if you have a problem with me, tell me instead of everyone else__ Leonardo Dicaprio

''mum! i am going to Lea's, forgot my book there.'' i yelled, descending the stairs, to be met with an emotional mum, watching the Notebook. i rolled my eyes at her playfully, and she just nodded her head, her eyes still glued to the screen.

i decided to walk, as Lea's house was not far away from ours, only a 10 minutes walk.

once i reached the door, i knocked softly and waited for a few minutes but there was no answer. i knocked again, this time a tad harsh, still no answer. getting all riled up and concerned, i started knocking on the door more furiously. i was about to call her on the phone, when the door suddenly opened, revealing a messed up Lea. her lipstick was smudged, her hair was like a bird nest, and she was wearing a white silky robe.

i eyed her weirdly, while she was looking as if she was having the worst moment in her life. realization settled in, and a smile broke on my face. ''is there someone inside?'' i winked, nudging her playfully, while getting inside. ''don't worry, i will get my book and leave.''

i was about to get my book from the coffee table near the kitchen, when she held onto my arm, looking at me with teary eyes. i looked at her with concern lacing my features, and before she could talk, the bedroom door was yanked open, revealing a half naked Ethan.

my eyes went wide.

i felt my heart shattering into million pieces.

his eyes went wide, before a sick smirk took its place on his face.

i looked over at Lea to see her crying her eyes out, she was looking at me regretfully, shaking her head slowly at me. what would her regret do at the moment? would it change what's happened?

''ah, miss no please i am not ready is here, i see.'' Ethan said sarcastically. i looked at him dumbly, my eyes teary. how could he?

''y-you two s-slept--'' my sentence was cut short by Ethan.

''yes, we just had sex.'' he grinned, ''what? you thought i will wait for you to get ready? i have needs of my own, and a bitch like you can't control me.'' his face turned serious.

i took in sharp breath, and wiped away the lone tear that escaped my eyes, ''how dare you? you think you can hurt me just like that?'' i shouted, my voice coming out hard. my hand was about to collide with his face, but he was fast in shoving me to the floor instead.

''no! please stop! she didn't do anything wrong...'' Lea hiccuped uncontrollably, shielding me from Ethan.

''stop interfering, fucking bitch!'' he slapped her hard, that she went falling on the floor. the slap brought me back to my senses, and i realized something. that was not Ethan. it was a monster. i stood up instantly, and tried to push him away from us, but his moves were quicker, and he had me already trapped in his arms. he was putting pressure on my neck, cutting the air from reaching. Lea's eyes widened in surprise, before quickly scurrying to the kitchen, and coming back with a knife.

''leave her! or i swear will kill you, Ethan!'' she shouted, her hands shaking too hard, that it seemed impossible to hold a knife in that state. i gripped hard on his arm, trying to get hold of myself, but it was too hard with all the pressure he was putting on my neck.

''there.'' he simply said, shoving me at her. i stumbled a bit, until i regained control over my own legs. i started coughing hard, trying hard to catch my long lost breath.

''who are you?! what do you think you're doing? you are out of your mind!'' i screamed on top of my lungs, desperate to understand what's going on.

''i am so sorry, Emma. i-i d-don't know why i-i d-did it....'' she started explaining herself, her hands empty. my eyes widened, when i saw the shiny metal in Ethan's hand. i pushed Lea behind me, and without much thinking, i kicked Ethan in his stomach, sending him down to the floor. the Knife fell next to him, so i quickly ran to it, but he reached his hands out, trying to take it.

i stepped on his hand, and took the knife successfully, feeling relief wash over me.

my happiness was gone short the moment he stood up, taking my arm behind my back harshly. he gripped on the knife in my hand, but i refused to let go.

''leave it, bitch.'' he seethed with venom lacing his voice, but i couldn't care less at the moment. i kept my hold over the knife, and using my leg, i kicked him backwards in his manhood. he let go of me in a matter of a second.

