"Sir... you're hurting me... I've already said... I'm sorry..."

It's only been one day and your first night without Scaramouche (being at least in a ten-foot radius of you), brought home terrible nightmares.

It seemed a little childish for you to be murmuring in your sleep as you fought back an imaginary Scaramouche who was backing you into a corner, ready to punish you for betraying him. Never in your life have you felt terrified of your superior, well at least, this terrified.

You felt like you couldn't move or run or even get onto your knees and beg for forgiveness. You were just sitting on your bottom, weaponless, defenceless, and vulnerable. It was like you were frozen with fear, unable to do anything. Your body was tense and sore like you were being constrained in some kind of invisible cage.

You could see him standing above you, hands curled into tight fists as he continued to torment you, threatening to land an unsuspecting hit anywhere on your body. Scaramouche was angry, he was sending you a sadistic glare as if he was staring down at something delicious. He looked like a hungry predator holding back on ravishing its prey.

"Again. Say you're sorry."

You felt tears build up in your eyes, "I'm sorry, my Lord... I'm begging for your forgiveness... for your mercy... I'm sorry..."

Scaramouche reached down and pulled your wrist up to him, purposefully straining your body as he stretched your left arm, "Why did you betray me, you traitor."

A helpless whimper left your mouth as you winced in pain at the same time. You knew there was no chance at escaping, the darkness surrounding the two of you was almost enough to drown you above land. It was indescribable. Like you were cut from the outside world, unable to call for help.

All you wanted to do was go home, back to your family. You wanted to quit the Fatui, resign, and hang up your spray guns and glass tank. You were okay with being labelled as some kind of burden, an example of the top soldier who ended up losing their sanity and departing from the military.

You had the courage to admit it: you hated being bossed around. You hated being told what to do. You might have even hated working under the sixth Harbinger. Lord Scaramouche was the worst man you have ever met in your life. A part of you regretted ever enlisting as a Cryogunner. Maybe it would have been better if you were never born.

Scaramouche elegantly weaved his fingers through yours as if he was inspecting them with mild interest. Each digit was looked at, studied, even caressed. He admired the sight of your trembling hand so much that the young man leaned down and brushed his lips against your knuckles.

"Answer me." His voice reverberated along your skin. "Why did you do it?"

You felt the acidic heaviness of the tone of his voice and started to shake where you were seated, "I don't know...! I'm sorry, please forgive me!"

"Answer the damn question, you stupid girl. Or else I will break every single part of your body if you don't start moving that mouth of yours. Why did you betray me?"

"Be merciful, sir! I'm begging you...!"

"Why did you leave me? Why did you abandon me on that mountain? Hm?" Scaramouche's grip became tighter as he suddenly raised his voice, yelling right at your ghostly face. "Why did you run away even though you know that you're mine?!"

He pushed you onto your back and climbed on top of you, pinning your body to the ground to show you who was truly in charge. As much as you tried to fight back, he quickly overpowered you and his hands found a secure grip around your neck.

Scaramouche leaned into your throat, putting only a little bit of his weight into your chokehold. Still, you gasped for air as you looked up at him with watering eyes, grabbing his wrists. Your heart thumped heavily against your ribcage and you felt like you were ready to give up. Scaramouche relished the sight of your borderline unconscious state.

He looked like he was ready to tear you apart, it was clear that your betrayal cut him deeply on the inside. The killer look in his dark eyes, the gritting of his teeth, and his tightening grip around your neck were indeed violent tendencies from a true Fatui Harbinger.

As you laid there powerless, the young man trapped you under his body. Your legs were forced apart for Scaramouche to situate himself closer and closer, keeping you in place, in the position he favoured the most. It seemed like seeing you struggling to even inhale the smallest breath was making him happy.

Scaramouche pressed further, whispering sharply into your ear, "I'll break you, I'll ruin you, I'll make a mess out of you. You're mine. You made an oath. I own you, I own everything about you, [Y/N]. But you ran away. Tell me the reason why you left me or else you will be dead in the next three minutes!"

You could feel his lips moving along the side of your face as he flooded threats into your already clouded mind. This close proximity made your heart drop to your stomach, you couldn't focus on anything else but the man in front of you. His hat covered your entire peripheral vision, all you could see was him, and the colour red.

Scaramouche lifted your neck and slammed you down onto the floor, "Answer the question, that's an order!"

You let out a scream of pure terror and gave him the answer he wanted to hear, "I betrayed you because you hurt me! I wanted to avenge my brother! I wanted revenge! I-I even wanted to kill you, my Lord!"

"That's it?!" He laughed at your flimsy excuse. "And I thought it was something important! I cannot believe you threw your life away because of that burden of a brother! You're so foolish! You're such an idiot!"

Scaramouche broke up the grip you had on his wrists and took a hold of yours this time. At last, you let out a strained gasp for air but the torment was not over yet.

"I should have shocked you more. I should have made you into some kind of brainless, obedient, mindless woman! I should have treated you more roughly so you would never even have the thought of running away from me!"

A broken sob came out from you as Scaramouche readjusted his grip on your hand.

