for him. Because of his looks and his job? Maybe... Well, definitely!

Ok, it was harsh but at least that gave me a few good hours until I had to face that. I closed my eyes, switching the bedside lamp off, ready for a good night's sleep – or another fail attempt.

***

I was tapping my foot to no rhythm as I waited for Jordan at Dr. Celia's office. He was late, and I was starting to get a bit pissy about that. I was about to call him when he barged into the waiting room, panting and holding a nice bouquet of flowers. I blushed and my anger dissipated.

"Sorry, I'm late. A client took longer than expected, then traffic..." He sighed, handing me the flowers "I found this lady selling them around the corner, so I thought... Yeah, sorry."

"It's ok." I smiled a bit, smelling the roses "Thank you... How have you been?"

"Well, you know." He shrugged, with a tense smile "Ok. How have you been?"

"Tired, honestly." I sighed, feeling my knees complain "Sleepy. Can't sleep very well at the moment. I have to pee all the time. Sorry..." I blushed as he laughed.

"Nah, go ahead, tell me everything. I don't get spoked easily" He assured me, gesturing for both of us to take a seat on the white sofas.

The receptionist continued to take calls and type in her state of the art desktop. The office was very sterile, white and metal and light. Everything was white and light. It was freaky to me.

"Sorry about... Yeah." I shrugged, caressing my flowers; they were silky and smelled amazing "I'm not good with... any kind of relationship – ask my dad."

I chuckled but winced as I remembered the promise I made to my dad to introduce him to Jordan. Well, Jordan was going to love that!

"I have to be honest with you, Violet-"

"Miss Conrad" The Receptionist interrupted, and I honestly wanted to strangle her with my necklace! "Dr. Celia is ready for you."

We walked into Dr. Celia's white office, and she got up to smile and shake our hands.

"Welcome back." She greeted "Take a seat. Well, that's four weeks gone by! How are we feeling today? I see your entourage has thinned down."

"The godmother is busy at work" I smiled, and thank God for that.

"Well, how have you been feeling in the last weeks?" Dr. Celia asked.

"Tired." I smiled "Very tired. I've read it's normal. I've been good with my hydration and my food. I've kept to my sleeping schedules, and I've tried my best not to overdo myself at work."

"She tried her best" Jordan tossed.

"Did you pick up on that as well?" Dr. Celia chuckled at him "Ok. You're a working woman, a businesswoman, you won't stop your work and I respect that. As long as you keep all your other aspects of life balanced, there should be no problem. However, I would like for you to start thinking about Pilates and yoga for pregnant women. It's great for relaxing your body and muscles, and to start preparing your whole body for the birth."

I nodded. That was good thinking actually. She took us into the ultrasound room and I lay on the table. Jordan stood next to me again, his big hand on my shoulder for comfort, and I think to just feel in contact with the baby.

"Ok. Spread your legs." Dr. Celia asked as she put her gloves on "Ok, let's see if we can hear your baby's heartbeat today."

Jordan's hand tightened on my shoulder. This was it, wasn't it? One of the big ones; if there was no heartbeat, it could be game over for us.

"Alright, just relax," She said, and showing me the transvaginal ultrasound wand; my insides twitch in pain "this won't be the worst. We'll talk about pain in thirty-something weeks" She dared to grin at me.

Ok, deep breaths. She looked for the embryo, and there it was. I couldn't hold my gasp. It was tiny, like a bean, but you could clearly see a head and tiny legs and arms, a bit wobbly and uncoordinated. I felt like I was going to cry.

"And" Dr. Celia smiled, clicking a button on her massive ultrasound machine "here's your baby's heart."

The thump-thump was incredibly fast, and my whole body felt warm and cozy at that. My hand grasped Jordan's, as we both stared at the screen and heard our baby's heartbeat.

"I will record this for you and you can take it," Dr. Celia said, pointing at a flash drive on the side of the machine.

After booking my next appointment in another four weeks, we both left the office with a copy of the scans and the flash drive with the ultrasounds. We looked like complete fools, coming out of the building with our noses on the photos.

"It's so tiny!" I muttered, tears coming down my cheeks and I couldn't care less "Like a little jelly-bean!"

"Did you hear his heart?!" Jordan was grinning, his steel grey eyes shining with emotion "It's perfect! Strong; he's gonna be a tough one!"

"Or her" I scowled.

"Fair enough – or her." He chuckled "So... Your belly looks huge since last I saw you."

"That's just because you haven't seen it in a few weeks, it's actually still tiny" I smiled.

"Yeah... I haven't." His smile was tense; I winced at his face "About you just disappearing on me. It's fine for me that you have your own life, and that you have no interest in having any sort of relationship with me. But... I just think that... it's not fair that I don't get to be involved in all the aspects of my child's life."

"It's still too early on for that, Jordan" I had to defend myself.

"I know that. But I would like to choose the baby's bed, the toys, all of those little things." He admitted, looking down at the scans "I have no wish to disrupt your life, but I don't feel like I'm part of the baby's at the moment. I only have any sort of contact through a scan on the doctor's office."

I looked down at my tiny bump, caressing it with my hands. I sighed and rubbed my forehead.

