***Trigger Warning: This chapter contains heavy themes of domestic violence and miscarriage. Please take care of yourself and skip if you feel this may be triggering for you. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence of any kind, please reach out to someone in your community. In the US, that number is 1-800-799-7233**

Camryn

Derek looked back at me in utter shock, trying to digest what I just said. My stomach was in knots as I waited for him to say something. Anything at all. When he finally started talking, I wanted to crawl into a hole.

"Jesus Christ, Camryn." He ran his fingers through his hair in exasperation. "What the fuck were you thinking?"

I wasn't even sure how to answer that. I was thinking a million things when I made that phone call, but first and foremost, I was thinking I couldn't let my father hurt any longer.

Derek didn't wait for an answer. "Do you know the risk you just put yourself in? I asked you to trust me on this. I would have given anything for you to talk to him, but I told you that you couldn't because you've literally just compromised this entire thing."

"I'm sorry. I just..."

Derek cut me off, slamming his palm on the table. "Damn it!"

When I saw his hand raise, I froze, immediately transported back to another time and place. Derek wasn't even close to hitting me, and I knew he never ever would, but when I saw him raise his hand in anger like that, it was all I could think about. The thousands of times Robby's hands connected with my cheek or my ribs or the side of my head. The anger in his voice. The blind rage. It triggered something in me and I felt like I was hallucinating. It wasn't Derek I was seeing, but Robby.

I shrank back, cowering away from him and squeezing my eyes shut.

Derek stopped abruptly, his eyes on me gently, as I had a complete breakdown.

"Cam?" His voice broke. "Are you... did you..."

He was speechless, and so was I. My breathing was so shallow I couldn't even form a tight as I choked back tears, my pulse pounding so loud in my head it was hard to hear anything over it.

Derek approached me carefully, bending down in front of me and taking my hands in his. "Cam, it's okay." He whispered. "Did you think I was going to hit you?"

Those words made me sick. Of course, I didn't think he was going to hit me. I knew Derek. He was so kind and gentle with me always. He knew what I'd come from and he would die before making me feel the ways Robby had. But also, of course, I thought he was going to hit me. It was all I'd ever known. Any time in my life I'd ever made my boyfriend or husband mad, it ended with a painful slap or punch.

I couldn't breathe, and suddenly burst into tears at the realization of all of this. I was doing well. I thought I was moving on. And then tonight, I screwed up and Derek raised his voice and I was immediately taken back there. I wasn't ever going to be okay. I was always going to be one moment away from where I desperately tried to get away from.

"Baby, look at me." Derek was cautious, putting his hand on my cheek. "You're okay. You're safe. I'm not going to hurt you, I would never..."

"I know that." I assured him. "I know you would never do anything like that. I just..." I covered my face in my hands and sobbed.

Derek didn't say another word. He just wrapped his arms around me as I cried. He tucked my hair behind my ears and wiped the tears off of my cheek, and gently shushed me as he held me against him. "It's okay, Cam. You're okay." He repeated over and over again.

But I wasn't. And I didn't know how to tell him that.

"I'm so sorry." I cried harder. "I just couldn't stand the thought of my dad thinking I was dead. After everything he's been through and I..." I almost told Derek the story of the horrible beating Robby gave me and the miscarriage, but I stopped short.

"Shhh..." Derek kissed my forehead. "I understand why you did it. I don't like it, and I wish you would have listened to me, but I understand."

"I'm sorry." He whispered. "I shouldn't have yelled at you and I absolutely shouldn't have hit the table like that. But Camryn, I want you to know that no matter what you ever do, or how mad you make me, or how badly we disagree, I will never, ever lay my hands on you like that."

It made my stomach turn at how nice he was being about this. He should have hit me. He should have yelled and screamed and berated me for disobeying him the way I had. I screwed up everything he'd been working so hard for, and now he was the one apologizing. His complacency almost made it worse.

"You believe that, right?" He tilted my chin up to meet his eyes. I tried to look away, but his strong grip wouldn't let me. "Camryn?" His voice was direct, but not at all harsh.

