McKayla

The baby was sleeping and Gemma was gone so it was just me in the house. A knot was growing in my stomach thinking about my parent’s getting the letter I wrote them. They’d want to see me right away, but I couldn’t face them. Not after the way I just left town without a word. No, I’d need some time. And I would want Jax to go with me of course. Well, that is if we’re still together by then. I laughed to myself darkly and went to the cupboard for the whiskey. I poured myself a glass and sipped it slowly. The liquid was warm and familiar to me. I settled down into a kitchen chair and watched the sun start to go down.

Just as I was finishing my glass, I heard a bike pull up. My heart leapt into my throat as I looked out the window. It was Jax. He shut the bike off and slowly walked up to the door. I hurried into the living room and flopped down on the couch. I flipped on the tv and pretended like I was watching something. He put his key in the lock and opened the door slowly. I heard him sighed when he walked into the house.

“In here Gemma!” I called from the couch.

I didn’t want him to think I saw him coming of course. Jax set his keys on the table and then his helmet and gun. I turned at the sounds and saw him standing there. I couldn’t help but gasp. Jax really was standing there. His hair looked messy and he had a split lip. He stood by the table with his hands shoved into his jeans.

“Jax,” I breathed.

Jax looked up at the sound of his name. He looked like a little boy who was forced to apologize to his mother after doing something wrong. I stood up and walked slowly over to him as if he would disappear if I got too close.

“Jax,” I said again.

He was here, with me, in the house. I saw him swallow and I threw myself at him. I put my arms around his neck and held him tight. He tensed at first, but then his arms slowly wrapped around me. He sighed against my skin and held me tighter.

“I’ve missed you so much.” He whispered in my ear.

I held him tighter and cried softly. Jax pulled away from me and put his hands on my face. He wiped the tears on my cheeks and kissed me gently. I needed more. I put my hands on his vest and pulled him closer to me. He groaned against my lips and kissed me harder and more forcefully. I backed him up against the door and we made out furiously for a while.

“Nn-o wait, wait.” He said breathlessly.

He pulled away from me and ran his hand over his face. I bit my lip and flushed. Jax touched my face gently and stared at me with a look of sadness.

“I need to talk to you.” He said.

My heart dropped. This was it. He didn’t come back to be with me. He came back to get rid of me. I backed away from him and walked down the hall into the bedroom. Jax followed me and closed the door behind him.

“McKayla, there’s some things I need to get off my chest,” He started.

I sank onto the bed and closed my eyes.

“Okay,” I said.

Jax sighed and ran his hands through his hair. He started pacing around the room and I could tell he was trying to figure out what to say. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.

“Jax, just say it. If you want me gone I’ll go.” I said in a low voice.

He stopped. Jax dropped his hands and stared at me with his mouth open. He looked shocked that I even said anything.

“What? McKayla, what are you talking about? I don’t want you to leave at all. Why would you think that?” He asked me as he sat down beside me.

I shrugged and pulled my legs up on the bed.

“Because after what happened with Derek you just pushed me away. You stopped coming home, you stopped wanting to be around me what else was I supposed to think?” I said.

Jax sighed and took my hand in his. I could see a ghost of a smile on his lips.

“I’m sorry I pushed you away, but it had nothing to do with you honestly. And what happened with Derek, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” He said.

I swallowed hard and nodded.

“What do you mean?” I asked.

Jax took a shaky breath and looked away from me.

“Okay, here it goes. After I sent you back to the club with Tig, me and Sack went to take care of Derek. We took him far out in the woods outside of Charming and I-“ He stopped.

It was like he choked on something. He couldn’t keep talking. I could feel him trembling and I gripped his hand in mine.

“Jax, you can tell me. What happened next?” I asked.

He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

“Sack shot him in the dick and I cut his heart out of his chest.” He spat out.

A cold chill ran up my spine. He cut his heart out? Jax looked up at me with terror in his eyes. He was waiting for me to say something. He cut Derek’s heart out because of what he did to me. I took a deep breath and put my hands on his face.

“Good.”

Jax blinked in shock at stared at me.

“What?” He said in disbelief.

“I said good. He deserved that for everything he did to me.”

Relief spread all over Jax. He gathered me up into his arms and held me tightly. He was breathing heavily and he buried his face in my shoulder. I held him back and ran my fingers through his hair.

“I thought you would hate me.” He muttered.

I pulled him away and rested my hands on his shoulders.

“Jackson, I could never hate you. Ever, no matter what you did I would still love you. And the fact that you did what you did for me…I could never hate you for that.” I said seriously.

