a/n: The one song I slapped at in Guitar Hero or wuteva

"Hold on, hold on, let me get this straight... You've been dating Freecss this entire fucking time—and you didn't think to tell me ?"

"It's not that simple—"

"Yes, it is that fucking simple, you sexy fucking moron!"

"No need to throw mean names around—I think? That was mean, wasn't it?" Alluka said, looking to Gon's friends for support, but the Idiot Trio was completely gobsmacked by the morning's events. Uvogin whistled low under his breath, impressed.

Kurapika hit Killua on the shoulder, and then on the chest for good measure. Killua lost his breath on the second one and choked out, "Yeah, okay, I deserved that—"

"Ya think!" Kurapika screamed.

The café was starting to thin out as the time drew closer and closer to ten, at which point Gon could be seen thanking customers for leaving tips and for staying and listening. Killua glanced over at him and, some sane part of him was still stuck on the idea that Gon would be a perfect performer at underground parties—

Kurapika hit him again.

" Ow ! Fuck!" Killua groaned.

Alluka cut between them, shoving them both away from one another just as Freecss made his way over.

"Alluka! You made it!" Gon said, beaming. He looked across the startled faces of all of his friends and said, "I'm so glad you guys could come! I—"

Before he could finish, Zushi was on his feet and storming to the door. Knuckle half-stood to go after him, but Uvogin stopped him. Gon had only seen the very edge of Zushi angry and this went beyond that. Worry pricked at his heart as he watched his friend escape the café. He looked back at Knuckle, who put his head in his hand and sighed.

"I-I'll go check on him," Gon said, hesitating as he put a hand on Kurapika's shoulder and said, "Could you maybe guard my guitar for me?"

Kurapika sighed and said, "Yeah, sure, whatever," as he reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose and halt the impending headache.

Gon thanked him and jogged out after Zushi. As he skidded out onto the sidewalk, he spied the back of Zushi's fuzzy brown hair at the corner of the street, his hands tucked into the front pocket of his hoodie, and his shoulders bunched up in frustration. Gon ran up to him, out of breath, and said, "Hey, what's up?"

Zushi put a hand up to rub his eyes and, to Gon's astonishment, his tears. "Nothing," Zushi muttered.

"Come on, I know you're lying," Gon said with a half-hearted laugh.

Zushi threw his hand down and said, "For fuck's sake, Gon." Gon startled, alarmed at the venom Zushi spat out at him in the form of harsh words. "How long have you been lying to me? Have you just been making fun of me this entire fucking time? I thought you were serious about—About hating Zoldyck!"

What? Gon thought, floored. "I wouldn't say I hate him..." he started.

Zushi let out a hollow laugh, turning to Gon, his eyes flitting everywhere but on Gon. "Yeah, well, clearly . Since you're dating the guy."

Gon could have laughed, and he did. "I'm—" he started, only to stop, his eyes catching on the café window where he could see Alluka's brown hair curled to perfection. The only person who thought he was dating Killua was Killua's sister.

"Holy heck..." Gon whispered, a hand to his forehead.

"Yeah, and you've been seeing two different people? What the fuck, Gon? Why didn't you tell me you were poly?" Zushi said.

"This is so out of control," Gon groaned, hands over his face in fear of his brain melting out through his nose. It was too much for him to comprehend, let alone handle.

"Well get it under control ," Zushi snapped at him, and Gon flinched. "I'm not dealing with this bullshit. I can't believe you lied to me all semester. That's not what friends do, Gon ."

With that, Zushi stormed across the road, leaving Gon to linger at the curb, out of breath and out of his mind with what could only be described as pure, unadulterated grief .

Zushi was Gon's first friend in over two years. He really did have shit luck keeping friends around, huh?

Gon sluggishly returned to the café, fully aware of the shitshow he was likely going to walk into given his current state of affairs. Everyone else was still there, loitering, which was to be expected. But when Gon appeared in the doorway, Kurapika stopped bitching and Alluka relaxed from where she was physically attempting to split Killua and Kurapika apart.

Gon rubbed a hand over his hair and sighed, a dull but familiar ache resurfacing in his chest. Without a word, he went back to his stage to start packing up.