''you are dead.'' he shouted, angrily, making me flinch at his tone. without wasting time, i ran to the kitchen in panic, feeling as if my soul was leaving my body. it was an absolutely terrifying moment.

his hands reached out for my upped body, and in a second my body was pressed on the kitchen counter in a painful way. pain shot through my neck, as i struggled to free myself. i kept on pushing and kicking, but it was of no use, as his hold was way more stronger than all my failed attempts. i tried throwing the knife away from us, so that it's safer, but his hand quickly took it from me, before i could throw it, and the next thing i know, the knife went inside me.

his hold on me was now gone, and i was left all alone, sliding down the counter in utter shock and pain. i heard screams and shouts, but couldn't really hear what they were saying. Lea quickly came to my side, taking my hand in hers, kissing it and pleading me stay awake.

''c-all, C-carter.'' i hardly said, before going into the darkness...

xxx

growing up is hard, and the struggles are real. the only choice you could make is whether to continue fighting, or just give up in the middle of the way, but the real question is: is it worth fighting for?

you want an answer to your question?

it's a no.

it's not worth it. so, all you gotta do is stick to yourself, see what you need and do it for your own sake. grow old with yourself, and make it your best friend instead of an un-known.

that's what i have been trying to do, since my not so pleasant introduction with betrayal, heart break, and unworthy people, who by the way are a lot. forgetting what happened is hard, but getting over it is a possibility that I'm gonna stick to. you think forgetting is good? no... it's no good. to remember is to learn, and to learn is to develop.

they say what happened is in the past, and i don't think it's that easy. the past will always be there, in your head, your heart, your eyes, whether you like it or not. the thing is to learn how to live with it, and be stronger than it, and yes... it's not just that easy. it's first a dream, then a decision, then a lot of trails.

Ethan is my past, and i am trying to live with it, proof on what i am saying is that i am living at the moment. not in a corner, crying my eyes out, feeling sick to my stomach, wanting to puke my liver out. i am here, with people around me, and we are locking eyes, and frankly i don't feel threatened with his presence. i feel... normal?

weird, right?

his smirk was wide, showing me openly how fun he thinks the situation we are in right now. he looked at me from head to toe, and nodded his head approvingly, all the while smirking. i stared, but didn't show any reaction, or at least that's what i thought. my face can show all kind of feeling without me realizing, and that right now might be a problem.

''ladies! are you ready? the match will end in a 5, and then we're next.'' the voice of the captain informing us that our match is gonna be played in a short notice brought me back from my thoughts.

we were now in my old school: death trap.

it is the tournament's first day, and the two schools are gathered to play against each other. unfortunate enough, the first day was to be played at their school. my brothers, Carter, Levi, and Noah were already engrossed in the current match, leaving Abby, Della, and I standing in the waiting area.

''are you okay?'' Della asked, looking at my face with concern lacing her voice. i nodded my head hesitantly. she doesn't know...

Abby snaked her arm around mine in a comforting manner, and started rubbing soothing circles on it. she looked at me with sad eyes, and then glared back at the boy standing afar.

''gotta go!'' Della said enthusiastically, running to the field with her cheer-leading outfit. they did their routine after the match ended, and stood still waiting for the girls team to enter. Abby gave me a push, and gave me a look that said, 'man up, you can do it.'

i gave her a soft smile, and started walking ever so slowly to the field. the boys started cheering, and in an instant loud voices were heard every-where. the cheer-leading team did their routine once again, and before they got out of the field, Della gave me a wink.

soon after the other team entered, the whistle was heard and in no time, the players were already moving around like busy bees. i shook my head from reality, and started gaining more realization as to get involved in the game. i know the opposing soccer team, and truth to be said, they play pretty well, and each individual has her own specialty, which makes them very strong together.

