《Think Again (When You Stop Freaking Out)*Captain America*Daredevil*》6) Mirror and mirage
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Matt had a suspicion that Tony Stark liked to show off his wealth. He also thought that Bruce Banner definitely was more of a good host than anyone would expect from a man turning into a huge green monster (not that Matt could tell the colour).
With these two things combined, they ended up in what seemed to be a living room for all the Avengers, cups of coffee in front of themselves, Bruce talking in hushed voice with the other genius.
Foggy - after making sure it was okay for what could be four times - excused himself to the balcony so he could admire the marvellous view from the Tower. Matt was frankly sure he took a selfie. And Thor disappeared god knew where, no pun intended.
Which left the captain and Matt alone, each of them sitting on a different couch. The silence wasn't particularly awkward, but neither it was comfortable.
It made Matt realize that he was probably the only one to perceive silence in this situation. Which was really, really weird.
"How you're holding up, Captain?" he addressed Steve hesitantly and the man in question raised his head to him immediately.
He was still glasses-free, which meant Matt had the emotions served on a silver plate. It dawned to him that while for him personally the glasses shielded people from the uncomfortable sight of his unseeing eyes, they had much more important function. Matt wasn't sure if it was a Steve Rogers thing or Matt Murdock's face thing, but boy, thank god for the red lenses. They were a mask on their own.
"I'm fairly sure we can drop the titles, Mr. Murdock."
"Matt."
Steve extended his hand Matt's general direction. "Steve."
Matt chuckled as the absurdity and accepted the hand, this time trying to be wary of using too much force. To be honest, he was surprised how well was Steve coping. The supersoldier had been blinded and given terribly strong senses; he was holding himself incredibly well.
"You seem to be doing really well, Steve. How are you really?"
Matt was met with a sight of himself shrugging, his face once again revealing more than the simple gesture. It's not easy, the expression said. I'm fine, the gesture hinted. Strange dichotomy. Was it like this with him all the time?
"Well, I'm trying. It's... overwhelming."
Matt laughed humourlessly. "That's one way to say it."
"But... the Tower seems to muffle the noise of the city pretty well, rooms seemed rather soundproof. I can't imagine what it's like for you to live like this all the time..." he hesitated, as if he was reluctant to say more. "I... I think that... the body remembers a way to cope though. When Foggy came to the apartment... the world fell silent. Not completely, just... it... he grounded me."
Matt watched him struggling to explain the feelings, the soft note of awe and admiration in his voice, and couldn't help but relate - to the struggle, not the admiration. That part was just... unexpected. He wasn't used to people acting like this. Foggy could never understand, no matter how much he tried; and everyone else... it was just waves and waves of pity washing over him whenever he mentioned things weren't always easy; so as a rule, he tried his best not to.
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But Steve seemed simply astonished. Matt wasn't sure how to respond to that. He cleared his throat awkwardly.
"Well, I guess there's something true about that. I... people help with that. If I can focus on something or someone, it gets easier. Foggy... he is a good thing to focus on. Just... please don't mention it in front of him."
Steve looked like he was considering the pros and cons for a minute - lying and keeping secrets versus the consequences of telling the truth - , and then nodded.
"Well, I'm just grateful. It's none of my business."
Lots of things aren't, Matt heard despite no more words spoken.
He smiled at Steve with relief and gratitude even though he knew the man couldn't see it. "Thanks, Steve."
The soft smile was thrown right back at him.
"What about you? How you're holding up? I'm not exactly... great at interpreting all the info I'm being offered..."
Matt huffed. "To be honest, I think I understand what you mean by the muscle memory thing. I knew Doctor Banner was a friend of some sort when he approached me. It's all... weird."
Matt knew he didn't need to say that he meant mainly the ability to see - Steve read between the lines.
"Imagine that," Steve hummed vaguely, lowering his sightless gaze.
"I guess I just want this to be over with," Matt admitted, feeling tiredness settle in his - Steve's - bones.
At that, Steve raised his head again, his eyes somewhat searching. Curious, but not noisy. Compassionate, but not pitying. Understanding, Matt realized.
Steve opened his mouth several times without a sound coming out and then spoke in soft reluctant voice.
"I was given this opportunity to... to serve my country despite being sick most of my life and I..., finally be able to fight for what I believed was right was all I could want. I had something I could never hope to have. And after the transformation... I had this recurrent dream, almost every night - still have it sometimes. I wake up and... I'm back to my old self. It only gets worse with time. The longer I live like this... the worse the dream about relapsing is becoming. And it's not the fact itself that I'm small and helpless... it's that I am small and helpless again."
Matt's lips parted, releasing a shaky exhale under Steve's genuine eyes - well, his own, whatever. His heart was hammering in his ribcage, the world swaying off its place slightly.
How... how was he able to get to the very core of the problem? How- how could he know exactly the worst part? Because he knows it, a tiny voice whispered in Matt's head. He knows it.
Matt had no doubt Steve was telling the truth - and he finally understood what Foggy meant when saying Matt was a terrible liar, seriously, Matt Murdock's face screamed truth right now and it wasn't hard to imagine that lie would be just as clear.
Matt fought against the lump in his throat, swallowing loudly.
"Yeah," he rasped, watching the corner of Steve's lips rise in a lopsided sad smile. "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean."
