"if it doesn't burn a little then what's the point of playing with fire?"

⋆✧⋆✧⋆

"Dell," Chase calls my name.

"Delaney," he tries again.

"Hello? Earth to Delaney Lawrence."

He kicks me in the shin and I wince in pain, effectively snapping me out of my daze. "Jesus, what the fuck was that for?"

"Dell, I've been trying to get your attention for the last three minutes."

"Oh, sorry." I shoot him an apologetic smile. "I've just got a lot on my mind. So what did you want to say?" I try to restart the conversation.

"Never mind, it's nothing important. What's going on with you? You've been weird the last few days." Chase takes a sip of his water and looks at me with examining eyes.

"I told you, there's just a lot on my mind." I give him a half-assed answer, not wanting to discuss the real reason with my older brother.

The real reason being the earth-shattering kiss I shared with Sterling.

The kiss happened three days ago and somehow, I've managed to successfully avoid him this entire time. After Mason called us down, I left and went about the party as if nothing happened. I stuck with the girls and we left shortly after because Beth wasn't feeling well.

Since that night, I've thrown myself into schoolwork and I've picked up extra hours at the gym coaching. No one knows about it yet. I haven't told any of the girls and while they definitely know somethings up, I don't think any of them would guess I'm distracted because I kissed Sterling Blake. I mean, even I have trouble believing it.

I don't even know why I'm avoiding Sterling. I mean the kiss, well, the kiss was fucking amazing. I swear I thought I died and went to heaven. His lips were beyond soft and his touch set my skin on fire.

It's been playing on my mind non-stop. The way his breathing got heavy and how his hands held my face. The taste of his lips on mine and the feeling he gave me as he looked deeply into my eyes as if he was memorizing each inch of my face.

"Ok, well, I don't want to pry but you know you can talk to me, right?" His face is full of concern and I know my secrecy is killing him.

"Yeah, of course I do, its just—"

"Just what?"

Oh god, do I tell him? Is that weird? But is it mean to leave him hanging like this?

Chase and I have a great relationship. We've never kept secrets and we always keep each other up to date on the important things in our lives. With the exception of his relationship with Jemma, of course. But I've forgiven him for that. I know how hard it is to tell people about something you don't fully understand yourself.

Maybe that's why I haven't talked to anyone about the kiss yet.

"To be honest, I'm not sure this is something you can help me with."

"Oh." he looks a little disappointed in himself. "Well, do you need me to call Jemma or one of the girls? Mom maybe?"

I can tell the fact that he can't help me is killing him.

"Sterling kissed me. Well actually, I kissed him. He kissed me back though. It wasn't like a one-sided thing in case that's what you were thinking. God, that would be bad," I blab.

My eyes widen when I realize what I just did. I did not think this is how lunch with my brother would go.

I purse my lips tightly together to stop myself from saying anything else and I wait for him to say something.

"I— Um, okay. Well, that's a good thing, right?"

I nod my head hesitantly.

"Okay, that's good." He chooses his words carefully, sensing my awkwardness and light panic. "So, was it good? The kiss I mean, if anything happened after that, I don't want to know."

I laugh a little. "No, nothing else happened, don't worry. Actually, nothing happened at all. But the kiss, it was good." I think back to the night of the party and the memories remind me just how good it really was.

He smiles at me. "I'm glad, Dell. You deserve it. You deserve someone to treat you the way he treats you."

I can't help it when the corner of my lips tug upwards at his words. "Thank you, Chase."

"But what do you mean nothing happened at all?" He refers back to my previous comment using air quotes to let me know exactly what he's confused about.

"Well, after it happened Mason came upstairs and—"

"He walked in on you two?" Chase interrupts me.

"No, he didn't. He just knocked on the door and called us downstairs. But we didn't get a chance to talk about what happened. And for the last three days, I've avoided him, so the kiss is kind of hanging over our heads and I don't know what to do," I rant.

"Well, for starters, stop avoiding him and talk about it." His advice is so obvious yet somehow helpful. I think I just need someone to tell me to stop being such a baby.

I nod my head and look up at him."You're right."

Chase smirks at me like an idiot. "I know I am, I always am."

Cocky bastard.

"What are you so scared of anyway?" He goes back to being helpful.

"I don't know." I sigh, burying my face in my hands, and he laughs at my expense.

"I— I think I'm scared of losing him," I admit.

"Delaney, why would talking about it mean losing him?"

"What if he came to his senses. What if the kiss just happened in the heat of the moment and now that he's had time to think, he actually regrets it."

"You're letting your insecurities get in the way of being rational. Dell, he's crazy about you, anyone with eyes can see that." His words make me blush. "And, now, spare me the details, but he had to have said something to you to make you grow the balls to actually make a move and kiss him." My mouth opens in shock at his audacity.

Rude. But true.

I think back to seconds before the kiss and I replay what he said a million times over.

He said he wanted to fuck me.

Me.

Not anyone else.

He told me to kiss him.

He basically pleaded for me to do it.

Maybe Chase is right. Maybe I need to shut my insecurities up and accept that someone might actually like me.

