⚠️

I stepped in my car, but soon realised I had drunk too many margaritas to go driving.

I look in the little mirror on my dashboard.

My lord... I look terrible.

Mascara stains all over my cheeks, my eyes puffy and red.

I am such a fool.

I can't go back yet.

With my head hanging low, I walk back to Sarah's apartment.

I knock on her door.

The door swung open.

"Why are you still here?" Sarah looked confused at me.

"I look disgusting S..." I look down. "Besides, he is probably asleep, it's 3 in the morning."

"Oh come here." Sarah pulls me inside and hugged me. "You need sleep."

"I don't know if I can fall asleep, without him."

My eyes water again.

"I am right here Bel."

"I love you Sarah."

...

The morning after

I awoke to the sound of birds chirping in the little park thingy behind Sarah's apartment.

"It's D-day." I mumble to myself as I got out of Sarah's bed.

Sarah left a little note on the sidetable.

———————————————————————

Hi sweetie.

I had to go to work early but didn't want to wake you up. But you probably are awake now, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this. I won't be home this afternoon. If you decide to go to Alex, I wish you lots of luck. You guys will make it work. I'll bring some donuts with me tonight when I come home. See you then!

Love,

Sarah.

———————————————————————

"She's the sweetest." I smile a bit as I was reading the little note.

My eyes stopped on his name.

Alex

The love of my life, who I pushed away.

It's time. I am going to apologise to him and maybe even get him back.

...

After I got ready, I grabbed my cheetah print coat and got in my car.

I was full with guilt but somehow managed to be confident. Because I was so determined to get him back.

I arrived at Alex' apartment.

I got quite nervous.

But ignored those feelings and stepped out of my car and walked up to the front door.

I exhaled.

My fist knocked on the door.

My heart was racing.

Nobody answered.

"Okay." I inhaled, and knocked again.

Still, nothing.

I started to worry a little bit.

He had all the right to be mad at me and not answer the door.

But something deep inside of me, told me that something was wrong.

I grabbed the spare key out of the keybox and unlocked the door.

I opened the door and a horrible smell went straight up my nose.

"What the hell?"

I walked towards the living room and my eyes widen.

There was an unhealthy amount of beer bottles on the coffee table, little white pills, and cigarettes.

I blinked and looked closer.

Next to the little white pills, there were crushed up ones and a card. I even saw a little rolled up paper.

"Oh no..." I stepped back.

It hit me.

Alex got high again, while drinking.

A teardrop fell.

Last time this happened, Alex and Alexa broke up and he was heartbroken. Shit got so heated within him and got high and drank away every bottle of beer he saw. I got a call from Matt the next day, and he told me he found Alex unconscious on the floor next to the empty bottles and pills. He had to rush Alex to the hospital and I arrived 10 minutes later.

"Where is he?!"

"He is still unconscious but stable."

Alex awoke a couple hours later. I was so scared for him. I thought I lost him forever.

Alex promised me to never get to that point again, and I trusted him.

"Alex?" I shout.

Nothing.

I quickly get out of the living room and I open his bedroom door.

There he was.

He sat on his bed looking down. He was wearing a pair of joggers and some socks.

He turned his head towards me.

"Alex, fuck sake I am so fucking sorry." I quickly say while stepping towards him.

"I really need you to know that I am sorry, Alexa explained everything to me, you were fucking right, it was a misunderstanding." I was blurring some sentences out. "I fucking panicked and I should've never kissed some random dude in front of you I-..."

Alex quickly got up and hugged me.

"I-..." I calmed down as I felt him close again.

"I am sorry." Alex pulled away and his eyes were watering.

"What for Alex you didn't do anything wro-.." I shake my head, but suddenly my eyes widen.

Alex held out his shaking arm and I saw a couple of cuts and drips of blood.

"Al...." I gently grab his arm.

"I am so fucking sorry." Alex managed to say before completely breaking down and fall on me.

I held him tight and stroked his hair while I felt his teardrops soaking into my shirt.

"Why would you do that Al?" I ask softly.

"I didn't want to break that promise I made when I got to this point. So this was the alternative to punish myself." He calmed down. "There's nothing left for me, is there?"

"Don't ever say that Alex." I grab his shoulders and look him directly in the eyes.

"How am I not supposed to think that, if you are out of my life?" He looked at me.

"I am right here."

"But you despise me." He looked down.

I move my hands towards his jaw and lift it back up again.

"I don't despise you Al. In fact, I still love you."

His eyes glistened.

"I love you too."

...