t was noon by the time we reached the White Realm, my head throbbing with each step I took ever since we were halfway through the woods. It was the pain and unanswered questions and dread that were weighing on my skull, tightening their grip until each movement-each tilt of the head-was agonizing.

And for the last ten minutes, we were completely silent, dispersed in the engulfing white and staring at Nuaira and Hydn who, once they had seen the Dragon of the Gods and the Phoenix of Life, had groveled at the foot of the dais. For them my beasts were legends, creatures too divine to be seen or spoken to. For the common blood, those beings were worshiped after the Five, always mentioned in prayers.

For me, they were friends and familiars and a great way to play on the nerves of anyone that irked me. I didn't even need to ask to know they enjoyed the last part as much as I did, if not more.

I had taken a seat at the other side of the dais, hidden behind Siltheres's massive form, face between my hands. I needed to be alone, wanted to go back to my rooms and sleep until the hour we would leave tomorrow, but that wasn't possible. Not now when we had yet to finalize some lines with the beasts, the most pressing of them all being Nuaira.

I didn't shift or budge as I felt the Cardelyon Lord sitting next to me, his musk that smelled like the sea and warm days under the sun filling my lungs, making me crave a day at the beach and walking in warm sand. Not even the massacre in Taloan was enough to stir that whim he always seemed to make me desire.

His hand gently fell on my nape, rubbing it lightly in a way that seemed to loosen my tensed nerves. My shoulders sagged as I breathed him in harder, head tilting enough that I was staring at him through the corner of my eyes.

He trailed the hand from my neck to the middle of my back, fingers making comforting, circular movements before I leaned into the arm around me, hands dropping around his waist. He tucked my head under his chin, breathing me in as hard as I made sure to memorize how his scent was, how his chest was warm and safe as my head rested over his heart, how those powerful arms felt around me.

Each day, war stepped closer to us, and I feared each second with them might be the very last one. It was now that the impact of what we were leaving for tomorrow crashed fully on me, realizing that I might not even make it out of Eziara if we failed. That this would be the last time I would see all my friends, the last time I would be with my family.

"We are both so wretched at the moment I wonder who is going to go mad the first."

I let out a laugh, the action as forced as the words he just whispered to my hair. His other arm enclosed me tighter, fingers running through my raven strands.

When he spoke again, his voice was low, so low none of my friends were able to hear it even with years of training, "I know you aren't heading north the continent to study. We all didn't buy the lie, but if the King says it, we don't question."

I tightened my arms around him, face buried in his powerful chest. "Mayra and I could tell it was off, knowing you wouldn't leave without us. Rhia is sure Leon is lying to her because if there is anyone that knows if there is any library worth it in the north, it is her. But Leon, who has gone against many orders and told her about secret plan before to assure her safety, did not speak this time, so she didn't push him. What is going on with you?"

I hated the shakiness that came with the breath I inhaled, hated how weak and helpless I felt at that moment.

"The King will tell you; he needs to speak about it with someone, needs to get it out of his chest. Be there for him when he does, take care of him," I pleaded, voice cracking in mid-sentence.

He shifted slightly, my head still resting above his heart, but he could see my face now. He tucked one strand away. "And who will take care of you? Who will you speak to?"

At first I didn't reply, but then whispered, "I have been living like this for almost eighteen years, Carter. I can swallow the pain."

"You are shutting us out, Celestia, one after the other. Even Leon and your father when they are the ones that know it all." He kissed my forehead. "You are shutting me out, and it hurts like hell when you do so."

"I am breaking them beyond repair, both of them. I am breaking them so much, Carter, I wish they would hate me than bear the weight of dread and fear." His arms tightened. "I wish you could hate me as well, wish you could forget me until war is over so you wouldn't be as scared as they are."

I stared at his bronze and silver eyes, almost capable of feeling that single drop of blood growing in his vessels. "We don't get to pick when to love someone, sunshine. It is an oath to go through in thick and thin." I smiled at the name, realizing it was the very first time he called me with anything other than my name or title.

