《BLUE | ᴛᴀᴇᴊɪɴ ✔》13 | Journey
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The next day he woke up feeling less exhausted. That Phantom Controlling technique was really helping him to calm his mind, he slept a bit peacefully than the other days. That wasn't the name for the technique, but that's what Seokjin called it the day before. He tried to imagine how Seokjin would reason it- Name doesn't matter. Neither yours nor mine. What matters is- and then he would go on with his philosophy. Taehyung smiled at the thought. But he found all those talks interesting. In fact, he found everything about Seokjin attractive in some way. It was even hard for Taehyung to look into Seokjin's eyes for more than a few seconds. He wondered how Seokjin felt about him.
This morning, he decided to apply for college. Even though the fall had almost started, he didn't want to give up without trying. There was still a chance and he couldn't miss it.
Once he was done, he thought about the next thing to do- meeting his friends.
At about 5 pm, he met his friends. They talked about stuff. It was fun to be with them. They told Taehyung that he was looking better than the last time they saw him and even asked him about the reason. Taehyung answered by just saying that he was trying to improve. At that time, he couldn't tell them about meeting Seokjin or about the things that he had been learning. Because he knew that there was still a lot that he had to learn. Taehyung knew that he couldn't make them understand the things that he himself wasn't clear about. He imagined how Seokjin would say it, 'Knowledge is different than wisdom. Knowledge is knowing it whereas Wisdom is doing it. When you see someone driving a car, you only see it, but only when you drive it you-', he chuckled at the thought. He was starting to understand Seokjin. Maybe mind reading is not that difficult, he thought.
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When the afternoon came, he was really looking forward to meeting Seokjin. There were so many things that he had to tell him. He knew Seokjin will smile once he hears it.
He waited for a long time but Seokjin didn't come. When it was seven, Taehyung got the idea that he wouldn't be coming today. Will I meet him tomorrow?, Tomorrow, no. Think about this moment. What can I do at this moment? , Taehyung tried to tell himself. His mind was wandering to unnecessary thoughts, he tried that breathing technique.
After a few minutes, he got up. As he was walking towards his apartment, he could feel that the surroundings were calm yet lively. He was more aware of it than before. Maybe things were working out. Maybe he was really starting to improve.
The next morning, he felt a little depressed. But as the day progressed he kept telling himself that it would take time. He has to work for it. He wasn't numb life before but he wasn't completely happy either. There were small moments when he would feel happy. But he knew that he had to learn to feel contended no matter what comes in his way. That would be the thing he could call an improvement.
This afternoon too, he wasn't able to talk to Seokjin. Taehyung didn't have Seokjin's number. He didn't know where he lived. He knew nothing about Seokjin. But Seokjin seemed mysterious and transparent at the same time. It was as if Taehyung didn't know the material things about him but he knew something much more than that. It was as if he was getting to know his soul, and it was pure. Taehyung couldn't feel any harm.
That day, Taehyung wasn't happy. He was sad, but not depressed. Previously, when he was depressed he didn't even feel like doing the things that he loved but since the past few days, he had changed. It wasn't much, but he was changing, slowly.
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He was looking through the papers in which Seokjin had written. The two of them had questions. He saw the InstaGram one and wondered what was the reason for the question. Because Seokjin said that there was, he had to figure it out. Even if he wasn't able to meet Seokjin today, he now had a question to answer.
He started to recall all the things that happened that day when he was trying to find the answer to that question. He recalled how he knew that the answer could be smart or it could be really silly, yet, he didn't dwell on the outcome, instead he was just busy finding the answer. He recalled how he was busy, not being depressed but being curious. And that was when Taehyung found it. He found the reason. The thing that Seokjin wanted him to learn that day. It was Don't focus on the outcome. Focus on the process. It is the journey that brings us happiness and not the result. Taehyung was pleased. He had come to know about a really important thing and that too by himself.
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' i wish ii could paint our love'
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