Content Warning: Description of Sexual Assult and Minor NSFW

~ Things in German are underlined <3 ~

Anja pov

"Happy Birthday Dear Nick, Happy Birthday To You!" The people in the restaurant around us clapped as Nick blew out his candles. We surprised him to dinner at a steakhouse for his birthday. It was a busy night but Clay got the staff to bring out a cake and sing for him.

"How's it feel to be twenty?" Clay asked. He was sitting in the booth next to me with his arm around my shoulder, letting me lean into his chest.

Nick shoved a bite of the cheesecake in his mouth. "Exactly the same as nineteen."

"Ok. But you're old now." I joked.

"Hey!" Clay turned to me. "I'm twenty-one?"

I reached and petted the stubble on his chin. "But it's hot on you." 

"Fuck yeah it is." I pulled him for a quick kiss.

"Y'all are nauseating." Nick said from across the table.

"You're just jealous you don't get laid." I smirked at him.

He rolled his eyes and shoved another bite in. "And you're not getting any of my cake."

"I have my fatass so I'm good." I teased.

"Fat? AJ don't kid yourself, you-" His phone rang on the table, lighting up with a weird name I didn't recognize 'The Smasher'. "Hey man." He picked up. "Oh yeah. In Orlando?" He leaned back in his seat with a smile. "Absolutely. I'm free Wednesday to hang. Ok. Yeah, I'll ask her. I'll text you my addy." Addy?

"Who was that?" Clay asked.

He set his phone down and took another bite of cake. "AJ. You remember Adam from high school?"

Adam. That name made me instantly sick. I froze. I could feel the air escape from my lungs and my hands tremble. Clay noticed and shook me. I looked up at him, he tilted his head in concern. "Yeah." I turned back to Nick. "I remember Adam."

"Well, he's going to be in town this week for a lacrosse championship and wants to hang out while he's here. He asked if you want to come?"

"No."

"No? Why?" He asked. "You two were close in high school."

"I just don't want to ok." I shouted.

"Ok, damn. Don't have to yell at me."

Clay pulled the hair off my neck. "Are you okay?" He asked softly.

"I just want to leave." I scooted out of the booth and walked out of the restaurant. I thought I was going to get sick if I stayed any longer.

----

My eyes flashed open and I quickly sat up on the bed. I was rapidly breathing, arms shaking with hot tears rushing down my cheeks. My heart felt like it was going to come out of my chest. I was starting to get light-headed, I couldn't calm myself to breathe. I felt a hand tug on my arm and I screamed, swatting it away. When I opened my eyes again it was Clay. His tired face was being covered by his wide eyes.

I realized I wasn't in my room, I fell asleep snuggling with Clay after we got back from dinner. He was worried about me after I ran out of the restaurant on him and Nick. He didn't pressure me to talk, but instead pulled me into his room and threw me on the bed. I laughed at it. He pounced on me and wrapped me in his arms and I fell asleep there.

"Anja, what's wrong?" He was holding his hands up passively to me.

"What?" I was confused.

"You were screaming in your sleep. I tried to wake you, then you shot up. You're crying."

I covered my face with my hands and wiped the tears. "Sorry. I had a nightmare."

"I can tell. What happened?" He laid back down and pulled me with him, letting me rest my head on his arm.

"It doesn't matter." I pulled the comforter to cover the bottom of my face, he reached down and moved it.

"Does it have to do with whatever happened at dinner?" He's too smart for his own good.

"Yeah. Adam." He tucked my hair behind my ear and let his fingers stroke my cheek. "He's the one that... in high school."

"The guy Nick is going to see tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I didn't realize they still talked. Adam was two years above us. I thought they stopped talking after Adam graduated but I guess I was wrong."

"Do you mind me asking what happens in the dream?" I looked up at him and his face faded to regret. "Sorry."

"He rapes me in my bed." His face turned into pure shock and disbelief. "That's why I don't like sleeping in my bed."

"Oh."

"At that party, I got wasted. It was my first time drinking and a few girls from school kept getting me to drink. I was just excited that someone was noticing me outside of wanting to fuck me. I went upstairs to... pee I think? I don't remember, but Adam was there. I got really flustered, I remember that. I had a huge crush on him at the time. He pulled me into one of the bedrooms in the house, making it just us. I could barely stand." The tears started falling onto his arm.

He kissed my hair. "You don't need to tell me this if you aren't ready."

"No, I need to. I need to tell someone."

