AUGUST 8, 2015 - 5 DAYS AFTER

AS I PARKED my bike outside the apartment complex, I found myself missing my bed.

Not the one I had here, with the stiff mattress, and stark, white sheets—my real bed, back home in Cape Vincent. It was a constant, something that was always waiting for me to fall into. Regardless of what the day held, I could burrow beneath the blankets and pillows, surrounded by familiar things, like my dog, and my shelf of photo albums.

Tokyo felt like a different world.

I swiped the back of my hand across my sweaty forehead as I trudged up the rickety stairs to my unit. The intense humidity was unlike anything I'd ever experienced before, and even though I'd only arrived a few days ago, I was already eager for it to pass. The cicadas were out in full force today, a continual thrumming noise that only somewhat disappeared when a car went by.

I was returning from Kimura Park, which I'd discovered was near my apartment during a quick Google search of local attractions. It was blooming with trees and bike paths with sunlight filtering through the leaves. I'd spent the afternoon cycling around, trying to familiarize myself with my new home, the ache of fresh heartbreak in my bones.

After downing what was left of the water bottle in my tiny fridge, I wanted nothing more than to crawl into something that felt safe and comfortable, but there was nothing of the sort in my cramped, one room apartment. The walls were barren, the furniture scarce, and the whole place felt like it belonged to a stranger, like it would never be mine.

I knew things would get better—particularly once I officially started my internship tomorrow, and had a way of meeting people, but for now I was alone.

Taking a delicate seat on my crisp duvet, I pulled my phone from my pocket. I yearned to call my family, but it was nearly four in the morning in Maine right now. It was strange for them to feel so unreachable. We could only communicate when I had an internet connection, and it added to the isolation that already came from being all the way across the world.

But there were some messages that still had me feeling suffocated. Messages I was trying—and failing miserably—to ignore.

From Will.

Sucking in a breath, I navigated to our conversation with trembling fingers, bracing myself for a hefty dose of self-destruction. There were a string of texts he'd sent over the last week, all unanswered, some of them as recent as last night.

Viv, please talk to me

Tears sprung to my eyes, my lip quivering as I scrolled through them, each letter feeling like a new knife in my chest.

Don't do this. You mean the world to me

I swallowed.

My last few days in Cape Vincent had been stained with gut-wrenching feelings of guilt, and a self-inflicted broken heart. Everything was my fault. It was my own mind that had allowed things to get to this point, my own lips that spoke the words that created a gaping chasm between the two of us, one that would be impossible to fill. It was my choice to walk away, to single-handedly destroy what had been built over the last few years.

A sick feeling engulfed my senses, and I hurriedly backed out of the conversation, swiping left, hovering over the delete icon. Years worth of memories, and it could all be gone with the tap of a finger. His last message was hard to read through the film of saltwater that had formed in front of my eyes.

I love you

Squeezing them shut, I refused to watch as I erased the words, feeling a foreboding sense of finality. I'd made my decision, and now there was only one thing I could do.

Forget. 

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the shortness of this chapter is Very Intentional B) you won't have to wait too long for the next one!

sorry for the switch up of emotions lol. 

thank you for reading, see you next time! ミ☆