⚠️Might trigger someone. Eating disorder and mention cutting⚠️

We were having a team dinner which usually is nice but not this time.

Lately my insecurities has gotten in my head and I have been eating less and less while training more and more and I am finally losing some weight

Which means that I am now playing with the food on my plate with the plan to not eat it. But of course someone had to notice. "Why aren't you eating" Steve ask grabbing a few others attention

"I'm not really hungry" I answer putting two fries in my mouth

"You have to eat baby" Natasha say giving me a concerned look. "At least half of it" Not wanting to disappoint my girlfriend I slowly start to put the food into my mouth and as soon as they are down I get up and leave telling them I'm not feeling well

I walk to my room and into the bathroom quickly throwing everything I just ate up before sitting on the bathroom floor for a few seconds just staring at nothing as my mind run about how I'm an disappointment to the team

It doesn't take long until it's to much and I stand up gripping the sink hard looking into the mirror but my eyes slowly shift to the razor laying next to the sink. Probably for Nats shower earlier today

I open the drawer under the sink to find a new razor and pick it up looking at it. Thinking about how it would feel against my skin.

I keep staring at it and I don't know how long has past been the door fly open but I don't move. I keep staring at the metal in my hand before it's slowly taken from me and two strong arms wrap around me. "Hey, can you hear me"

I don't answer still completely out of it until I find myself of the bed. I quickly sit up not knowing what's going on. "Hey hey, calm down" My girlfriend say as she lays me back down. Before I break

I start to sob uncontrollably as she pulls me into her chest. "I'm sorry" I get out into her shirt as she slowly stroke my back trying to comfort me

"It's okey" She whisper back as she lets me cry and get all of my emotions out

"I feel so worthless" I continue through my sobs. "You and Wanda and Carol and everyone has this perfect body and I'm just fat and ugly"

"Hey. We are not perfect in any way and you are absolutely not ugly and fat" She say looking at my red eyes trying to show that she really mean it. "Everyone is different and everyone is beautiful in their own way. You don't have to change anything to be a part of the team or be my girlfriend because the team feel in love with y/n who laughs and isn't scared to look dumb or do something stupid when you shouldn't. I feel in love with you because you are you. I don't want anything else" She say making me sob more knowing I let everyone down

And continue to sob until no more tears exist and I slowly pull away from her shoulder to look at her. "I'm sorry" I crock out

"Don't be. I would have just wished you would have told someone or gotten help so it wouldn't have gone so far"

"I didn't cut" I quickly defend myself

"I know. But I can clearly tell you haven't been eating enough to all the extra working out you do. So how about me eat anything. You can choose"

"?" I ask and a small smile appears on her face. She place a quickly kiss on my lips before running out the room but she is soon back with a box of raspberries that we slowly feed each other while watching a movie

After that she slowly pushed me to eat and she taught me how to actually love myself for who I was