It was a quiet and awkward walk from the rest of the party, Chongyun was basically leading you to the middle of nowhere. It was a little frustrating not knowing what part of the nation you were in. Honestly, it was much easier just following Scaramouche wherever he went.

Now, you just felt lost and vulnerable to the terrible weather system here (as well as the monsters that lurked). The rain was finished, you were amazed at how quickly the dark clouds rolled away and how rays of sunshine gently cast down on the earth.

You reluctantly followed the exorcist and stopped behind him once both of you reached a more secluded area. He took the heavy claymore from his back and effortlessly lifted it over his shoulder, sticking it into the dirt next to a fairly large stone. It was like he was marking the spot you were in, which didn't really make sense to you but decided not to question it.

With a long frown, you stared at the back of the Cryo user's head and finally spoke up, "Did you bring me here to ridicule me more?"

He seemed to have paused his movements as he took in your question. There was a small breeze of wind that swayed his clothing, icy blue hair, and the knotted tassel on his belt. His fingers tapped along the handle of his weapon and then stopped when he finally turned around to face you.

"No," Chongyun had a guilty look in his eyes, his hands fidgeting nervously as well. "I just wanted to apologize for what I said earlier."

As surprised as you were, confusion outweighed your curiosity. In all honesty, you couldn't tell if he was joking or not. After all, he was never this considerate to you before. So why the sudden change in heart?

"I'm, uh..." He sighed heavily, owning up to his mistakes. "I'm sorry for prying... and sorry for calling you a coldblooded killer..."

"It's not necessary for you to apologize for things that are true."

Chongyun seemed to cringe at your rebuttal to his apology, but tried not to show it too much on his face, "Would you like to talk to me about your family? Get whatever problem you have off your chest?"

"No. Not with you."

The young man only picked at his claymore handle, trying to place his attention elsewhere. It seemed he didn't know how to respond to your responses. It's a surprise to you that Chongyun was trying to reconcile with you, after everything that happened.

You felt your eyebrows furrow out of resentment, "What you said about my brother really offended me. I have never felt more embarrassed admitting my family's personal life to a bunch of strangers. I know you've never liked me from the moment we met but please know, I'm just trying to go home."

"Let me be honest," Chongyun leaned against the giant rock, arm outstretched as his hand was wrapped around the claymore. "When I saw you kill that Cicin Mage... I felt like I saw the real you."

A hot flush was spreading along the back of your neck as you remembered that very moment. You were too self-conscious to even think about it. You thought the opposite, that person who senselessly slaughtered that poor soldier was not you. It can't be. It's probably another one of Scaramouche's programming things he implanted into your brain.

Chongyun continued, "You threatened to kill me if I didn't shut my mouth before you 'lose control'. I didn't get it. But what I do know is that I don't want my friends around someone like you."

Someone like me. Of course. Since when has anyone genuinely liked me.

"But, for some reason, I want to know more. I feel as if I'm being drawn in like a fish on a hook." Chongyun tilted his head upwards, grumbling bashfully. "So, Fatui girl, don't see me as a stranger anymore. I want to know about the real you."

"Okay?" You shrugged your shoulders carelessly. "What would you like to know?"

"What's the situation with your older brother?" Chongyun started off with a bang.

A heavy sigh of aggravation shook your body as you placed your hands on your hips, dangerously close to the spray guns. You just explained how you didn't like talking about your brother with Lumine's party, especially with the exorcist. You were very hesitant.

Cat-like eyes glanced down at your hands' positions and Chongyun only gave you a smug look.

"I'll make this quick... My big brother Nikolai was a Geochanter Bracer, another soldier fighting for the Fatui. After some intense training and coming back from an expedition, he was acting... different. I was told by the medics he got hurt while he was out on a mission, it seemed like he lost his mind. I still don't understand why or how it happened, but I have a feeling my Lord Scaramouche had something to do with it."

Chongyun slowly nodded his head, "I've been hearing Xingqiu ramble about brainwashing? At first, I thought it was a kind of outlandish and unrealistic situation. But now, I'm starting to understand that Electro could possibly alter someone's mind into thinking or even acting a certain way."

