𝐷𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝐸𝑙𝑖𝑗𝑎ℎ,

You once asked me what the stack of papers that lay on my desk were ,

I lied that it was an essay for class.

I wish you had read them then , for i'm afraid I didn't say I love you enough.

I once wrote these for you ,

in case the cancer had won the battle of life.

But now ,

I write this for me.

I once joked ,

that i'd die first.

I hadn't known that life would be so selfish.

I hadn't known that your brother would steal your life ,

not knowing that ,

he had taken two lives instead of one.

You won,

you died first,

come back , will you ?

I should've never let you leave , Elijah.

You could've seen Jake.

He has your eyes ,

I love them

but I wish he had mine instead.

So that every time I look at our son ,

i'm not reminded of how

i never kissed you goodbye.

Our son is beautiful.

He has your charm.

He cries a lot ,

just like his mom.

I still remember the day ,

they found your body on the road.

They called me for identification.

I wasn't there for your last breath.

Forgive me.

for I forgive you

for the million times I needed you

, the million times I cried.

If love alone could have saved you

, you never would've died.

In life , I loved you dearly.

In death , I love you still.

You filled an abyss ,

that no one ever will.

It broke my heart to lose you ,

But you didn't go alone.

For part of me went with you,

The day you left home.