"Tempted, you know

Apologies are never gonna fix this.

I'm empty, I know

And promises are broken like a stitch is.

This thing upon me, howls like a beast

You flower, you feast.."

— "Woman" // Harry Styles

ɤɤɤɤɤɤɤɤ

Making a declaration is fine but working on it and making it really happen is the toughest job. Especially when there's such a huge resistance from the other side, you hardly have chances to accomplish it.

But there's this 1% chance of something good happening and if you know Abir well, well he's taking that chance without a second thought.

Mishti disappeared again - mysteriously - and this time even Nishant doesn't know where she is. A day passed but she didn't come back home. No news, nothing. Everything seems so peaceful that it haunts Abir every moment. God knows what Mishti is up to and now that Nishant too is unable to track her, the whole situation is serious. Mishti being alone with her mom's letter and revenge in her mind is dangerous. She has had enough and Abir is sure she's not going to wait for anything. Mishti won't think twice before attempting something horrible because she won't hold her anger for long and Abir is still absolutely clueless about her well-being.

Everything is just so fucked up!

But something is wrong, Abir's gut feeling is screaming from the moment Mishti left him in the cafe. He knew he had to distract her so that she doesn't make an impulsive decision but how events turned out is something not right. He was supposed to calm her down, talk and make her feel a bit relaxed but the moment was gone and Abir lost his chance.

"C'mon Abir, don't act like you're the reason for all this shit. Stop blaming yourself. You at least tried, she is the one who doesn't want to help herself. You can do nothing about it."

Nishant says in a rather irritated tone. He's just tired. He definitely is, no one has any idea what's happening and Abir is saying things like something truly dangerous is going to happen and Mishti is nowhere to be found, Yash Singhaniya is suddenly in Rajkot, Kunal out there is giving pitying looks... ugh! It's all so pathetic!

And he'll only blame Mishti for running away like this every damn time. Why can't she just sit and sort out herself and then leave with an explanation? Or at least a conclusion! Abir deserves that bit. What a storm this girl has landed them in!

"Abir, listen. Now get up and --"

"Hold on, Nishant. Yash Singhaniya, what the hell is he doing in Rajkot?"

"What? He? I- How do I know Abir?"

"Then go and see. Does he know that you've seen Mishti's mom's letter? Does he know?"

"Well, he didn't see me stealing the letter and stuff, only my mum was there in the mension when I went. I made her promise to not to tell Dad but I'm sure Yash Singhaniya is no dumb to not see that his precious possessions were missing." Nishant says air quoting, "And my mum is dumb enough to break the promise and tell him that I was there. Oh well, wait --" His expression suddenly changes into a serious one now.

"If dad is here and Mishti is nowhere --"

Of course, of fucking course!

"Oh My Fucking Goodness. Oh for the love of Lord, Abir. Oh my God."

Nishnat exclaims as he dramatically falls on his chair.

"Yes exactly." Abir smirks, more of an expression that says "Now you get it, you fool".

Nishant is definitely startled at how Abir's mind shifted from the broken lover mood to the investigator one. No wonder Abir is currently named as one of the best psychologists in the country and somehow he knows now, more than as a lover, Mishti needs Abir's help professionally. Nishant looks at Abir to catch him already staring.

"So Nishant, you're smart enough to understand what I'm going to say. But I need you to cooperate fully. You know this is important. I've known her for like 6/7 months, she was nearly ruined when I found her."

"But I've known Mish since we were kids. I know and you need to know too."

"And right now, I'm not your friend and not someone who is in love with your best friend. Alright?"

Abir looks rather professional; Nishant simply nods. She was his best friend, she really was.

And only Nishant knows, more than anyone.

"This is not something too damned secret, Abir, but this- I- I feel, I really feel y- you should know. Okay? Mish is not a bad girl, she is not. B- but-- Uh, you know --"

"It's okay, Nishant. Let's start from the beginning then."

"This is no story for God's sake. She doesn't have anything like a forbidden history. It's just she sometimes get mad, too mad, I mean angry and I, I--"

Nishant finds himself hesitating a bit. He doesn't know if it is right to open a page of the past like this but he's sure that he is the only one who would do it.

====

"So the blonde one?"

"Yeah, the new girl in the school."

"Yep, that one Nish. The one you couldn't stop staring at. Like a creep."

"I'm not a creep. And Mish, listen, she's a beautiful girl so it's okay to appreciate beauty."

"Oh cut the crap, I know exactly what exactly you want." Mishti smirks.

