《TRIGGER HAPPY HAVOC (disc.)》THE FIRST MOTIVE - ch. 1
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❝ I HAVE TO CONQUER MY FEAR .
HUMANS ARE BEINGS THAT NEED TO GROW
IN ORDER TO HAVE A REASON FOR LIVING . ❞
—fukawa touko, the ultimate writing prodigy
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As "talented" youths, our whole lives are spent being praised as child prodigies. Some of us earn the title of Ultimates — scouted for being the best of the best and brought to Yandere High School, a prestigious school dedicated to nurturing our talents (even though I've heard rumors that we don't even need to attend our classes).
Some people are born naturally gifted. Others work for their title. But regardless of your talent's origins, at the end of the day, our futures are all decided for us the moment we're declared Ultimates — as prodigies, it's our job to use our gifts and change the world in some way, shape, or form.
Gifted youths.
Gifted youths who are now standing in the very school sworn to prepare them, being told to kill one another for freedom — a nightmare.
"What . . . what do we do now?" Aly seems almost hesitant to even ask that, scared of what she might possibly get as an answer.
"We survive," Yandere hums. She fixes the cuff of her uniform (in a sedated manner that feels far too calm for my own comfort) and sighs.
"Wow. That's so easy," Draco mocks.
"You really think any of us are going to actually murder one another?" she accuses — a game of Chicken.
"Pft." Felicia places her hands on her hips. "I can't trust you— you— you ironing boards!"
"Is that your way of calling us soon-to-be-murderers?" Alec offers.
"Okay, okay," Evelyn speaks up. She waves her hand around, trying to keep a friendly face. "Look, no fighting, okay? That's just what Monokuma wants." She pauses as everyone remains silent, staring at her like lost children. "Hm . . . let's search the school first. There has to be some way out. We'll split into groups."
"And who put you in charge?"
Evelyn offers a soft smile — a smile radiating the I-Don't-Care-Because-I-Said-So™ look that every kid's parents give them when they argue — and replies, "I did."
I swear that it's Evan who says, "You go, girl."
"Okay, everyone group together," Gold follows up, helping out Evelyn, "we'll search for an exit." Everyone staggers momentarily, prompting her to clap her hands together and command, "Chop, chop, people! Pretend you're bees serving your queen and go!"
I almost cackle at that. Almost.
As everyone shuffles away towards the opening of the gym, Gold approaches me. "Do you wanna search together?"
"Sure," I agree before chuckling and adding, "just as long as you aren't planning to kill me."
"I mean, would you be mad if I were?" Gold inquires with such a naïve tone of voice that it takes me aback. She pauses (in what I'm hoping — no, praying, is dry humor) and then giggles out, "I'm just joking! I was just tryna cheer you up."
"Oh," I wheeze. "Thank goodness."
She smiles. "Haha, sorry. I was just tryna cheer you up. Besides, even if I end up not being able to make it out of here, I'd still want you to escape."
"You have faith that I'd live even if you didn't?" I inquire, finding it rare to hear that in this situation. "And at that, a stranger you just met?"
"Duh," she sings, like it's the Absolute Truth and completely obvious. "And we aren't strangers; we're friends." Another pause, and then, "Aren't we?"
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A beat.
"Yeah, I guess so." I smile.
"And you know I wouldn't actually kill you. I don't think any of us are gonna actually listen to that Monokuma thing," she assures.
As we talk, we wander through the corridors of the school. The conversation between us feels natural — like years worth of friendships and bonding forming with each word in just a few hours. If you told me in another life, or an alternate universe, she were my sister, I'd believe it.
"Hey, isn't that Alec?" Gold asks, pointing over to the hooded boy wandering around.
"Oh, yeah." I cup my hands around my mouth. "Hey! Alec! Wanna search with us?"
He turns around. "Sure."
"Great. Come on, we still haven't checked the dorms." Gold marches on forward, Alec and I trailing behind her.
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"Any luck?"
I groan. "Ugh, no. My room's completely empty."
"You think Gold's got any better luck?" Alec asks, a raise of his eyebrows showing his slight hope in the suggestion.
