it's 2:30 am

and my self hatred

claws its way

up my throat

and rips itself

away from my mouth

in a silent scream

always the second choice,

forever the second choice

i am alone

it is always natalie,

forever natalie

what about me?

this isn't about you,

this is about me

i am alone

you were

a lighthouse, yes

but even the

best of the lighthouses

cannot save a ship

destined for the rocks

the ship

is doomed

to sink

i am alone

when the blade

parts my skin

when the cuts

get deeper

there is no one

there is no you

i am alone

when all the haze

of lies

lifts away

and the only

real thing is

the blood

running down

my arms

i realize

the truth

i am alone

.