3 months later

after we all pleaded innocent we were sent back home, and for my case, my dad ordered me to move back home with him. it wasn't too far away from my current home, in fact it was close to misfit manor, but i don't desire to ever return to that place.

there were nights i couldn't sleep because of the haunting things that happened those two nights. my brain still couldn't comprehend everything. in fact there were missing spots in my memories.

wiping away my bleeding mascara, i prop up my phone and switch on my light, hoping to advise my followers that i was indeed fine. not mentally, but i was not injured.

hey

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hey sunshine

hey

nice

you're so pretty!

damn ma, where you been?

been a while.

there was no doubt behind the comment, it had been a while since anyone has reached out to me, and my heartaches from that. i wish that it wasn't a 'in the moment' thing. i wish matt would text me like he comments on my page. i long for cam to message me or to even comment on my post. even mason, haven't heard a single word from him.

he was the one person i was actually involved with. he would often check up on me but he wouldn't invite me to things that had to do with the boys like this. and personally i didn't mind, if the others didn't wanna see me, that would be fine on my terms, i was an unwanted guest in the first place. then again we all need space to heal and it wouldn't be unusual if they locked themselves away from society. i'm sure they haven't posted on youtube since the party, which to their viewers might not be too strange honestly.

rolling my eyes, i tumble out of bed and feel the sluggish feeling wash over me like a large wave in the ocean. my father thinks i've fallen into a depression from what i experienced, but i argue otherwise. of course i think my attitude is because of it, but i don't think it's depression

crawling to my closet, my hands gripped the first dress it grasped. my black silk dress. tears instantly streamed from my eyes as the memories flooded back. jay and toby's faces flash in front of my eyes. throwing the dress into the back of my closet, i finally stand and inspect what else i could wear whilst i brushed the fallen tears away onto my yellow sweatshirt.

deciding on a orange jumper that went longer down and black skinny jeans, i went through the next process of my hair. rubbing in the extra oils and shit i buy just to moisturize my hair, i decide to pin back some of it with four black clips just to get it out of my face. adding moisturizer to my face, i inspect the freckles that the sun cursed me with. then, to complete the look, i shoved in my silver hoop earrings.

whilst i walked down the stairs, my father instantly stopped me. "where are you going? you're on lockdown, remember?"

"dad, that's not court orders, that's just you being-being you. i'm 20, dad. let me go." i sighed with some sort of exhaustion. this has been an on going threat my dad has pulled, and honestly i wish i could just move out again, but my dad insists i stay with him.

calling an uber, i felt myself choke on my words. why was it so difficult now? why? why couldn't i have been this held up when it all happened? perhaps it's guilt, maybe it's pressure of everything my dad is adding to the rules. exiting out of the uber app, i decided against it.

nothing in the world is better than a 'k' response. sitting in the driveway, i wait and wait until a car finally pulled up. it looked pretty beat up, but besides that it was a nice car.

"hey, aud." he greeted. shockingly, it was only him who occupied the vehicle. i didn't speak back because i had to keep the pressure of my tongue on the top of my mouth secure. "it's okay, you don't need to talk." he understood perfectly. how of all people was it eric who was the kindest to me, when he would often make jokes about me staying in the kitchen or some racist comment. "you look good, aud."

"thanks." i mumbled, staring out the window to watch the leaves shake in the wind and to watch the bright lights pass by. "so, what happened to matt?"

"what do you mean? like at the scene?" i nodded and listened to him clear his throat. "just resisted arrest. didn't think it was fair that he was being cuffed." listening to his voice was almost calming. i loved the way it was deep and reminded me of info commercials that i would wake up to in the middle of the night when i fell asleep in the living room.

"i missed you guys." swagger turned to me as we parked. "i'm sorry."

"there's nothing to apologize for. nothing that night wasn't any of our faults. plus, we all missed you too." we exit the car and my eyes quickly fixate on the restaurant that sat on the gravel. "shall we?" he joked as he began the venture inside.

"hey, swags." fitz greeted, his arctic eyes soon tracing my figure. "hey, audrey." it was as if he were going into a panic when he saw me. i waved instead of using words.

"hello, matt." i sighed, sitting next to him and placing the napkin in my lap. he didn't respond, he only stared at the utensils that laid beside his left arm. not his usual 'what it do?' or anything? i suppose that is alright since i kind only mildly understand what is running through his head.