"Promise me," I begged, hands fisting his shirt hard. "That when war is over, if we make it out alive, you will take me to the most beautiful beach in Arelesia. Promise we will walk under the sun and play in the waves." Tears were streaming down my face by that point. My voice was hoarse and broken. "Promise me that you'll introduce me to the twins, that we'll go diving, that we will do everything time didn't allow us."

Promise me that you will remember me if I die, and that you will make it out alive. But I didn't add that part, didn't find the strength to let it out.

"I promise, Celestia. I swear it on everything I hold dear."

We didn't speak after this, a comfortable silence falling between us.

I didn't know how long it was until Father appeared in front of us, Green Leaf in his arms, and nodded with his head to get up. I wiped my face with my sleeve before I turned around the dais, eyes falling as the still stunned Nuaira and Hydn, and squeezed my body between Mayra and Leon. I wrapped both my arms around them as the Arelesian White Trooper turned to Siltheres.

"Is it safe for Green Leaf, all this mission Nuaira has to complete for salvation?"

Siltheres was staring at the youngling in my father's arms and the wraith, the fire in his crevice hissing with life. "It does not endanger her, soldier. We only need the spell etched as runes on her skin. She will wield none of that magic, she will be subjected to no threats. "

"The Gods," Téors added, "make sure to keep her out of all sorts of danger. The spell will progressively change as thou"-a nod at the wraith-''will decipher it. This magic is something the Five say to be able to protect and serve us."

"And how does it work?" I asked before Hydn could do.

The Phoenix's fire merely shone brighter as he cooed, "It is thy fate to discover just how much thou can make of it."

I groaned, steeping out from between my friends and walking up the dais. My hands ran down the smooth, hot fire of Téors's flames before they fell on the dragon's scales, stroking gently.

"Do they enjoy it," I breathed loud enough for anyone to hear what I said as my head fell against Siltheres's. "Watching me getting lost in everything they make me endure."

Siltheres had actually smirked at that, scaly mouth revealing fangs and teeth I knew could break armies down by the sheer look of how deadly they were. His fire rumbled a notch louder. "This, I cannot answer."

"For all that Aether has said to me, I doubt he would ever give me an answer to that." I closed my eyes as I felt Siltheres's wings twitch, one of them falling around me like a shield. There was silence as Téors slid and perched himself on my shoulders. The silence grew heavier and I turned, staring past the massive wing.

Ashen faces greeted me back, eyes wide and shocked. Hydn, who had never stared at me with fear, even when I had brought a village back to life, seemed like his legs would give way any second. Even Luthian, who had trekked with us, who had guessed by his very own that I was gifted by the Five and dared hissing at his queen, had a face that was so pale even the white around us was dark next to him.

Nuaira's light was shacking, body trembling with each inhale. "King Aether spoke to you?"

"More than once," I admitted.

Carter had gone so tensed and taut I wondered how his bones didn't snap. The silver in his irises might as well have grown bigger that moment. "The voice," he noted, "you were asking me if the King has spoken to me."

I nodded, stroking Siltheres one last time before sitting at the edge of the dais, his heavy head falling on my shoulder. "He has spoken to me twice in the matter of days; I thought he might as well have reached you. Thankfully, he didn't." I turned to the wraith. "I wouldn't have taken that path should I had not asked him to lift that curse."

It was as I said those words, as I stared at how much astonishment, at how much fear there was in her, that I wondered if a wraith could actually die once again because of shock.

"There had been men that claimed long ago being able to speak with the Gods." Mayra sat next to me on the dais, head falling on my shoulder. I didn't budge, eyes still growing over one face to the other, memorizing every detail, how they stood, how they breathed, how their eyes moved as they stared. "Some were even mad, claiming the powers they felt was melting them from the inside."