You couldn't help but rock on your feet anxiously, growing impatient the more Chongyun kept you away from the others, "Is that all you wanted to know? Can we go back now?"

"Wait," He stopped you from leaving. "Tell me about your boss."

You hopped on the topic right away.

"Well, my Lord Scaramouche is my superior... I became his secretary-assistant after being handpicked by him. He was somehow impressed by my skills during evaluation day..." You reminisced. "From that point on, I did everything he ordered me to do."

"I see... Do you perhaps know the Fatui diplomat Childe?"

"Yes, I do. He is also my superior. How do you know him?"

"He and the Traveller have been acquainted after Rex Lapis' death - which we all found to be suspicious. We later found out, after Childe treated both Traveller and Paimon to lunch at the Wanmin restaurant, she was only using him for payments she couldn't cover with the Mora she had at the time."

"She used him for his Mora...?" You felt some kind of sting in your chest. "Well, Mr. Childe told me he was very happy to have spent time with them. So, I suppose he didn't mind."

"Back on topic, your boss, Scaramouche-"

"Lord Scaramouche." You corrected. "His name should be said with his respective title."

Chongyun seemed to goad, "I'm not scared of your boss, Fatui girl. Plus, if you're running away from him, you should know that you're already rebelling against your Lord that you love and respect so much. I think you're contradicting yourself if you still envision that guy on a pedestal."

You were surprised to realize how you continued to go back into your 'secretary' mode. Embarrassment and shame weighed down on you like a million pounds, it really hurt to know that it wasn't easy to break this habit of yours.

"Speechless already?" The young man let out a long exhale. "We've only been talking for a few minutes. I've got more questions for you to answer."

"Oh... I'm sorry..." You sulked some more. "Continue..."

"When we first encountered each other at the Wanmin Restaurant, you were about to shoot both Xiangling and Xingqiu." Chongyun grew agitated at the memory. "I was so angry, I almost couldn't control myself. Knowing that both of you were Fatui... made my blood boil."

"I'm sorry..." You repeated.

"Did Scaramouche order you to put my friends at gunpoint?"

Your eyes drifted downwards, "Yes, he did."

"I do not like him."

"That's understandable..."

"You're insane for working under a guy like him."

"I under-anticipated what my role as a secretary-assistant was going to be... He's quite the unpredictable man..." You confessed. "But a part of me doesn't regret..."

I'm such an idiot. You're so stupid. It's all your fault. This is all a big waste of time. You should have never joined the Fatui. You should have never gone through with boot camp. You should have never even shown up for evaluation day.

All of this is just tiring. You didn't want things to be like this. You never meant to hurt anyone. Now, look at what you've done. So many people have had their lives ruined because of the Fatui. Look at how many people hate you, despise you, wouldn't even care if you were gone.

You should just go back to Snezhnaya. Drop everything. Who cares if you were going to get shot on sight? Maybe even your family would say good riddance as your body was dragged off their land, your corpse tossed into the ice-cold sea. You wanted to die already.

"Has he ever made you happy?" Chongyun asked.

Sometimes Scaramouche would hit you. There, you finally admitted it. You've never told anyone about it and even refused to keep it in your memory.

Whether it be a simple flick to your forehead for zoning out or a hard slap on the back of the thigh for disobedience, it always hurt. Even if he did it months ago. His punishments always brought pain and it never made you a better person. It never made sense to you.

All this time, you have been bottling up every single bad feeling you've been having towards your boss. You supposed it was out of fear. Fear that one day you would betray him the moment you were given that faithful push. It is so easy to judge someone and unknowingly blame the victim. You just wanted to be treated with delicate care, despite being a strong soldier, you were just as fragile.

But, you never meant to antagonize him like this. As if he was some kind of bloodthirsty monster, no. He was still a person you looked up to, supported, and maybe even loved. Scaramouche was untouchable, unbeatable, a horrifically perfect man in your eyes - like a sinful person destined for tragedy.

"He's never made me cry." You made up an answer.

Chongyun narrowed his eyes as his lips quirked upwards, "You are such a liar."

"I am not a liar."

"Yes, you are. You are a dirty, little, liar." He taunted, shaking his head. "Because why would you betray your boss in the first place? If you never cried when you were with him, then why did you leave? Exactly, nothing you say makes sense, Fatui girl."

