Thin arms replace the ones that hold her, straining to keep her upright, and larger, ones come around her thighs hoisting her up to rest against a firm chest. She can hear murmuring as they deliberate what to do and she's lowered onto a soft matress slowly, carefullt, but all the jostling still causes her to arch away, sobbing at each movement.

"It's alright, sunflower, we have you now, everything is going to be okay." Trembling fingers flutter over her cheeks, and Terra can see bleary crystal blue eyes when she barely opens her eyes.

"Peeta, get some water and a rag. We're gonna have to clean her up before we apply any of the salve," she hears Johanna somewhere in the room and she wants to say something to her friend but can only groan. "You really know how to keep people on their toes, T. I hope I know what you're doing."

None of us know what we're doing, she wants to say. At least I'm doing something instead of just making Snow angry.

"Don't get too close, Annie. Why don't you try to find her something to wear instead?" Johanna suggests softly. "No shirt though. I think she'll understand just this once."

There's a sigh of relief from someone in the room and she can hear Peeta speaking low, the underlying concern making her feel guilty for some reason. The bed dips slightly and she whimpers.

"I've only seen this once so I'm sorry in advance," Peeta tells her, somewhere by her head.

She tenses, her muscles screaming as her back burns with the pain of having water poured slowly onto her back. Someone is pushing down on her shoulders immediately and Terra screams when a cloth is dabbing at the open lashes, her vision flashing with bright dots before it goes black.

"Just take a deep breath. You don't need to be so jerky about it," he laughs, creating waves with his arms, and Terra scowl at him, wiping water from her face.

"That's easy for you to say. I've never been submerged in anything deeper than a bath," she snaps. "I'm allowed to be nervous."

He laughs, shaking his head good naturedly, and she wants to let herself sink instead. How easy it would be to smother the eyes that watched her by simply letting go, but what was the point of surviving if she was just going to waste it?

The question was something that turned in her mind haunting as it returned over and over urging her to do something. She couldn't live with her thoughts anymore, lost in the memories of everything and nothing - drowning in the blood on her hands so thick she could taste it.

"You just need to keep swimming until you find the surface again," he tells her, dragging her towards the deeper end of the water where it was more difficult to stand.

Terra looks up at him, frowning. "What if I run out of breath?"

Finnick grins down at her, helping her float as he pulled back, holding her hand all the while. "Take it one deep breath at a time until you can hold it for as long as you need. Don't worry about that for now though, I won't let you drown."

It was like being slammed back into her body, a fire searing across her back and she sobbed with the sudden intake of air, wanting nothing more than to move but every part of her hurt.

She gasped against the bed, sprawled onto her front and positioned as comfortably as could be expected, and she instantly regret having woken up to begin with.

There was no pain relief, not when you weren't a citizen of the Capitol. She would receive no compassion here.

Painstakingly slow, Terra moved her arms so her hands were pressed flet to the bed, that action alone made the muscles along her back spasm and she bit her tongue against the dizzying dots that danced across her vision, forcing herself to remain conscious as she tried to move. With aching arms and a white-hot flash like lightning shot through the muscles of her back, Terra eased herseld up until she was standing using the bed posts for support. Her legs were weak as she made the exhausting trip to the bathroom and she believed she going to trip over herself as she went, unable to support herself for so long.

The luxurious bathroom had an ornate circular mirror over the bassinet style sink, wide and always with a perfectly clean reflection. There had been times where she had just stood in front of her own reflection, searching for something she couldn't see anymore.

Her appearance was bedraggled, startling with messy hair and face drained of colour with sweat tracks cutting through the dirt that had managed to stick to her face. It was terrifying to see herself like that, messed frim something unbelonging to the arena with normal clothes and conscious clear.

Slowly she turned so her back was to the mirror and the time it took to look over her shoulder to see what had been done made her anticipation and fear spike. It was a series of criss-cross marks raised and swollen, a few werd still open and scabbed over. With so many experiences with scars she could already begin to imagine how that would feel under her fingers, the silvery , smooth texture of new skin, but she feared what this would feel like, if she could ever stomach the thought of placing a hand on herself again or looking in the general direction.

A hand came up to her mouth, covering the cry that threatened to slip through, but all that came loose was a whimper and a silent scream.

She stumbles back against the sink, a nauseating pain suffocating her at the abrupt movement, soaps tumbling from the jerking motion.

"Terra? Terra!"

Peeta came bursting into the bathroom, hanging off the doorframe. He stopped, staring wide eyed at her trembling figure before he took a proper look at her and rushed forward - ignoring her half-nakedness as he came around to support her the best her could.

"What are you doing?" He demands, trying his hardest not to move her too much. "You should be resting, T. I had only seen it done once with Gale, but they used drugs to ease the pain. You passed out near the beginning and we were worried."

Terra breathes deeply. "I just wanted to see. I just needed to see."

She hears him make some type of noise in his throat. "It'll be fine. They left some of the healing salve that they gave me in the Games. You're already healing," Peeta tells her softly.

She wants to argue that it definitely didn't feel like it was healing but swallowed it back and let herself not in acknowledgement.

"You learned how to heal from Mrs. Everdeen?" She asks instead, leveling herself against him so she could look at his face, not caring for the nudity in the slightest knowing how love sick he truly was and hoped he didn't much mind considering her curent condition.