"Those were nothing but cheap liars." Téors wrapped one wing around the Countess's shoulder as though blessing her with his holiness. "Only we, messengers of the Gods, can hear them." His eyes turned to me. "And thou, their chosen."

"How much more will her title give her?" We all turned to Father whose words were a question we'd been asking again and again and to no avail. "How much is there for us to discover yet?"

"More than thou ever can imagine, Aragon, way more that we cannot word them in the tongue thou use. Some are forgotten virtues, some are myths, and some are unknown to Ardoria, gracing our lands for the very first time."

Not an answer, not what we needed to know. But they wouldn't tell us, we were aware about that from the very start. There was a thin balance, they had said, that would change our fates if they did as much as spill more than what they needed to.

Siltheres turned to Nuaira. "How long are thou allowed past the confines of the realm you were sent to?"

"Seven hours." She kept her head low as she replied, eyes staring at the deadly claws piercing the dais. "To be spent as I want between this world, and the one where the souls with unbroken bounders roam."

"You are free in the White Realm," I stated, not quite a question as I felt the dragon's thoughts in my mind. She still nodded. "Then," I ordered, "you stay here with Siltheres and Téors and work with them on your task." I stared at Hydn and his sister. "We give them a room in the castle, keep them with us."

Green Leaf jumped from the king's arms and ran to me, taking seat in my lap. I wrapped my forearms on her small waist. I said to Hydn, "You work here from now on. I make you responsible of the guards under our direct control. You will work with me and my father and Leon and Luthian"-a glance at the Snow Fae who held my stare with burning eyes-''who is now Second Leader to my forces, Hand of the Generals. You take your orders from Leon and all the Prelius family as well as from us."

They both lowered to one knee, head bowed down, a hand on their chest. They swore an oath that was old, something Leander had made ceremonious each time a royal would inflect a new role or work for anyone, be it noble or not.

I kissed Leaf's cheek. 'Happy in living here?'

She smiled as small hands fell on mines. She leaned her back on my chest, loose strand falling from her braid. 'Will you let me choose your dresses with you?'

I laughed. 'Of course I will. I am even going to tell Nayal to always take your opinion in consideration.'

Silver eyes, I realized now were darker than Carter's, not as holy and pure as a gift, gleamed with glee. I stood up, handed her to Hydn, and turned to stare at the ones who would make the future court of Ardoria, with or without me with them. They were heroes-my heroes-I knew they would make this world a beautiful and peaceful one.

"This is enough for one day." I stared at my father, then at Leon, then at all of them. "If anyone needs me, I'll be in my rooms."

I didn't wait for a reply or a nod or a bit of acknowledgement for what I just said before I vanished.

Alone. I wanted to be alone.

For the past half an hour, I remained splayed on my bed, facing the carved ceiling. I had drawn the curtains shut the moment I entered my wing and turned almost all the lights off, keeping only a few candles burning in the golden chandelier.

I didn't bother changing past removing my cloak and boots before I lie on my back, doing nothing but stare with no bit of focus. Sleep was already brushing its knuckles in gentle motion on my face, dropping my eyelids slowly until my eyes felt heavy and dry.

I was leisurely drifting away, mind utterly blank, when a few knocks thudded against my bedroom door. It was then my magic caught Rhiannon's.

I had been so drowsy I didn't even feel her entering my wing. Instead of replying, I sent a weak wave of magic that opened the doors she was waiting behind. Rhia didn't think about it twice before she entered, placing her cloak right next to mine on the opposite sofa before she took seat at the edge of my bed.

For a good few heartbeats, we kept silence, my eyes only going heavier. It was only to fight falling asleep right there that I asked, "Is everything alright?"

"I was actually about to ask you the same thing." Ocean eyed glowed under the dim light as they focused on me. She looked so drastically like Estelle I wondered if Leon continuously lived in the pain of watching his mother and sister at the same time. "You were...different after the wraith spoke about Carter having your blood."

