THE DAYS WERE beginning to meld together, like colors melting on a canvas, and I struggled through them, scrambling for purchase. I wasn't sleeping. It was getting harder to cover the bags beneath my eyes. Food wasn't appealing. Anything I did try to eat would instantly turn my stomach.

I felt like I was everywhere and nowhere at once.

At work, I stood behind the camera, snapping photos on autopilot. At home, I sat down to meals with my family, made myself look interested, interjected at the right times, then locked myself in my bedroom the moment they were over.

With Will. . .

He'd gone from being the person I wanted to be around the most to one I could hardly stand to look at. A blur of texts, missed calls, and brief moments in between classes and work.

I hated it. We only had a little over two months together before I was supposed to leave for Tokyo. This wasn't how I wanted to spend them. But I'd begun to think about the trip as an escape. No matter what happened in the next couple months, flying across the world would give me space from Will, from my family, from my friends. I could fall apart without worrying who was watching. I just had to hold on until then.

I felt like the worst people in the world, like I was betraying Will for thinking this way, for keeping such a life-shattering secret from him. It was turning me inside out, and I was bad at hiding it. He knew something was wrong, had probably known for weeks now. But it seemed like he'd learned to stop asking the questions that wouldn't get him any real answers.

Several times, I found myself at the mall. I wouldn't go there to shop, I would just sit on a bench, watching as people streamed around me. Every time I saw a mother pushing a stroller, or holding hands with a toddler, everything inside of me tightened painfully. I didn't know if I was trying to punish myself, or try to envision myself doing the same, but either way, it was self-inflicted torture.

I was running out of time, and I still had no clarity.

Pathetically, I wanted someone to just tell me. To hold me, and let me know everything would be okay. To bring me back to the girl I used to be.

But my secret had become buried so deep within me that it had frozen over, and there was no chance of prying it out now.

It seemed the only choice I was able to make was solitude.

—-

hello hello! i know this is a really short one too, but i should be updating again in the next couple days.

i also wanted to let you know that according to my current outline, this book will be ending soon! as it stands right now, i can see it being around 35(maybe +) chapters. crazy to think about :'( but things will definitely be wrapping up.

thank you for the love you've shown this book and these characters. i hope you like the rest <3