I couldn't sleep; the smell of my dusty sweatshirt and fruity hair shampoo were all normal things. Or at least, they were past normal things that were no longer normal due to my hours with a certain neighbor of mine. Said neighbor had closed their window, cutting off the stream of familiar music.

Rolling out of my bed, tossing aside the fluffed covers, I slipped into a crouch, reaching under my bed to find the suitcase - after remembering we had emptied it. Opening my closet, I pulled out one of the tank tops, one that undeniably smelled like Nick, one that was a tad too big on my frame because it wasn't actually mine to begin with. Yes, some of our laundry had gotten swapped.

the fabric smelled familiar, and reminded me of soft skin and collar bones that I'd lean against in my sleep. Slipping back into my bed, i buried my face into my pillow.

I was being childish.

New York was making me antsy, had the nerves on my body hyped all the way up to level 10. I needed to get out. Rolling out of my bed for the second time, arms cold now, I threw together everything I needed to live. I had some pictures tucked into a pocket on my suitcase, a family photo album - we only had one - all my clothes. Every big was put into a vacation sized suitcase - everything small into a leather dufflebag. It became very clear to me then that I wasn't meant to stay in New York. The only things tying my too the city was the house and Chasity. Nick had no plans to stay himself, and I had friends in California. Gavin and Nora and her lovely pup, and Jericho didn't live too far away if I ever wanted to visit him. Chasity herself would facetime me and I'd visit and there was always plans for those sort of things.

I wasn't staying in New York. The very next morning I would get on a bus. I texted Nick: come outside.

Nick: You realize how late it is?

I looked at the clock. No, I didn't.

Myself: oh... well, still, I need to see you.

Nick: alright Angel, I'll be right out.

I threw my bags on my bed, straightened my - Nick's - shirt and padded downstairs, slipping on a pair of sandals as I went. Outside, i saw Nick in his nearly shirtless glory. It really wasn't far of him to wear unzipped sweatshirts and untied sweatpants. He was dragging up the zipper when he saw me, million dollar smile lighting up his million dollar face.

He tied the drawstrings, meeting me halfway on the sidewalk. Hands in his pocket, both our front doors open, the prospect of a conversation after awkward moments hanging high in the air. I wanted to kiss him. Note - I did not kiss him.

" Angel." He gave a nod.

" Nick." I nodded too.

" you okay?"

" perfect."

" what's up?"

" I just wanted to say goodbye." and that's really all it was. Nick had this future laid out in front of him that was so bright I couldn't see myself in it. Granted, I wasn't saying my future was worthless, Nick just had so much to give. I had a lot of self-discovering to do, a lot of... development. He had a pathway, and Idea. That was more than I could muster. I didn't want to hold him back.

" Excuse me?" His face contorted in confusion and masked hurt. His hands came out of his pockets, lacing our fingers. The air was chilling and my bare arms were feeling it, " is that my shirt?"

I looked down, " don't worry about that." Then met his eyes, and shrugged, " I wanted to say goodbye. and good luck. Pursue that music thing for me please, like, I want to hear you on the radio."

He wasn't really registering what was going on. Yes, it was severely late, and somewhat cold, and Nick's lips were chapped like he needed to drink some water, " Carter I don't understand."

" I hate it when you say my name. It sounds like i'm about to be abducted by an alien."

" changing the subject?"

" stating a fact."

" what's wrong?" He wasn't following me.

" Nicholas Dean Arson," I said his full name clearly, and maybe for the last time to his face, " I'm leaving New York, you know, to find me. No wait, that sounds stupid. Dammit, just become famous okay?"

He held my hands tighter, " why?"

" I would say it's not you, it's me. But this isn't really the situation for that." I looked down, trying not to giggle. Wrong time, " I think it'll be the most beneficial situation, you know?"

" where are you going?"

" back to California for now. I'm more comfortable there then here." I looked at my house, " there's a bus to the train. Planes are expensive as f-"

" angel." He cut me off, his hand leaving mine.

" Arson?" I said.

Then his lips were on mine. In a movie, that would be the moment where the orchestra would rage in the background, violins strung beautiful with the evenness of cellos and the wise bellow of a string bass. The camera would spin around us and there would be a collective awe from the audience. Our heads would tilt at audacious angles and tongues would lap at one another's mouths and it would be deemed romantic.

Except it wasn't like that. I could hear the crickets, and his lips were all that found its way to my mouth. They were faintly chapped, as I predicted. My skin felt cold except for where Nick was near. It was, simply put, nothing like the movies. A quiet, little goodbye from two people who had potential but were both seeming too stubborn or shy to admit it. The technical term is: skinny love.

Then he pulled away, " in case I never get to again."

I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him once more, " ditto."

This earned me a chuckle, and a tilted smile. We hugged, and I could sense there was something left out, some that had Nick's shoulder muscles tensed. I waved; he waved back. I walked into my house; he into his. I laid in my bed; I'm guessing he followed suit - I'm hoping he followed suit.

It was easier to sleep after that. Everything was packed away - I texted Nora and had a place to stay. She should have been asleep but lord know she wasn't. The weight of my bags at the end of my bed made my feet sag, but that was more comforting then disturbing. I could still smell Nick in the tank top.

I fell asleep smiling, for heavens sake. Everything was concluded. The trip was over, and we had said goodbye. We both had plans now - Nick would be a musician, and I would go to California. I had people, and so did he. We even shared some people. At that rate, we'd even stay friends after all of it was said and done. Maybe years later, when we're old and wrinkly we'll get a purse dog together and name it Cheeto - you never know with these things.

It felt good. Like the resolution to a story.

My phone buzzed.

Nick: sweet dreams Angel