Never in my life did I think Chase would be the person I'd go to about this, never mind be the first person I tell. But it's surprisingly helpful. He helps me walk through it all slowly and more rationally than the girls would.

"Ok, you know what, I'm going to do it. I'm going to listen to you and talk to him about it."

"Good." He takes a fry off my plate and eats it. "I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks, Chase," I say sincerely. "I love you."

"I love you too, Delly."

We finish lunch and move on to different subjects. Chase fills me in on how football is going and I ask his opinion on a new ear piercing I want to get. When we finish eating, Chase drops me off at home and I call all the girls over.

Once they arrive, I sit them down and I tell them about the kiss. They have a similar reaction to Chase — genuine happiness for me — , minus the awkwardness and with the addition of the graphic details. There may even be some reenacting happening. They, just like Chase, express how happy they are for me and emphasize my need to talk to Sterling about this. We spend the rest of the night gushing about the kiss and for the most part, I'm hiding under a pillow, cringing at the intimacy of the conversation.

⋆✧⋆✧⋆

I get to the boys' house on a mission. A mission to discuss the kiss with Sterling. I walk into their house and Theo is the only one downstairs. He sits on the kitchen counter eating a bowl of cereal when I close the door behind me.

"Oh hey, Dell," he greets me.

"Hey, Theo."

And just as I'm about to ask him where Sterling is, I hear him walking down the stairs.

Ok, Delaney. This is it.

But the second I see him, his hair wet from a shower and his torso bare, everything flies out the window. I can't do this.

It's too much right now.

I don't even know why I can't. I just know It's not happening today.

Luckily, he doesn't see me and makes a beeline straight for the fridge.

"Sterl—" Just as Theo begins to notify Sterling about my presence, I shut him up. Waving my hands around like a maniac until I catch his attention, I put one finger over my lip, letting him know to stay quiet. He looks up at me, clearly very confused, but does as I ask.

"Theo?" Sterling questions.

Theo has no idea what's happening but goes along with it. "Uh— never mind."

Bless Theo for trying, but he, honestly, does a shit job. Yes, he keeps his mouth quiet, but his staring in my direction does little to keep my presence a secret.

Sterling furrows his brows at him, obviously perplexed by his awkwardness and his eyes follow Theo's line of sight. "Laney? What are you doing here?" He walks over to me and I internally facepalm.

Theo mouths a quick 'sorry' and begins to walk away from us and up the stairs. "I'm gonna give you two some room."

"Um, I was actually needing to borrow something from Luke." I come up with a random excuse. I frantically look around for some random object and I pick up a pair of sunglasses. "But these are actually it. So, I guess I don't need to be here. Yeah, actually. I'm, uh, I'm going to leave now. Bye," I ramble like a fucking idiot and turn to walk out the door.

"Delaney, wait." The use of my full name sounds so unnatural coming from him, I stop in my place and he takes advantage of my momentary pause. His fingers wrap around my wrist and he pulls me into his body, steadying me within his arms.

I shut my eyes, not ready for this to happen.

I know I need to, and I will, I just, for some reason, can't right now. He's quite possibly the most important person in my life. And the people that come with him are people I absolutely adore. I couldn't handle it if something happened between me and Sterling and I put those relationships in jeopardy. I couldn't let the group pick sides and be divided over something I did.

I don't do well with change. Like the saying goes, 'if it's not broken, don't fix it.'

And you know what? This isn't broken.

We aren't broken.

In fact, we're next to perfect.

Do I possibly want to be more than friends with him? Yes.

Was kissing him one of the best moments of my life? Yes.

Is it worth the risk? I don't know.

This is complicated. It isn't as simple as 'does he like me or not.' There are people that this affects, besides me and Sterling.

He looks at me and I can feel him studying every micro-expression on my face, trying to figure out what I'm thinking and feeling.

"We need to talk about it." He says the words I was begging not to hear.

I take a deep breath and decide to play dumb. "Talk about what?"

"C'mon, Laney, you know what I mean."

By some miracle, my phone starts ringing. I smile sheepishly at him as I reach into my pocket and pull out my phone. He narrows his eyes at me and his tongue pokes the side of his cheek. I answer it and it's Aspen needing me to pick her up because her car broke down.

I have never been more grateful for Aspen's old ass car than I am right now.

"Sorry, darling, maybe another time," I say as I walk out the door and he, reluctantly, lets me go.

⋆✧⋆✧⋆

So, I know we're backtracking but this is a slowburn after all. Don't be too worried though ;)

I seem to only get motivation to write at like 12:00 AM so it is currently 3:00 AM and I am still awake. Also Wattpad's site crashed in the middle of my writing this and I had to type it out on Grammarly which was weird.

By the way, I was shocked at the amount of people who don't know what a Timbit is and then I remembered it's a Canadian thing. For reference, it's basically a bite-sized donut shaped in a ball and you get them at Tim Horton's. They are great and if you ever get a chance to try them, definitely do.

Question of the chapter: Who's POV is your favourite? Sterling or Delaney's

Please vote and comment :)

Stay safe and healthy everyone! <3