Thinking about today sent waves of inextricable excitement coursing through me. I honestly wanted to go straight to my bed, squeal into my pillow, and kick my feet into the air like I was a little kid again. We'd only spent a small portion of the last few days together, but I really felt like we'd grown closer. He was opening up to me without a doubt. I couldn't tell if he might be gay or just had a strong sense of bromance, but we definitely shared something there.

His recently developed trust in me was all I needed to be sure of it.

As I reached the front door, I saw Mum was sitting at the table with the phone glued to her ear. Wiping the sand down from my legs, I watched her frantic hand gestures and moderately raised voice. Judging by her frown and constant fretting, I could only assume she was talking with my sister.

"Oh, no, dear," she cooed. "Oh, honey. I know. I know, honey. Yes, I know."

What did she know? What was she so sure she knew?

Dad made noise going through the door in front of me, turning Mum's attention to us. Ignoring the fact that I was literally already removing the sand, she panicked and angrily signaling for me to pat myself down. In that threatening sort of way Mum's do when they can't get a word in at that moment.

But who cared this time? I was feeling good. Aubrey had been in my arms today and yesterday. He trusted me enough to help him learn to surf. To care for his hearing aid while he went out and swam. To smile at me in ways I didn't even know he was capable of. My heart was so full at the thought of him, I thought it'd burst. Couldn't I have held him for a little while longer?

Why did it have to get cold and why did I have to insist we get him warmed up? After finishing my sand cleansing ritual by wiping my feet on the doormat, I stepped inside.

"Jake's coming home for a visit tonight," Mum cooed, "so you come around as well, okay? We'll have a very decent chat about it all over dinner."

Jake and Mel were both coming home tonight? The day was just getting better and better! I'd be able to sit at the table and socialize with them. Chat with them. Hear about their families and work lives since I didn't get to hear much of anything when it came to them both.

Dinner was usually at around six-thirty, so they'd probably be here in the next hour or so. I was bursting with energy. First a successful day with Aubrey that blew me up like helium and left me floating toward cloud nine, and now I'd see both of my siblings in one sitting. Some kids had the luxury of growing up with their brothers and sisters, but mine were already adults when I was born.

Moments like these were rare, so it was hard not to get excited. I hurried to the shower so I could get ready in time.

-

After finishing up with something presentable to wear, six o'clock rolled around in no time. I spent the remainder of time in front of the computer, researching the other two deaf poets Mr. Hardy assigned for me, ready to sprint for the door as soon as they came in.

For now, I focused on my research. Laura Bridgman was a deaf-blind poet who came two generations before Helen Keller, making me wonder why Helen Keller became famous while Laura didn't. She was the first person to learn to fingerspell and gained some publicity after meeting author Charles Dickins when he was just twelve years old.

The article explained that her popularity was short-lived since she spent her years keeping to herself, mostly reading, which explained her lack of exposure. She had notable traits, like being irritable and unsociable towards others, something I always figured Aubrey could relate with.

In her adult years, Anne Sullivan was even her companion! I didn't know why, but I found the idea of that so exciting. Not only a trusted figure to Helen Keller but Laura Bridgman, too! Could I be somebody like that? I didn't know. All I wanted was to stay by Aubrey's side at this point. Today was such a breakthrough, I'd be satisfied if things stayed this way for the rest of my life.

The kids' voices came yelling and squabbling up the steps to the front door. Dragging my attention away from the computer and away from Aubrey Keats.

"Mel's here!" I yelled, scrambling up to go greet her at the door. "Hi, Mel!"

My sister was coming inside with one of her two kids glued to her chest, and the other one clinging to her skirt. She stood sobbing while tears poured down her face. Mum wasted no time pushing me aside. Taking Scooter straight from Mel's arms, she handed him straight over to me.

"Look after your niece and nephew, will you?" Mum said, taking Lucy's hand and placing it in mine.

I looked at my crying sister, wanting to help and spend time with her instead. "But Mum, Mel-"

"Lucy, sweetie," Mum said, disregarding me completely. "Follow Uncle Charlie and go play, okay? Mummy's gonna talk to Nanna for a little while."

