I walk through the doors of the clinic feeling so confident and happy. I'm radiating good energy with my coffee cup in hand, and Tasha, one of the receptionists notices too.

"You seem to be in a very good mood this morning." She says. "It's nice to have you back."

"I am in a good mood." I admit and try to hide my laugh as I sink into an office chair beside her.

"And why would that be?"

I twirl around for a spin in the chair, biting as the inside of my cheek to try and stop smiling. It's impossible. "Because of a certain boy named Cameron Holden."

The ladies at reception know all about him. I've told them my life story by now from all of the spare time we've had when the office is slow. Tasha claps excitedly and does a mini squeal from being so happy for me. "I knew it!" She shrieks. "True love never fades honey. Wait until we tell Tracy. She's going to have a field day."

She sorts through some files, grabbing about six before she passes them over to me. This is Dr. Parker's morning appointments that need to be entered into the system, and oh!" She grabs another paper from the desk and passes it over to me. "This is just a form we have to fill out. It's the company's yearly drug test that we have to do."

I blink a few times at the form, my mouth drying out completely before I bring my eyes up to hers again. "Today?" I ask.

"Yep. Just take one of our urine cups and put a label on it before you leave today, and don't forget to fill that form out."

No way.

No fucking way.

Of all times out of the year the clinic decided that this is the time to drug test? I just snorted oxy this past weekend for crying out loud! The only time I have ever done drugs!

Tasha arches a brow up at me. "Is there a problem with that?"

"Oh, no." I shake my head and plaster a fake smile to my face. "I'll do it. It's not a problem."

My entire body is standing on end from the nerves. I can't seem to breathe. Everything I have been working for is going to go down the toilet? Just like that?

Quickly rising to my feet, I excuse myself and immediately head for the bathrooms. One of Dr. Parker's patients is just leaving it, Cierra Ramirez. Fourteen year old track star prodigy at central high school. She's incredible, with the sweetest attitude to match her unbelievable skill.

"Hi Maddie!" She grins. We've been on a first name basis for about a year now. "It's good to see you."

"You too, Cierra." I reply, but I'm not as happy as I came in here. Far from it. She can tell something is wrong, her eyebrows furrowing in confusion. "Sorry, I just have to pee." I tell her, quickly going into the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

My heart is racing a mile a minute. I grab onto the sides of the sink and look at myself in the mirror, tears threatening to spill onto my cheeks. I'm about to lose everything I worked for. All of those years of studying curled up with a book, staying up until four in the morning drinking nothing but Red Bulls and coffee fucking wasted.

All for one night? All for one stupid and selfish decision of mine?

My chest is rising up and down repeatedly, and I'm unable to catch my breath. Am I having a panic attack? Is this what that feels like?

God, there's no way out of this. What the fuck am I going to do?

Unless...

I glance back towards the door but immediately shake my head. What is wrong with me?

I don't see another way out of this though. If I don't do this then I'm going to lose everything I've dedicated my entire life to. I lost my best friend, I lost the love of my life once to making sure I didn't fail at this. That I was the best.

I'm not going to let all of that go to waste over one stupid drug test.

Looking at myself in the mirror once more, I take another deep breath and exhale, knowing that once I do this there's no going back. I'm never going to view myself the same.

I exit the bathroom and look both ways down the hallway, making sure I'm alone before I grab a pair of gloves and slip them on. Cierra's pee sample is still in the metal box in the wall, and I avoid all the little voices in my head telling me not to do this, grabbing it with my gloved hands before I go back into the bathroom.

I have to do this quick before anyone notices. I take an empty urine cup and pee into it before I unscrew the cap to Cierra's and switch them out. I finish dumping Cierra's into mine and write a new label with my name on it, pressing it firmly onto the side.

I am never going to forgive myself for doing this, but there's no security cameras facing the urine drop box. Nobody will know it happened. Plus, they aren't testing Cierra's cup for drug use. It's just a pee sample. Everything will be fine.

I'm not going to think about it anymore. Slipping outside of the bathroom, I put both of our urine cups back in the drop box, letting out another deep breath before I head back to the desk.

"My sample is in the box." I tell Tasha. "Just did it."

______

After getting through about half the reports and filing them into the system, I'm just about to take a break when I see Cierra and her mom leaving the office. Cierra has tears pouring endlessly down her cheek, coughing from being unable to catch her breath.

"Mom, I swear!" She whisper yells. "I swear I didn't!"

Oh my god. They tested her for drugs. Oh my god.

"Just go to the car now Cierra." Her mother gives her a warning look and checks out with us without another word, storming outside once we pass her back the card.

"Um, do you know what happened?" I gulp.

Tasha glances at the waiting room before she lowers her voice. "I know we're not supposed to talk about it, but..." she clears her throat and puts her hand over her heart. "Amanda, you know, her nurse, said that the pregnancy test came back positive."

I can't breathe.

I can't speak.

I can do nothing but stare at her.

"She's only fourteen." She emphasizes. "That poor, poor thing."

The bile rises into my throat, but I immediately swallow it back down. There's no way. There's no fucking way.

Am I surprised though? Cam and I never used protection. The pull out method isn't full proof, and I should know this. I'm studying to be a doctor for fucks sake. I should have been on birth control. We should have used a condom.

"I'm not feeling so well." I tell Tasha, clutching my stomach from how nauseous I suddenly feel. "I'm uh, gonna leave early today I think."

"Really?" She asks. "You never leave early, Maddie."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just have to go."

Standing up from the chair I grab my purse and quickly head out to the parking lot, covering my mouth with my hand to try and stifle back the sobs.

I slam the car door shut, and finally I'm able to cry in peace. I cry until I'm hyperventilating. I cry until my eyes feel raw from how much I've rubbed them.

I don't want a baby. I'm not ready for a baby. I have my whole life ahead of me. Cam has his whole life planned out. How the actual fuck are we supposed to bring a baby into all of this?

Will Cam be angry? There's no way he'd want a baby, right? We had talked about having kids, but that was for the future. Not now.

I don't know what the hell I'm going to do. I don't know how I'm going to tell Cam.

All I do know is that I'm freaking the fuck out.

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