going live in twenty, bitches. be there or be square 😘

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you're cute or whatever

so, you hanging with the misfits again?

you're actually perfect wtf

what a whore🤪

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sitting at my computer desk, i decided maybe the chat would like it if i had one of the guys here since the majority of my comments were about them anyway.

smiling to my phone, i open twitch and begin my stream, deciding fitz would be a sweet surprise. "hey!" i beamed as i saw the chat flood with questions about where i've been, some of them sending their apologies from already listening to the misfits podcast. "yeah, so for some that don't know, i lost two people in my life who were beautiful people and died too young..."

"boo!" fitz shouts as he entered the cameras view, his smile making it brighten. i jumped and nearly fell out of my twisty chair from shock. he laughed lightly and watched as the chat blew up asking questions about him. "ayeee."

"what does my name stand for?" i read aloud the comment. "well, i honestly don't know... but my other social media platforms are all audreyskyy with two y's on the end. it's skyy because i'm an alcoholic and love skyy vodka so.." cam chuckled and continued to read the comments.

"what is your last name anyway?" he questions, his eyebrows furrowing as he tries to search his memories. shaking my head, i continued to read over the chat.

"are we dating?" cam looked to me with a wide smile on his lips. "nah, i fucking hate her. what a whore." my eyes rolled and shook my head. "absolute slut."

"where's swagger?" i shrugged and drank from my glass of water. "i don't know, probably jacking off to some anime bitches." me and cam looked to each other, sharing a laugh once again. "so, cam they also want to know if you have a girlfriend."

"nah bro. ain't nobody got time for that shit." he sighed. "just trying to get my bands up homie, fuck a hoe." he threw up peace signs and pretended to be an f boy while he spoke.

"read a fan fiction?" my hands shook in front of my face. "no, not going to do that." cam bobbed his head, agreeing with me. "man those things get so freaky."

"gotta admit though, you guys are talented. like damn. also very descriptive." i giggled over his comment. he was correct. they were amazing writers, some better than others but it was amazing, their skills that is.

"maybe i will. i've heard from comments on my insta posts that they are shipping me with like every one of you." cam looked to the ground, rubbing his hand through the carpet. "here, y'all vote on who i should read one about, and i'll do that for today's stream."

reading over the comments, i saw a handful saying fitz, but then again there were a lot saying swagger. "well, since cam is here..."

"no, no way." he put up his hands in defense, implying he would rather not.

"oh it's happening, cowboy." opening wattpad, i searched up our names and quickly found one, titled gamer girl.

me and cam would switch turns reading. the beginning was boring, but it was realistic. we were about mid story now.

"cam looked to audrey, her focus being on the computer screen in front of her. her eyes scanning the comments that flowed through the chat." he stopped reading, and i could tell his emotions were somehow being introduced. "he wanted so badly to lean over and kiss her. to hold her close to him and to tell her sweet nothings. but he couldn't. because he knew she doesn't feel the same way." handing me the phone, his eyes meet mine, but they weren't full of sorrow like i expected, they were hopeful which was even worse.

"yet what he didn't know was she wanted him to so badly take the first move, to show at least some form of interest. but even if he had, the past experience with his best friend still clogged her memories and corrupted any new ones that wanted to come through." we went on to read the next couple chapters, stopping once it got to the smutty parts.

"if i'm being honest this story hits close. because it's true. i don't trust myself with a new boyfriend. i don't trust commitment. i never will. not again. because i've fallen head over heels for this one guy... but i have commitment issues. i have problems from past experiences that make me always think twice and they get in the way every time." fitz nodded, once again running his hands through the carpet. "that's all for tonight, guys. i'll see you later. buh -bye!" i waved, ending stream.

we both shared an equally beautiful gaze as we thought over the story, thinking of the accuracy. it wasn't always words that could tell the way you adore someone else. it could be simple eye contact like this. because true love exists in moments stumbled upon by accident. in hospitals, in airports and underneath the stars. and in our case, this was one of those moments.

his fingers reached my face, trailing up my cheek that held stars, stopping as he caresses my face. my eyes closed as his face came closer, his soft lips connecting with my plump lips that were covered in a nude lipstick. my younger self who is was obsessed with fanfics is dying from the perfect representation. the butterflies, the fireworks, everything. yet, it wasn't overwhelming. it was peaceful and full of sincerity.

pulling away, our eyes opened. i was in disbelief. not with the fact that cam kissed me, but with the fact that i kissed back and didn't regret it.

while i sat there, my mind was cursed with the thought of my past self. those hurtful memories causing me to avert my eyes. but my they quickly found his welcoming blue ones again. because when i thought about my past self, i saw an ignorant girl who fell in love with a man who couldn't figure out how to handle her. she fell in love with a man who wasn't strong enough to carry her. she fell in love with a man who was incapable to be human enough to love her in return.

but now i only laugh, and it's been a while since i've been able to do that. so now i turn my frowns to smiles. because of this one guy. i don't love him, not yet. because that takes months... years even. but i know i love the thought of him. i know i love being with him. just not him. not yet.