It leaves me feeling confused and even a bit stupid when I realize that I have now lived here for almost two weeks, and I did not even notice the huge pool in the backyard. Hell, I did not even notice how huge the back yard was.

For a reason unknown to me, the Padalecki family decide to have themselves a barbecue. Some of the cast members show up for it, and I invite Haley over, because Jared said I could. I wanted to invite Jason instead, but he has to work. When Haley told me that, I immediately questioned it, but she then explained hat he is eighteen years old and it is normal for him to have a job.

When I called her house, she was watching her little sister, so she brought her along. I didn't mind, and Jared didn't either. Lou is like a younger version of Teresa, minus the supposed mental disorder. She's always cracking jokes, and trying to act tough, which should surprise me, since she is only seven. She also talks a lot, and she is very smart for a kid her age, so she's very interesting, too.

Thomas and Shepherd seem to like her, too. They are currently playing with toys off in the distance, with Jared and Gen glancing at them every now and then from over by the porch. Haley and I are sitting by the pool with Richard, mostly because I like the smell of the water, and partly because Misha and Jensen are in it with there kids and let me tell you, they are fun to watch.

"I like her," I say to Haley, referring to Lou as I gesture towards the trio of kids playing. Haley smiles, nodding a little as she takes a drink from her can of Pepsi.

"Obviously," she murmurs, a proud look crossing her face, as if Lou was her daughter instead of her sister. I furrow my eyebrows as I hear the Deadpool theme song, but then Haley pulls her phone out of her pocket and the music stops as she puts it to her ear.

As I listen to the conversation, I figure out that she is talking to Jason, and that he is going to be late for something. I quirk an eyebrow at her when she says something that catches my attention.

"Aw, you like her," she teases her brother, looking at me. "Yes, you do."

I wait patiently for her to finish talking, then ask her about it. The goofy smile on her face throws me completely off guard. Because I am the person I am, it is only natural for me to assume that he likes someone who is not me. I must have a sad look on my face, because she smiles a little.

"Aw," she coos. I roll my eyes and glance away towards the ground. How dare she tease me about something that means so much to me? Unbelievable. "Don't worry," she laughs a little, still smiling. "Jason has a crush on you," she says in a sing-songy voice which frustrates the hell out of me. However, what she said makes my face heat up, from an overload of feeling embarrassed and flattered. Why would he like me? I'm nothing special.

I am literally half a second away from pouring out questions, but since I would regret that, I am glad that Richard says something before I get to.

"You've been here like, two weeks!" He exclaims, probably thinking that I have a line of guys waiting to go out with me, which is the farthest from the truth. "Are there any other guys we need to know about?" I'm surprised at this, because suddenly he sounds like a parent scolding a child, except he's not my parent and I'm not a child.

"No!" I reply defensively, noticing Haley smiling a little with her eyebrows raised. "Of course not. It's a miracle that there's even one." I laugh a little, taking a drink from my Mountain Dew bottle. Haley types away at her phone for a few seconds before mine vibrates in my pocket. I take it out, and it doesn't surprise me that the text is from Haley. There's obviously something she doesn't want to say in front of the guys.

My eyes nearly widen at this. Why would Jason want to hang out with me? I am ninety-seven percent sure that I am one of the most boring people on the planet, and if he does not know that yet he will figure it out tomorrow.

I smile at her, which is probably answer enough. I've never spent a whole day alone with a guy, and I'm kind of excited about it.

Terrified, but excited.

__________________

After dinner, and after everyone leaves, I wander around the house on my tippy-toes trying to find a VCR. My mind has been so focused on everything that has been going on here, that I almost forgot about those tapes I found in my mom's closet.

"Whatcha looking for?" Jared asks, noticing me snooping around. I nearly jump in surprise. I thought he was sleeping already. I shrug a little, trying to come up with a lie, but then realize that it's not a big deal.

"VCR," I say, and immediately continue my search.

"What for?"

"For the watching of the movies that are not DVDs." He gives me a familiar look, and I realize that it's Sam Winchester's classic bitch face. I roll my eyes a little. "Before I left, I found some video tapes in my mom's closet, with my name on them, so I brought them with me. And now...I'm searching for a VCR."