Jax picked up my hands and kissed them softly. I leaned into him and kissed his lips with just enough pressure that he could feel them.

“Is that what the nightmares were about?” I asked softly.

He shook his head and swallowed hard. I took a deep breath and braced myself for what else he had to tell me.

“They were about you, killing you. I dreamt I cut your heart out the same way I did to Derek. You were screaming and begging me not to, but I did it anyway.” He said.

I could see tears filling his eyes and I touched his face.

“Jax, it’s okay. I know you would never hurt me. You were probably just dreaming like that because you wanted to tell me all along about Derek and this way your minds way of telling you to.” I said.

Jax didn’t say anything. He just nodded and held onto one of my hands.

“I woke up with my knife in my hands one night, McKayla. I could’ve hurt you.” He said quietly.

I squeezed his hand tightly and turned his face so that he was looking at me.

“But you didn’t. You stopped yourself before you did. Jax, you couldn’t hurt me. I know you couldn’t. It’s alright now. Everything is alright. He’s gone and I’m safe and we never have to worry about it again.” I pleaded with him.

I know that Jax could never lay a hand on me. He’s too good of a person for that. And as for cutting out my heart? No way. There was no way that he could do it. Derek was a monster and he got what was coming to him. It was justice. Jax sighed in relief and nodded. He looked exhausted. He had black circles under his eyes and his face looked thin.

“You look like shit, Jax. When was the last time you’ve slept?” I asked.

He chuckled and kissed my hand.

“I don’t know. I’ve just been drinking myself to sleep if that counts.” He said with a shrug.

I rolled my eyes and helped him take off his cut. I hung it up on the closet door and started to unbutton his shirt. Jax watched me with his eyebrow raised as I slowly pushed it off of his shoulders. He brought his hands up to my face and pulled me in for a passionate kiss. One of his hands held me at my neck while the other pulled me on top of him. I straddled his hips and my hands on his chest.

“I love you Jackson.” I said to him.

He looked up at me and smiled softly. I rolled off of him and undressed for bed. Jax finished undressing and pulled the covers back and climbed in. He laid on his back and I curled up to his side with my hand on his chest. He wrapped his arm around me and kissed the top of my head.

“I love you too McKayla.” He whispered as he turned off the lamp.

~ ~

I don’t think I’ve ever sleep as good as I do when Jax is beside me. When I woke up, he was still sleeping peacefully. He was still on his back and had one arm draped over his eyes. I smiled and traced small circles on his chest. He started to stir and I leaned over and kissed the hallow spot between his collar bones. A small groan escaped his lips and he dragged his arm away from his face. I smiled up at him and he smiled back.

“Good morning.” I said.

He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

“Good morning.”

He rolled over on to his side and brushed back a few loose hairs behind my ears.

“I really have missed you. The apartment still smells like you and every morning before I opened my eyes I thought you were with me. But then I would and you wouldn’t be there.” He murmured.

I bit my bottom lip and closed my eyes as he rested his hand on my cheek.

“Well I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.” I said just above a whisper.

He was about to say something else, but Abel started to cry. Jax’s eyes lit up and I chuckled.

“He’s missed you too.” I said.

Jax got out of bed and pulled on his boxers and sweat pants and went to Abel’s room. I figured they needed some time together so I went to take a shower. When I was finished I pulled on one of Jax’s shirts and went to the kitchen. Jax had the coffee made and was feeding Abel. I smiled and walked over and kissed them both.

“Now, what happened to your face?” I asked him.

The cut on his lip was crusted over and a nice bruise was on his chin. Jax chuckled and took a sip of coffee.

“Let’s just say someone knocked some sense into me.” He said.

I raised my eyebrow and shook my head.

“Well, I’m glad then.” I said.

Jax smiled and pulled me onto his lap. Abel was smiling and trying to feed himself some cereal.

“I’m never going to leave you again, alright? I promise.” Jax whispered into my ear.

I shivered and he kissed the side of my neck. A moan slipped from my lips and I felt him smile against my skin.

“I called Gemma, she’s coming to pick up the kid for the day so we can catch up.” He said seductively in my ear.

A wicked grin spread across my lips and I spun so I was facing him.

“Can I ask for something?” I asked.

Jax raised his eyebrow and nodded. I leaned down to his ear and put my hands on his shoulders.

“Wear your cut.” I whispered.

He shivered and growled deeply at me. I chuckled and slid off of him and went into the babies room to pack his diaper bag.