𝐷𝑒𝑎𝑟 𝐸𝑙𝑖𝑗𝑎ℎ ,

I had a panic attack in the morning.

I couldn't breathe. I thought my cancer was back.

I don't see you in school so I think you don't go to classes.

Stacy told me to kill myself.

She always does.

I don't know what I did to her.

She thinks I made the cancer up.

I was sad.

Sad that you weren't there.

So I left the other half of my sandwich wrapped up on the bench.

I went to the supermarket ,

and suddenly the sun shone through the dark clouds.

You were there.

With a girl.

I smiled and waved.

But you could tell.

Tell that something was wrong.

I knew because your eyes gave up everything.

As if someone had pinned you on a table for surgery.

Your eyelashes were my anesthetic.

Your green irises were the scalpel that tore into my chest and gazed into the abyss of my darkest chambers.

Your eyebrows lay still , trying to mask the emotions I needed to see.

I think you saw jealousy.

She got to talk to you.

I didn't.

It's fine , I said .

As I wished you goodbye.

And made my way out of the store ,

not stopping to realize that I hadn't got what I wanted.

I got what I didn't want.

And it was you.

With someone who wasn't me.

It's fine.