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Or once, Matt was sure of his own feelings. He didn't hate the ability to see. He was in peace with not seeing too, for most part.
But he despised the limited period he was given the great opportunity, only to be robbed of it. Again.
---
"So, I have an idea."
"That can't be good," Matt murmured under his breath, making Steve chuckle silently. In response, Matt's heart skipped a beat, probably not expecting to be heard.
Tony was oblivious to the note, so Steve assumed Matt truly spoke too low for anyone to hear it. Except for a guy with superhearing, who was now in the position of being surprise surprised by being heard. Steve thought that maybe, one day he would be able to truly laugh at that.
"It's very scientifically advanced so I'm gonna say it in plain English..." Foggy, Steve and Matt all held their breaths, while Bruce... Steve was pretty sure he rolled his eyes, even though he had no way of knowing that. "You should go to sleep."
"I beg your pardon?" Matt blurted out.
Yeah, what he said. When had Steve zoned out enough to ignore Bruce and Tony talking anyway?
"Hey, I don't want to explain it in science talk-"
"There's zero 'science talk'. We just think that if the artefact affected you in sleep, it might activate again when your consciousness is in the same state as it was during the first exchange," Bruce cut him off and Steve could feel the shuffle of air as Tony gave his friend an annoyed look.
"Now you're just oversimplifying-"
"Tony, that was a thinking of a five year old reading enough fairy tales-"
"I don't think I can fall asleep now and like this," Matt sighed, interrupting the bicker.
"I kinda agree," Steve confirmed hesitantly.
"Yeah, well, in this century, we have those things called sleeping-pills," Tony informed them sassily and Steve crossed his arms on his chest. Yeah, sure, except he would need a dose for an elephant. Or, well, Matt would need it. Steve's actual body would. Whatever.
"I don't like drugs."
"Yeah, drugs are bad," Foggy stated and Steve knew he crossed his arms as well. "I mean... he really doesn't like it."
"It messes with me for days. Call it oversensitivity..." Matt explained reluctantly, his voice sheepish and clearly uncomfortable.
"Yeah, well..."
Too late, Steve smelled something that set all alarm bells in his head off. It was a strange smell, artificial, making his stomach turn up. Before he could locate the source, he felt a sting on his neck. His hand immediately went to cover the place, strange warmth spreading through his body.
"HEY!" three voices protested loudly and Steve's world swayed. His fingers touched a small object sticking from his skin, pulling it out with another sting.
With mind cloudy and his limbs swimming, he identified it painfully slowly. A tranquillizer arrow.
Tony had never meant to ask them if they wanted to go to sleep. Of course he hadn't.
Steve didn't even manage to curse. The world turned upside down and the last words he heard were 'sorry pal, you'll need like ten of these.'
And then the world went silent.
---
"When I wake up - if I'm gonna wake up like myself again -, I'm gonna ask someone to punch you," Matt growled, watching his own body crumbled on the couch. That son of a bitch-
Tony Stark didn't even have the courtesy to look guilty and shrugged.
"Sure thing, DD. Or MMM? Gotta love these alliterations. Anyway, you might wanna sit down again. It sucks to drag Cap's body somewhere. Lots of muscles. Which is why we need to give you so much. Fast metabolism and shit."
"Matt, I volunteer," Foggy informed him stiffly and it took Matt a moment to realize what 'call to arms' Foggy was responding to.
"I think I'll just find him when my senses are back too normal and hit him myself. It would be more satisfying," Matt hissed, but sat down on the couch, getting ready to be dosed with what would probably be enough medication to bring down a horse. Or an elephant. Or the whole herd of elephants.
"Kinky."
"Tony, please..." Doctor Banner cooled down his sassy friend, his hand massaging the bridge of his nose. "Just... do it, since you already set the plan in motion without, you know, asking for permission."
"Non-consensual drug use. You're drugging him against his will. Matt, you can have the punch. I'll just sue his ass off."
Despite the annoyance and anger, Matt couldn't help but grin at his best friend's note.
"You just got yourself a deal, counsellor."
"Cute. Now sweet dreams, Cinderella."
"I'm pretty sure that was Sleeping Beauty..." Matt murmured and it was the last coherent sentence he was able to say, because next thing he knew, he felt several stings, warmth enveloped him in a blanket and his eyelids started feeling too heavy. He couldn't fight the natural response of Steve's body and his own - it didn't want to yield.
On the other hand, the amount of drugs that had just been pumped into him was way too much to handle.
Foggy was kind enough to hover over him; so it was him what Matt potentially saw as the last thing and not the smirk on Tony Stark's face.
And then... darkness greeted him like an old friend, painting everything in black.
Still, he could hear the annoying voice of the billionaire. "Well, at least he admitted he was a princess..."
-----Notes:
So, I just realized there was no woman in this fic aside from Karen on the phone. I'm gonna suffer from testosterone intoxication and you might too, so sorry for that :D Anyway, last part ahead, folks!
P.S.I'm sorry if you're disappointed. I know I could have let Steve fight blind andsupersensed, could have let Matt see Karen and anything really. It was notwhere I was heading with this (I wanted to try a different perspective, I'vewritten a 'Matt can see' fic the other way before) and I hope you can forgiveme. Also, it's totally Tony's fault anyway.
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