《Deja Vu: The Healer》Chapter 19: Remembering
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And it was like my mind was trying to remember. There were flashes, like between dimensions again. A small spikey haired boy with a pocket knife. Cutting into the tree, the view beyond lower, less of the lake I could see now. Another flash. That same pocket knife cut into my tiny palm, pressed against a red line of another tiny palm.
Eric's deep voice at my ear, jerked me back to the current carved letters. "We did that when we were six Kara. We came here to escape washing dishes."
I held in a smile that tried to push on my lips.
Two children, holding hands and running into the woods, laughter erupting in the air. A rounded grey haired woman yelling from the packhouse door.
"Come on Kara," his adult pleading voice, surrounding me. "I know you can remember. What about this?" His arms unlocked from my center and a shuffle behind me. He then pressed my shoulders to twist me towards him.
My eyes and body jolted to see him without a shirt now. But my breathing slowed as I took his form in closer. The scars that I noticed on his arms and fingers glided all over crisscrossed around his chest and stomach.
A silent gasp left me with parted lips as I stared at his chest. My brow down in dismay. My hand came to his scars, tracing the word cut across his pecks.
I was then thrust into a time period many years ago.
Three hulking men scary and cruel, towering over us, young Casey Eric pushing me away. "Run!" I did, but he didn't follow. I heard his pain. Needed to help. I ran back and saw them slicing his chest. Him begging them to stop and their laughter raining over the area. I threw a rock. It hit one. They looked back and saw me. Dropped him to the ground and I ran. They caught me not too far. The tallest grabbed me. I stabbed a branch into his eye. He dropped me and another picked me up angry. He called me mean names. He cut down my face, through my eyes and I screeched in pain!
My adult hands came to my face now and my fingernails lightly traced the patterns down over my eyes and cheeks.
Back in time again. He then threw me against a tree. My back hurt so bad! They then ran away. I knew I needed to get back to Casey! I crawled, feeling my way, but somehow knowing which way to move. When I reached the beach I could start to see blurry images. He was so bloody! My hands and head pressed against his chest. Slices and cuts everywhere. But the deepest, slices in his chest spelling ALPHA.
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Back in the present, I stared unspeaking at the word scarred into his skin. My gulp brought my eyes to meet his. I asked child soft the name I knew him by, "Casey?"
A grin tore across his face. "Yes! Kara, yes!"
A mimicking smile flew to my face and then I was pressed in his arms in a deep embrace. My arms came around him, I felt like I was five.
We held there for a full minute.
My hand around the back of his neck burned hot and I felt the world pressing me back into the trance. A long breath left my lungs soundlessly into his shoulder.
Though my eyes were closed I could see every scar across Alpha's body. They were like ropes and I pulled at them, dragging the pain into myself instead. The rope coiled around my belly. I could see them like strings, spider webs being washed away. I followed the scars I had never seen, down his leg and let them blow away, like a cloud on the wind, erasing every detail. Every spot, every lick of olden pain washed away.
I opened my blurring eyes and sat upright and he was staring across his own arms and chest. He smiled as no scar remained and then gave a half laugh to me. "My wife won't recognize me now."
My breathing came back and I shook the warmth to the back of my head. I then looked nervous at his widening face and to his cleared chest. "I'm sorry! I...I can't control it."
He shrugged and laughed, pulling me back into a hug. "I'm not angry Kara. I just won't be the scary scarred alpha anymore."
I gave my own nervous laugh and sat back. "No, you're definitely still scary."
He gave a snort of a chuckle. "Sorry about that meeting. I didn't understand what was going on either."
My hand came to his trimmed beard and I felt the scratches through my fingertips. "You got old."
He grinned, teeth showing bright. "I think we both did."
My fingers skimmed down his jawline and noticed two crescent scars did remain on his neck. My eyes wandered to them and I realized they looked like mine. My touch lowered to trace the ridges and I pulled back suddenly when a painful shock rang through my entire body. I looked over his marks and frowned a child's sorrow. "We aren't mates." I guided a hand feeling over my own neck marks.
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He gave a sad smile. "No. We aren't. Her name is Andrea. You can meet her sometime."
"I want to."
"And William is a great one for you."
"Is he?"
He nodded a gratified look flitting his face. Eric then sighed deeply, a friendly hand raising to my knee. "I'm so happy you're alive Kara. I thought you died in that fire."
I bobbed my head and then was transported to a different time again.
I sat straighter, shoulders locking, and saw my life as an eight year old. "I'd been having nightmares. My dad took me to the basement to watch cartoons so I could sleep. I must have fell asleep on him on the couch." My breathing labored, as if the wolfsbane was hitting my system right now. "It was hard to breathe. I woke up and the room was on fire. My nose hurt. My dad wouldn't wake up. The fire was up the stairwell and pushed out into the room. I screamed."
Eric's hand came around mine. "Did you use the tunnels?"
I stared at our hands. "I yanked Dad off the couch. I dragged him, but the carpet was catching fire. My arms were red. I pulled and pulled. When we got to the trap door his sleeve was on fire. I tried to hit it out. His skin was black and crackly. I got the door open and then was able to pick him up and carry him out of the tunnel." My brow came down in disbelief of my own story. A child lifting a grown man? "We got out to the garden and I put my dad down." My breathing sped at each word of the story. "I looked up to our house and the windows were full of fire." I gulped and started speaking as if I were just a child. "Then I saw them. The scary men from the lake." My heartbeat started punching my ribs. "They were laughing. That one had a bandage around his eye. I was so scared! It was them! I grabbed my dad and started running... here." My glance looked down to the ground. "I pushed him against the tree. He was hurt! His hair was gone. His face was black. Not waking up. I did something. Daddy. Wake up! But then I ... I can't remember anything else." As I hyperventilated, I searched for Eric, back to the present. I met his fearful glance. "It was me! I caused the fire! I hit that man in the eye and he wanted to get back at me! It was my fault."
Eric grabbed my arms and forced me to look at him. I couldn't breathe. "Kara. It was not your fault. Those rogues were in the wrong. They hurt us. It wasn't your fault you tried to defend yourself."
I shook my head, each breath a gasp. "No! It was my fault! I was too scared. I could have went back in! I could have saved them all." My eyes widened. "So many died. Mom. Jared, Jonah. Grandma, Grandpa. Aunt Linn!"
"No! Kara. You aren't responsible." His eyes were demanding.
Tears started to prick my eyes. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have made that rogue mad. I should have went back in the fire! I could have helped!"
His hands moved to cup around my chin, making me look him in the eye. "Stop it. Calm down. None of that was your fault."
Tears started to freefall. Panic began its spicy bite into my flesh. "It was! It was! I let everyone down." I closed my eyes in despair. "What if I could have saved them all? I'm supposed to be a healer right? Why couldn't I have been stronger? Why did I have to run away?!"
"Calm down."
I shook my head, not even remembering how to breathe. "I can't! I can't! I was a coward! I killed them!"
"Look at me Kara." My eyes met his heavy glance, power filling his words. "You need to calm down. You didn't kill anyone. No one is blaming you."
But my panic attack raged on even through the alpha command, tears sliding down my face.
He softened, still holding me to look at him. "Do you need William?"
William.
Something in my head whispered: Mate.
Did I?
My trembling had already ceased as I thought of him. I nodded gently.
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