I didn't just feel sick.

I was the epitome of sickness.

I looked like vomit.

I smelt like vomit.

I was in fact, vomit.

My head lay on Axels lap as he gently played with my hair, brushing it out with his fingers and making tingles run down my spine. Some shitty cartoon played out on his television and I was fully enthralled by it.

"He's just so perfect." He commented, holding the scan pictures up with his other hand.

"The pictures don't change each time you look at them, you know?" He shoved them in front of my face and I focused in on the pictures instead of the television.

"His toes though, look at his toes." I smiled, they were cute toes. "And his nose." Okay, the nose was cute too. "I want to kiss his nose." Axel gushed. "Damn, he's just so fucking perfect."

I sat up, freeing Axels lap and fixed my hair. He got up and went to his fridge, taking out a bottle of water and drank from it.

He wiped wetness away from his lips and my eyes roamed his perfect body. He was this broad, fit man. With a solid eight pack as well as a handsome face. Even his sweatpants hung from his waist in a sexy way.

I was an insecure whale, over halfway through my pregnancy with no way to hide the basketball under my shirt. I felt heavy and uncomfortable most of the time and none of my clothes fit me anymore.

"Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're a sex god and I'm a frump."

He rejoined me on the sofa and lifted my swollen legs onto his lap.

"What are you taking about? You're beautiful, your body is beautiful. Perfect even." His hand cradled my rock hard stomach and the baby kicked, making his eyes light up just like they do every time.

"Those little toes are strong." He chuckled.

"I'm loosing myself more and more, my individuality disappearing like my waistband. I want my body back Axel."

"It's too soon, the nurse said we have to get to forty weeks."

At first I enjoyed it, my pregnancy. I was tired a lot and while Axel worked out on the field I could sleep in until late.

Of an evening Axel would get back and we would laugh about how shit the recruits did that day.

And although it was nice, having him all to myself, cocooned in a little secret safety bubble shed. I was starting to miss being out there on the field, feeling like myself, normal.

On really dull days Axel would take me out, always at night so nobody caught us but he'd take me on a drive up the dirt roads, or out for shitty roadside food. For a good few months we fucked like crazy, the hormones wreaking havoc on my libido. But now, this big - I couldn't think of anything worse than having sex.

I kind of got into the schedule of being nocturnal, sleep during the day, awake during the night. But it only made me realise that seeing sunlight from a dusty window wasn't good enough.

I felt claustrophobic.

I don't know if it was the hormones making me feel so miserable or if I generally just wasn't happy.

But I hated thinking like that because this baby, our boy, was such a blessing to me. I loved him so much already, I was grateful for him and his health.

I just wanted my body back, something Axel did get and couldn't relate too.

"I just want some normalcy back in my life." I admitted. "What if you invited some of my friends back here? I miss them and I know they wouldn't tell anyone."

"Harper." He said softly, like with that word he was already letting me down gently. "We can't get caught."

"But my friends—"

"Would probably do anything to ship me in. They hate me, I'm their lieutenant, remember? I punish them daily, I act like I'm above them, I'm responsible for their sentence."

"Okay but—"

"And, some of them might harm you just to punish me. They might harm our baby. I'm not risking that." He put his warm hand on my stomach. "I will protect him with everything that I have."

"Axel." I pushed his hand away and stood up. "I understand but I'm lonely and miserable. I want to see the girls who I shared a bunker with. I want to see Nate. That's all. They could come here, we could—"

"No."

"No?"

"No."

I didn't like getting told no. I had a major issue with authority figures and Axel should've damn well known that. Then again, I know him and he's all about authority. We're two opposites, clashing.

I walked over to him and sat down, straddling his lap. He immediately put his hands on my belly again, the big ball wedged between us.

"No?" I asked again.

"No." He repeated.

I peppered soft kisses up his neck and his hands moved from my belly to my hips.

"But you're always so good to me." I whispered into his ear, feeling his body shiver from the impact.

"You get me what I need, when I crave spicy peppers and you go out to the 24hr mart to get them."

I kissed along his jawline and he tightened his lips.

"When I crave you, you fulfil my needs, fucking me as many times as I like. Letting me use you for my pleasure."

I kissed his lips softly and although he tried to escalate the passion I pulled away, teasing him.

"You massage my body when I ache, you make me feel beautiful when I'm feeling most insecure, you empower me, make me believe that I'll be a good mom. You make me feel like a diamond amongst the rocks and right now, you're the only one with the power to stop me feeling so depressed."

I tugged his lip between my teeth and he whimpered out a small hum.

"I really don't like this." He added with a certain skepticism to his voice. I held back a smile knowing I had won him over.

"But whatever you're feeling, he's feeing, right?"

"Damn, I should've led with that. I would've got my own way much sooner." He narrowed his hickory eyes at me in distaste.

"Fine Harper." He agreed, reluctantly. "But only a select few and they must come to my shed, I want to be here. I want to watch them." I scoffed out a laugh before I realised he wasn't joking.

"Okay, but don't be awkward. They're going to feel really uncomfortable around you. Don't be dishing out punishments or being rude to them."

"I'm never rude and wouldn't punish them in their free time, however if they tell anyone about this then I'll give them a disciplinary on the spot."

"Just be normal." I encouraged. "Can you do that?"

"Yes." He answered with gritted teeth.

"Fine, then you may stay." I agreed.

"I told you Harper, I am staying. That was non negotiable." I rolled my eyes at his overbearing attitude and then none of us spoke for a while.

He was probably overthinking the whole situation. I was wondering if he would let my friends and I order a pizza or would that be pushing my luck too far?

Fuck it, I'll ask.

"Can we order a pizza?"

He glared at me dangerously, I guess there's my answer.

"No." He shot me down coldly.