Pricking and prodding at her skin was something she was fairly used to after so long in the Capitol, appearances meaning everything, and as they waxed and washed and tugged at her hair Terra worked hard not to move - counting the seconds that turned to minutes until they finished with her and began to dry and spin and tug some more before shoving her into a very plain white and simplistic sun dress with dazzling flats. It was comfortable and played well with the image of innocence that she had once portrayed that it was nostalgic almost when paired with twin buns tied up with sparkling elastics that twinkled when she moved.

She looked very clean, very Capitol, and it nearly made her sick.

She followed as they lead her through the corridors until they reached a side entrance away from public eye intended for the help or peacekeepers to come and go from and she was urged into a regulation vehicle with a guard seated on each side.

Traveling through the Capitol, seeing all the unconcerned faces of the citizens and carefree children sent a spike of anger through her heart. How they were allowed such an easy life while the rest of the nation was forced to hard labour with little opportunity for food, having to watch their loved ones die from hunger, was beyond her - and as they drove by a poster with her face standing out clearly, blood smeared and looking to be fresh out of the Quell, words of blame towards the rebellion written in bold, she didn't push away the sense of self-loathing that she felt. This was her life now and there was no saving herself.

Her gaze stayed locked to the dark flooring of the truck until it stopped.

They rushed her inside, a hand pressed firmly to the small of her spin and Terra realised that this could have been one of the men that she knew, one of the peacekeepers that Snow had offered her to for the night for work well done on their behalf. She could have known any of these men that hid their faces behind the dark screens of her masks and the urge to smash the viser to pieces and use it to slice his throat was overwhelming, bubbling up in her chest and threatening to burst from her with an angry snarl.

The sight of one of the brightly dressed attendants waving her way drew her attention enough to distract and Terra made her way over, half-listening as she rambled on about what to say and how to act only to have the woman stop with a giggle and comment about how Terra knew how to interview without any help, that people loved it when she was unscripted and genuine.

It must have been planned to have her arrive just in time for everyone to be ready because the woman guided her to the seats and disappeared immediately to have Caesar take the other seat and face the cameras without hesitation just as the music started.

She watched as he did his signature move, looking away and turning at a certain note only this time he didn't smile and was dreadfully serious.

"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we have been graced with another very special guest, our very own Terra Combe," he greets, lacking his enthusiasm and she takes note of it, judging the mood instantly and tries to mentally plan for it.

The cameras pan to her and Terra can see her own image on the screens behind them, looking better, brighter, healthier than she ever hs before. This would be the first image that they had of her in this fucked up war.

"Hello, Caesar. Thank you for having me," she replies, speaking softly, timidly.

"No, thank you for coming to see us," he saysb not missing a beat. "We are all aware that you are recovering. I trust that you're not longer hurt?"

She blinks, looking towards her lap as she searches for the words. Blame it back on the Games, tell them of the mental pain it was to face the betrayal of her friends.

"Yes, I was made aware of a mild infection from my wound during the wave and how it spread with the stab from the spear. They tell me I also lost a lost of blood and I can believe something like that," she chuckles softly, earning a similar react from him, and she can practically see the way his mind is working through the glint in his eyes. "But thanks to President Snow's generosity those were all healed with relative ease. Caesar, you must understand that the time I spent healing was for the emotional and mental injuries I sustained throughout the Games, and that President Snow was gracious enough to allow me time to heal before I answered to the public."

"Of course, President Snow has always been the most caring man, and we all owe him a debt of gratitude for returning you to us," Caesar states, looking to the camera with a nod and she copies the action, implying that she believes the same message.

"Now Terra, was this healing about the events in the arena?" Caesar asks, leaning in a little.

She shakes her head. "To understand you must understand what it's like to be in the arena. It's different than anything else. Morals are forgotten, lines are crossed - you do what you need to all for the sake of survival, and having done so twice I fear I might have sacrificed more of myself than I should have. Everyone must know by now that it wasn't my plan to come out of the Quarter Quell alive, Caesar."

Her hand shakes where she rests it on the arm of her seat and he pats it comfortingly, putting on a good show despite her real fears that show. "Yet here you are."

"Yet here I am. I was prepared to do anything that I needed to, but it was never my plan to have to live with any of it."

"You must have realised that you were a favourite to win, right from the beginning," Caesar remarks, leading the conversation.

Terra bites her lip. "I knew that there was a chance that if I made it past a certain point that there was a real possibility that I could emerge as a Victor, but I didn't want that. I volunteered that day with two things in mind: to save my friend and to try and ensure that Finnick lived."

"When did that plan to keep him alive change?" He prompts causing her to pout slightly and look to the ground.