Natasha, a girl from my team, passed me the ball, which i took swiftly, caging it between both feet, as i started moving with it to their part of the field. quickly i noticed Sarah, and without thinking, i passed her the ball, and started running to her front, so that she can give me the ball again. according to plan, the ball was with me again. cheers were heard, and it didn't take a genius to know what they were expecting. the goal was in front of me, the ball was between my legs, only one thing left. strike.

cheers erupted throughout the whole place, bringing a small smile on my face. girls from my team came up to me, patting my back, encouraging me with excitement oozing out of them. and just like that, my mind was lost in the game, forgetting everything my mind was trying to take me back to.

xxx

''good game, girls.'' the captain clapped her hands once we sat on the deck. i took my towel, and dried the sweat that formed on my forehead, all the while gulping water from my bottle.

the game ended 1 to zero, and i couldn't be more happy that we won the first match. my brothers, Carter, Levi, and Noah were on the other side of the field surrounded by their football team, as they were about to begin their match. Abby on the other hand was on the bleachers cheering us on with Veronica and Nora helping her with whistles.

''you did good, girl!'' Della's voice broke me from my daydream with a smile plastered in her face. she was sweaty from the routine she has done for about 4 times till now, but non the less she looked joyful and excited.

''you too, didn't know you got the moves.'' i winked at her, to which she raised her chin proudly.

in no time the match started, and the boys were like bees in the field. a small smile played on my lips as i took a look at Noah, who was overly focused in the game with his helmet on, he looked hot.

in the game, my brothers and Noah were acting like there was no hate between them. it was my first time seeing them play, and to say that i was surprised would be an understatement. they smiled at each other when they scored, and even high five d a multiple of times. i am not sure if they were being professional or what exactly, but their sight brought warmness to my heart.

''you got very smitten, Love.'' a voice whispered from behind me. the smell of his breath hit my nostrils, and i tried my best not to throw up right there and then. ''you weren't like that with me, why?'' i could feel the smirk playing on his lips.

i clenched my fists together, trying to keep my cool, and turned around without thinking. regret would be a very small word to what i was feeling. i hated myself for turning around and seeing his nasty face again, after i thought i would never again. he was still the same; disgusting, horrible inside out.

''ah, long time no see. actually,.... no, i have been stalking you for quite some time.'' my breath hitched inside my throat. i felt my fingers trembling slightly, so i clenched my fist even more. ''i miss you, Love.'' he smiled. the smile that once upon a time i thought was nice, now i couldn't even bare the sight of it.

''what do you want?'' my voice came out bold, and hard. i felt ecstatic that my fear and nervousness were not showing on me.

he buried his hand in his pocket, and raised his right brow at my behavior, amusement showing on his face. ''feisty as always.'' he remarked, sending me over the edge.

''get lost, Ethan. i don't have time for your twisted games.'' i said, and turned around. my movement came to a halt, when his hand grabbed mine in a death grip, and twirled me around harshly.

''shut up your fucking mouth, you don't know what i am capable of yet, and i would very gladly try on your little boyfriend.'' he threatened, all the while bringing me closer to his body painfully. i tried yanking my arm out of his grip, but failed miserably, as his hand became tighter, nothing else.

''leave her.'' said someone from behind him. he looked at the person with my arm still held tightly, and in return a humorless chuckle got out of him. i looked and was greeted by the sight of Lea, standing there, looking absolutely miserable. she has changed a lot. there were black circles under her eyes, her hair was a mess, instead of the perfect glow that she used to have, she now looked dull. her full bump didn't go un-noticed by my eyes, making my jaw drop to the ground.

''oh, and the slut's here.'' Ethan said with a smug face. i took this as my chance and yanked my arm out of his grip successfully, freeing myself. he shook his head at me, a lazy smile playing on his lips.

''y-you are pregnant?'' i managed to ask, hiding my shock. she nodded her head slowly, looking broke. she looked physically and emotionally drained, and i couldn't help the feeling of sympathy that took over my features. her eyes were teary as she looked at me through her lashes.

''cut the crab,'' Ethan's hard voice shook me from my thoughts, ''you are breaking up with that boy, understood?'' his serious look made me nervous, but i refused to let it show on me.

''and who do you think you are to order me like that?'' i said, my arms crossed over each other in challenge with him.