Your lips trembled a little bit and you felt something stinging in your eyes, even your hands started shaking from how hard you were clenching them. There were words getting stuck in your throat and countless negative thoughts were swirling around in your mind. It was getting difficult to hold back your tears.

"Hey... wait..."

You turned away quickly, ashamed to be seen in such a lame state. It's so stupid. Everyone is an idiot. You felt like the whole world hated you, even the seven Gods. Your emotions were conflicting with each other: you loved Scaramouche yet you hate him at the same time. Make up your mind. This was another reason why you despised yourself.

"I'm sorry... I didn't mean to be that rude... I was just..." Chongyun breathed in deeply. "I can't control myself when I get heated emotions..."

Just act like everything is normal. There's no one to turn to for help. You are the evil one in everyone's eyes and you will always be known as that. Nobody cares about you, it's useless to cry. It would be better off if you were dead. You should have never started this in the first place.

"I have one last question... Not about your personal life this time."

"What is it...?" You asked tearily.

"Did you tell... anyone about..." His face scrunched a little as he mumbled incoherently.

You shook your head, "No, I didn't tell anyone..."

"Good." Chongyun went quiet for a bit, once again picking at the claymore's handle. "Can I be selfish for a little bit...?"

What could he possibly want now? A few days ago, he didn't want anything to do with you. Now he's in front of you pouting like some kind of schoolboy in front of a strict teacher.

"Can we do that thing again...? That thing we did last night...?"

"Did you want to be alone with me to ask for my Cryo frost tank?" You stared hard at him, placing your hands on your spray guns this time. Did he not even care about your previous answers?

"My condition is worsening because of my shortage of popsicles... Unbelievably, the Electro shocks from the Cicin Mage melted all of them..." He recalled sadly. "I just need... relief..."

"I just killed one of my comrades with this gun." You patted the weapon, not out of pride but to show how filthy it was. "There's dried blood on it. It's disgusting."

"You have two, just use the other one." Chongyun had a crooked frown on his face as he glanced at the second spray gun. "Please...?"

The young man sulked like a neglected cat, not wanting to admit that he wanted his request to be fulfilled.

Though, there was a thought in your head that made you think that he was only using you to get to your precious spray guns but, why would you care?

"Okay." You agreed.

So, you ended up giving in and you didn't exactly regret your decision. If Lumine used Childe for his Mora, why wouldn't you let Chongyun use you too? After all, he didn't seem like the same threat you met all those days ago.

Without another thought, you pulled out your gun and aimed it at Chongyun.

•••

"There you are, [Y/N]...! I was worried that Chongyun was bullying you again." Lumine beamed happily, giving the exorcist a quick frown and then smiling back at you.

"No... he wasn't..." You replied quietly.

"You two were back there for a long time," Xingqiu commented smugly, a grin pulling at his lips. "What were you guys doing?"

Your shoulders lowered as you glanced down at the ground, "We were just talking about our... differences."

"Awh!" Xiangling exclaimed softly. "Are you guys friends now?"

"Not really..."

"I wouldn't consider her a friend," Chongyun muttered quietly, looking more refreshed than before. "Not right now..."

The three adventurers glanced amongst themselves and then decided to let your odd behaviour slide. Everyone collected their things, made sure that they were healthy once again, and making sure they were ready to fight at any time. You did the same. The journey continued.

After a few more minutes of walking down a dirt trail, all of you stumbled onto a stone road. There were lanterns and small houses and even Millelith guard stations (to your horror). The further you went, the more you were starting to see more signs of civilization.

No more overly grown trees or gigantic stone mountains. No more random Dendro Slimes popping out of the ground or Whopperflowers' surprise attacks. It was finally peaceful. You could finally (almost) let your guard down.

"We're entering Liyue Harbour. You better be on your best behaviour, Fatui girl."

From where you were standing, you could finally see the city. From afar was the Harbour, standing over the bright blue sea and where the ships docked. Many colourful buildings popped out and stood in all their honour, showing pride in the Liyuen architecture and culture. Truly beautiful, lively, remarkable.

Yet so unwelcoming.

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