APRIL 30, 2017 - 2 YEARS AFTER

KIMURA PARK WAS mostly empty, despite the beautiful day. The main pathway was lined with sakura, soft pink petals fluttering to the ground and catching the sunlight. Every so often, there were people sitting on blankets, having picnics and enjoying the weather. Still, it was quieter than the more popular parks, which was the reason it had become one of my go-to spots during my first trip to Japan.

Two years later, I was showing it to Will.

"Stop," I said suddenly, placing a hand on his arm, halting him in his tracks. He looked at me quizzically, and I gestured with my chin for him to stand beneath one of the trees.

He sighed heavily, overdramatic on purpose. By this point in our trip, he was more than used to me making him pose for photos. I'd always loved photography, but my passion for it had dwindled between the tumultuous emotions of the past couple years, and the overload of schoolwork. It felt nice to be excited about it again. I'd brought my trusty, old Fujifilm with me, and was determined to capture as many memories as I could.

I lifted it to my face, peering through the viewfinder as Will shot me a playful smile. Even five years after meeting, I wasn't used to how lovely he was. That artful tousle of brown hair, the twinkle in his oceanic eyes, his angular features, the Aussie cadence to his words. The way he always gave me his full attention, the way that he made me smile more than anyone else, the way loving me seemed to come so naturally to him.

After snapping the photo, he reached out his hand, and I accepted it obligingly. Every time I took a photo of him, his rule was that we had to take a photo together. He'd always preferred it when I was in front of the camera, too. I leaned into him as he put his arm around me.

"Here, I'll take it," he said, and I handed him the camera.

I placed my left hand on his cheek, holding our faces closer together as we smiled for the picture, using it as an excuse to show off the gold band and tiny, sparkling diamond on my finger.

Sometimes I still felt a swarm of butterflies invade my stomach when I looked at it. We'd only been back together for about five months, but it was long enough for us to know what we wanted. We were still young, and well aware that we didn't have a time limit. However, we didn't see a reason to wait.

Will had officially graduated, and would be starting a teaching job in the fall—at St. Mary's. I would be going back to CVU, and we'd be finding a place together. We weren't planning on having a big wedding, just a small party with family and friends in my parents' backyard. Despite the fact that it had been something we'd been talking about for a while, Will had still taken my breath away when he sank down to one knee a week before our trip. It felt like the two of us had been glowing ever since.

The time I'd spent in Tokyo was very precious to me, but it was also painful. It had been full of fresh heartbreak, and new experiences, and sometimes it was hard for my brain to reconcile the two. It was why I'd wanted to come back, to bring Will this time. Coming here with him and showing him all of my old haunts was washing the pain away, replacing it with something much more beautiful.

He lowered the camera, stealing a kiss when I turned to look at him. "I can see why you like it here so much," he said warmly.

"It's better with you." I laced our fingers together as we continued to walk down the path.

If the past five years had taught me anything, it was that. I knew I was capable of being on my own—I'd done it the majority of my life. But after meeting Will, knowing him, falling in love with him, it was impossible to imagine wanting anything else. He'd immediately stolen my heart, that first day we made eye contact at Bartley's, when he placed himself in between me and a sleazy customer, and again when he invited himself to Claire's birthday party.

And he'd had it ever since, as though he'd branded his name into it. I never stood a chance.

But I knew now that I was just as much a part of him as he was of me.

Later, we rode the metro back to the stop that was closest to our Airbnb. The sun had just dipped below the horizon, and the air had chilled as we walked down the quiet street. Will and I were tethered to each other, fingers interlocked.

"I don't want to go back home," he said, looking wistfully at our surroundings. We only had a couple days left of our trip. It was sort of a pre-honeymoon. We wouldn't have as much free time once school started up again. It had been such a blissful pocket of time, the thought of going back to reality was nearly heartbreaking.

"Don't think about it yet," I replied, squeezing his hand.

"I have to mentally prepare myself," he insisted, before glancing down at me, his lips curving upward. "Thanks for taking me here."

I returned the smile. "I'm glad we were able to come."

"It's so strange to think about you being here by yourself. . . after everything." His voice became a little more rough, as it usually did when we spoke about the hardships of our past, and about everything I'd gone through on my own. "When you left, I thought about what it might be like to start over somewhere new. But I couldn't make myself leave. It would've been so much harder. And I guess I just. . . wanted to remember. I wanted to feel like I still had some part of you."

I blinked rapidly, swallowing. Our healing processes had been so different, yet they'd led us to the same place. I'd chosen to run from everything, to try to erase my history, while Will had chosen to embrace it, regardless of the pain. Sometimes it made me feel like a coward. But I couldn't fault the old version of me for going into survival mode, and doing what seemed best at the time. Life was too short to be constantly filled with regret, or to spend all my time thinking about the past.

"You've always had all of me," I told him, "ever since we met."

His face melted into a soft smile. "Likewise," he said. "But honestly, I wasn't sure if I did, not until you showed up at that party I invited you to, looking like a deer in the headlights, and we talked for hours."

I laughed at the memory, trying not to cringe. "God, I was so terrified." A swell of emotion rose in my chest as I thought back to that time, back to our beginning. I'd been so lonely, all throughout high school, and that night, I was fully pulled into Will's world, his friendships, and nothing had ever been the same since. I nudged his elbow. "Thanks for inviting me. You kind of changed my life."

He ran his thumb over the back of my hand. "You saved mine."

I thought about things from Will's perspective: moving overseas after the complete breakdown of his family, then finding out how hateful his father was, but still being trapped with him. We'd found solace in each other. I still ached with the knowledge that I'd broken both of our hearts, but we were slowly mending them together, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Everything we'd gone through had led here, to this tiny, perfect moment, to us. All of our yesterdays had paved the way for all of our tomorrows. I looked forward to endless good mornings, and infinite goodnights, to whispers, and kisses, and stolen moments, to weathering whatever storms came our way. Together.

I stopped walking, placing my hands on his chest, stretching upward to place a soft kiss to his lips. He tucked an errant curl behind my ear, his eyes calm and tranquil, like the sea at dawn.

"You and me," I murmured, and he smiled, pulling me closer.

"Always." 

---

song: love yourself (short reprise) - sufjan stevens

ahhhhhhh!!!

i feel really nervous to post this as it's been ages since i've completed anything, and writing endings is always so scary. i know it's a little shorter, but honestly, i feel like there's not much else to say! i have more fun writing the angst than the lovey dovey stuff LOL

i hope you guys enjoyed this!! i really appreciate all of your support, more than you'll ever know. i feel like so much has happened in my life since i started this book, but i've always felt very connected to vivienne. she's a lot like me, in a lot of ways. i hope her story resonated with you. 

thank you all so much for reading. if you enjoyed the book, please let me know!! i've also set up a kofi page (the link is on my profile) which acts as a tip jar if you'd like to show support financially, so i can keep doing what i do! 

if you're looking for more of my work to read next that's a bit similar to this, i recommend ANCHORAGE and it's spin-off, ROSE COLORED, as well as DON'T EVER LET GO, a one shot i wrote a few years ago. 

i'm also going to be working on a new story that's going to be a lot more fun and light-hearted than this one! it's called LISTEN WITH HEADPHONES and the summary and aesthetics are up on my profile now if you want to show it some love :-)

thank you all again so much. i wish you all happy tomorrows and forevers <3