Chapter Thirty-Seven

The House felt bigger than usual. The walls seemed to creak and groan with the weight of the structure. Part of you was put on edge by the feeling, but you could quickly calm yourself by reminding yourself that you were dead already. The house couldn't hurt you. Well—the attic could, but other than that you were pretty sure that the house wasn't going to take away your consciousness.

Maybe you just hoped it wouldn't—not yet anyway. You had been getting increasingly curious about the attic, although you were also deeply afraid of it. It was a strange feeling—the same kind you get when you're alone on a beach with an overcast sky and the ocean's waves seem to greedily call for you to swim, swim, swim deeper into the water until it swallows you completely.

But that's ludicrous. You shouldn't wade into the deep and murky waters when it's about to storm, and you shouldn't walk into an attic you know will kill you. Even if you wanted to...even if it was calling to you. You couldn't.

For now, you'd settle with talking to Don. It had truly been a while since the two of you had spoken to each other, and you didn't think waiting for him to initiate a conversation was a good idea.

You knocked on his door a few times before he answered. It was awkward. You felt pushy—but you just wanted to know if he was around...and if he wanted to hang out.

"(y/n), hey," he opened the door and looked at you. He seemed tired—well—more tired than usual.

"Hey, uh," you fell silent for a moment. Do you want to... Hang out maybe?"

"I'm actually hanging out with Dianna," he blinked. "maybe another time."

"Oh—would I be intruding?" you asked, stepping slightly forward. Hanging out with both of them wouldn't be bad.

He seemed annoyed, maybe you should let it go? "Ah, yeah, I think it'd be better to hang out later—"

"(y/n)?" Dianna's face popped out from behind Don's shoulder. "I haven't seen you in forever!" She grinned.

You smiled back as Don not-so-subtly sighed in annoyance before moving aside to let you in. You tried not to feel awful inside. Does Don really dislike you so much? Why?

"What have you been up to lately, Don?"

"Just getting some alone time in," he rolled his eyes. "What about yourself?"

"Oh, uh," you laughed nervously. "You know! Stuff. Hanging out with people." People that won't stop mackin on me.

"Not me," Dianna frowned.

"the others tend to run into me more—it's just a coincidence I promise," you tried to reassure her. You tried not to think about it, but Don was the only one left in the house that hadn't kissed you yet. Maybe that's why you wanted to spend time with him—you felt like you could trust him to not be weird.

Then again, Dianna was here. She wasn't the worst or anything, but her teeth seemed like they were sharper than everyone else's somehow. That was ridiculous, of course, but still.

"Maybe you should just spend time with me, then, since Don would rather be alone," Dianna suggested.

"Oh—no, I wanted to spend time with Don. Besides, you two were hanging out first, if anyone should leave, it's me." You felt pretty formal and stiff, honestly. Why was Don giving off such weird vibes?

"Well, maybe you two should go hang out and we can catch up later," Don shrugged. "I'm tired."

"Humm, okay," you conceded. "I'll see you later then." Dianna looked elated. She stood immediately, waved to Don, and pulled you out the door. With a glance over your shoulder that almost made you fall, you waved goodbye to Don and left him behind.

Once the door was shut, your body was swung into the air before being hugged tightly—you could hardly process what was happening until Dianna released you and smiled, "I missed you!"

"Ah, really? I never suspected you to be the type for air hugs," you giggled.

"Only for you," she smiled sweetly, holding your hand again and walking toward her room. "I'm sure I give the best hugs out of anyone here."

"oh—is that so?"

"Yes.

You two made it in before speaking again—you sitting on the bed hugging your knees to your chest while Dianna took the chair and propped her elbow on the desk.

"Why do you think Don is avoiding me so much?" you asked.

"I don't know, truthfully. I figured it might have to do something with the loss of Jenna."

"Oh," your gaze shifted downwards. "Yeah, that makes some sense. It's...making me sad though."

"You don't need to feel sad, (y/n). I'm sure he'll come around eventually," she said in a tone kinder than you had heard from her before. She was being sweet, but you couldn't really buy it. You felt like it would be a long time before your relationship with Don went back to normal—that is—if it ever did.

"Do you think it'll ever be the same, or will we all feel weird forever?"

"Forever is an amount of time longer than you or I can accurately conceptualize," She shrugged. Right—there's the robotic Dianna I know.

"Yeah, it's almost scary really. I don't want to lose existence, but eternity almost seems like a worse fate."

"Well we always have a way out," she smiled. "That's probably why the attic is here, anyway."

The words struck you so deeply you couldn't reply. Could that be true? Is the attic the escape for when you're tired of forever? For when you're so sick of thinking that you'd rather never do it again?

"But why wouldn't they tell us then? Jenna probably wasn't ready yet!"

"I don't know. Quince would know better than me."

"He knows better than anyone," you sighed. "I don't want to believe...anything about our situation. The more I think about it the more uncomfortable it makes me."