The silence and the look on Gon's face was enough for everyone in the group to become riddled with guilt. Gon never looked like that, which just proved that today was, in fact, a shitshow.

Knuckle and Uvogin left as Gon zipped up Melvin 2.0's case. Despite how Gon tried to ignore them and everything that was happening in the corner of the café, their wordless exit nearly brought tears to his eyes.

He couldn't imagine seeing Zushi or Knuckle in class later. He didn't want to go to class. He didn't want to talk to them or anyone.

So when Kurapika came up to him, he dreaded having to speak.

"Listen, Gon," Kurapika started, and Gon ducked his head to avoid looking at him. "You can do whatever the fuck you want, alright? I get it. But I like to know these things."

Gon nodded, and came damn near close to crying when Kurapika squeezed him by the shoulders and pulled him in for a hug. Gon tucked his forehead against Kurapika's shoulder, his eyes closed.

"I'll text you later," Kurapika promised before pulling away. He wandered to the door where, as he propped his sunglasses on the bridge of his nose, he glanced back at Gon. Gon offered a meager wave, and Kurapika was off.

Now thoroughly packed up, Gon shrugged on his backpack and carried Melvin 2.0 over to where Alluka was cradling a latté at the countertop beside Killua. Killua was watching him as Gon put a hand to Alluka's back and said, "Thanks for coming."

"Definitely! I wish I could have listened to more," she said, looking back at him with a brilliant smile. "I'll just have to come to the next one. You'll invite me, won't you?"

"Of course," Gon said, his smile genuine. "I'll see you sometime soon then."

He left without looking at Killua.

_______

Class was just as terrible as any other course Gon took at his old community college. Some desperate part of Gon wanted to believe that it would be fine, and that he'd walk in and Zushi would be playfully annoyed at Gon but they'd continue sitting with each other through class, and then joke about it at the end.

It wasn't like that.

It went a little more like this:

After dropping Melvin 2.0 off at home, Gon drove to class where he lingered at the doorway, hoping to catch Zushi's eye. Zushi looked thoroughly angry, scribbling in his notebook. Beside him, Knuckle looked up. Gon offered a weak, hopeful wave.

Knuckle sighed and shook his head. He looked off to the side, away from where Gon's heart shattered.

A group of students walked in, and one of them bumped into Gon. He staggered, and he would have been fine with it had another student not done the exact same thing two seconds later and looked over her shoulder to make sure Gon knew that it was intentional.

Gon stared after her, and then at all of the attention was on him. Students who Gon had heard giggle and gossip about Killua were now glaring at him relentlessly.

A sweat broke out across his forehead. I can't stay here , he thought, panic gripping him by the throat.

As he went to make his escape, Professor Isaac walked in. Gon skidded to a halt as Isaac said, "Take your seats, everyone."

Gon hesitated. He lingered at the bottom of the stairs a moment longer before hurriedly making his way up past Zushi and Knuckle's seats. As he did, someone at the end of the row slung their backpack onto the steps, nearly taking Gon out by the ankles. "Oh, sorry," they said.

He knew where Killua sat, and it seemed, everyone assumed Gon would now be sitting there, too. Word spreads fast , he thought, which further complimented how gossip spread at his old school. Unrelentingly fast.

Gon claimed second seat down from where Killua usually sat. As expected, Killua arrived just before lecture could start, and he garnered just as much positive attention as he usually did. Gon's bottom lip wavered as he avoided Killua's eye and looked to his hands.

He really didn't want to talk to his roommate right now.

When Killua took his seat, he dropped his backpack in his usual chair and claimed the gap Gon had intended to keep between them. Killua sighed, "They all know now, huh."

Gon said nothing.

Killua never wanted to punch himself as much as he did in that moment.

Killua ran a hand over his forehead and pushed his hair back as lecture began. It dragged on, dreadfully slow, and Killua could tell from the way Gon scribbled patches of black around his notebook binding that Gon wasn't paying attention in the slightest.

Killua hadn't taken actual notes since he was in high school, but he took some that day so that at the end of lecture, he tore them out and handed it to Gon.