I sighed, exhaling one long breath after the other. Slipping deeper in my bed and propping one arm behind my head, I whispered, "Nothing is going right, Rhia. Utterly nothing." Another silence. "How is Mayra?"

I could still hear the pain in her voice echoing in my head, could still see the fear in her eyes. Not even Nuaira, with all that she had endured, had felt an ache strong enough to compare between the both of them. Rhia didn't avert her eyes from my face even when there was nothing smoldering or burning in them. Not at all; they were gentle and soft, just as her voice. "Confused, as much as we all are, but better than what she was at the woods after she was assured that-''

Rhia didn't finish that sentence, the silence the most fitting end for it. "She was actually coming with me to check on you before she was called half the way here."

I breathed with a relief that washed me with such intensity my muscles loosened even more. There was another silence, this one weighed with uneasiness. She said nothing at first, did not even keep her eyes on me, attention turning to the bit of dust glinting in the air.

"Was he the one who told you," she began, her voice shaking ever so slightly for the first time. "About Mother, or has someone else did it?"

I was the one that held her stare that time. "Leon did, after Mealin and Blake attacked us. Why?"

Even in the ruling darkness, I could see the slight pale shade that washed her face, could see the heartache in her eyes. "Leon never spoke about it with anyone past me, as rare as it is. Not even with our aunt."

Oh. Oh. Gods almightiest. I inhaled deeply once again.

"I dread whatever you two are leaving for. There is that feeling in my guts that tells me Mealin will be there like he had been three years ago." Her fingers gently trembled, aura dark and grim and unsettled. She was scared. And had every right to.

"If Mealin comes our way, we will make sure he doesn't get out of it alive." I stared at the fingers she was fiddling with, at the golden bracelet that held Leon and hers initials. "Will you believe me if I told you I was the one who made Leon keep everything a secret?"

"No, Celestia. Not one bit."

For reasons that were as unknown for me that were for her, I let out a laugh, short and soft as it was. Perhaps because it was the way she called me by my name like I'd once requested. And perhaps it was the straightforwardness in her tone like she had been in this position so many times before.

"Leon has gone against orders that could have killed him to tell me what was going on just to ensure my safety. I never questioned him; when he didn't tell me this time, I knew where to stand from this matter."

"And do you hate us for that secrecy?"

She laughed, body shifting so it was close enough to mine to could feel her warmth. "Well, I can play on Leon's nerves with that, but no. When he would talk about bits and bits about your journey, I was curious to see just how real all he said about you was. When we talked back in our house, I realized you were just like he described you. I even felt those words not quite enough to capture you wholly."

I arched an eyebrow. "I didn't know he talked about me."

"He did, more than you think." Her eyes were amused as she stared at me, a smirk tugging her full lips. "There is no one who can read a man to his last bit of existence like a sister. And for a woman to ground the Shadow, walk past his fortress of a wall, and occupy his every thought," she laughed again. "I kneel in front of you, queen or common blood."

I was burning, face so red I knew she could see it even in the darkness. Rhia leaned even closer and I only shifted, a silent order for her to sit right next to me. She did, and confessed, "And if that keeps on going the way it is, I actually might have a sister-in-law that isn't all snobbish and airhead like the one my aunt is considering."

I might as well have been combusting at her words, my very blood running like fire in my vessels. We didn't speak after that and the young Fire Lady laid next to me on the soft duvet for a good while, never protesting when my head fell on her shoulder the way Mayra had done at Siltheres's.

I wasn't sure how late it was when she got up, took her cloak and made it to the threshold of my bedroom. She turned and stared at me with eyes that were filled with light. "I know I might as well be asking you for a miracle even the Gods can't decree real, but make sure he doesn't get in trouble."

I snickered. "There is one thing you should know, Rhianon, and it is that your brother and I are both magnets to troubles."

She chuckled, chest bobbing as she tried to swallow the rest of it and turned the knob. "Be careful," she requested as she stepped out of the room, voice serene yet tinged with worry.