I sigh. "Dunno. She seemed pretty excited to check out the kitchen, though." I almost laugh. "Can't believe she ditched us for it."
Although, I make a small mental note to myself about my room. Each of our dorms has a bathroom, and the door to mine jams and gets stuck easily. In fact, Monokuma had to appear and teach me the trick to opening it.
It sucks that I've been given the room with the faulty bathroom door, but I can't complain for perfect conditions (not in this situation, at least, but I try to ignore thinking about the situation itself).
"She is the Ultimate Chef." Alec shrugs. "At least she enjoys her talent."
"I think everyone likes their talents," I remark. A beat. ". . . You don't?"
"No."
"Whaaaat? But you're the Ultimate Hacker! That's, like, super cool!" I encourage. "Super secret agent style!" I make clicking noises with my tongue, gesturing with my hands like I'm typing on a keyboard (which I'm very familiar with, if I do say so myself, but I digress . . .)
"Yeah, well, a 'cool' Ultimate doesn't mean I enjoy it," he sulks, "you guys are lucky. You were born with talents you like. I wasn't."
A beat.
It's occurred to me that some people are just . . . born with talents. Everyone knows that. That's how Ultimate Lucks are picked — forces out of their control that they can't explain, but they possess. And just like those phenomenas, some people are born with explainable talents, whether they like it or not.
Being born to do something you hate.
Ugh, like living a lifelong punishment.
"I'm sorry," I apologize, "but if you don't mind me asking, why do you hate your Ultimate?"
He sighs and stares at the ground, but I can barely see his face as he huddles deeper into his hoodie. "When I was younger, I liked it. It was fun, and at most I used it to program video games to play when I was born or cheat on seemingly unbeatable levels.
"But my family always had money problems. And desperate times call for desperate measures, as they say. So I had to hack for a living, to earn money using what I did best for those who were willing to pay godly amounts of money for my work. For criminals, to be more precise. So for years, that was my life. Hiding it all from my family, and helping crooks around the world ruin lives internationally all with the help of my oh-so-wonderful Ultimate."
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"Oh," I only say, "I'm sorry."
"Just don't tell anyone what I told you. I already live my life with the guilt of knowing I've ruined lives. I don't want these guys to see me as a criminal, too," he says.
"I won't tell anyone. Promise," I assure, puffing out a huff of air, "but really, I am sorry."
He shrugs, glancing away and shaking his head. "Don't be. Just how it is."
My mind aches with a lack of responses to give. A whole life of being social, a trait that factors directly into my Ultimate, down the drain.
"If you don't want my pity, then what about my motivation?" I ask, to which he glances up at me with a skeptical expression. I inhale. "You said you used to enjoy it, right? Then, that can still happen again. Just because right now your Ultimate is used for only bad things doesn't mean you won't do great things in the future. People have to start somewhere, even if it's restarting over, right?"
He doesn't say anything, which makes me worry that I've said something wrong when he suddenly looks up with a small smile, just a small one, and chuckles out, "I guess you're right. Hey, you sure you're a YouTuber and not some counselor?"
I laugh. "I'm sure."
"Maybe you really are just a natural people person."
I smile. "Maybe."
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"Did any of you find anything today?" Evelyn inquires to all of us, but as Felicia goes to open her mouth, Evelyn holds up her index finger and adds, "anything useful. And no, no makeup supplies does not count as useful."
"I guess they'll have to make up their lack of help!" Rainbow giggles out, finding herself seemingly hilarious.
"You said you're the S-H-S-L Comedian?" Lunar questions, to which Rainbow proudly nods, which only prompts Lunar to stare off into the distance and say, "I didn't think I could become more disappointed in society. Yet, here we are."
"Aw, I don't think puns are so bad. I think you're funny, Rainbow," I laugh.
"No, you're Funneh," Rainbow giggles.
Lunar sighs and then loudly calls out, "If anyone wants to murder someone, please, put me out of my misery."
"Well, aren't you accepting," Gold laughs.
Lunar only replies with, "I'd rather be murdered in school than listen to puns for the rest of my life and that says a lot for a person who only went to school solely for the art classes."