"I don't have a dirty mind like you Mish, so please. Thank you for your time and get out."

"Oh I see, now that you've her, you no longer need me, don't you?" Mishti hits his shoulder.

"Ouch Mish, don't you dare."

"I do dare. And remember, at the end of the day you gotta come back to me. So YOU better not dare to ignore me." Mishti pushes Nishant hard as he falls on the ground.

"Why would you do that Mish, it's hurting." Nishant screams.

"You deserve that." A 12 years old Mishti snaps leaving Nishant crying in pain.

====

"Violent one, huh?" Abir remarks.

"My right hand was broken. She didn't even say sorry for once. Anyways, I'm sure her mom yelled at her enough that she started hating me."

"Alright."

"She's been like that only, when she makes up her mind she can go to any lengths to get that. Not like she would have bad intentions, but she's a bit tough, should I say?" Nishant wonders.

"Any lengths? What do you mean?"

"Uh, like, she made one of her friends break up with her boyfriend once. I don't know how she did that but I have to admit, it was somewhat cold-hearted, wasn't she?"

Abir doesn't say anything. Probably Nishant doesn't know who this friend was and who was the boyfriend. Well, he won't even comment on it.

"And she could outdone herself when it comes to hating people." Nishant's voice is unusually deep now.

====

"First day at Uni, how was it Mish?"

"Do I even have a bad day?" Mishti says with a smug face.

Nishant glares. Of course, she's Mishti Maheshwari, her father treats her like a princess and she treats herself like the Queen of the world. How can she ever have a bad day?

"How's everything with you Dad by the way? I tried talking to your mum about your major, you know what she is like! She won't even dare speak against Yash uncle. Such a timid fac --"

"Mish please! Let's not discuss that. I don't have a choice anyways. Whatever Dad says, I gotta study that, do that and blah blah. So don't."

"Okay, okay."

"But how is he now? Yash uncle? Heard he was ill?"

"Oh yes, I don't know what happened. Last night he was fine till dinner. Then I went to drop you at your place and when I came back mum was crying, there was a rush and I got to know he fainted. Maybe high blood pressure? I don't know. Honestly I don't even care anymore."

Hearing Mishti chuckle, Nishant looks at her in amusement. His father was nearly dying and she looked all happy about it. Not that he was sad himself, but...

"Mish? He got ill after you left."

Mishti doesn't say anything but smirks.

"Oh. Oh, okay. For Heaven's sake Mish, what did you do? I should have guessed that. You were too angry about this whole my major thing. Fuck! He won't die, will he?"

"No, he won't." Mishti winks.

"Good Lord, Mish. What the fuck were you even thinking?"

"If you don't stand up against your dearest Dad, someone needs to do that. And Nish, he's not even your real father and everyone knows how he's been treating you. So till I can't do anything about it legally, there's no problem in having some fun. And mind you, I've a valid reason. You just keep your mouth shut."

====

"And of course I had to keep my mouth shut. Did I even have a choice? Like she won't think twice before kidnapping me if I go against her. She was Mishti Maheshwari, after all." Nishant says, stressing on the 'Maheshwari' word.

Abir nods. It is so obvious that Mishti took her mother's surname after arriving in Rajkot.

"Kidnapping?"

"I'm sure she won't ever kill me. She loved me, you know. And I know her extremes. You know what, there were moments when I thought she was bipolar or something like that. I mean either she's too calm or she's too reckless, there's no in between. Either she'll plan for a long time and then act or she'll make the decision in nanoseconds. She is too innocent for her own good but she can be extremely difficult to deal with."

"So Nishant --"

"You know Abir, I did wrong. I know." Nishant continues talking. Abir figures it's better not to interrupt as Nishant looks like he's drowning deep into nostalgia.

====

"Are you mad or what, Mishti Maheshwari? Why on the earth would you agree to marry me? Don't you know what I want? Out of all these damned people out there, at least you're sensible. So why are you doing this?"

"What? Why? What's the issue anyways? You don't want to marry me?"

"Are you even serious Mish? This is not a game. And you know that I've never seen you that way. And --"

"What way?" Mishti snaps.

Nishant is shocked to see the unexpected obliviousness in Mishti's face. "I don't love you Mish. I mean, you're my best friend and I love you. But marriage and that kind of love! No, never. Wait. Do you --"

"What the hell?" Mishti yells. "Who asked you to love me? Baba is already worried because of that fucking Mehul Rajvansh. Baba thinks it'll be good if we get married, you know family relations and business and everything. And that's any day better than marrying that son of Mehul Rajvansh, whatever his name is. And what's wrong with you? Why, all of a sudden, you don't love me?"