''the one who nearly killed you, and the one who also might kill your boy.'' he stated with an emotionless face, sucking the air out of me. he was right. i was an inch away from dying, because of him, and he didn't even feel sorry. i looked over at Lea and saw her looking at me with sadness filling her eyes. she nodded her head in an apologizing manner, her eyes looking at Ethan with fear dripping from them.

without another word, i turned my body away from them and started walking alongside of the field, trying to get myself to the other side. my mind kept playing all the dreadful memories that i was trying hard not to let it get to me, but with all the agony building inside me, it was impossible.

i kept hearing familiar voices, telling me something important, but my mind was preoccupied by my thoughts to notice what's happening. i was staring at the ground beneath me, and walking with no emotion whatsoever, trying to get myself to the other end of the field, but it seemed like miles away.

faded voices was all i heard, before i felt two arms around me. they were delicate, but their shaking manner didn't go un-noticed. i looked up and saw Abby's panicky face pouring into mine. concern and fear were drawn on her face, as she looked at me from head to toe. she secured her arms around my body carefully, and started walking me. i saw Nora and Veronica looking at me with concern, but my face stayed blank.

''Emma! hey, hey, look at me.'' Abby's soothing voice broke me from my day-dream, and all of a sudden the noises around us were heard by my ears again, after the utter silence that filled them. we continued walking, before entering somewhere.

''what happened, sweet heart?'' Nora stroked my hair gently, while Veronica hunched down in front of me, taking my hands in hers.

i smiled.

then grinned.

all the while my heart breaking.

then a hard sound came out of my throat.

a sob? a painful groan?

''you know what? i am fine.'' i finally said, staring at their concerned faces, ''totally fine, actually.'' i added. ''you saw them, Abby? Lea is pregnant, and he is still the same. he threatened me, you know?'' a lone tear slipped. then... and waterfall. ''he said he will hurt him, and i don't doubt it.'' i wiped my tears furiously, ''you remember what happened to me?'' Abby nodded her head, tears streaming down her face. ''he hurt me.'' i whispered painfully to Nora and Veronica, who looked confused, but yet their eyes were teary. ''he scarred me, emotionally and physically.'' they gasped.

i looked around me, and found that we were in the washrooms. relief took over me, as i found my legs taking me to the sinks. i splashed my face with cold water, and stared at my reflection. i sniffled, and took of my hair tie, and tied my hair again more properly. i turned around, and saw Abby struggling with her tears, while Nora and Veronica had shocked looks on their faces.

feeling more me, i went to them and pulled them into a hug. they hugged me back and this time, they broke into tears. i felt my eyes getting watery again, but not because of the pain, but because of the love i was feeling at the moment.

xxx

i stood up from my place in panic, and in no time Lucas's wooden bat was in my hand, ready to strike. i was in my room after we came from the tournament, i was nearly dead from the amount of effort we did today. Logan and Lucas slept downstairs in their clothes, didn't even bother to change. mum and dad didn't get the chance to scold them as their snores were heard throughout the whole house, and they ended up in their rooms giving up on their sons to wake up.

something again shuffled by the window, making me tighten my hold around the bat, and my steps became more urgent. slowly and carefully, i took hold of the blinds, and moved them away to see what's happening outside. i was surprised to see Noah standing there, his face forming a small frown.

he tapped on the window, impatiently. waiting for me to open it. i closed my mouth, that went wide open upon seeing him here, and quickly placed the bat on the chair, and opened the window. he jumped inside the moment the window got opened, taking me by surprise. i felt his strong arms taking me into his embrace softly. his smell invaded my nostrils, making my jumpy nerves calm down, and relax. he kissed my hair, while stroking it ever so gently, making my eyes go teary.

''what happened today?'' he whispered asked, his arms dropping to my waist in a tightened yet soft grip.

''n-nothing.'' i whispered back, feeling my arms snaking their way around his torso. his hands clasped mine, as he broke our hug, and stared deeply into my eyes.

''you are lying.'' after observing me for quite some seconds, he said as a matter of fact.