I wanted to be strong.

I wanted to take care of myself.

I have failed.

I've been "clean" from cutting myself for... Maybe two month?

But after this months I screwed it up.

I even don't know why, but I just felt like doing it and so I just gave in to the temptation.

It was in the math lesson when we had to cut something out and my neighbor just gave me his scissors and I just felt so addicted to it like I really really had to do that to do it right in that moment and in this situation I thought nothing I couldn't do anything to stop that feeling.

It didn't bleed so I scratched it up so that I could see the blood on my hand.

I must sound really really crazy right now and I know maybe people won't believe me but it helps me a lot just to write it down and share it with someone so they can read what I feel like.

A friend of mine is cutting herself too and she isn't a real friends that is next to me every day she is an internet friend but I just feel like she's a little sister to me and it's hurting me how she suffers.

Whenever I cut myself I just text her and sometimes we call each other when we have problems and can deal with it.

But recently when I texted her the last time when I caught myself she told me she did it too but she didn't text me, she didn't told me that she had a hard time to go through and I was kind of hurt, because I felt so... I can't even describe what I felt like but it didn't feel good so I was mad at her and I asked her why she didn't tell me but she just said that she didn't wanted to put weight on me.

I really hate it when people think they could decide what's good for me and what's not.

I was never really mad at her because she's just an angel and said she beautiful girl inside and outside and she's always there for me I can just text her and she is so kind and friendly and she cares about others and I just love her.

Now she's ignoring me and I'm so sorry that I just told her that I was mad and I just...

I'm just so sorry...