"That's fair, but I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad I'm with you," she said, leaning forward. She was still quite far away from you, due to her desk being on the other side of the room from her bed, but you still felt as if she was encroaching on your personal space. You thought about her words—happy to be here—with you. You were happy to be here with them, too, to an extent.

Thinking about it all made you nauseous and made you want to be with Quince. He seemed so rock solid in all this. You thought so heavily that you didn't notice Dianna had stood until she placed a hand on your shoulder.

"What's got you so distracted?"

"You know," you shrugged, looking up at her. "Just things. I just want to know—I want to know the answer to everything."

"It's impossible to."

"Yeah, but I still want to," you sighed, leaning back and pressing your back to the bed. Dianna sat beside you and stared at your face as you closed your eyes. "I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing here. Or what the point of all this is."

Dianna laid beside you, her body only an inch or two away from yours. "I don't think people are supposed to experience whatever existence this is. Somehow—I don't think this afterlife is natural."

You turned your head to look her in the eyes, the blanket soft beneath your cheek. "Yeah? I don't know how this would be created, but I know what you mean. Somehow, I can't imagine this being something that's happened to everyone. Like—I feel like maybe it's just us. Or maybe just our generation."

"I understand your feelings. It can't be true, though. While I don't know what the truth is, I'm certain we aren't the only ones."

"How can you be so certain?"

"Well, Quince's...existence and presence in the house is a pretty big give away."

"Oh...yeah," you considered and then smiled. Quince. You wondered how he was doing right now. You felt Dianna's fingers wrap around your hand as her face came to nuzzle slightly in your shoulder. You didn't do anything to stop it. You didn't mind, really, you didn't mind about much anymore.

"I wish we were still alive, and we were together," Dianna spoke vulnerably.

"I hardly remember what it was like to be alive at this point.

"I suppose that's what made living so valuable," Dianna mused.

"What do you mean?"

"We had no idea how long we were going to live—and no idea if anything came after. Every moment of our lives was worth more than hours of eternity here. That was impermanent and special and achingly temporary. This is different—this is what we get."

"I...suppose so," you thought over her words. "I don't think that the time spent here is meaningless, though."

"I'm inclined to agree, but there's no telling what we'll feel, think, or do when a millennia has passed. That is, if we haven't entered the attic by then."

"If we have the option to leave, doesn't that make this existence just as important?"

"In a different way, perhaps, but this existence and whether we continue it is completely up to us. It's different from normal life—which can end at any moment," Dianna argued.

"That's the point, I think," you continued. "I could end my consciousness forever and abandon all my burdens, but I'm still here with you."

You didn't miss Dianna's subtle blush or how her hand's grip tightened slightly. "You...are. I'm thankful that you are."

"you're so formal and silly, you breathed out, turning back to the ceiling.

"I'm just saying how I feel," she edged closer. "If you ever decide to go to the attic, please change your mind."

"Well—I. I don't want to lose consciousness. So you don't have to worry," you reassured her as you closed your eyes and drifted off to sleep. By now, Dianna was full-on cuddling with you, her head resting on your arm and both of her arms hugging you. You didn't mind, though. It felt safe.

.:x.x.x.x.x.:.

You woke up with your heart stopping. You shot up at the sound of banging on the door. It took you a few moments to process the fact that someone was knocking, and in that time Dianna groggily awoke as well.

Without speaking, you stood to open the door. Your eyes were tired and wide open as they saw a very frazzled looking Jason. "Jason...! For the love of God, what is the matter?"

He answered by hugging you tightly to him, both of his arms around you. You were too tired and confused to hug back or push away, so you just stood there. "I've been looking everywhere for you," he mumbled into your hair. He ignored the looming threat of Dianna standing right behind you.

"...Why?"

"I've just been so anxious—and with everything, with everyone—I mean. With the way things are and the attic, I've just been so worried I—" he spoke in fragments. You were finally able to piece together that he was worried about you. The 'why' aspect was still up in the air, but you guessed it was general anxieties. You cautiously wrapped your arms around him in return.

"Well, I'm fine, really. I was just spending some time with Dianna." You felt him tighten the hug, which, while it did feel warm and comforting, was altogether a possessive act. You separated from him.

"Will you spend time with me?" He asked, looking down at you. God. He looked like a puppy. "I've been missing you!"

His pouty face and big eyes were almost too much for you. He's so clingy...I hung out with him like, two days ago. Still, though, you couldn't find it in yourself to say no. He was clingy, but it was kind of sweet. Even if it caused trouble sometimes.

"Yeah, alright," you turned to Dianna and smiled. "I'll see you around!"

She nodded dejectedly, "Yes, same to you." You followed Jason out of her room.

Jason's hand gripped yours as he absentmindedly swung his hand back and forth. "Do you want to get something to eat? I'll cook for you!"

"Hell yeah!" you cheered. "Thank you!"

"Anything for you," he smiled. You knew he meant it, too.

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