"Ok. Ok." He kissed me again and pulled me into his chest. "I'll listen."

"When we got through the door, he pushed me onto the bed. I was laughing, I liked it. He was paying attention to me. He started gripping my thighs but it hurt. I tried to say no but the words were too slurred it sounded like nonsense. He pulled down my underwear beneath my dress and... I can't say it."

"It's okay. Don't force yourself." He was crying too.

"I was bleeding. It hurt. He went to unbutton his pants but someone walked in. Some guy from his lacrosse team, talking about how he can't sleep with me because he could lose his scholarship if he got caught. Then he left before he could finish."

"So he didn't... go all the way?" He mumbled.

"No. Just his fingers. But it makes me wonder how many other girls weren't as lucky as me."

"Yeah." He was petting the back of my head and started humming into my ear. I felt so safe, so heard with him. "I wish I could take it all away from you."

"What?" I pulled out of his chest to look at him. His eyes were puffy and his nose was red.

"All your pain. I wish I could take it away. You deserve to be happy."

"I am happy. I'm happy when I'm with you." I whined.

"Ok. Get up." He wiped his eyes then got out of the bed, pulling me with him.

"Why?"

"Just get changed. I'm taking you somewhere."

"Where?" I laughed.

"Just do it." He kissed my head then pushed me out of the room.

----

It was noon when we finally got on the road. He wouldn't tell me where we were going, just to dress comfortably because it would take a long time. He wouldn't even put on the navigation because he 'knew the way'. 

"I hope it doesn't rain." He said. It was dim out. The clouds were large and gray and covering the sun. "It will ruin my plan." He pouted at me.

"And what is that?"

"I can't say." He teased.

"Hm. How long is this going to take?"

"About 4 hours. We can stop to eat if you want?"

"Yes. Chick-fil-a please!" I batted my eyes at him.

"They're homophobic though."

"I'm gay so it cancels out." I joked.

"What?" He wheezed. "Wait. You're gay?"

"I'm bi." I grabbed his aux cord and plugged it into my phone. "I said 'her' in roadtrip, remember?" I pulled up Spotify and played it.

"I never noticed."

"Mhm." We switched back and forth, showing our favorite songs. We agreed on most of them. I was surprised by how similar his playlist was to mine.

"Ok. I have an out-of-pocket question." I said. "What are your kinks? Cause I can think of two that I'm noticed."

"What?" He flashed a look at me and realized I was serious. "What have you noticed?"

"Definitely corruption and overstimulation."

He laughed and licked his bottom lip. "Yeah. You read me too well." He opened and closed his mouth, trying to decide what to say. "I'm into a lot of things. Sadism is a big one."

"Handcuffs and rope?" He nodded his head. "Choking?" He showed his big smile. "Edging?"

"Mhm. Yup."

"Did you-" My eyes dropped to lap. "Did you do that stuff with Maria?"

I could see him look over at me from the corner of my eye. "Yeah. I did a lot with her. She had an addiction." He let go of the steering wheel and picked up my hand. "Does that make you upset?"

"A little. I just get a little insecure to be honest. You've had more experience than me and we haven't even had real sex yet. Like what if I can't make you happy or meet your standards?"

He brought my hand up to his mouth, giving it a soft kiss then dropping it into his lap. "Anja, just being with you makes me happy. We don't have to have sex for me to like you. And when or if we ever have sex, I know you'll do fine. I tell you all the time, everything you do is amazing."

"I'm scared to move too fast and regret it, you know?"

"Do you regret that night? When we gave head?"

"A little."

"Oh." He let go of my hand and retreated back to himself.

I turned my body to him realizing how bad that sounded. I grabbed his hand back. "It was a lot of fun! I loved it and I'm happy it was with you, but it was really early into our relationship."

"Anja. We move at your pace, okay?" He looked over at me with a serious face. "I can wait." I stared into his eyes for a bit.

"The road Clay." I pointed out the windshield.

"Right."

"You know, you were the first person to turn me on?"

His eyes slowly opened and smirk. "Fuck." He mumbled. He let go of my hand to fix his pants but it was too late, I saw the tent.

"That turned you on?" I yelled. "Really?" My hands flew over my mouth as I laughed.

"Shut up." He said through his clenched teeth.

"Wow. You want me to... help?" I carried my hand over to his lap but he grabbed my wrist. He glared at me, his eyes hooded and dark.

"Not while I'm driving. I can't concentrate." His grip and low voice instantly turn me on.