Gon stared at them as Killua said, "Lecture notes, since you weren't taking any."

Gon sucked in a deep breath. Killua swallowed hard, watching pink gather around Gon's eyes. "I'm okay, thanks," Gon said before walking off and jogging down the steps. He left the lecture hall rubbing at his eyes, and Killua let his arm flop to his lap, the lecture notes abandoned.

"Trouble in paradise?" a preppy voice chimed from down the empty row.

Killua resisted the urge to groan. He turned a glare onto Retz, who beamed at him and came to rest a seat down from Killua, leaning her hip against it as the lecture hall emptied out.

"I take it you made a point to spread it around, then," Killua said.

Retz shrugged half-heartedly. "I hear it, I post it. You know how it goes," she said. "Nothing personal. I have no stakes in the matter, if I'm being honest."

"Right," Killua said, dryly.

"Gon's sweet, though. I do feel a bit of remorse for that one," Retz said, and before Killua could inquire about it, she walked off, saying, "Look forward to Saturday!"

He wouldn't know what Retz meant, not for several days that is.

Wednesday came to a close after an uneventful studio session—and it was precisely because it was so uneventful that was what made it so unbearable. It was one of the few classes Gon didn't have with his friends, but generally, he was able to group up with people without issue. That day, however, he was excommunicated from the projects and, even when the professor lumped him together with a group of three, they left him on the fringes and finished the project on their own.

Gon sat in silence after several failed attempts to join the conversation.

He couldn't take it.

The moment he could, he scattered from the studio as everyone was still zipping up their backpacks.

He escaped from the building with a gasp, exhaustion seeping into his very bones. His head was clouded by his old community college and how It's just like last time—It's just like last time—It's just like —

"Freecss," a familiar voice called from down the sidewalk.

Gon turned to it, only to wither internally. It was just Killua. As much as Gon wanted to whine, " What do you want? " or " Leave me alone! ", Killua was the only person on campus who could wholly understand him right now.

They were in this together, dammit! and Gon wouldn't fuck it up just because he couldn't stand the sight of the guy.

"H-Hey Killua," Gon said, fists clenched at the sides of his navy slacks.

It's your fault Zushi hates me! Gon wanted to scream. He wanted to scream it so loud, an astronaut in space would yell back, " Yeah, you tell him! "

Killua approached, cautiously, half-turned away like he was prepared to make a break for it. Gon could see his eyes scanning Gon's face for any hint of aggression, and it made Gon's face burn. "I... figured we could carpool. If you're okay with that," Killua suggested.

Back during their first week together, Gon would have jumped on that offer in a heartbeat. He had just wanted their living situation to be bearable. But now? Now all he wanted was to sit in his car and cry.

"I, um, I have some errands to run," Gon lied half-heartedly. He rubbed the back of his head and said, "Yeah, so I probably won't make it back before you need to go to work, so..."

"That's fine," Killua said. "Just figured I'd ask."

They stood in silence for a moment as Gon's soul left his body and descended as the weight of the days events dragged on. The door to the building opened and a group of girls from Gon's studio class stepped out, chattering until they saw Killua standing in front of a miserable-looking Gon.

Gon wondered if Killua could tell that he was two seconds away from crying, or if he just didn't want to blow their cover. Either way, Killua reached out to him and drew Gon forward against his chest. Killua's arms wrapped around Gon's neck, holding him securely and tightly and all of the above.

Gon loved hugs. He was a hug fanatic. And yet in all of his years of hugging, he never thought he'd find himself melting into Killua Zoldyck's arms.

The seconds passed as Gon tucked his forehead against Killua's shoulder so he wouldn't have to see the girls from his class walk by. He wouldn't have to know if they were staring, which they weren't, thanks to the deadly glare Killua gave them from over Gon's tuft of dark, fuzzy hair.

After they were gone, Killua relaxed his hold on Gon, and Gon took the hint to pull away. Killua shoved his hands into his pockets and said, "I'm gonna walk you to your car and then get out of your hair."