A few of us laugh, and Evelyn seems to let us enjoy the moment. But after she deems it long enough of a break, she adjusts her throat and announces, "I have a plan. Everyday, we are to meet here in the morning. That way we will keep a head count and stay organized."
"Fine by me," Kyran says with a shrug, "I'm a morning person anyway."
"I'm not," Aly grumbles, crossing her arms as Alec chuckles.
"Me neither," Draco agrees.
"Whether you enjoy the morning or not, that's our schedule," Evelyn sighs, seeming farther away from the rest of our huddle.
"Oh, but getting to eat breakfast together would be lovely, wouldn't it? Just like a bunch of friends living together!" Valerie cheers with a contagious smile.
"You sure are peppy, aren't you?" Lunar notices.
"As the S-H-S-L Confectionist, I make sweet things, right? So, I prefer to pay attention to the sweet goodies in life," Valerie encourages.
"You sound like a greeting card," Lunar deadpans.
Draco gasps, "Or like an N.P.C!"
"This is real life, though," Evan points out, "if it were a game, it'd have some sweet music playing in the background."
"Is that all you guys are worried about?" Senpai inquires, "are you all just gonna brush off what Monokuma said?"
"I agree; Senpai does have a point," Yandere sighs, "we shouldn't take Monokuma's words so lightly."
"You guys are lame," Aly whines, sticking out her tongue, "this situation is bad enough. Just let us enjoy it, will you?"
Yandere frowns and starts to walk away. "No."
A scream erupting through the air catches everyone hanging out in the cafeteria's attention. Heads snap around and conversations quickly end as we all glance towards the source of the outburst.
Of course, it's Felicia. Except, I don't blame her for screaming. I think I'd cry instead of scream if Monokuma appeared right in front of me.
Monokuma is standing on the table that she and Britney are sitting at, seemingly yelling at them for "disrespecting" him. I want to tell him that it's nothing personal, that they're naturally just jerks, but I keep my mouth shut. YouTube doesn't take kindly to the wrong kinds of drama, which has given me a sense of knowing when to keep quiet when I should to avoid trouble with anyone or anything.
"Quit your yapping! I could send you off like a lamb to a slaughterhouse in an instant!" Monokuma yells, "then again that costs money and I'm no charity. What a dilemma! Talk about first world problems! Anyway, I have an announcement for you all!"
"We don't want your announcements," Aly murmurs under her breath, crossing her arms and staring at the ground.
"Huh? What you say?" Monokuma questions.
Alec, who's sitting right beside Aly at the table us "friends" have all gathered at, pulls his sister closer and replies, "Nothing. She said nothing."
"Good, because I really couldn't care less about what you guys have to say!" Monokuma enthusiastically hollers.
"Just get on with it," Draco rushes.
"Angry boy, aren't you?" Monokuma jokes, but when Draco doesn't respond, Monokuma adds, "or should I say Angry Bird? Y'know, since you're the Super-High-School-Level Gamer—"
"No, I got your joke," Draco deadpans, "I just didn't find it funny."
"Ouch. Tough crowd. Teenagers nowadays sure are disrespectful. It's a good thing I'm putting you through all of this! This discipline is just what you troublemakers need! I really am contributing to society! I should get a statue," Monokuma gloats.
"Please just state what you came to say originally," Evelyn requests.
"Fine, fine! Well, as I saying before I was so rudely interrupted..." Monokuma starts to say.
"No one interrupted yo—" Evan starts to say before both Kyran and Lunar place their hands over his mouth and shake their heads.
"See? There you guys go again! Anyway, I came to tell you that I know you guys are stubborn to start the mutual killing game, so I'm here to give you a little nudge. Meet in the computer lab immediately!" Monokuma directs.
He disappears without another word. All of us fearful for what he may do if we don't obey, start to exit out of the cafeteria and make our way to the computer lab.
"What do you think that crazy Monokuma's gonna do?" Gold whispers to me as we walk.
"I don't know, and I really don't want to know," I answer with a frown.