I gulped. "Ok." I pulled my hand back and switched my attention to Spotify again.

We rode in silence for a bit. I wanted to give him time to calm down. I just looked out the window, staring at the gloomy sky. Since we left it had gotten darker out like a huge storm was coming our way. We had been driving for about two hours at that point. I was getting tired, then my phone started ringing.

"Mutti (mother), you're on speakerphone."

"I'M ENGAGED!" She screamed.

"What?"

"Miguel proposed! He proposed. The ring is so big!" I could see the happiness on her face through the phone.

"She got engaged?" I whispered to Clay. "Congratulations mom."

"German Bärchen (little bear)"

"I'm in the car with Clay."

"Who?"

"My boyfriend." 

"YOU'RE DATING NOW?"

"Yes." I laughed. "She's excited." I whispered.

"Well, that not all I wanted to say Bärchen. I'm pregnant."

"What?" I yelled. "Really?" I always wanted a sibling. The closest I got was Nick and his family.

"I'm 6 months."

"And you thought you were going through menopause?" I joked.

"Be quiet. I wanted to call and tell you. I'm happy you are excited for me. I was worried you would be upset."

"Never." We talked for a while. Miguel proposed to her during Mardi Gras when they were in Brazil. It was on a parade float that he rented for the night. It was in front of thousands of people and ended up on live television. She loved it, she was always the type of person to enjoy attention. She found out she was pregnant two weeks later when they were in Chile. They ended up flying into Mexico so they could see Miguel's family which made their trip longer. I felt bad that Clay had to sit through us talking and no clue what we were saying.

"I'll call you again soon Bärchen. Me and Miguel just landed in Texas and we are headed home. I love you."

"Love you." She hung up. I let out a big sign and slid down in my seat. "Wow. Engaged and pregnant at 36."

"You don't sound happy." Clay said.

"No, I am. It's just pregnancies over 35 are high risk and my family has a history of miscarriages and being at high risk."

He reached over and gripped my thigh. "It'll be okay."

"I hope so."

----

I opened my eyes to Clay's face in front of mine. I could see his side profile perfectly. His dark freckles and the little dimples in his smile. He has dimples? I hadn't noticed them before, he's green eyes always distracted me. He was unbuckling my belt while standing in the passenger door. I leaned forward and pecked his cheek. He flinched, turning to me. "Hi." I said softly.

"You're awake just in time. I just parked." He took my hands and helped me out of the car, even though I could have done it on my own perfectly fine. That's when I noticed where we were. Miami. Or at least close to it. He took me to a beach. Something I had wanted to do since I moved in. I stepped over to the railing that looked down onto the sand below. It was empty, with no people or seats or towels or vendors. The sky was practically black now, ready to pour at any moment. The wind was non-existent and the waves were soft. The calm before a storm. I stretched my arms over my head when I felt Clay's arm surround my waist. "Let's go." He whispered in my ear before picking me up and running.

"What are you doing!" I screamed, laughing along the way. He carried me down the stairs and to the water, acting like he was going to throw me in. "No!" He stopped just before the water hit his legs and finally set me down. "Don't do that!" I tried to punch his arms, but he grabbed my wrists first. I keep pulling away but he didn't let go, just laughing.

"You're so cute."

"Why'd you bring me here? It's about to pour." I whined.

"I wanted to show my favorite place. Well, favorite place outside of my room."

"This is your favorite place?" I looked around and it was beautiful. The beach was down a steep hill, hiding it from the long strip of shops and large buildings above. It was clean, surprisingly clean for a city. The sand was so soft and yellow like the beaches in Hawaii from movies. I could tell why he liked it.

"My family used to come here when I was younger. My dad loved it here. We spread his ashes here too. I wanted you to meet him." He sat down in the sand, curling his knees into his chest. "I'm not into ghosts and stuff like that but, you know."

"Yeah." I sat down, doing the same as him. I reached my hand over and pulled his face to my shoulder, letting him rest it there. "Hi, Clay's dad."

"Lucas. His name was Lucas." He sniffled. He was tearing up.

"Hi, Lucas. I'm Anja. I am your son's girlfriend. It's nice to meet you. I wanted to tell you that you raised an idiot." He scoffed on my shoulder. I placed my hand on his head, softly petting him. "But, he's become an amazing person. You'd be proud."

"Thank you, Anja." I kissed the top of his head. We sat there for a while, just looking at the sea. The waves were slowly growing as the winds picked up. Every so often the water would hit our feet but we didn't move. It was bliss.