《The Warrior and Calissande》Chapter 10: She Is My Happiness
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When I awoke after a few hours, the warrior still sat beside me, still holding our daughter. She was making mewling sounds, beginning to squirm in his hold.
"She is making noises," he told me gravely, "and she would not listen when I told her to allow you to rest longer."
Pretending to cough so he would not know I was laughing at him, I sat up in the bed, noting that darkness had come while I slept.
"She needs to be fed, warrior," I explained holding my arms out for her.
"You called me Carrick during your labors, Calissande," he chided me as he handed her into my arms. "And I liked hearing my name after so long."
"I will not be held responsible for what came out of my mouth when I was in such pain," I grumbled.
The baby latched on to my breast, and I did not have to look over to know the warrior watched us, fascinated. He was a man of war, of strength, of cunning, of action, but he seemed completely baffled and intrigued by our baby.
"Tell me her name," he commanded after a moment.
I looked down at her and said, "She is Felicity, for she is my happiness."
"Our happiness, Calissande. Felicity is our happiness."
"Yes, and we must ensure that her future is a happy and secure one, as she deserves. I would not like to think of her future as a camaspoza."
As soon as that word left my mouth, the warrior leapt off the bed, his eyes enraged.
"No daughter of mine will ever be a camaspoza, Calissande. Never will such a future be hers. Do not say such a thing again. Were you a man, I would kill you for speaking such an insult."
"Every camaspoza began life as a tiny baby. Every camaspoza probably had a mother and father who would not wish such a future on her and yet it became her fate."
"This is not a subject for a lady wife, especially not one who is holding my daughter."
"You do not wish your daughter to become one --"
"She will not become one," he snarled fiercely, interrupting me with his vehemence.
"But you have no objection to using one."
"It was tradition. I have explained this to you. I have also explained that I sent her back. Why must you keep bringing this up?"
"Because I want you to understand how wrong it was. I want you to understand how much it hurt not only me, but her," I snapped at him. "I have absolutely no love for her in my heart, yet as I am holding our daughter in my arms and thinking about the life and future I hope and pray she will have, I cannot help but pity those who become camaspozas. And I think how close we came to Felicity growing up and slowly becoming aware of her father's whore living in the same home with all of us, bringing shame to her mother every single day."
I dared a glance at Carrick, who looked as one who had just been slapped across the face.
"You treat the camaspoza as less than nothing, and yet they are just girls who were forced into a horrible existence. If you do not want it for our daughter, you must not want it for any girl. Because it could be Felicity's fate --" he opened his mouth to object, but I spoke over him, "-- if she did not have such a strong and wealthy father to protect her from such a future."
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For many moments, the warrior simply stared at me, his mind working furiously, his jaw tight.
"I have no doubt in my mind that it was a man who came up with the idea of a camaspoza, and a man who thought giving the lady wife trinkets would atone for the sin of having another so blatantly and freely. I have no doubt it was a man who decided to create a camaspoza tradition to allow a man to do whatever he wants, forcing his wife to accept that which is abhorrent and forcing poor girls into a life that is no better than a dog's."
"I do not like that which you have said to me, Calissande. But I shall think on it. I will leave you to Felicity while I go and have words with the night guard."
He nodded to me, then left the bed chamber, Felicity somehow still feeding through all of that.
For many weeks after that , the warrior never spoke of what I said to him, but I often found him watching Felicity intently. Felicity's cheeks and arms and legs were becoming delightfully chubby and we all delighted in every new change another day brought. When he was not training with his men, the warrior spent much of his time with us. He never allowed her to cry; the very moment she made a sound when she was tucked into her cradle, he took her from it and cuddled her close until she stopped crying or he brought her to me for a feeding.
"You spoil her," I chided him, but secretly I enjoyed the sight of her swaddled form in his arms.
"My daughter should not cry, Calissande. It displeases me when my tiny lady expresses her unhappiness."
Would that you were so concerned over her mother's unhappiness.
But on even that point, I could not complain. If he was attentive to our daughter, he had become doubly so with me. He sat with me and talked of estate issues in low tones, asking my advice and considering my opinions on resolutions to issues. He would tell me of the villagers and pass along their well wishes to me.
As was tradition in my kingdom, when Felicity was six weeks old, she was to have her baptism and the entire village was to be invited to her fete. Mrs. Timmon was helping me to plan it, and Cook was bringing me menus for approval and hiring village girls to help with the extra cooking and baking.
We were thus engaged one morning, but both of us were distracted by the sight of the warrior walking outside with our daughter in the warm sunshine and fresh air.
"I do not think I have ever seen a more attentive father," Mrs. Timmon observed. He was often interrupting his walk to point things out to Felicity -- flowers, birds overhead, horses in the fields -- and I found myself looking forward to joining them on their morning walks when my time of confinement ended in one week.