Gon brushed the pad of his thumb under his eye as he let out a dry laugh and said, "Oh, so suddenly you're okay with being seen in public with me. Brilliant."

Killua gave him a dry look and said, "I never said I was comfortable with it. I'm just saying that I'm going to do it, so let's go."

"No need to be rude about it," Gon muttered as Killua started ahead.

Killua looked out at the road as he said, "Yeah, well, trust me when I say that I'm about as thrilled as you are about this."

"Oh, boohoo," Gon said with every ounce of annoyance he felt. It was startling, hearing that come out of Gon's mouth, and soon, Killua was giving him a weird side-eye that had Gon recoiling. "Sorry."

"No, what were you gonna say."

"Nothing. It wasn't nice and my ma said I shouldn't say mean things," Gon said.

Killua rolled his eyes and said, "You're talking to a guy who regularly calls Kurapika a cunt, so out with it. You'd be surprised by how thick of a skin I've got."

Gon scuffed his foot on the concrete as they slowed at the crosswalk. The light turned white, though, so they were quickly back on track and Gon attempted to speed up so he wouldn't have to see Killua wandering idly behind him as he said what was on his mind.

"It was unfair of you to make all of these decisions without me. And now you've ruined my college existence, which wouldn't be all that terrible if it wasn't my second go of it. There, I said it." Gon bounded up onto the curb and, letting out a shaky breath, glanced at Killua.

Killua seemed unfazed. He expected as much, but certainly not that last bit. He had no way of knowing why Gon even transferred—he hadn't even thought of asking.

"To be fair," Killua said, and Gon hated every second of it. He hated how difficult it was to say his piece, only to have the very essence of his frustration countered. He wanted Killua to understand him wholeheartedly and not ask questions. He just wanted Killua to apologize . " You were the one who came up with the boyfriend thing. That wasn't me."

"Your sister came up with it—"

"And you went along with it. You didn't ask me then, and before you say you didn't have time... that same argument applies to me. We're both fucked right now, so don't blame it all on me."

Gon's eyes burned as his nails dug into the palms of his fisted hands. "You aren't the one who—No, it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, because it's not like I have anything to win back by arguing with you. You torched my friendship with Zushi and Knuckle and—and I don't expect you to understand because it's not like you have a shortage of friends and people who want to hang out with you . I've a-always had a shortage and it's no fair that you're so fine being on your own and I'm so— not ."

As the seconds dragged on and Killua said nothing, Gon decided that he had said more than enough. He rubbed at his eyes again, beyond anxious about the heat building behind them. Sniffing, he hurried to his car and fumbled with his keys to unlock it as Killua lingered at the trunk, his hands in his pockets, and his eyes on the ground.

Killua swallowed hard and glanced down the lot, back towards the exit. It was quiet all except for the digital hum of the florescent lights over their heads.

"That isn't true," he said, and he wasn't sure what part of it felt like a lie. He only felt qualified to argue against what Gon had assumed about him , but he also found it hard to believe that Gon didn't have anyone.

The emotional part of Gon grew defensive about the vulnerability he had just given Killua. How dare he call that a lie?

"Sh-Shut up," he stammered, standing in front of the open driver's door. "I haven't had a real friend since—since—God, I miss elementary school when people weren't such dicks ." With that, he ducked into the car and slammed the door.

Killua took the hint— finally —and backed off to avoid being backed into . Gon pulled away for a hasty retreat into the great abyss known as San Francisco's rush hour traffic. Killua watched after him for a moment before decided that he'd better figure out his bus schedule if he was going to make it home, eat, and get to work on time.

Meanwhile, Gon drove off of campus and searched for the first convenience store he could find. There, he paid for parking (like the good sumaritan he was) and wandered into Walgreens for his first and only errand that evening.

Gon smacked a Ben and Jerry's onto the cashier counter.

"Just this?" the cashier said.

"Yeah. That kind of day," Gon sighed, and the cashier rung him up.

At the car, he pushed his seat back, dug through his glove compartment for a plastic spoon, and kicked his shoes off. With his one errand done for the day, he just needed to wait for Killua to leave the apartment, and the ice cream cup would surely burn some time.