"No Mish, I didn't say that. But do you understand what a marriage is? You need to love your partner, not a friendship love but a LOVE love. Real love. Don't you get it?"

"What? Love? SInce when did you start believing in this bullshit? You're better than this."

"Do you really think marriage is a good idea? I mean, we're friends, best friends, that doesn't mean we should be bound in a relationship for life. It's a big deal. It's for life. Are we even ready for this?"

"How does it matter? If my Baba thinks it's right, then it must be right. He has taken a decision considering every damn thing and don't you dare question his words. As far as love is concerned, we'll handle that well. C'mon Nish, we've been together since we were kids. Love and all, we'll manage well. Chill."

"No Mish, we can't, not necessarily. Our parents can't be right all the time. For Heaven's sake, you understand things."

"Wait, why are you so reluctant? You're dating someone, aren't you?"

"No, no one."

"Then alright, date me."

"What? No, I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I'm... it's just I'm... Not into girls."

Nishant manages to spill the words but Mishti's reaction surprises him. Out of everyone he never imagined his best friend would react that way.

"WHAT? All along I've been friends with a fag? I can't believe it. Is this the guy you were talking to in the library?"

"Mishti?"

"Just get the hell out of my way, you filthy faggot."

Mishti storms out of the room leaving a baffled Nishant behind. Neither of them knew that was the moment when everything was going to change.

Next day Nishant got the news of his boyfriend leaving the university.

====

"I was the coward who could never raise his voice against his father. But Mishti didn't even question her father's decision. At that time I was young, immature and when Dad said it's an insult that I'm gay, I had no options left. I knew Rajshree aunty tried to talk but Mishti wouldn't listen. I was into alcohol and drugs, I was out of my mind. We got married. I was hurt, she was hurt and neither of us knew what to do with this forced relationship. All of a sudden I had to face Mishti's hatred and bitterness along with Dad's constant taunts and loathing. It was pathetic to live like that. I became an alcoholic and Mishti was hell bound on making my life hell because I rejected our marriage. I knew she wasn't happy either. But, it didn't work out from the first moment. We were constantly fighting, I hated her as much as she hated me. One day I raised my hand on her."

Nishant stays silent for a while. Abir waits patiently for him to talk again.

"We didn't realise back then but that was the beginning of the end. She was hating on me, my Dad made me a puppet of his, acted on his accords and I didn't know what the hell was going on in anyone's lives. I didn't have any control over my own life Abir. But I knew Mishti was slowly realizing things were not what they seemed to be. Now I realise she was agitated, maybe frustrated and definitely angered. But irony is, the girl who used to beat the shit out of people she didn't like or do anything ridiculous became silent. She kept winning cases after cases in the court and at home, she wouldn't even argue if something pissed her off. Suddenly Rajshree Aunty passed away and after that everything was in a blur. All I know is one day Mishti suddenly disappeared and Dad loathed me and asked me to hunt her down. I had no clue where she was. What shocked me the most was that Vishambhar uncle too didn't know anything. Then somehow I came to know that she is in Rajkot and then we met. I was angry at first and behaved ridiculously. But somehow I knew she was different now. Then I met you. Rest you know."

Taking a sip from the glass of water, Nishant sighs.

"She's not a bad girl Abir. It was just her situations were bad, she didn't have anyone to show her the right way. Maybe her mother was, but that was not enough. Even I went the wrong way but somehow I was saved, wasn't I?" Nishant smiles weakly.

"Love does that to you. Unconditional and pure love does that. I'm lucky, I found my reason. She did too but she's scared. She thinks too much of the future and probably that's why she's running away. Had this been like 3-4 years ago, I'd have said that's typical Mishti-thing to do. She didn't care for anyone. But this Mishti, I know Abir, she cares. It's nearing a year but she couldn't totally avoid you. I kinda understand how her brain works but I know the moment she chooses her heart, nothing can stop her. It's just she's a little messed up and when she's a mess, she's dangerous. She knows her stuff, she's not a fool but if she comes on herself and now on her mom, she might not think twice before doing anything. And that day she was saying that you too deserve justice. And she does too."

Abir furrows his brows. What did he mean by dangerous?

"Abir, Dad is here and Mishti is nowhere. She has had revenge in her mind all along, now she has her dead mom's letter in her hands and obviously she's not pushing you away for no reason. Fair enough. What began years ago has to end someday. I don't even know what to think!"

And Abir knows exactly what he should know.