"He does dote on her," I agreed.
"Very much so, my lady. He adores both of his ladies," she said with a smile.
I shrugged, but I could not deny that the weeks since Felicity's birth had been reminiscent of the month leading up to our wedding, when I had fallen in love with my warrior. If I didn't know any better, I would have said he was again wooing me, so attentive and charming was he. Each day, he brought me a flower he had found or a special sweet from the bakery in town. One day, he brought home Prince, who was now weaned and ready to join us, and we all enjoyed the pup's silly antics.
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"My lady, I will be going home after the fete, but I want you to know how much I have enjoyed this time with you," Mrs. Timmon said after we watched Carrick for a while.
I pressed her hand. "I would have been lost without you. You have helped me in many ways, and I will miss you greatly."
"Well, we shall see each other again, from what I understand. Your lord husband has asked me to attend you at your next child's birth, and I have said I would agree if that was what you wanted."
That gave me pause. I was so focused on Felicity, I had not thought ahead to another child. I knew in my kingdom that the fete was also the signal that the man and his wife could resume relations, but I was not feeling ready for that. I wondered if the warrior knew this other significance of the baby's fete. He had not mentioned it, but I saw the heated look in his eyes, coming more and more frequently, and I often awoke with his front to my back and I knew he was eager for me.
In fact, two mornings later, I awoke to the warrior looming over me, his hand stroking my face, his lips pressing kisses against my jaw.
"Good morning, my lady," his rough voice greeted me. "I was just thinking, Calissande, exactly how long it has been since I have had the pleasure of being inside of you and how much I am looking forward to once again being sheathed in your heat."
Although my body responded to his tone and his words, I found my mind refusing to be seduced by his husky words. The hurt he had inflicted on me with his camaspoza during those first three months of our marriage did not just suddenly dissipate because he so willed it.
"And it will be quite a bit longer, I am afraid," I told him in a soft, regretful voice, "for it is my tradition that marital relations do not resume until the baby's first birthday for the mother's health and safety. It is a day of great celebration and anticipation."
I saw his face pale and his arms locked tight. "Her first birthday?" He sounded rather like a frog croaking at that moment, and he paused to clear his throat. "Surely that is not -- that is to say -- almost another year?"
I nodded sadly, "Unfortunately, that is the way of things, but I imagine the time will go very swiftly."
His eyes shot me a look that said he did not believe that for one moment, so I continued.
"It is the way the men in my kingdom honor their wives and show that they put their wives' health and wellbeing above their own. It is most thoughtful and shows the depth of their care and concern for their lady wives."
After a moment, Carrick nodded, but I could see his jaw flexing repeatedly.
"Then I shall do the same, Calissande, to show you that I truly honor you and hold your needs above my own."
At that proclamation, I felt almost guilty for my lies, but then I remembered the months he shared his body with her, and my guilt faded. Let him experience some discomfort for a time.
Then he suddenly brightened. "But, as I recall, you have agreed to open yourself to me fully, and I shall use my mouth to bring you pleasure and you shall do the same for me. In this way, we shall get through the year."
Bollocks! I had not had time to formulate a response to that before he continued, nuzzling my neck.
"I have missed making love with you, Calissande." He raised himself over me and met my eyes. "There is no feeling on this earth that compares to being with you in that way. Nothing ever came close to the way I felt inside you, inside my beautiful wife. I felt strong and...happy when I was with you that way, and if I must wait a year, then I will, and we shall do other things together in the meantime. You will no longer find me boring, monotonous and lackluster, my lady wife. This I promise you."
Well, hell.
Carrick had said we would be returning to Bellford Keep after Felicity's fete, so the week after we celebrated her baptism, we waved goodbye to Mrs. Timmon as she left in a carriage for her home and then we made the week-long trip back to the Keep. Carrick often rode beside the carriage, his men spread out ahead and behind us, and he stopped often for my comfort and to let Prince run about. It was still a long journey, despite the frequent breaks, and I was relieved when I finally saw Bellford Keep in the distance.
An outrider had gone ahead to inform the Keep staff of our approach, so when we drew up in front of Bellford, everyone was outside to welcome us.
"My lord, my lady," my husband's steward Henrill greeted us as we walked into the manor, once Carrick and I had spoken with all of the servants lined up on the steps. "Welcome home. It is good to have you back with us."
The warrior nodded at him and I smiled at the steward, who had always been very kind to me. "Thank you, Henrill."
And then he continued, and I wished we had never left Fernwick.
"My lord, the new camaspoza you requested has arrived and has been made comfortable in your bedchambers, as you directed. When would you like me to bring her to your private chamber for the First Meeting?"
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