Had it been anyone she trusted less Terra certainly would have been embarrassed, scared even to be exposed so vulnerable, but she imagined it would he wouldn't be one to mention it in the end.

"I didn't really learn anything, only the few things that I had seen," Peeta explained, moving to help her back into the bedroom but she tapped on his shoulder to stop him.

"I know it might be too much to ask and will probably make you really uncomfortable, but can you help me with a bath?" She asks shyly and before she could overthink it. "You can just fill the tub and put me in if you prefer and go and get Johanna or Annie."

He doesn't hesitate as he hoist her up and slips her into the tub so that she could rest easily against the cool side. It was soothing against her skin and she hadn't realised that she was so warm - her thoughts immediately going to the very little that she knew of infections and fevers and wondered how she had successfully survived up until this point.

Wearing a pair of what seems to be a pair of cotton pajama pants ripped into shorts, neither were concerned about getting them wet as he began to fill the tub.

"Finnick use to love running me baths," she tells him, pressing her cheek into the side. "He use to love just sitting in the water with me any chance he got. I think it was some sort of bonding, relationship thing in District 4."

"Katniss- " his voice grows thick on her name and he swallows hard - "had a very strong opinion of him before the Games."

Terra scrunches her nose and looks up toward him. "Many people do. Many people have a strong opinion of all the Victors before they actually meet them and Finnick has always had a very open personality but not everything about him is as it seems."

"A lot of people feel that Katniss is. . . " he struggles on his words, choking on his emotions and she wants to reach out and comfort him.

"I know. I understand. I had some mixed feelings about her in the beginning as well," she admits, finding the accepting expression on his face to sit awkwardly with her. "I believe everyone has certain expectations of someone before they actually meet. I don't blame her for forming an idea and I hope she would feel the same."

Peeta adjusts the water temperature and doesn't answer straight away.

She swipes her tongue over her lips, her mouth incredibly dry, and hums slightly. "Finnick is a lot more than what you saw in broadcasts or in the Games. He didn't always have a choice about the things he has done, but he has always found a way to make ths best of his situation. We all do, us Victors, we fight in the Games only to have to survive a miserable life."

"It doesn't have to be miserable," he says softly, soothingly, and she smiles at his optimism.

"Look at where we are. There is nothing but miserable here," she babbled, explaining her plaguing thoughts the best she could. "Both of us have said things we weren't supposed to for different reasons. We both have people we want to protect, but if the rebels win then, well. . ."

"They'll understand, T," he reassured, dropping to the floor to kneel next to the tub, looking over her shoulder at her back. She looks away, frowning. "Finnick will understand, Terra. He won't blame you for anything that happens."

She scoffs. "That would be ideal, wouldn't it?"

He smiles, picking up a glass from next to the sink and uses it to pour water over her shoulders slowly. It stings over the open wounds and she clenches her hands around the side of the tub, gritting her teeth.

"Annie wants us all to basically live together when this is all over like the Victor Village with each with our own house," she chuckles through her clenched teeth. "She wants you and me to share a garden. She thinks it would be something you would like."

"Wouldn't that be a pretty picture." They both look to the door and Johanna that was standing there, grinning.

"Yeah, well you're expected to join us as well," Terra tells her, resting her forehead against the tub. "Something about you being the angry neighbour."

"Really? If that's the case I might actually take you up on that offer and you'll be stuck with me forever," her friend teases.

She's thankful her wide smile is hidden when she says, "That doesn't sound too bad. I look forward to it, Jo."

The other girl scoffs but comes forward into the room anyways, sitting on the side of the tub and looks at the various soaps, all things that would have been supplied in the arena.

"If we burn, you burn with us," Johanna whispers, taking the glass from Peeta and using it to dunk water over her head.

Her skin tingles at the words, an understanding washing over her followed closely by a feeling of dread.

"Where did you hear that?" She demands, tense.

"Over heard it from a few careless employees. My bet is that it has something to do with the whipping," Johanna hypothesized, jerking Terra's head around so that she could begin to wash her hair.

"The whipping was a result of me not wanting to torture some poor person, but yeah, I think you're right."

"It it going to be like this for every thing they put out? Retaliation?" Peeta asks angrily.

"Probably, but I'll deal with it though. Snow won't want you to be put in situations like that, not when Katniss is the face of the rebellion. It could cause her to lash out," Terra concluded. "The timing seems to match up that whatever Johanna jeard was because they saw your interview and mine were in response to whatever must have happened."

"What if it's worse next time? What will you do then?" Johanna demands, scrubbing her scalp angrily, digging her fingers in, and she nearly sighs at hoe pleasant it feels, the roughness that she used to treat herself with for so long.

"Try not to die?" Terra proposed, gasping at the harsh tug to her hair that she receives. "Okay, okay! I know that's not funny."

"He won't kill us, not when all of Panem knows that we're here," Peeta intercepts before an argument could start.

"He would and he will even if it's to hurt the people who care about you," Johanna corrected him and a heavy silence fell over the three as though waiting for some cruel punchline or joke to befall them.

Terra cleared her throat and looked up to them both, a grimace pulling at her lips. "May the odds be ever in our favour."

°°°

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I got a new kitten so it's been a little hard to update because she's kinda really needy and likes to sleep on me instead of in her bed soo ?

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2019-02-17