Okay, so most of it was the truth.

"There's one in the room down the hall. You can use it." I nod a little and follow him down the hall to find the VCR. "You know, next time you can just ask." I furrow my eyebrows as he unhooks it from the TV and hands it to me.

"I thought you were sleeping." He just smiles a little as we leave the room.

"Do you need help hooking that up?" He asks, gesturing to the big silver thing in my hands. I shake my head and purse my lips together.

"Nah, I'll manage." He walks the other way, and I walk to my room, closing the door behind me. It only takes a few minutes to hook it up, and another few to find the first tape out of all of them. They are labeled by dates, and I am starting with the oldest ones.

The first one is marked . This is about six months before I was born, so maybe my dad will be in some of these. I take a deep breath as I put it in, waited for it to start playing.

I sit back on my bed as I watch.

The camera is a bit wobbly as someone video tapes my mom, sitting in an unfamiliar house watching Friends on the television. She catches the eye of the person behind the camera, and covers her face with her hands. This is when I notice the little baby bump forming on her stomach.

"What are you doing?" She nearly shrieks, her voice muffled from her hands. I hear a guy's laughter, which makes me smile a bit. "What's this for?"

"For science," a guy's voice replies, who I assume is my father behind the camera. I smile at his reply, finding it kind of cute. "I'm kidding; it's for the baby. I'm going to give it to her on her sixteenth birthday." My mom pulls her hands away from her face, rolling her eyes.

"You don't even know if it's going to be a she, yet, babe," she replies.

"It will be a girl, and her name will be Charlie Hannigan Jr," my dad says, his voice sounding confident. My mom just rolls her eyes again.

"You can't put the 'junior' at the end of a girl's name." Dad scoffs.

"Says who?"

"Everybody! It's like, a rule."

"Is not."

"Is, too."

"Whatever."

The screen gets all those fuzzy lines on it, making me think that this tape is over. I'm a little sad that I didn't get to see my dad's face, but there are more tapes, so I will most definitely get at least a glimpse of him.

A few seconds later, another video starts, and much to my pleasant surprise, the first thing I see is my dad's face.

"Is it on?" He asks to someone behind the camera, who I assume is my mother. "Okay. Hi, Charlie, this is your dad." The picture stops wobbling, so I assume my mother set the camera down and went into another room to leave my dad alone.

"Okay, so, I have some things I want to tell you," he starts, nervously. He is wearing a black hat backwards, a black t-shirt with a red flannel over it, and I can't help but notice the necklace he is wearing, which is the same as the one I'm wearing right now. The dog tags.

"I know, by the time you have watched this, you'll already be sixteen, so I probably already told you everything that I am about to tell you already at some point. But just in case, I'm going to tell you now." He takes a deep breath and pinches the bridge of his nose. He reminds me of me already.

"I'm twenty years old right now," he starts. "And in my twenty years, I have gone through some terrible things." He pauses, scratching the back of his head. "I used to have this...problem, which caused me to overthink every single thing that happened to me. I never though I was smart enough, or good enough. There never really was a clear reason as to why, though. Maybe it was because my parents weren't emotionally supportive of anything I did, or maybe it was because the kids at school used to push me around. I don't know." He pauses again, his eyes watering up.

"There was other stuff too," he continues. "Like, whenever I had to talk in front of a bunch of people, or any amount of people, my stomach would hurt so bad I thought I was going to puke. Eventually, I told my parents about it, and they thought I was crazy." He shrugs a little, then rolls up his sleeves, just enough to show his wrists. His scarred wrists. "I was forming a bad habit. My parents kicked me out of the house."

A single tear slips down his face, which he quickly wipes away, as if he is ashamed to cry. "I don't want you to ever feel like that. I don't want you to ever feel like you're alone or hated or invisible. Because it's one of the worst things in the world." He pauses again, wiping at his face with his hand.

"I'm gonna love you no matter what goes on in your life. I am going to be there for you every second you need me to be, and I'm gonna try my best to make you feel like the most loved person in the world."

Suddenly, the camera shuts off.

And I can't feel my hands.

My heart is racing, my eyes are watering, and I have a huge lump in my throat. My dad went through the same thing that I am going through.

I most definitely will not be able to sleep tonight.