"It never changed. I love him. I love him so much still, even after learning of what he has done, what they all continue to do, and it's horrible and I can't help it," she cries, hands curling into fists, and she realizes that she is being scarily candid, but she can't stop herself from speaking now. "I suppose that's one on my crimes then, loving Finnick, but I'm afraid I don't know hoe to stop, that I don't really want to."

"The heart is terribly unjust, sweet Terra, we can't always control who we love," Caesar soothes and she looks up at him, peering through wet lashes before turning her face to the cameras.

"Yes, I'm afraid you're right," she sniffs. "You asked about my plans, was it?"

"Are you well enough to continue?" He asks gently, concerned.

"Yes, yes, I'm fine. As I was saying, my plan to keep with safe never changed. Finnick was always my top priority, but Haymitch approached us one day, that's Lux and I, and that is another of my crimes," Terra confides, turning her body to Caesar as though telling him the truth would lift her burden, and she suposed it did, in more ways than one as she bared herself to the nation. "He asked us to protect Katniss and we blindly agreed, not thinking anything of it at the time. If I had known that they were going to. . . blow up the arena or start unrest among the districts perhaps I would've done something different, I don't know, it's hard to think as though I was still there sometimes."

"Tell us then about that last day, when she fired the arrow."

"I had no idea what was going to happen. To think the people I considered friends, people I trusted betrayed me by keeping such a secret. It hurts, Caesar, that I was kept in the dark about something so important by my friends, by the one I love," Terra shakes her head and wipes at her eyes for show. "When everything began to go wrong I was busy trying to save Johanna and Peeta as they were planning to run away. It's a miracle of timing that they're still alive or Enobaria would have killed them for sure. That arrow cursed so many people, but Peeta, Johanna, Annie and I are lucky to be safe here in the Capitol, away from the fighting."

"You seem to have a strong opinion about the fighting," Caesar noted, almost passively, and Terra straightened a little knowing that this was the most important part where, like Peeta, she was supposed to call for a cease-fire.

Terra nods, turning to face the cameras fully as she speaks. "See me as a traitor or an enemy, mark me with whatever names you wish, but please consider your actions. There is no place in the world for a victory won through violence and death and pain, take it from the mouth of a Victor. Stop this act of defiance before it's too late."

She slunps back in her seat, turning to face Caesar. "I apologize, but I believe I should return to my quarters to rest. Annie will be expecting me soon."

Caesar turn back to the camera. "All right, that will be all for today. So back to your regularly scheduled programming."

Dropping her head back as soon as the cameras are turned off, Terra is aware of Caesar saying something to her about seeing her soon before he disappears and she is left alone trying to steady her heart and breathe normally because she knows that she could be setting herself up for public execution if she isn't careful.

Peacekeepers station themselves at either side of her and Terra is standing ready to go before they have a chance to touch her, knowing she wouldn't be able to handle something like that right now, not with the weight of the conversation she just had.

She relished in the short drive back to the manner this time, taking in the sight of free moving people desperately, as though she could live though them, and when she was returned to her room and the night guards were stationed on either side of the door, the lock clicking firmly behind her, Terra collapsed into Annie's arms and held tight, afraid to let go.

"Everything is going to be fine, sunshine," Annie whispered, letting her curl against her chest. "You did well. Nothing will happen now."

"I'm going to keep us safe, all of us, as best that I can," she promised, playing with the loose strands of red hair. "All of us are going to live through this."

"What about the rebels? The things you said. . ."

Terra looks up at Annie, the dulled, haunted look in her blue eyes that at one time were a bright colour that reflected the sun so well and her resolve was hardened. "If the rebels condemn us for trying to survive then we'll just have to learn to survive that as well. We could run away. Live in a little shack in the forest or a cabin on the beach, but somewhere away from all of this, from the memories."

"I think I'd like that a lot. We could fish for our food and have a little garden," Annie sighs wistfully. "You can have a small farm. Finnick can join us. He can do all the heavy lifting and get the fish. He's a lot better at that then I am."

Terra giggles. "Johanna could live next door cursing about everything."

"Peeta and Katniss could live nearby, too. Peeta can help with the garden and Katniss could hunt," she adds, smiling at whatever picture she was painting.

"We could force Beetee to come with us, convince him to get us electricity and Haymitch could make some kind of deadly moonshine."

They stay silent after that, thinking, and Annie sniffles softly. "That's really everyone that's left."

Terra bites her lip hard. "Yeah, but it's okay. No one will ever forget our stories. Everyone will know of the Victors of the Hunger Games one way or another."

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2019-02-14