"But we don't have a choice," Evan points out, "look, let's just deal with whatever insane thing he wants to show us and then we can all go back to trying to live normally."
"I feel like I'm in a manga, some horror genre manga. I've always wanted to be in a manga or anime, but not one like this," Kyran murmurs, "I miss my old life. My boring old life."
"If you're the S-H-S-L Manga Collector, I'll bet your life was boring," Lunar says.
"HEY! What's that supposed to mean?" Kyran pouts, crossing his arms.
"Stop it. Both of you, quit it. Your squabbling is doing no one any good. We are a team, a class," Evelyn reminds.
"And frankly your talking is giving me a headache, so just shut up, will you?" Yandere sighs —and I've noticed she sighs a lot— as she walks ahead of us.
"Jerk," Aly mumbles.
As we make our way down the hallway, a silence fills the air. We're scared. No, that's putting it lightly. We're terrified. But we don't have a choice. And that's nothing new to us, so we just keep walking down the hallway until we reach the computer lab.
"Welcome! Choose a computer and take a seat!" Monokuma directs, and we all do as he says, picking spots and seating ourselves in front of computers.
"Welcome to your first motive! To keep things amped up —and to keep those ratings high—, I've provided special motivations for you guys to participate and start the Mutual Killing Game! Just prepare yourselves and enjoy your viewings!" Monokuma announces, to which we all reluctantly stare at our screens and put on the headphones connected to each one.
I gasp at the sight of my family and friends. There sit my mother and father, my old childhood friends, everyone I care dearly about. It's a photo of them, but yet I find myself reaching towards the screen. When my fingers press against the lit up screen, I remember what's happening to me. Instantly, I just want to cry.
Suddenly, however, the photo glitches in the video. Following the weird glitches, the wholesome and happy-looking photo of my loved ones switches to the same room they were all in, but something is off. They're all gone. In their place, the room is ransacked and torn apart. Things thrown and broken, furniture upturned and tossed, everything is a wreck. Even the lighting is gone. It's dark.
I realize what Monokuma has done.
"Love your friends and family, don't you? Aw, of course, you do. You've become a lovable face, an online celebrity. You're bound to have tons of friends and family, to be adored and cherished, isn't that right? Well, let me tell you, they sure won't love you after being put through what they're about to go through all because they're associated with you!" Monokuma's digital voice echoes through the headphones.
I feel tears emerge in my eyes, and they sting. Everything blurs as I try not to burst into tears. He can't be serious. They can't be in danger. He can't be hurting them.
This is... this is just twisted, I tell myself, twisted and sick and cruel. That's what this is. This is evil. It's insane, psychotic. It's... despairing.
I throw off my headphones and turn my head away from the screen. I tell myself no, that no matter what happens, I can't give in and kill someone. I can't. But what about my family, my friends? I'm just going to let him torture them? All because I can't take one measly life? No, I can't say that. I can't even think it! It's not "some measly life"! They're my classmates. How could I consider it? I can't throw them away like they're nothing. They're human like the rest of us. But... my family... my friends....
No. I can't. I won't. I refuse.
I will never give into what Monokuma wants.
I will never give into this despair.
I look up and turn my attention to Gold, whose eyes have widened and stay fixated on the screen of her computer.
Each of the desks have walls on each side, which prevents me from seeing what's on her screen. I don't want her to think I'm nosy, but part of me is curious. But I choose to not invade her privacy and instead tap on her shoulder.
"Gold? Gold! It's me!" I exclaim, shaking her after tapping doesn't seem to work, "it's me, Funneh! Don't listen to the videos! Come on, can you hear me?"
Her headphones fall off and I realize she's shaking, just trembling in fear and shock. She turns to me, wide-eyed on the verge of breaking down, her face turned pale.
"Hey, hey, you're okay. It's okay. They're going to be okay," I tell her, assuming what her video contained has the same concept as mine, "Gold?"
"Yeah! I'm fine!" she enthusiastically exclaims, smiling brightly and closing her eyes with a happy expression.
"Are you sure? You don't look fine," I point out, "hey, it's going to be okay. I'm here if you nee—"
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