My heart turned heavy as Lucy nodded and grasped my hand. I hated that my sister couldn't talk to me as well. She was in tears, and yet I was placed on baby duty somewhere far away because I'd otherwise be a disturbance to them. It's not like I asked to be this young. I just wanted to be here for her, too.

Lucy tugged on my hand, demanding me to take her to my room. I looked at Mum hugging Mel while she sobbed, wishing I could offer some sort of consolation as well. I turned, taking the kids to my room. The only upside to being cast aside by my family was the limited time I got spend with my niece and nephew. I saw more of them than my brother or sister, maybe my entire life.

It'd been a while since I'd seen them. At just six years old, Lucy was already a nearly spitting image of my sister. We all had dark brown hair and even darker eyes, taking after Dad. But Mel's features were even stronger and more pronounced than mine.

As for a two-year-old Scooter, he was another story.

Ben, Mel's husband, was whiter than Aubrey. His hair was white, his skin was white, his lashes were even whiter, and his eyes were the palest blue you could imagine. And yet somehow, Scooter came out ginger. Something to do with recessive genes from both parent's sides.

Top to bottom, full-on ranga.

Lucy grabbed one of my comic books before climbing up into the middle of my bed, while I sat down beside her with Scooter sitting in my lap. I held him up in front of me, pretending he was a helicopter as I shook him sideways going brrrrr. His baby fat cheeks wobbled violently.

"How'd you get like this, huh?" I cooed, trying to contain my laughter at the sight of him. "Baby-chopper! Brrrrr!"

Lucy adjusted herself with the book in front of her, looking up at me expectantly. Knowing she wanted my attention, I set Scooter back in my lap and looked down at her big brown eyes. She looked upset, maybe from feeling the same frustration I felt at not knowing anything. Being treated like a kid.

"Uncle Charlie, why is Mum crying?" Lucy asked, grabbing my fingers.

Upset about not knowing anything. Called it. As for the reason itself? I had no idea. What was I supposed to answer? The kids saw me as an adult, and the adults saw me as a kid. I couldn't appease either side.

There was no winning around here.

"Um, sometimes adults cry if something makes them sad," I said.

"Obviously I know that," Lucy huffed, showing the same strong personality as her Mum. Probably how Mel became a lawyer. "But why?"

"Sorry, I have no idea," I said, shrugging, then nodded towards my comic book. "You gonna read that?"

She huffed, pulling it closer to her as a warning that I wouldn't get my hands on it 'til she was done.

The front door opened, and I heard the familiar rattling of my brother's keys as he entered the house. "Yoo-hoo!" he called out.

"Jake!" I yelled, grabbing Scooter in my arms and rushing over. He smiled when he saw me approaching fast, pulling me in for a hug and ruffling my hair.

"Aha! How're you doing, Buddy? Long time no see." Then he noticed Scooter in my arms, eyes widening and cooing as he reached out to pick him up. "Scooter, how do you keep getting bigger every time I see you? So handsome."

Scooter giggled and squealed while Jake blew raspberry kisses on his cheeks and arms. This went on before the inevitable happened. "Sorry, Charlie," Jake said, handing Scooter back over to me. Like a transaction. "I've gotta talk with Dad about some business stuff before dinner."

"Okay," I nodded, careful not to show too much disappointment. This was completely normal, after all. Expressing anything other than an unwavering understanding would only validate their opinions of my age and immaturity.

Mum and Mel were particularly hard to please, but Jake was always my role model growing up. He was studious, always had cool and fun friends over who sometimes played with me when I was little. He went straight on to university, then graduated, opening up his own company within two years. He got a wife, traveled, everything. All of this while I was still in middle school.

How could I not feel proud to have him as my brother?

The same went for Melissa. Every bit as much of a success story, with two cute kids to boot. I looked down at Scooter who lay perfectly content in my arms. The way Jake picked him up and handed back in seconds was the most adult exchange they could entertain their kid brother with.

A momentary transaction.

"Right, gonna find him," he said, looking at his watch. "See you at dinner."

Just as I expected, those were the first and last words that I got to exchange with him for the entire night. Nobody paid attention to me during dinner. I ate in the lounge with the kids while Mum consoled Mel on her marriage problems and Dad chatted more with Jake about business. Being in the same field gave them more to talk about, while effectively bringing them closer.