"You know the price you have to pay." He moved up your fingers and finally, clutched tightly onto your trembling pinkie. "I don't think you need this to shoot a gun, right? You don't need this anymore. You don't need it. You don't."

A searing hot flash just shot through your arm, making your entire nervous system have a total breakdown. The pain was unbearable, something you have never felt before. You panicked at the sight of fiery purple sparks and the way your finger began swelling up, ready to combust.

"It's what you deserve. This is all your fault. This is your punishment."

"I'm sorry... Have mercy...!" Your body went numb as you began sobbing uncontrollably, averting your gaze to save you from the reality of what he was going to do to your pinkie finger. "I won't do it ever again! I-I promise...! I won't disobey! I'll be good!"

"You will learn your lesson never to leave me again."

"No, please...!"

"It's for your own good, [Y/N]."

No matter how much you screamed, cried, begged for help, you were heard by no one. You didn't even know where you were or how you got here. Your sense of what's real and what isn't was so messed up that you were surprised that you were still conscious as you endured this painful punishment.

Regret. You regretted ever leaving him. That was the truth you were keeping hidden inside. Even though you tried to justify your actions, it still wasn't enough for you to not regret what you have done. It was true: you made an oath. You swore yourself in. He took you, stole you away, kept you all for himself. And you allowed it.

Yet, you would do anything to save yourself.

"I love you...!" You shouted desperately as you finally confessed. "I love you, sir, I really do! I love you so much! Please, forgive me, sir! I love you! I'll be yours and only yours! I won't run away! I'll stay with you forever! I love you, my Lord Scaramouche! I love you! I love you! I love you!"

Your words struck something inside him, you saw it in the way his breath hitched. A hopeful smile shined on your face when Scaramouche looked right at you with love-filled eyes. At that moment, your finger exploded under the intense pressure and a warm coat of blood was sprayed over the both of you.

•••

"[Y/N]!" A voice called out your name. "Where have you gone?!"

After hearing the countless shouting, you were pulled out of your sleep and finally parted your eyes open. There was no sunlight to greet you good morning, it was like it was still nighttime. A gentle breeze blew past your face which made a few strands of your hair flow to the side, drying your tears as well.

Arching your back, you let out a tired groan as you stretched your legs, feeling around the soft, grassy ground. You remembered falling asleep against the tree you saw earlier, your ice tank provided enough comfort for you to lay on it and drift off to your nightmares. Honestly, they felt too real for your comfort.

"I think she's behind that tree...!" Lumine exclaimed from a distance.

You whimpered in discomfort and tried to shut your eyes again, "So... early in the morning... ugh..."

"Oh, there she is...!" Xingqiu announced, running over to where you were.

Xiangling followed right after, dashing full speed and getting down on her knees thankfully beside you, "[Y/N], we were scared you ran off!"

"Or if you were kidnapped. Again." Chongyun muttered, casually walking towards you.

It was a little overwhelming to be greeted by so many people at the same time, let alone in the morning. Still, you rubbed your eyes and yawned, relaxing and timidly glancing down at your fingers, "I'm okay, I was just resting over here."

"Awwh, you should have asked if you could sleep with me!" The chef girl pouted deeply and was touched by your consideration.

"I have to say," Xingqiu let out an airy chuckle and turned to the other young man. "Chongyun was the one who woke us up because he was the first to notice that you were gone."

"Mhm!" Xiangling nodded furiously, eyes sparkling with bewilderment. "You should have seen him, he was crazy worried! He was like Uhh, guys wake up, I can't find the Fatui girl, w-what do we do?? We gotta look for her!"

"Well, who wouldn't be worried..." He muttered, crossing his arms over his chest. "She's a highly dangerous person after all... I wouldn't be surprised if she was out harassing some poor citizen about unpaid debts."

Once again, you felt your shoulders drop in disappointment, refusing to look up at Chongyun, "I'm... sorry for making all of you worried... I should have told you where I was going to sleep..."

The exorcist sighed heavily, dismissing your apology, "Just stay with the group, alright?"

"Yessir..."

The entire party was taken aback by what you said, even Chongyun was blinking rapidly out of shock. There was an uncomfortable, heavy silence as you glanced around at each person with a raised eyebrow, wondering if you said something weird.

A few seconds later, the realization hit you.

"Oh...! I didn't mean...! No... I..." You fumbled with your words and covered your mouth to stop yourself from stuttering so much, averting your gaze to the ground sadly. "S... Sorry, it's a force of habit... I apologize..."

Chongyun didn't reply. He simply turned away to look off somewhere, making it more awkward than it already was.

Lumine placed a reassuring pat on your shoulder and you pulled your knees up to your chest, hiding your face out of shame.

"Well, team? Let's not stay here for too long and start moving!" The blonde beamed brightly, trying to bring everyone together. "Waking up at this time is good! The earlier we begin our trip, the earlier we'll make it to Liyue Harbour!"

Just like Lumine said, it was time to get going. There was no room in your schedule to wallow in self-pity. Even if that nightmare you had about Scaramouche absolutely terrified you, there was still hope of you avoiding that kind of ending and making it back home to your family. You really hoped.

Everyone slowly disbanded and got to work, leaving you alone again.