I bit my lip. "I do. But maybe I deserve it. Maybe I..."

Derek looked back at me in horror. "Don't ever let me hear you say that again, Camryn. You don't deserve it, no one does. Believe me, I'm pissed as hell at what you did today, and I'm want to talk about it, but no matter what, you don't deserve to be treated that way. You don't deserve to be hit and beaten and broken down just because we have a difference of opinion on this. I will never, ever do those things to you. Robby made you believe that, and it's not true. It's his bullshit. And I will not let you revert to thinking that way. Not after how far you've come."

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. It was so foreign to me to have someone actually care that I almost didn't believe what he said. I almost let Robby's voice creep into my mind to tell me I deserved it and I was unworthy, but I wasn't going to let him ruin something else for me.

"Now, can we talk about this? I need to know what happened today."

I nodded. "I made sure he knew he couldn't tell anyone, I swear. I told him that we were safe and everything was going to be okay, but that I couldn't see him for a while. He understands Derek. He won't tell anyone. I swear."

Derek hesitated. "I'm glad he understands, but that really wasn't my concern. His phones could be tapped or someone might wonder why he's not as upset as he was. It was never really about him telling someone—it was the other things that could go wrong."

"Do you think that's why someone breached the property today? Did they find us because I called him?"

Derek shook his head. "No. There wouldn't have been enough time. What happened today was about something else."

Relief washed over me. Maybe it would all be okay. Maybe I hadn't ruined everything.

"Can I tell you why I felt so strongly about calling my dad?"

"I would love it if you did." Derek to my hand again, listening intently as I started my story.

"The last night I saw my dad, I was twelve weeks pregnant, and we were at a fundraising event for Robby's father. I told you my parents hated Robby, but it got even worse after my mom died. My dad came there because he was trying to drag me back home with him. He didn't want me raising a baby with him."

I paused, trying to keep my composure. This was the most I'd thought about the night in years and as good as it was for me to talk about, it stung so badly.

"Dad made a huge scene, and Robby had security remove him. He dragged me back to our hotel room, where he hit me and kicked me in the chest and stomach for hours. He took off his belt and tightened it around my neck just enough to make me pass out and then come to again. He did that four times until I didn't wake up. The next thing I knew, I was in the hospital. Robby was telling the doctors we were in a car crash and they were hooking monitors up to make sure the baby was okay."

Derek's face twisted in horror as I spoke. I'd given him details of the abuse before, but never quite like this. He looked like he might cry at any second.

"They found it at first, but after a while, a nurse came in and told me the numbers weren't good and I should expect to miscarry within the hour. They took me into surgery to remove it and Robby went back to enjoy the end of the fundraiser."

"I'm going to fucking kill him, Camryn. I swear to God." His voice broke with emotion as he squeezed my hand.

"I'm not telling you this because I want you to do that, Derek. I just want you to know. It was all I could think about when I saw my dad. He had tried to save me and my baby that night, but he couldn't. I wanted him to know it wasn't all in vain. That I survived."

Derek pressed his lips to move, cradling me in his arms. "You have no idea how incredibly strong you are, Camryn. With all that bastard did to you, it's a miracle you're still standing here today."

"Honestly, I want to move on and forget about it so bad. And then something like tonight happens and I know I never will. I'll always go back there." I wiped a tear off of my cheek.

"Of course you will. It was a huge part of your life. But it will be a good reminder of just how much you've overcome. And it won't always be so vivid. The memories and the feelings will fade and you'll realize that you deserve to be treated like an absolute queen. That you deserve to be with someone with cherishes you and adores you. And I will work every day to make sure that I'm that person."

How could I not be totally overcome with emotion after that speech? I buried my head into Derek's chest again, breathing in his scent and soaking up the comfort and the security and the love I felt in his arms.

We must have fallen asleep like that because the next thing I knew, he was carrying me back to his bed and tucking me into the covers. His arm draped over me and his legs intertwined with mine and he held me so tightly I wasn't sure he would ever let go.