There was no place for me at the table. Instead, Mum said I could help by taking care of the kids. It's not like I'd be much help in any other way. So, I watched TV with the kids. They both fell asleep shortly after dinner, but when I attempted to join in at the table, I was turned away. They were busy with their own problems.

There was no time or place for me there, so I took myself to my room and coiled up in bed. Neither Mel nor Jake bothered to say goodbye before leaving.

When would they consider me an adult? Why did they never notice me or pay attention? When would they start to care? Or even pretend to, even just a little.

My eyes started stinging when I tried drifting off to sleep. My thoughts wouldn't stop. I rolled over, pulling my blanket over my head just the same way Aubrey had today. I couldn't help but respect his ability to sleep when feeling this way. My thoughts grew so loud that it was impossible. To take my mind away from the ache in my chest, I thought about him instead.

How sweet he looked curled up in his blanket. How he hugged me in his sleep, and how excited he was after coming down from the surfboard. Today was perfect, even if it didn't feel like it ended that well. No matter what, Monday would definitely be better.

Because I'd get to see Aubrey Keats again.

-

Two nights of poor sleep left me in a right mess this morning. It was a rare occasion I got to see either of my siblings, never mind the both of them in one go. Naturally, I couldn't help but feel excited by their surprise visits and the possibility of getting to chat with them. But most times, just like Saturday night, I was left on the backburner.

And those times were always followed by a few nights of bad sleep.

Goose pissed around in front of Ben's desk. They were having wrestling matches, satisfying my curiosity about who'd win. Yet even as judo star Ben Brown came out victorious, I could hardly think to react at all. It was ten minutes to the bell and Aubrey hadn't come in yet. It might be the only part of the day I was looking forward to now.

Jude came over and stood between mine and Ben's desk. "What's up?" he asked, looking down at me. "You've been out of it since you came in."

"Not much sleep I guess," I said, shrugging.

"So?" he prompted. "What is it?"

Nothing that couldn't be fixed as soon as a certain someone comes through the classroom door, I wanted to say.

"Um, the weekend just ended on a bit of a downer," I said but grinned up at him when I noticed Liam heading over towards us. "But it's fine. What did you and the ranga get up to?"

"Don't ask questions you're not ready to hear answers for," Liam said, smacking the back of my head. I laughed and rubbed the spot, watching him sling his arm over Jude's head while effectively squashing the poor guy.

"Liam!" Jude protested, trying to swat him away, but he was no match for his opponent.

Mr. Hardy got in not long before the bell. Trey and Ikeisha entered straight after, with Aubrey dragging his feet behind them. Seeing as it was their first time seeing him since the incident, everybody turned their heads to look. He seemed to cower a little, avoiding all of their gazes. What I once interpreted as being an outright conceited dick, I could see was shyness and vulnerability.

His hair was down again, covering his ear and hearing aid. He wore a dark sweater over the top of his uniform, wearing that same frown I knew so well.

Trey just straight-up looked pissed at everybody. "Looking at me 'cause I'm black?" he snapped, flipping them all off. "Is this a show? Fuck off."

Aubrey's eyes widened and looked down at his lap, shying away with embarrassment. Mr. Hardy looked less than impressed but got everybody facing back to the front. Except me. I kept looking back at Aubrey, trying to catch his eye. If he just looked my way, then we could use sign language like he said we could on Friday at his place. But he wouldn't even look at me. Not even when the bell finally rang for the first break.

As he headed straight for the door, I called out to him. "Aubrey, wait-"

But he blatantly ignored me, looking straight ahead and not sparing me a single glance. Not even entertaining the idea of looking my way. I stood there, lost. Confused. I didn't know what to think or how to feel.

"You alright?" Goose asked, gripping my shoulder.

He frowned when I looked up at him, eyes stinging. I went through this same rejection from my brother and sister just two nights ago, and I'd spent all of Sunday looking forward to today. The same feeling Mum tells me I should understand and get used to because I'm not an adult. Even though it hurt. To feel this unwanted. Why?

Aubrey was rejecting me when I thought we'd already gotten this far. Did I take things one-sidedly and get carried away all by myself? Maybe. Did I imagine things? Who could I ask? When would I be old enough or mature enough?

Good enough?

When would I be enough?