"Here." I grabbed one of his hands and let it rest over my tiny round bump "It's too early to feel anything, but that's your baby in here."

His face lets go of all the tension, his lips tugged at the corners as his massive hand engulfed my whole belly. It felt so warm and cozy, so intimate I couldn't help to rest my hand over his.

"You're so tiny." He almost whispered, lips pressing hard together "I've been thinking about the labor. I saw some videos on YouTube." He actually palled and I couldn't help to chuckle at that "Jesus Christ, that made me panic! I didn't sleep that night. It looked so painful."

"Thanks, that's reassuring" I smiled.

"How will your tiny body manage to make a baby?!" He looked almost outraged.

"I'm sorry about... making you feel like you're not part of it." I tensed a bit "I'm just used to getting by without anyone."

"I get that." He nodded "My dad walked out on my mom when I was about five – don't even remember the guy, never met him, really. My mom had to raise me by herself and I learned to fend for myself as well."

"In this first couple of months, there's nothing to get involved in, really." I winced "It's... just me and a tiny bump that you can't even feel. It's boring. You'll have more fun when the baby starts moving and things like that; you know, when it's close to the due date."

"You're not boring." He smiled, and I'm sure I blushed "I like talking to you and just spending time with you."

I felt my cheeks hot and my hair roots prickle. He chuckled, definitely knowing how uncomfortable I was.

"Are we still good for Saturday?" He asked me, changing the topic as he put the scans away into his leather jacket.

"Sure. Can I bring Eva along?"

"Yeah, of course. She is part of the family, anyway." He winked "I haven't told my mom, I think it will be better for her to find out while you're there, so she can see the mother of her grandchild. She's funny like that."

"Sure, that's fine." I chuckled "I have to go now. Have to go back to work. I'll... see you Saturday?"

"Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?" He asked as I walked to my car.

"Tonight?" I winced "I don't think I can. I have a lot of work, honestly."

"Yeah, but you heard Dr. Celia, you have to rest" He frowned.

"Yes, and I won't overdo it." I smiled, opening my car door "But I can't tonight. I'll see you on Saturday, right?"

"Yeah." He shrugged, looking disappointed "Ok, that's fine. Are you ok to drive?"

I scowled at him and he grinned.

"I'll see you later" I waved, and drove off.

I didn't have the courage to tell him my dad couldn't wait to meet him! I conveniently forgot to tell him that. I would've, though, I needed to introduce him to dad, and I couldn't imagine Benjamin Conrad approving of a tattooed, ex-con looking tattoo artist as the father of his grandchild... I trembled to think about it. I was definitely going to try my best to avoid for the two of them to meet.

***

There was more to being pregnant than just going to doctor's appointments and have a lovely glow. There was life insurance, your will, college funds, maternity leave, savings... That was just before the baby was born. Afterwards, there were all sorts of to-dos like finding childcare, a car seat, changing table, and all that crap I knew nothing about.

"Oh, no! That's so you to google 'How to get your life ready for a baby'!" Eva laughed, as she joined me in my corner white sofa, handing me a cup of tea "What have you got, momma?"

"Just a few financial tips. I've got to see my lawyer about my will" I winked at Eva.

"Too early for that, but sure, I'll take care of that for you, ok? Now, when is daddy Conrad meeting daddy Marshall?" Eva wiggled her brows at me.

"I haven't told Jordan yet." I winced, and Eva gasped "I know! I wished he hadn't asked! I don't know if I prefer 'engaged' Benjamin Conrad, or plain-ol'-aloof dad..."

"Don't say that..." Eva frowned, patting my shoulder "It's great that he wants to be part of your life. I was really surprised, to be honest."

"Yeah, me too." I assured her, stretching my legs over my sofa; staring into the night sky over the beaches of Miami on my massive windows, I sighed "I don't know what to do, Eva."

"About what, exactly?" She asked, taking a sip of her tea – it was sweet of her to avoid coffee or alcohol near me, I knew how hard it had to be for her "Jordan, your dad, the baby?"

"In this case... the baby daddy" I chuckled, caressing my tiny bump.

"Vi, he is gaga for you." She assured me, tapping my legs "He was gaga before the baby, and he just gives out this... vibe, like... tough guy that you can count on. You know, a man who steps up."

"He is." I assured her with a tense smile "That's what's scary. I mean, I don't need him to raise the baby, he certainly knows that. He still wants to be part of every moment of this pregnancy, and I just don't know how to deal with it, because I can do it all by myself."

"Just because you can, doesn't mean you should or will." Eva smiled a bit "You have me, your dad – apparently – and Jordan. You probably will have Amelia after the wedding, of course."

"Shit..." I chuckled "I didn't even tell Amelia..."

"Leave it for after the wedding." Eva patted my legs again "Trust me. She is the ultimate bridezilla. I Skyped with her about a week ago... You should have heard her: the venue is not perfect, the dress needs a few twicks, Nathan's suit is 'too navy', whatever that means. She is all over the place, if you put another crumb on her plate, she will need professional mental help."

"That bad, huh?" I had to chuckle.

"You'll see when she comes to Miami in a couple of months" Eva assured me.